Are labels a help or hindrance in BDSM?

[LadyC]

Labels are for bottles, cans, etc. Not people.

 

[twysted73]

Lables are for those who need them.

They can be assisting or they can delay a process, a perception, a scene.

Like any other word....it has only as much power as you give to it.

 

[Guest]

Lables are for those who need them.

They can be assisting or they can delay a process, a perception, a scene.

Like any other word....it has only as much power as you give to it.

Actually, I was going to say something similar to this.

To someone who is learning, they are invaluable.

 

[midwestyankee]

I think that, to some extent, accepting a label becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You internalize what you read and learn about that label and then try to adapt to its confines and boundaries. It's really the same process that's at work when we constantly tell our children that they're smart or capable or athletic or something less desirable. Over time they internalize their understandings of those words as part of their self-identity and they become who they tell themselves that they are.

For an adult entering a new world, such labels are both a help and a hindrance. At first the labels help us understand the breadth and depth of the new world. But if we're not careful, the act of accepting a label for ourselves can lead to our becoming whatever it is we understand that label to mean. At the same time, when we meet someone else who identifies him or herself by a label, we have to fight the natural tendency to pigeonhole them according to our own, probably limited, understanding of that label.

All of which is a long-winded way (do I have any other unless I'm being a smartass?) of saying that labels in the bdsm lifestyle operate on several levels simultaneously so they're both: a help and a hindrance.

 

[00Syd]

This is where they're really really annoying.

They're helpful for some people, and for some people I really think they do a lot more harm than good. If you fit the really stock definitions of things they may feel very great in a gee whiz I finally have words for this way - if you do NOT it's more annoyance than anything, as the SM world promptly tends to forget about the really basic facets of being human and the fact that most of us anyway, are stuck with the grind of keeping a roof overhead and food on the table to the extent that it means we've got to be flexible and diverse and sexuality isn't the be all end all of existence. This is also part of what lends interest to people - in a lot of ways the least interesting aspect of my time with H is that he's my slave - it's all the other stuff that makes the interaction rich.

Some people HAVE to have the label upfront.

I set a date with my husband honestly having no idea if he was even another Dom/Top type of person. I wanted to spend more time with him, he was attractive and interesting as hell. Eventually, yes, there had to be a comparing of notes and some compatibility across categories, but I don't think that everything descends into mass chaos if you can't pigeonhole each other immediately.

Exactly.

I wish people would just get to know me as me before the conversation of exactly where I stand on whatever comes up. I swing towards submissive, capice? Now lets get down to the messy business of getting to know each other before we decide we even want to get into specifics. But so many people just don't seem to know how to talk to me unless they know exactly where I stand. Is it so hard to talk to me like anyone else you might meet? Apparently so.

 

[Crudebug]

A rose by any name


No matter what you call the rose,
That flower still stays the same,
No matter what’s the sexual pose,
A powerful pride or humble shame,
Either express it verse or prose,
Just spell the rules of the game,
Keep it sensual, without remorse,
Whether your act is wild or tame.

 

[Guest]

Exactly.

I wish people would just get to know me as me before the conversation of exactly where I stand on whatever comes up. I swing towards submissive, capice? Now lets get down to the messy business of getting to know each other before we decide we even want to get into specifics. But so many people just don't seem to know how to talk to me unless they know exactly where I stand. Is it so hard to talk to me like anyone else you might meet? Apparently so.

Let me clarify my earlier post.

On forums, knowing the labels is very important, especially if you're learning the lingo.

In real life, I doubt I'd ever talk to people using those sorts of abbreviations.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Lables are for those who need them.

They can be assisting or they can delay a process, a perception, a scene.

Like any other word....it has only as much power as you give to it.

Yes I fully agree with this... absolutely..

 

[WriterDom]

They might help in directing you to a relationship but once you have one they aren't important.

 

[Adakgirl]

No matter what you call the rose,
That flower still stays the same,
No matter what’s the sexual pose,
A powerful pride or humble shame,
Either express it verse or prose,
Just spell the rules of the game,
Keep it sensual, without remorse,
Whether your act is wild or tame.

I will have to disagree with you here. The names of roses vary widely and the flower itself can change almost completely depending on the breed. Rose are named for a reason and that reason is to insure that when you ask for a certain rose by it's full botanical name, you know exactly what you are getting... each and every time. People are much more complicated than roses,