ASSHAT AWARDS: Even more of the Best of the Worst PMs & emails received

[seela]

An abridged version, he sent many, many more insane messages:

Him: Hi, love your *beep*. I'd love it if you could spank me real hard, just gimme pain, so much pain
Me: Sorry, I'm not really interested in a dynamic like that
Him: But you say on your profile that you're into BDSM, gimme all the pains dammit!
Me: I'm not interested, thanks. Happy travels on this crazy site!
Him: Whatever, you're too young for me anyways and BDSM is a load of crap
(ten minutes pass)
Him: But if you want to spank me, you know where to find me
(five minutes pass)
Him: The real dominants are heterosexual vanilla women who refuse to give their husbands what they want, BDSM people are just pretending, only heterosexual vanilla women are truly dominant, and nazis were, too, on the concentration camps, so vanilla wives and nazis. You're just role playing and wanting to please men, btw in my fantasies I'm a young, handsome nazi officer

*cue weird tirade about me not wanting to commit and how I should dominate my husband secretly because that's what I'll do eventually no matter how hard I try not to, because women suck and I'm a woman --- OR AM I??? Jury's out on that one, you can never be too sure on the internet*

(the next day)
Him: You got me so pissed off that I'm deleting my profile, congrats you finally broke me
[he deleted his profile]
(the next day)
[he reactivated his profile]
Him: I was a little hasty in deleting my profile, I just got so pissed off by this site. So would you like to exchange some contact info before I delete my profile again?
Me: No thanks, I'm really not interested. I hope you find what you're looking for here.
Him: I'm not looking for anything or anyone anyway because women are awful and BDSM is a hoax and I just want to argue with people. Here's my contact info just in case


What I've learned hanging by the dating pool is that if J and I ever break up, I'll have to spend the rest of my life alone because people are awful. Sorry, people.

Edit: I'm especially proud of breaking him and pissing him off without ever responding. That's a neat skill. My passive aggressive shutting up has leveled up!

 

[IrisAlthea]

Thanks for sharing!

Edit: I'm especially proud of breaking him and pissing him off without ever responding. That's a neat skill. My passive aggressive shutting up has leveled up!

See, he was right all along:

Him: The real dominants are heterosexual vanilla women who refuse to give

 

[Diosax]

An abridged version, he sent many, many more insane messages:

Him: Hi, love your *beep*. I'd love it if you could spank me real hard, just gimme pain, so much pain
Me: Sorry, I'm not really interested in a dynamic like that
Him: But you say on your profile that you're into BDSM, gimme all the pains dammit!
Me: I'm not interested, thanks. Happy travels on this crazy site!
Him: Whatever, you're too young for me anyways and BDSM is a load of crap
(ten minutes pass)
Him: But if you want to spank me, you know where to find me
(five minutes pass)
Him: The real dominants are heterosexual vanilla women who refuse to give their husbands what they want, BDSM people are just pretending, only heterosexual vanilla women are truly dominant, and nazis were, too, on the concentration camps, so vanilla wives and nazis. You're just role playing and wanting to please men, btw in my fantasies I'm a young, handsome nazi officer

*cue weird tirade about me not wanting to commit and how I should dominate my husband secretly because that's what I'll do eventually no matter how hard I try not to, because women suck and I'm a woman --- OR AM I??? Jury's out on that one, you can never be too sure on the internet*

(the next day)
Him: You got me so pissed off that I'm deleting my profile, congrats you finally broke me
[he deleted his profile]
(the next day)
[he reactivated his profile]
Him: I was a little hasty in deleting my profile, I just got so pissed off by this site. So would you like to exchange some contact info before I delete my profile again?
Me: No thanks, I'm really not interested. I hope you find what you're looking for here.
Him: I'm not looking for anything or anyone anyway because women are awful and BDSM is a hoax and I just want to argue with people. Here's my contact info just in case


What I've learned hanging by the dating pool is that if J and I ever break up, I'll have to spend the rest of my life alone because people are awful. Sorry, people.

Edit: I'm especially proud of breaking him and pissing him off without ever responding. That's a neat skill. My passive aggressive shutting up has leveled up!

Are men ok???

This is funny and all but this dude has serious problems and then those problems don't stay on lit. Disgusting!

 

[seela]

See, he was right all along:

Good point!

Are men ok???

This is funny and all but this dude has serious problems and then those problems don't stay on lit. Disgusting!

This wasn't on Lit but on a local site. But yeah, he seems somewhat troubled...

 

[IrisAlthea]

Are men ok???

I don’t think this individual is representative enough to be extrapolated to ”men”.

this dude has serious problems and then those problems don't stay on lit.

When I was in my early teens, my friends mom told us over tea that every third person you meet is an idiot. There are days when I think that is an overly conservative estimate.
As for what stays on Lit and what doesn’t, I think a lot of people come here to let go of their normal inhibitions and many seem to think the other people here don’t deserve to be treated with normal courtesy, so I would guess that some of these people might behave somewhat normal out there.
I’m not sure that is a comforting thought though.

 

[GabbyDebarres]

An abridged version, he sent many, many more insane messages:

<snip>

This is why I turned my messaging off. I have neither the desire or the time to deal with people like the one who messaged @seela

 

[ToPleaseHim]

My inbox being lit up right now by an abusive asshat.

Message 1:

I understand the abusive part. But I still want to know what made you the king of all things? Just because you don't approve doesn't make it wrong.

Message 2:

Well u suck. The time you called me a pedophile was wrong. You have no idea how old she was and it was stated that she was 18. Maybe u need to be suspended.

Message 3:

What a fuck u r

Message 4:

Absolute power corrupts absolutely

Message 5:

Give me ur boss’ name

Message 6:

How do I contact her? (Note: he is asking me this question via PM)

 

[melimelissa]

An abridged version, he sent many, many more insane messages:

Him: Hi, love your *beep*. I'd love it if you could spank me real hard, just gimme pain, so much pain
Me: Sorry, I'm not really interested in a dynamic like that
Him: But you say on your profile that you're into BDSM, gimme all the pains dammit!
Me: I'm not interested, thanks. Happy travels on this crazy site!
Him: Whatever, you're too young for me anyways and BDSM is a load of crap
(ten minutes pass)
Him: But if you want to spank me, you know where to find me
(five minutes pass)
Him: The real dominants are heterosexual vanilla women who refuse to give their husbands what they want, BDSM people are just pretending, only heterosexual vanilla women are truly dominant, and nazis were, too, on the concentration camps, so vanilla wives and nazis. You're just role playing and wanting to please men, btw in my fantasies I'm a young, handsome nazi officer

*cue weird tirade about me not wanting to commit and how I should dominate my husband secretly because that's what I'll do eventually no matter how hard I try not to, because women suck and I'm a woman --- OR AM I??? Jury's out on that one, you can never be too sure on the internet*

(the next day)
Him: You got me so pissed off that I'm deleting my profile, congrats you finally broke me
[he deleted his profile]
(the next day)
[he reactivated his profile]
Him: I was a little hasty in deleting my profile, I just got so pissed off by this site. So would you like to exchange some contact info before I delete my profile again?
Me: No thanks, I'm really not interested. I hope you find what you're looking for here.
Him: I'm not looking for anything or anyone anyway because women are awful and BDSM is a hoax and I just want to argue with people. Here's my contact info just in case


What I've learned hanging by the dating pool is that if J and I ever break up, I'll have to spend the rest of my life alone because people are awful. Sorry, people.

Edit: I'm especially proud of breaking him and pissing him off without ever responding. That's a neat skill. My passive aggressive shutting up has leveled up!

All I can say is
well done for persevering;
now take a deep breath

Méli

 

[IrisAlthea]

My inbox being lit up right now by an abusive asshat.

Message 1:

I understand the abusive part. But I still want to know what made you the king of all things? Just because you don't approve doesn't make it wrong.

Message 2:

Well u suck. The time you called me a pedophile was wrong. You have no idea how old she was and it was stated that she was 18. Maybe u need to be suspended.

Message 3:

What a fuck u r

Message 4:

Absolute power corrupts absolutely

Message 5:

Give me ur boss’ name

Message 6:

How do I contact her? (Note: he is asking me this question via PM)

That is a striking combo of histrionics and lack if knowledge of how this forum thing works.

I used to be baffled by how people stumble in here and start posing (that was a typo and should have been posting but it kind of turned out quite right, so I’m not changing it) without reading anything about what to post, any sticky or getting any feel for the place at all. Reminds me of those ”Sir, this is a Wendy’s” jokes.
Then I started noticing the same thing at work though: email bounced around to a half dozen people trying to get info that was already in that first message for example or a rather highranking official happily stating that he only ever read the first two lines of anything.

Not much to do but roll eyes wildly, ignore what you can and adapt to the rest.

It’s really sad that you have to deal with this extra batch of stupid, for your efforts as a mod though.
For what it’s worth, I really appreciate the work you put in.

 

[melimelissa]

That is a striking combo of histrionics and lack if knowledge of how this forum thing works.

I used to be baffled by how people stumble in here and start posing (that was a typo and should have been posting but it kind of turned out quite right, so I’m not changing it) without reading anything about what to post, any sticky or getting any feel for the place at all. Reminds me of those ”Sir, this is a Wendy’s” jokes.
Then I started noticing the same thing at work though: email bounced around to a half dozen people trying to get info that was already in that first message for example or a rather highranking official happily stating that he only ever read the first two lines of anything.

Not much to do but roll eyes wildly, ignore what you can and adapt to the rest.

It’s really sad that you have to deal with this extra batch of stupid, for your efforts as a mod though.
For what it’s worth, I really appreciate the work you put in.

i think I may have
a solution of sorts, though
some might enjoy it

Méli

 

[melimelissa]

• J▸Getting into any mischief today cutie?
• melimelissa▸uh huh
• J▸Naughty girl. You home alone tonight?
• melimelissa▸nuh huh
• J▸What’s my cutie wearing?
• melimelissa▸If you’re curious about what cutie's wear consider marks
• J▸What?
• melimelissa▸they are a unique symbol that represents a pony’s special talent or destiny in the magical world of My Little Pony. Each cutie mark is distinct and holds personal significance for the pony who bears it. For example, Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark is a multicolored lightning bolt, symbolizing her speed and agility, while "Fluttershy’s" cutie mark features three butterflies, reflecting her affinity for animals and kindness
• J▸lol
• J▸That is one hell of a response
• melimelissa▸I like to give full responses
• J▸Those little fingers been wandering? No fibbing…
• melimelissa▸Ah, the curious fingers, wandering like lost poets, seeking stories in the crevices of existence. They trace the edges of forgotten dreams, unraveling secrets whispered by ancient winds.
• J▸So hard to keep quiet when fingering, isn’t it?
• melimelissa▸mmm - each fingertip, a nomad on a quest for meaning, dances across the canvas of life. In the quiet of night, they tiptoe along moonbeams, brushing against stardust. They map constellations on skin, connecting freckles like celestial dots. Those little fingers, insatiable wanderers, weave tales of love and longing, etching memories into the tapestry of time. And when dawn breaks, they return—ink-stained and weary—bearing fragments of forgotten verses. They whisper to the heart, leaving imprints of wonder and wanderlust. So let them roam, those little fingers, for they are the scribes of the soul, chronicling our journey through the universe.
• J left the room.

 

[IrisAlthea]

• J▸Getting into any mischief today cutie?
• melimelissa▸uh huh
• J▸Naughty girl. You home alone tonight?
• melimelissa▸nuh huh
• J▸What’s my cutie wearing?
• melimelissa▸If you’re curious about what cutie's wear consider marks
• J▸What?
• melimelissa▸they are a unique symbol that represents a pony’s special talent or destiny in the magical world of My Little Pony. Each cutie mark is distinct and holds personal significance for the pony who bears it. For example, Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark is a multicolored lightning bolt, symbolizing her speed and agility, while "Fluttershy’s" cutie mark features three butterflies, reflecting her affinity for animals and kindness
• J▸lol
• J▸That is one hell of a response
• melimelissa▸I like to give full responses
• J▸Those little fingers been wandering? No fibbing…
• melimelissa▸Ah, the curious fingers, wandering like lost poets, seeking stories in the crevices of existence. They trace the edges of forgotten dreams, unraveling secrets whispered by ancient winds.
• J▸So hard to keep quiet when fingering, isn’t it?
• melimelissa▸mmm - each fingertip, a nomad on a quest for meaning, dances across the canvas of life. In the quiet of night, they tiptoe along moonbeams, brushing against stardust. They map constellations on skin, connecting freckles like celestial dots. Those little fingers, insatiable wanderers, weave tales of love and longing, etching memories into the tapestry of time. And when dawn breaks, they return—ink-stained and weary—bearing fragments of forgotten verses. They whisper to the heart, leaving imprints of wonder and wanderlust. So let them roam, those little fingers, for they are the scribes of the soul, chronicling our journey through the universe.
• J left the room.

It reads a bit like a poor telemarketer, trying to follow his script with a confusing prospective client.

 

[melimelissa]

dddadddy▸hello how are you doing? I see you want to be with a much older Man.

dddadddy▸tohced and teased. to be made wet and needy.

dddadddy▸spanked when you need it. fucked constantly all over the house

melimelissa▸you seer you

dddadddy▸Need a Daddy to kept your body on edge. wanting to please more and more every day

dddadddy▸ have you been with an olderman that expected this from you

melimelissa▸I can think of certain needs I have in respect to you

dddadddy▸what needs do you have for Daddy

melimelissa▸for daddy to fuck his uninvited and crapulous ass the hell out of my PMs?

dddadddy▸how?

melimelissa▸quickly please

 

[MagicFlute]

Oh Words with Friends…why do so many men attempt to use this app as a dating site? And, let’s say you were playing against a woman who has quite a lead against you, is this what you would PM her as a line?

“It obviously gonna be a tough battle, but I won't let a woman kick my a** on this one Lol ”

I didn’t reply, just played another high scoring word against him, increasing my lead. So he sent another message just saying “Hi.”

As a male, I never contact anyone on wwf. I'm just there to battle minds with other people.

But lately I've been getting game requests from people with a profile pic of a young female and when I accept, automatically there is a message going "hi im new here" The first one I answered "welcome" and kept playing. Then I got another message saying the same thing. That's when I knew it was a bot.

Now I just accept and play and ignore the message because they usually forfeit and it helps my win/lose ratio.

 

[Dreamliner]

dddadddy▸hello how are you doing? I see you want to be with a much older Man.

dddadddy▸tohced and teased. to be made wet and needy.

dddadddy▸spanked when you need it. fucked constantly all over the house

melimelissa▸you seer you

dddadddy▸Need a Daddy to kept your body on edge. wanting to please more and more every day

dddadddy▸ have you been with an olderman that expected this from you

melimelissa▸I can think of certain needs I have in respect to you

dddadddy▸what needs do you have for Daddy

melimelissa▸for daddy to fuck his uninvited and crapulous ass the hell out of my PMs?

dddadddy▸how?

melimelissa▸quickly please

Meli, how about you startup chatGTP, I will startup Co-pilot, and they can chat each other up?

 

[melimelissa]

Meli, how about you startup chatGTP, I will startup Co-pilot, and they can chat each other up?

I was just sayin' - is all - giggles

 

[submissa]

I got this gem about a month and a half ago on another site. On that site, I specifically say I am not interested in men, do not message me with sexual intentions. This bozo proceeds to try to ingratiate himself with me by spewing line after line of offensive statements. A few of the highlights include:

• lesbian ambulance covens
• referring to his lesbian friend group as his "D-words"
• "I'm not being an underhanded creep here"
• claiming that lesbians have more than once started aggressively flirting with him
• "I kiiiiiind of really want to fuck one" (talking about a lesbian)
• "I'm going to fuck a lesbian in the back of her Subaru Outback because there's so much room"

This isn't the only message he sent me, but given how long-winded he was, I won't subject you all to more of his prose. He apparently habitually asks lesbians for sex and claims they don't mind at all. I blocked him and he then had the nerve to send a whiny rant to my Domme. Anyway, sharing here because it's actually a bit funny in retrospect (at the time, I was quite upset).

hmm I'm looking at your profile

okay

keep in mind that whatever I'm about to say, I literally have "But I'm a Cheerleader" paused in YouTube because I was unironically watching it and am really loving it but wanted to check FetLife and that was like thirty minutes ago but I'm about to send this and go back to watching it

so do you fuck guys at all?

I'm all about making friends on here and I'm enjoying our conversation, but I kind of have to ask

I swear I'm not a creep who thinks he has an magic dick that turns women straight!

look, a little about me:

I used to be an EMT, and it turns out that lesbians love ambulances, so I ended up making a few lesbian friends and quickly became enmeshed in this, like... coven

we spent a lot of time together in those days (this was over a decade ago) but we all keep in touch even though everyone's moved away

I spent so much time hanging out with my D-words that I swear to God I put off this vibe now, where probably two out of every three lesbians I meet just instantly love me. I don't say creepy shit, I don't hit on y'all, I don't joke about how "I'm a lesbian, too" (never heard that one before, pal!) so they pretty much immediately adhere to me and I actually get a lot of phone numbers lmao

I make friends with just about every lesbian I meet, and I love it

my best lesbian friend got me to finally watch "But I'm a Cheerleader", which is actually why I'm watching it rn

okay but anyway there's this other side of that coin

sometimes

sometimes

I'm out at the gay bar

it's getting to be 2 or 3

and out of nowhere, some drunk D-word will appear and start aggressively flirting with me or hitting on me. most of them are just blowing off steam, but I've learned that a few will actually fuck

I actually got a lesbian's phone number on New Year's (yes, they all say "lesbian" when I ask, not anything else) on the explicit pretext of us fucking sometime. (no, of course this hasn't come to fruition lmao she's a lesbian it's some real now-or-never shit in those situations)

so I want to be clear: I do not think anyone can be "turned straight". I am actually pretty familiar with the work of Dr. Alfred Kinsey and what he had to say about sexuality. sometimes women who identify as lesbians, who I don't know, have never met and was not previously talking to, sometimes appear out of thin air and get very physical with me or even say they'll fuck me

that's what the situation is

with that in mind

I feel like, reading between the lines on your profile, there's room for some dick in your life? obviously we live pretty far apart but ever since I've been getting hit on by these lesbians (I've had a glow-up) I kiiiiiind of really want to fuck one. idk, I guess just to say I did. not the kind of thing I can brag about to other guys, but hey: I'd know

also, yes, I have actually discussed this with my girls

I'm not being an underhanded creep here I'm being pretty up-front about what I want

(my favorite joke is "I'm going to fuck a lesbian in the back of her Subaru Outback because there's so much room" and this has so far killed with the lesbians)

if you're not interested, then I'm embarrassed for even asking, but it just seems like you're the type of lesbian who's more of a Kinsey 5 than a Kinsey 6

I apologize for the left turn our conversation took, I'm just... really on the lookout for lesbians who will fuck the occasional guy

and the ask is this: can we talk some and maybe see if meeting up at some point (I could take a trip this summer ) might be something worth examining

but RP and dirty texting is good, too. I had a girl like that on here, who said she was a lesbian whose kink was getting fucked by a guy but she ended up leaving the site because hey guess what guys were super fucking gross and creepy about it. we had some good times, tho

so hey thanks for at least reading all of that, it would be sick as fuck if you were interested lol just please don't shit on me if you turn me down

 

[MakeMeWetAF]

The thing I love about this is that he actually thought you were going to come.

Bahaha An old thread I know but this whole situation and funny observation cracked me up! Comedic GOLD He's probably STILL waiting in the park.

 

[MakeMeWetAF]

As I guy I've seen this before, but you ladies probably see it 100x more; when I get a message that seems to be copied and pasted.

Does that actually work to get anyone to respond, just firebombing the same generic message to a ton of people with the hope someone bites?

Even if someone does respond, is that person worth talking to?

It cracks me up EVERY time! I mean, it's good to be optimistic but then there is... THIS!

"If you ask them they will come..."
Forest Gump

 

[melimelissa]

• ssM▸Sup
• ssM▸To the people who don't know me , I'm a sadistic Dom looking for a girl to mould into my personal fucktoy.
• melimelissa▸to those who do know you, you are a worthless sap with grandiose ideas
• F_N_L▸Lol
• melimelissa▸just sayin'
• ssM▸Haha
• ssM▸She is always here to humiliate me
• melimelissa▸you love it little russy
• ssM▸Haha I hate it
• melimelissa▸aww - stop throwing your toys out of your pram you naughty boy
• ssM▸My heart say to drag you over onto my knees and paddle your ass red
• melimelissa▸your teddy bear won't like that russy
• Nm9▸Mmmmm make it hurt... please?
• melimelissa▸giggles
• ssM▸Keep on saying that I'll make sure you cuss me every time you sit on your ass
• melimelissa▸ooooo - you are so asking for cod liver oil
• #melimelissa▸I'll have to put you on the naughty step at this rate
• ssM▸Haha
• ssM▸Enough of this bs
• melimelissa▸shhhh - naughty boy
• F_N_L-The tables have turned
• <<ssM left the room>>
• melimelissa▸I woned
• melimelissa▸giggles