Becoming a better writer

[snooper]

I've read many stories with non-descript characters, some are amazingly good, and some from authors you'd never expect. Steven King actually leaves most of his characters surprisingly non-descript. In most of his stuff that I've read, he'll give you a short list of descriptors for the character when they are introduced and then not dwell on the description for the duration of the story unless it's part of a major plot point.

It is done deliberately to bring out the persdonality of other characters. If most of your characters are what I call "cardboard cut-out people" then the real 3-D ones are the more real by contrast.

Example (She stopped the car for more fuel):

As his held the fuel hose the car door opened. The first glimpse he got was of a pair of beautiful legs swinging out of the seat. The rest of the blonde followed and he admired the wiggle as she walked over to the window to pay. He spent longer wiping the windscreen than he needed to, just to see those lovely breasts bouncing unfettered under her T-shirt as she walked back.

Driving away, Pauline thought about the client she was about to visit. Would she get the order? Would waving her nipples at him help? Would he think she was a whore?

In this excerpt there are two people, one of whom is a hand on a fuel pump and a pair of eyes. The other is a living breathing thinking woman. We know quite a lot about her from this short extract, but we know more about her because of the existence of the man. We know she is important to the story, and that is because he isn't.

 

[gauchecritic]

In this excerpt there are two people, one of whom is a hand on a fuel pump and a pair of eyes. The other is a living breathing thinking woman. We know quite a lot about her from this short extract, but we know more about her because of the existence of the man. We know she is important to the story, and that is because he isn't.

I have to disagree almost completely with that summary about which character is important.

If not for the hand on the pump and a pair of eyes we would be totally unaware of the blond altogether.

We know a hell of a lot more about the viewers thoughts and drives, likes and dislikes, than we do about the blonde. Hell we even know what he does for a living which we don't know about the blonde.

In that particular excerpt the pump jockey is a lot more vivid person and personality than the passerby blonde. In that particular excerpt the guy is important, the blonde is incidental.

Gauche

 

[Ravishing]

I'd have to agree with Gauche. It's just that simple. If it hadn't been for him, she'd be unnoticed.

 

[pop_54]

Hmmmmmm

I think I must be a mean arsed bugger these days, in my recent attempts, some posted elsewhere, I've taken to describing the characters over the course of pages, rather than in one boring paragraph, a little snippet occasionally until the whole person has been described, or painted with words.

You might be told she / he is a certain build / height in a line of dialogue on one page, then the colour of her / his hair in a line of narrative on the next page, tit size may be brought up in coversation a couple of pages later, and so on and so forth. It drags it out, but I think it sinks in better spread about that way, subliminal suggestion rather than outright boring telling.

pops angle on it.

 

[Guest]

Re: Hmmmmmm

pops angle on it.

And a very fine angle it is.

Perdita

 

[The_Darkness]

All good points. The character telling us the story or relaying the scene is almost always more important than the scene that is unrolling because of that character's perspectives. If Gauch, Perdita, and I were all walking through a shopping mall, we would probably all notice different things because we're different people and our mind are inherently drawn to certain things. The same is true of the character telling us of the world they live in.

However, the little segment donated by Snooper (and I thank you for it!) holds one of the classic writing mistakes. And, between that and everything that was said, it's a perfect segway into today's experiment.

Point of View Control: One of the things that makes or breaks most stories is the control over the point of view in a story. When the POV in a story radically changes, it can lead the reader to become confused and cause them to lose interest in the story. In very short stories the POV should almost never change within a scene. It should always be consistent from one location or from one person. Can that person hear other people's thoughts? More than likely not; and that being the case, when we're told a story from Bill's point of view, we shouldn't know exactly what Sally is thinking. We can interpret her thoughts from displayed emotions and body language, but we don't know exactly what she's thinking when Bill is telling the story (unless Bill is a powerful telepath).

This exercise is more of an editing exercise than a writing exercise, but in teaching yourself to check for this after writing a story, it will allow you to learn to avoid it in writing. This exercise is difficult to coach. This is something that must be practiced, and this is something that even the most experienced authors will trip up on from time to time. The easiest way to do it that I can think of would be to create a character and put that character in a scene. Write the thngs that that character observes with their senses. Stay completely in that person's head and relay to the audience what that character experiences.

Or stay completely out of that character's head and focus on observations of that character moving through the scene and observing it. Tell the audience what the character is doing and feeling without blatently saying it.

Either way you do this, watch your POV! Don't let it shift to little Jamie or Uncle Knuckles sitting on the porch. If they feel anything, don't tell it, show it.

 

[gauchecritic]

Craft was amused. you could see it on his face. His eyes crinkled as his thoughts centred on the attention being paid him by the nubile birthday girl, whose Heath-Robinson dress was struggling manfully to stay attached where it touched.

"What the fuck am I doing here? And why won't my dress stay straight?"

Laughing, Craft pulled lightly at the ribbon of material hanging from Birthday Girl's shoulders, causing her to flinch and disrobe simultaneously.

"Oh fuck. Naked is better anyway. Maybe he's rich."


Darkness,

One word: Omniscience. Did you forget?

Gauche (No excuse I know, but I've been drinking.)

 

[Dirt Man]

Craft was amused. you could see it on his face. His eyes crinkled as his thoughts centred on the attention being paid him by the nubile birthday girl, whose Heath-Robinson dress was struggling manfully to stay attached where it touched.

"What the fuck am I doing here? And why won't my dress stay straight?"

Laughing, Craft pulled lightly at the ribbon of material hanging from Birthday Girl's shoulders, causing her to flinch and disrobe simultaneously.

"Oh fuck. Naked is better anyway. Maybe he's rich."


Darkness,

One word: Omniscience. Did you forget?

Gauche (No excuse I know, but I've been drinking.)

Only problem here Gauche is defining that it was her thoughts. As in: "What the fuck am I doing here? And why won't my dress stay straight?" She thought.

This has to be done more often in the Omiscient POV than any other POV. Without the he said, she thought, they pulled their puds thing POV can easily get lost by the reader.

 

[The_Darkness]

Ahhhh yes...the ever-present Omniscience.

No, I didn't forget. As a matter of fact I specifically didn't include, it and the reason for that is simple: you have to learn to control one view point before you can properly control them all.

Maybe I'm way out in left field with that thought, but I do know that one of the things begining writers try to do is tell the story from everyone's perspectives all at once.....and that's bad. They usually end up confusing the hell out of the reader and the editor usually ends up pulling their own hair out in frustration.

Besides, everything I've ever heard in my creative writing classes (I didn't take classes so I could learn to write, I took classes to become a better writer) said to try very hard to not switch POV in a short story. I may post one of my non-erotics out here just to see the reaction I get....and that one switches all over the place, but it constantly stays with one character through out each scene.

Like I said, maybe I'm wrong.....but a short story is usually a better read when it doesn't jump from person to person in the story.

 

[The_Darkness]

Hmmmm....brain is fuzzy from work...

Gauche, I see what you mean. 1st person Omni is probably the most favored way to write a story, and that's good.

It's when you get into 3rd person Omniscient that things get dicey and the story, especially short ones, can get confusing in a hurry.

 

[wildsweetone]

I looked at her as she sat staring at me, her fingertips barely touching the keys on the keyboard, her thoughts flying to the screen.

Her eyes are wide open, pupils dark and simmering almost with lust as she looks in my direction. She squints a little and the tip of her pink tongue pokes out between her lips as she concentrates. I haven't a clue what she is looking at. Maybe if I watch closely I'll see what she's up to.

Oh, she's making me hot, especially when her hand touches the v between her low cut blouse. I'm sweating now, I can feel wetness trickling down my side. Grief! Look at where her hand is going! She'll never fit it down there!

She did...

It's been down there a long time. Will she ever let it out again? Wish I were there. Hey! There's an idea. I'll get her to hold onto me. Yoohoo! Over here! Hey girl! Hold me! Hold meeeee!

Yes! Oh, her hand is so warm. She's tipping me up now. Oh wow! She's dribbling me! Here I go! Wheeeeeeeeeee, slip sliding all the way down between... Oh good grief!

 

[The_Darkness]

I'd guess beer. Not this pussy American beer either...something so thick and dark that you can't see light through it.

You know....beer.

 

[Ravishing]

I'd still perfer whiskey. Off topic I know, but beer just doesn't do 'it' for me.

 

[The_Darkness]

New exercise. This is one that almost everyone can get better at, and fortunately it's one that we all practice everyday (and some of us, all day)

Dialog: Dialog breaks a story down faster than bad spelling or bad punctuation, though most of the time, it's badly punctuated dialog that kills it.

There are two forms of grammar: written grammar and spoken grammar. People who speak with written grammar sound like morons, and people who write professionally with spoken grammar are tossed off to the editor for major changes. Dialog is one of those gray areas in between.

Spoken dialog is difficult to put down on paper. We have subtle changes in inflection that note sarcasm and those aren't present in standard writing. We have (in English, anyway) become accustomed to reading what was said and then looking for contextual clues as to what was meant. Examples:

"Yeah, that'll work," Jane said abscently, scarcely looking up from her workstation.

"Yeah, that'll work," Jane said as she nodded her approval.

"Yeah, that'll work," Jane sighed impatiently; she was begining to hate shopping with her mother just a little more with each passing second.

"Yeah, that'll work," Jane said, the sarcasm dripping off her poisoned tongue.

All one phrase, and with identical punctuation. However, each one conveys a differnt though because of the statement AFTER the sentence was read, but the brain automatically overlaces the way that the statement was described with the statement itself. This does NOT work with long statements. Breaking up the dialog to show emphasis or significant changes in emotion is key. Some emotions, especially extreme ones such as excessive anger or super-sappy love can be noted at the end of a long siloquy and you'll get away with it.

Realistic dialog is the real bitch. For some of us, it's fairly easy. We speak how we think and we type how we think...the words simply flow onto the page. However, here's some things to try to use everyonce in a while:

Contractions: MOST of the people you will ever meet use contractions. Anything from high-powered CEO's to that kid that bags your grocieries at the store uses words like it's, we'll, you're, I'd, etc. It's part of the everyday language. I'm not sure about Eastern Languages, but I know every single Indo-European tongue has contractions. Some people choose to not use them, but most of us use them damn near subconsciously.

Commas, Colons, Semi-colons, and Periods: This is where most people (myself included) trip up a lot. Commas indicate a pause in speaking or in thought. In a standard sentence, such as this one, they are most commonly used to indicate a piece of the sentence that can be removed, but that is not always the case. Colons should be used to make an abrupt stop in thought and is usually used to indicate an up comming choice or list: either use it properly, or don't use it at all. A Sem-colon is a harder stop than a comma alone; however, it's not as much of a stop as a period is. Period: the end of thought. Sentence over. The fat lady sang, get the fuck out.

Dialog Editing: If you've written a whole bunch of new dialog, say it out loud. If it sounds differently than intended, fix it. Corny, elevated sounding dialog is generally (and I'm not poking fun, I'm just sayin') the sign of a non-native speaker or someone trying to write in a style that they normally don't speak in. It come out sounding obtuse and like the speaker needs to be subjected to 3-Stooges reruns until they crack and start talking normally.

Okay, this post is huge. The next lesson will be over dynamic character dialog: why we don't all sound the same.

 

[Ravishing]

btw: it's absently not abscently .... *grins*

coming, not comming. No matter HOW much you enjoy it..... smart ass.

beginning, not begining. No matter how much fun new things are to start.



You know. Somehow I think you should use that ever adorable thing called your spell checker. *grins* But then, you'd be taking all my fun away. *laughs*

And you know I'm only nit-picking at you.

 

[The_Darkness]

Holy shit, there's a spell check on this?

Yeah, one of these days I'll write these posts at Noon instead of at night when I'm shot from work....

 

[Ravishing]

No, but there's an invention called, copy, then paste, spell check, then copy/paste back. Works wonders.

 

[Madame Manga]

Yeah, there's probably a story. Erotica from the perception of something mundane as a sock.

Write it, someone. I'll give someone a 5 for a vote out of priniciple alone for that.

Now this is funny. Years ago I wrote an erotic story from the perspective of a pillow. I thought it turned out rather well, but I won't put a link to it here because it was posted on Usenet under a name too close to my real one.

Ah, those innocent days! No one had ever heard of Google; we thought incriminating posts would vanish forever after the news servers kicked them off the end of the queue.

MM

 

[The_Darkness]

Now that's just damn funny.

But...it's not a sock

How did that work out for you?

 

[Madame Manga]

I gave the pillow a feminine personality because it was resident on a man's bed. He would moan the name of the woman he loved in his sleep, so the pillow thought he was naming IT. Therefore it felt rather proprietary about him, and when the woman finally came to his bedroom, it got jealous. However, when the couple used it as a sexual prop, it didn't mind so much, since it was being included in the love affair after all, and it was fulfilling the proper destiny of a pillow.

Oh well--the readers seemed to like it!

MM

 

[The_Darkness]

That is awesome.

Is the story still around anywhere?

 

[sweetnpetite]

Re: Hmmmmmm

I think I must be a mean arsed bugger these days, in my recent attempts, some posted elsewhere, I've taken to describing the characters over the course of pages, rather than in one boring paragraph, a little snippet occasionally until the whole person has been described, or painted with words.

You might be told she / he is a certain build / height in a line of dialogue on one page, then the colour of her / his hair in a line of narrative on the next page, tit size may be brought up in coversation a couple of pages later, and so on and so forth. It drags it out, but I think it sinks in better spread about that way, subliminal suggestion rather than outright boring telling.

pops angle on it.

Pops, go for it

I think with a short story (and even some novels) if it is character driven especially, the whole story is the character description right? IN otherwords, you discover the character through the story, through her actions, others reactions to her, her reactions to others actions ect...

 

[littleliargirly]

Re: Re: Hmmmmmm

Pops, go for it

I think with a short story (and even some novels) if it is character driven especially, the whole story is the character description right? IN otherwords, you discover the character through the story, through her actions, others reactions to her, her reactions to others actions ect...

For example if you were to be describing a woman frustrated, lost and feeling as though the dreams of happily ever after had turned into a zombie like routine where she felt more like an object viewing life then a person living....The types of discriptions, her looks, her routine, her thoughts culminating in her banging the gas jockey at the garage where she gets her gas after dropping her kids off every morning, that encounter has more impact ...oh shit lost my train of thought...the act, the sex has all those ties in with it even though you may only decide to write that she finds herself against the back wall of the station, with the stucco veneeer crumbling into her hair and cutting her skin and Joe the gas man's hands grippping her ass while he's buried inside of her and she does't know whether to laugh or to cry fro all his grunting and groaning, but she's so wet and he says he's coming and oh god he's coming and all of the sudden it all comes crashing down on her in a moment thats the super fuck orgasm of life...tragic, and greedy and joyful and she's broken down and rebuilt in that moment of life.
Need to stop drinking, because that is going to make so little sense...

 

[MaxSebastian]

"I have a great idea for improving your dialogue," she said, taking a bite from her toast and marmalade as she closed the morning newspaper.

He sighed, "Right now I could use any tips you've got. My editor says my characters sound like kids in a nativity play. Where's the milk?"

"Sam finished it this morning - have some toast or something."

"I don't want any toast," he said. "So what's this great idea for saving my dialogue?"

"Well... I mean... I'm not the expert - you're the writer, honey," she smiled deferentially. "But there was this review in the paper this morning that praised a book for its dialogue, and what it said was - "

"Is there anything to drink in this house apart from water?"

"Sure, honey, there's some orange juice in there if you hunt for it. It said what this writer did was - "

"Found it!" He interrupted with a brief burst of triumph. "Damn, it's got bits in - you know I hate bits in orange juice."

"Bits are good for you. You listening to me?" That slight barb in her voice, usually reserved for her students.

"Yeah, I'm listening. What did it say?"

"It said the thing this writer did was, he basically acknowledged that people rarely think about one thing at a time. They have a whole lot of issues going on at once."

He took a sip of orange juice, silent for a moment as his wife's words sank in. "I guess I see that," he said then. "But in a fast moving story, there's no time for messing about."

"I guess so," she shrugged, feeling a little unappreciated. "but if you add in the odd distraction of everyday life - it might add some depth to your characters."

Receptive to her tone, he moved to plant an affectionate kiss on her cheek. "Maybe I'll give it a try," he said.

 

[MaxSebastian]

Oops, double post.