Being autistic and random stuff

[Strixaluco]

Yes, thank you, I am on to that. He is not a child anymore, he is 18. But I worry so much about him. Life is never going to be easy for him.

It varies so wildly. My niece and nephew are teens, and we are not terribly worried about one of them - but wildly worried about the other. The older just got 18, and is doing fine, probably able to make it well into independence. But the other has difficult PDA + significant amount adhd and... just ouch. Even learning the necessarily skills seems to be very hard then. And how can parents even trust such a teen, when negotiating doesn't really work, any money is used for anything else than it should be, etc...

 

[PMarky2]

Yes, migraine is on the list.

According to the doctoral dissertation of Marja-Leena Mattila, over 70% of autists have some neuropsychiatric comorbodity, and over 40% have at least two of them. [snip]

So... Kind of "how unlucky you get". I can mostly deal with autism and adhd, but heck the sleep issues, they throws havoc on everything.

I wound up with mild anxiety, atypical migraine, and sleep issues, so I did not come off too badly. On the other hand, I am in the same boat as you - I can cope with the autism, but the sleep issue - urgh!

 

[Strixaluco]

I wound up with mild anxiety, atypical migraine, and sleep issues, so I did not come off too badly. On the other hand, I am in the same boat as you - I can cope with the autism, but the sleep issue - urgh!

I have migraine as well, but since ditching p-pills over 20 years ago it's not too bad - and I've learned how to deal with it. Anxiety not much, but I've had my share of depression. But I have a feeling that now, after learning about autism, I have some chance of avoiding bad episodes in the future.

 

[PMarky2]

I have migraine as well, but since ditching p-pills over 20 years ago it's not too bad - and I've learned how to deal with it. Anxiety not much, but I've had my share of depression. But I have a feeling that now, after learning about autism, I have some chance of avoiding bad episodes in the future.

My migraine is down to being an inconvenience rather than a major problem. One good thing about getting older is that atypical migraine usually gets less severe as one ages. I do get the odd depressive episode basically when it all gets too much. The last one was after my wife was diagnosed with various immune system problems, which happened to coincide with the panic phase of Covid-19. The one before that was a signal to change jobs.

The 2019/20 episode is when my wife started wondering whether there was "something else going on." I have always had a high proportion of friends who were on the high functioning end of the spectrum, so I was not altogether surprised when I came up on the spectrum. Before that, I just thought I was odd. The way I reacted to a certain young woman with ASD finally convinced me that I was probably ND myself. Time to get checked out.

 

[LickableWallpaper]

Hi guys! Im not offically diagnosed but it is something I am looking into after an adhd diagnosis late in life. Respectfully,I just wanted to ask if receiving an official autism diagnosis was helpful?

My last therapist told me I'd never get an autism diagnosis in ny 40s. I'm really good at masking, but its exhausting. Im def recovering from burnout from the adhd, but I feel like more is going on. I've recently read unmasking autism(and a few other neurodivergent books) and it made my life make a lot more sense. I'm not a doctor obviously, so I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking about diagnosis. Its just made my life make more sense. I can be nicer to myself knowing Im not broken, just different.

Did it help to have a doctor validate you? Did it carry any stigma? Did it help you unmask further ? I wouldnt surround myself with anyone who would not be kind and supportive to anyone, but I know for some people have a hard time with it. I know this is a heavy topic for a fun place, but I appreciate this thread. Thank you in advance for reading and any advice.

 

[Strixaluco]

Hi guys! Im not offically diagnosed but it is something I am looking into after an adhd diagnosis late in life. Respectfully,I just wanted to ask if receiving an official autism diagnosis was helpful?

My last therapist told me I'd never get an autism diagnosis in ny 40s. I'm really good at masking, but its exhausting. Im def recovering from burnout from the adhd, but I feel like more is going on. I've recently read unmasking autism(and a few other neurodivergent books) and it made my life make a lot more sense. I'm not a doctor obviously, so I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking about diagnosis. Its just made my life make more sense. I can be nicer to myself knowing Im not broken, just different.

Did it help to have a doctor validate you? Did it carry any stigma? Did it help you unmask further ? I wouldnt surround myself with anyone who would not be kind and supportive to anyone, but I know for some people have a hard time with it. I know this is a heavy topic for a fun place, but I appreciate this thread. Thank you in advance for reading and any advice.

Of course you aren't offending!

I was actually denied even the assessment. So I no official diagnosis here. Not that they denied ai could be autistic (my previous psychiatric clinic suspected it, but the diagnosis here is done on the neuropsychiatric clinic), they just save government money by gatekeeping middle-aged people... And I won't spend 4-figure numbers on paying it on the private sector.

But there's also this: what does the official diagnosis give you? Because you can get the knowledge and all tips for your life even as self-diagnosed. And you probably will not get any special support at that age.

Some find it easier to combat imposter syndrome with official diagnosis, but I've seen it happen irregardless. Masking is something you need to learn to do less, the diagnosis will not really help with it apparently... People around you will not know if you're officially or self-diagnosed, or not at all, if you don't tell them. Unfortunately not everyone should be told even about suspecting autism.

Autistic people tend to deep-dive into researching stuff, and you can learn very much about the issue yourself. Enough to self-diagnose. I also just today encountered "peer-acknowledged autistic" (an unofficial expression) - and that totally happens!

 

[stickygirl]

Hi guys! Im not offically diagnosed but it is something I am looking into after an adhd diagnosis late in life. Respectfully,I just wanted to ask if receiving an official autism diagnosis was helpful?

My last therapist told me I'd never get an autism diagnosis in ny 40s. I'm really good at masking, but its exhausting. Im def recovering from burnout from the adhd, but I feel like more is going on. I've recently read unmasking autism(and a few other neurodivergent books) and it made my life make a lot more sense. I'm not a doctor obviously, so I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking about diagnosis. Its just made my life make more sense. I can be nicer to myself knowing Im not broken, just different.

Did it help to have a doctor validate you? Did it carry any stigma? Did it help you unmask further ? I wouldnt surround myself with anyone who would not be kind and supportive to anyone, but I know for some people have a hard time with it. I know this is a heavy topic for a fun place, but I appreciate this thread. Thank you in advance for reading and any advice.

I only got a diagnosis because I reached out at a time when I was in a dark place mentally. I never imagined asd so it was a total surprise.
As it happened the six sessions I had with a therapist was enough to get me through the crisis and then I spent 18mths reevaluating my life in this new perspective. Learning about autism has been a big help but I suspect that with a diagnosis the knowledge has more impact.

Doctors are okay but can be expensive depending where you are and having a asd badge doesn’t open any doors.
I’d suggest getting some objective diagnosis but a PhD £medical one may not be appropriate unless you need accommodations at work etc.

If you’re able to get by with self-help by reading up and watching YouTube then that’s a good path

Good luck and never worry about posting here. We’re all learning

Wrt masking I’m able to forgive myself for any shortcomings. I drove 4 hours to attend a social function but left after 30 mins because I was finding it such hard work! I had a chuckle about it as I left: at least I tried but I didn’t put myself through hell by standing awkwardly all evening or forcing myself to make small talk Being kind to yourself is important

 

[English_guy_bkk]

I only got a diagnosis because I reached out at a time when I was in a dark place mentally. I never imagined asd so it was a total surprise.
As it happened the six sessions I had with a therapist was enough to get me through the crisis and then I spent 18mths reevaluating my life in this new perspective. Learning about autism has been a big help but I suspect that with a diagnosis the knowledge has more impact.

Doctors are okay but can be expensive depending where you are and having a asd badge doesn’t open any doors.

I’d suggest getting some objective diagnosis but a PhD £medical one may not be appropriate unless you need accommodations at work etc.

If you’re able to get by with self-help by reading up and watching YouTube then that’s a good path

Good luck and never worry about posting here. We’re all learning

I sincerely hope you are fine, I know I am in massive trouble also.
I don't know what self help is though.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

I'll definitely delete it soon

 

[stickygirl]

I sincerely hope you are fine, I know I am in massive trouble also.
I don't know what self help is though.

I mean learning more about autism. There is a lot of great information online or in books.
To discover you’re not alone is very empowering

 

[Strixaluco]

I sincerely hope you are fine, I know I am in massive trouble also.
I don't know what self help is though.

There is luckily plenty to be found about autism. Browse back to see the YouTube channels I listed, those are good to begin with.

One major thing is accepting to be different. Most people who are diagnosed (self- or professionally) as adults have felt all along that they are different - well, we indeed are, and there's plenty to be learned about how to deal with it.

 

[Strixaluco]

I, for one, know that sleep is crucial for me, I've never done well with staying up late. And now it's my bedtime, so good night!

 

[stickygirl]

I get the feeling that some people think that discovering they’re autistic is a bad thing, but once you’re through the door it isn’t. Apart from realising you’re not alone in how you think and feel you can also have a better understanding of how other people might be struggling.

 

[PMarky2]

Hi guys! Im not offically diagnosed but it is something I am looking into after an adhd diagnosis late in life. Respectfully,I just wanted to ask if receiving an official autism diagnosis was helpful?

My last therapist told me I'd never get an autism diagnosis in ny 40s. I'm really good at masking, but its exhausting. Im def recovering from burnout from the adhd, but I feel like more is going on. I've recently read unmasking autism(and a few other neurodivergent books) and it made my life make a lot more sense. I'm not a doctor obviously, so I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking about diagnosis. Its just made my life make more sense. I can be nicer to myself knowing Im not broken, just different.

Did it help to have a doctor validate you? Did it carry any stigma? Did it help you unmask further ? I wouldnt surround myself with anyone who would not be kind and supportive to anyone, but I know for some people have a hard time with it. I know this is a heavy topic for a fun place, but I appreciate this thread. Thank you in advance for reading and any advice.

I think the only person who found my diagnosis useful was my wife. She finally had to accept I am not nuts, or emotionally withdrawn, just different. The only things I learnt were why I find so much of life exhausting (I'm masking) and why I crushed the way I crushed on my Crush. I've kept quiet about it at work as it could be used against me, but then again academia can be a fairly safe place for AS folks to hide in plain sight.

 

[PMarky2]

I get the feeling that some people think that discovering they’re autistic is a bad thing, but once you’re through the door it isn’t. Apart from realising you’re not alone in how you think and feel you can also have a better understanding of how other people might be struggling.

My own experience was that there's a goofy bit, and then you get used to it.

 

[LickableWallpaper]

Hey guys thank all you for the support and perspective. You all are awesome. Im gonna hold off for the moment and just keep on learning all I can.

 

[stickygirl]

I've been a fan of John Green since he penned his first book and I discovered a person who spoke for me, loud and clear. It's impossible for someone with such depth of perception and means to express it to be invulnerable to very emotions and tortures they describes through their characters. So he's taking a very sensible break from his regular vlogging, but posted this as a sign off for July.
I thought I'd link it here for anyone who is struggling with anxiety and depression for whatever reason. That voice that mocks you for your weakness is lying, despair is a lie, hopelessness is a lie...
Remember that

 

[Kat0069]

I've just stumbled on this thread and wish I'd found it sooner!

I identify with so much that has been said!

 

[PMarky2]

I sometimes think that HF-ASD folks being anti-social is a bit of a myth. In the right environment I really enjoy the company of a few friends and meeting new people. What makes me crazy is the sensory overload of parties, and other distraction filled environments. One member of our circle like to have dinner parties for 8 or 10 people, and I always find that conducive to socializing. Since getting my officially-unofficial diagnosis I have been much more aware of how I relate to people.

Unrelated Observations:
I got it totally wrong with the wife on Saturday. I thought I had simply asked her to be quiet and give me some time to finish something I was working on, but I got called rude and cruel for the way I did it. Apparently, "Can we have this conversation later? I am trying to get this finished!" somehow constituted a hanging offence.

I saw my ASD-Girl yesterday. Not much direct interaction between us, but she is calming to be around. Several times yesterday I sensed someone looking at me, and then looked up and see her looking straight at me even though we were involved in different conversations. It happens quite a bit.

 

[stickygirl]

I sometimes think that HF-ASD folks being anti-social is a bit of a myth. In the right environment I really enjoy the company of a few friends and meeting new people. What makes me crazy is the sensory overload of parties, and other distraction filled environments. One member of our circle like to have dinner parties for 8 or 10 people, and I always find that conducive to socializing. Since getting my officially-unofficial diagnosis I have been much more aware of how I relate to people.

It depends on the group, but generally I'd sit on my hands, literally, at a dinner party that size. Then I'd try to remember to smile and look interested because 'resting-stone-face' never works well!

Unrelated Observations:
I got it totally wrong with the wife on Saturday. I thought I had simply asked her to be quiet and give me some time to finish something I was working on, but I got called rude and cruel for the way I did it. Apparently, "Can we have this conversation later? I am trying to get this finished!" somehow constituted a hanging offence.

Unfortunately you don't get a 'get of of jail' card for being unintentionally rude because trying to explain "it's because I'm asd" is just digging the hole deeper. Seems like if you want to apologise, you do it later and in the most humble way you can manage OR just let it go and don't make a big thing of it.

 

[Strixaluco]

I sometimes think that HF-ASD folks being anti-social is a bit of a myth.

I totally agree. Many autistic people are extroverts, even

There's the sensory overload thing you already discussed and then the social challenges, mostly in a neurotypically dominated society. But for example my friends are mostly neurodivergent. Adhd and some autistic. It's totally different in such a setting. Though even then the considerable downtime requirement will hit me - I tend to get overexcited in company.

There are, however, also autistic people who simply find their own thoughts and special interests to be enough, and they don't desire much company.

 

[PMarky2]

It depends on the group, but generally I'd sit on my hands, literally, at a dinner party that size. Then I'd try to remember to smile and look interested because 'resting-stone-face' never works well!

Unfortunately you don't get a 'get of of jail' card for being unintentionally rude because trying to explain "it's because I'm asd" is just digging the hole deeper. Seems like if you want to apologise, you do it later and in the most humble way you can manage OR just let it go and don't make a big thing of it.

I do better with 6 or 8, especially as I can comfortably expect half the number to be arguing politics at the other end of the room, and I can switch off to them and talk to the others. Otherwise I loose interest, and then I am prone to the 'resting stone face' which, as you so rightly observe, never works well!

Getting it wrong with the wife... Letting it go never works with her because she won't leave it and usually makes a big thing out of my being ASD. You can take that to the bank. I always leave her a bit, and then apologize contritely even though I am usually 150-200% convinced she is over-reacting, then try not to say anything tactless for as long as I can manage.

 

[Zrosey]

I thought I'd link it here for anyone who is struggling with anxiety and depression for whatever reason. That voice that mocks you for your weakness is lying, despair is a lie, hopelessness is a lie...
Remember that

thanks for linking that YT...and while I'm here, just gonna give this quote some heartfelt love

 

[juttjaw]

My daughter, who is on the spectrum, moved back home, after many years on her own. Certainly, not because she can't be on her own, because everything happened at once. Her roommate of 8 years stopped being responsible, which led to them losing their place, the job she's been working for 8 years, decided she was making too much money and the engine in her suv took a shit. Everything all at once. Literally, this all happened in the span of 3 days. It was a lot for her, it would of been a lot for anyone. She resisted telling me, thinking I would be upset and wouldn't home her 2 cats. Nothing could of been further from the truth.

Anyway, she thrives on routine. She always has. She had a "routine" even in the womb. She would be active, sleep, kick, roll all at the same time of the day, day in and day out. That's never changed. As a child, she would say the same words before she went to sleep, flicked her light on and off 7 times before she laid down, woke up and did the same things before going to school. At first, it was cute. You know? "I can set my watch by my 3 year old!" hahaha... Then, I got concerned. Nothing she did was harmful, in any way. That would come later. But, she just lived to a little different of a beat. A very rhythmic beat... Like a metronome. I was concerned because, she didn't deal well when things couldn't be done in her order. She wouldn't throw fits, just kind of introvert, get agitated and very punchy. Of course, she would rebound, get back on track and be fine. I tried breaking up her routines a little, nothing drastic, just mix it up a bit. I continued to do that for many years, adding a little variety in her otherwise strict regiment. It was ok, she dealt and adapted and just made that her new routine. I didn't know it was autism, had no clue there were even degrees.

My point being (other than wanting to post about my child) she did very, very well with that life eruption. She rode it out. I affected her, it rattled her, but she coped surprisingly well. She moved home a few months ago, her and her cats. It's been awhile since we've actually lived together and I had forgotten what an absolute joy she is. I love having her here! Yes, she needs to get things back together and continue with her life, further than 20ft from her dad's bedroom, but I think she can stay as long as she likes. She knows that, but won't stay. She's a very independent person and always lands on her feet, but she's an adult not a child. It's just nice to have her home again, I've missed her.

 

[stickygirl]

Since she's aware of her autism, then maybe she can take solace from the experiences of other autistic people? It's great that you've been able to offer her a perch until she can unruffle her feathers. Yes - it sounded like a big upset to cope with.

My cousin's son is okay with changes to a planned weekend if he's given an hour or two to process the implications of not going to the zoo but going to granma's house instead. Both are fun things for him to do, but we hate impulsive and last minute changes... too many unknown outcomes to consider.
He's started to thrive now he is at a school that caters for kids with challenges like ASD. Apart from having smaller classes and a different pace to mainstream schools, I think being with other kids like him breathes confidence into them all.