Bi Married and closeted

[CuriousGuyVa]

I come here because I can't find a willing friend, man or woman. Everyone does not want to take a chance. Scared of rejection maybe or scared of being found out. I wish I knew the answer.

I do like the comments and stories here.

There is the not wanting to to take a chance, rejection, and the fear of being found out, just plain scared... and the added thought of if the reality would not meet the fantasy expectations.

It is a nice outlet here though

 

[bkarp8]

I come here because I can't find a willing friend, man or woman. Everyone does not want to take a chance. Scared of rejection maybe or scared of being found out. I wish I knew the answer.

I do like the comments and stories here.

I am in the exact same situation, love the thought just need to find someone. bi sub male here,

 

[OpenMouth]

https://xhamster.com/videos/you-are-not-a-faggot-are-you-2651881

I've seen a slightly different ( and a little shorter) version of this clip which I actually like better. This version added a few extra scenes which I don't really care for. But still, overall, I do really like this. Most of it is just such a fucking turnon for me.

Wearing sexy satin panties as a teenager was what set me on my course in life as a "straight" man who ALWAYS fantasizes about playing a more feminine role in the bedroom servicing a man. I've never taken the plunge, but Lord knows I've cum a thousand times fantasizing about it. If I could go back in time to my teen years and live life over again, no question I would've become a cute little twink who serviced MANY daddies over the years. That would've made me so happy.

Well, I didn't suck a cock til I was in my late 40s, so it might not be too late! I get a thrill acting like a prissy teenage girl, and so do the guys who fuck me...

 

[Teecee15]

Met my first guy a few weeks back. Satisfied 3 men since then. Such a thrill and so good to satisfy that urge

 

[Delawareguy]

I'd love to find a discrete outlet for the gay fantasies I've had since my teen years. I think once I found myself sucking a stiff cock and swallowing a load, I'd be hooked forever. I think gay-curious is a better way to describe the real me.

"Gay curious"?......or just curious about sucking a cock. There is more to being "gay" than just sucking cock.

I knew by age 15 that the idea of sucking an older man's cock was somehow arousing to me. But I never thought of myself as in any way gay. I never had (nor do I have) a desire to be in a relationship with a man. I love an adore women very much. I could never feel that about any man. I am not attracted to men. Just a nice cock, and have the desire to enjoy it. But I am not gay. Even the idea of men kissing makes me want to vomit.

 

[Delawareguy]

I finally took the plunge about ten years ago, in my early fifties. I hook up once or twice a year, no romantic involvement, just satisfying the urge when it becomes irresistible. I like the opportunity to let someone besides me take charge in bed.

Curious about sucking a cock since age 15 (I am 61 now), I finally sucked my first at age 38 (other than my uncle trying to get me to suck his cock when I was around 10 years old). I met a guy in a yahoo group for "bi-curious men". We chatted for a few weeks before I got the nerve to meet him at him home. We did some mutual JO and oral play. It was very exciting and I enjoyed the experience. I have met 5-6 other men in the 23 years since that first time. All one time experiences with different men.

I too want to be with another man who mostly just wants to be serviced and who I can feel somewhat sub/fem too, and please. But I have no desire to look, dress or act fem in any way. Mostly I want to worship a nice cock and edge it for hours with my hands and mouth. Within the past 5 years or so I have become very curious about being fucked. I have never done anything anal with a man. I have no interest in fucking a guy and a guy's ass does nothing for me but I do like the idea of being on all fours and feeling a cock inside of me. My ex fiancee fucked me with her anal bead stick a few times and I really enjoyed that. I can only imagine that a real cock would feel even better.

As with most married men who are curious about being with a man, being married has the issues of no time to pursue these interests and the risks of either being caught or bring something home I would rather not. I have far too much to lose to take the risk of doing anything with another man. He would have to be the perfect match for me and I would have to be almost 100% certain he was clean, safe and sane before I would consider meeting him.

I welcome private messages from others who can relate to this. Thanks.

 

[LexusOmni]

"Gay curious"?......or just curious about sucking a cock. There is more to being "gay" than just sucking cock.

I knew by age 15 that the idea of sucking an older man's cock was somehow arousing to me. But I never thought of myself as in any way gay. I never had (nor do I have) a desire to be in a relationship with a man. I love an adore women very much. I could never feel that about any man. I am not attracted to men. Just a nice cock, and have the desire to enjoy it. But I am not gay. Even the idea of men kissing makes me want to vomit.

At 15, I thought pussy was all that mattered, but since I got none, I began to enjoy wearing sexy girl panties and putting on lipstick and eyeshadow, and fantasizing I was the woman. The gay fantasies began soon after, though I still thought of myself as 100% straight. For the next several decades I've had relationships with women + been married, but the gay fantasies never stopped. I somewhat enjoy sex with women, but the orgasms are always sweetest when I dream of men & cock. I even dream I'm having sex with a man when I fuck my wife. Could I fall in love with another man? Well, I've known mature gay men as aquaintances who I've been very attracted to, so yes, I know I could. In fact, that's one of my biggest jackoff fantasies--falling in love with my gay lover, leaving my wife, and becoming an openly homosexual man with a male partner. I've cum 1000x (or more) to that fantasy...and it still gets me off way more than thinking about any woman.

 

[Cleanshaved50]

I have been a crossdresser for a very long time, but now its limited to bras and panties. I have been interested in cock all my life but never pursued it. I have wanted to hook up with other men mainly while I was dressed as a woman, but couldn't go thru with it. The roadblock I hit are my marriage vows, just can't cheat on my wife. I masturbate very often, my big fantasies were pussy and incest, but anymore those don't turn me on. Now all I want to masturbate to is cock and fantasizing sucking on them. And practice with my dildos. I have gotten into a fetish that I am enjoying, being a Gainer. Love getting fatter and makes me very horny when I am filled to the max.

 

[bi_musings]

I come here because I can't find a willing friend, man or woman. Everyone does not want to take a chance. Scared of rejection maybe or scared of being found out. I wish I knew the answer.

I do like the comments and stories here.

I like the comments and stories too. I've learned a lot about my desires since coming here (it's longer than my join date shows ). I've had a lot of fantasies thanks to the threads on Lit. Perhaps one day, maybe eventually I'll meet someone who I can take it from fantasy to reality with.

 

[oneblueye]

hey ...

There is the not wanting to to take a chance, rejection, and the fear of being found out, just plain scared... and the added thought of if the reality would not meet the fantasy expectations.

It is a nice outlet here though

I don't know about this joint being any kind of an outlet --, I hear and see more people here talking and writing about their frustration instead of singing any praises of this joint helping them get off.

 

[Pines]

I don't know about this joint being any kind of an outlet --, I hear and see more people here talking and writing about their frustration instead of singing any praises of this joint helping them get off.

I agree to a point. Every once in a while I have engaged in a hot and exciting chat that makes me really blow a load. My frustration here is that we are spread out all over. It would be nice if we had sub forums by state.

 

[OnaTangent]

Just doing the best we can

 

[oneblueye]

hey ...

Just doing the best we can

you know --,

 

[badonkadoku]

"Gay curious"?......or just curious about sucking a cock. There is more to being "gay" than just sucking cock.

I knew by age 15 that the idea of sucking an older man's cock was somehow arousing to me. But I never thought of myself as in any way gay. I never had (nor do I have) a desire to be in a relationship with a man. I love an adore women very much. I could never feel that about any man. I am not attracted to men. Just a nice cock, and have the desire to enjoy it. But I am not gay. Even the idea of men kissing makes me want to vomit.

I call it 'oral-curious.' Or now that I've satisfied my curiosity, "phallo-sexual"

 

[Pines]

"Gay curious"?......or just curious about sucking a cock. There is more to being "gay" than just sucking cock.

I knew by age 15 that the idea of sucking an older man's cock was somehow arousing to me. But I never thought of myself as in any way gay. I never had (nor do I have) a desire to be in a relationship with a man. I love an adore women very much. I could never feel that about any man. I am not attracted to men. Just a nice cock, and have the desire to enjoy it. But I am not gay. Even the idea of men kissing makes me want to vomit.

Closely parallels my own feelings. Not attracted to men themselves only the sex act.

 

[Marty Fisher]

Wearing sexy satin panties as a teenager was what set me on my course in life as a "straight" man who ALWAYS fantasizes about playing a more feminine role in the bedroom servicing a man. I've never taken the plunge, but Lord knows I've cum a thousand times fantasizing about it. If I could go back in time to my teen years and live life over again, no question I would've become a cute little twink who serviced MANY daddies over the years. That would've made me so happy.

Ooooooooh how true that is for me as well! I've sucked cock before and loved it but down deep, I'm a submissive sissy designed to bring pleasure to men and I'd love a re-do so I could follow that path vs the one that I have!

 

[Delawareguy]

At 15, I thought pussy was all that mattered, but since I got none, I began to enjoy wearing sexy girl panties and putting on lipstick and eyeshadow, and fantasizing I was the woman. The gay fantasies began soon after, though I still thought of myself as 100% straight. For the next several decades I've had relationships with women + been married, but the gay fantasies never stopped. I somewhat enjoy sex with women, but the orgasms are always sweetest when I dream of men & cock. I even dream I'm having sex with a man when I fuck my wife. Could I fall in love with another man? Well, I've known mature gay men as aquaintances who I've been very attracted to, so yes, I know I could. In fact, that's one of my biggest jackoff fantasies--falling in love with my gay lover, leaving my wife, and becoming an openly homosexual man with a male partner. I've cum 1000x (or more) to that fantasy...and it still gets me off way more than thinking about any woman.

This desire you developed(??) is something I never had and can't relate to. I never had any desire to be a female in any way, dress, look or act. You state that you were sexually interested in women but since you "got none" (which I assume means not having sex with them) you willfully decided to be a woman to find sexual fulfillment. How did that logically follow? If you had been having rewarding and enjoyable sex with women, would you NOT have done that? Is you desire for men solely because you decided that would be your sexual interest and role?

Why did you not fully enjoy sex with your wife? Was it because you developed a preference for being with a man, or maybe she was just lousy in bed and the sex you desired was more arousing??

I think since you admit to being able to fall in love with a man and to desire an intimate and romantic relationship with a man, while at the same time feeling less than satisfied in your relationship with your wife, indicates you had some predisposition to being gay from the start and your taking up dressing and acting as a woman when younger was because of that fact and not because of a conscious decision on your part.

But that still leaves me wondering why you would feel the need to become a woman. Gay men do not have a desire to be women. They just have a sexual interest in other men. The two things, cross-dressing and homosexuality, are not the same as all

Just a comment.

 

[Delawareguy]

.......

 

[bi_musings]

I have no interest in wearing panties. I get how some would like the feel or the femininity of wearing them. Though I don't want to wear them, I do love seeing a photo of a cock in them. Either just the soft bulge in the fabric or the erection straining at the fabric. It's simply naughty and I like naughtiness of it.

 

[JacknJohn]

Closet married guy here
55 years old and I always knew I was bi even though is was to scared to try it.
When I was in my 30s I found AOL chat rooms and finally got up the nerve to meet/meat a gay couple. I have to say I’m sorry I waited so long.
I sucked cock and got fucked at their house and shot a load like never before!
I have the married mans guilt but I’m now addicted to sucking cock and do it as often as I can.
I joined fetlife a few months ago and it looks very promising too.
Something about submitting to another man and satisfying his carnal needs makes my cock drip every time.

 

[LexusOmni]

This desire you developed(??) is something I never had and can't relate to. I never had any desire to be a female in any way, dress, look or act. You state that you were sexually interested in women but since you "got none" (which I assume means not having sex with them) you willfully decided to be a woman to find sexual fulfillment. How did that logically follow? If you had been having rewarding and enjoyable sex with women, would you NOT have done that? Is you desire for men solely because you decided that would be your sexual interest and role?

Why did you not fully enjoy sex with your wife? Was it because you developed a preference for being with a man, or maybe she was just lousy in bed and the sex you desired was more arousing??

I think since you admit to being able to fall in love with a man and to desire an intimate and romantic relationship with a man, while at the same time feeling less than satisfied in your relationship with your wife, indicates you had some predisposition to being gay from the start and your taking up dressing and acting as a woman when younger was because of that fact and not because of a conscious decision on your part.

But that still leaves me wondering why you would feel the need to become a woman. Gay men do not have a desire to be women. They just have a sexual interest in other men. The two things, cross-dressing and homosexuality, are not the same as all

Just a comment.

The panties and eyeshadow phase was probably from sheer teenage horniness alone, but I thoroughly enjoyed the feminine aspect of my sexuality ALOT, and it felt very liberating to embrace it. And it didn't disappear once sexual relationships with women began. Sex with women (including the wife) has been satisfying in many ways over the years, yet, gay fantasies have always been more arousing to me, even during sex acts with women. I do have several immediate relatives who are gay, and I understand now that I probably was predisposed to be that way too, even though homosexuality was so taboo when I was younger. Maybe the wider acceptance of it nowadays has allowed me to lower my inhibitions to the point of letting the "real me" cum out. All I know is, if given a choice between a hot chick and a hairy mature gay guy in bed, I honestly think I'd crawl under the covers with the guy. I can't deny it, nor do I want to anymore.

 

[Delawareguy]

The panties and eyeshadow phase was probably from sheer teenage horniness alone, but I thoroughly enjoyed the feminine aspect of my sexuality ALOT, and it felt very liberating to embrace it. And it didn't disappear once sexual relationships with women began. Sex with women (including the wife) has been satisfying in many ways over the years, yet, gay fantasies have always been more arousing to me, even during sex acts with women. I do have several immediate relatives who are gay, and I understand now that I probably was predisposed to be that way too, even though homosexuality was so taboo when I was younger. Maybe the wider acceptance of it nowadays has allowed me to lower my inhibitions to the point of letting the "real me" cum out. All I know is, if given a choice between a hot chick and a hairy mature gay guy in bed, I honestly think I'd crawl under the covers with the guy. I can't deny it, nor do I want to anymore.

I can certainly relate to being horny as a teenager but that never included a desire to put on panties and eye-shadow. I do not understand the link from one to the other.

Yes, there is pressure from a segment of society to have people accept men dressing as women and I am sure that gives you some support in a way, but is your wife aware of the "real you", as you refer to it? Is she accepting of it? Does she find it sexually arousing in any way?

 

[cuck72]

I was a late bloomer when my desires to suck cock began, or be with a man. I think back now, and wish I was a cock sucker in HS, It gets me excited thinking of being on my knees for a few of those 18 yo alpha seniors, and having a reputation as a cock sucker. But back in the late 60's it was much harder, not any gay rights around then like today. I started in my mid 30's thinking of cock sucking. No body knows, even the wife, YES! I consider myself bi married and closeted.

 

[leshamp]

Several years ago, in between my two marriages while in my 30s, I went through a very drunken and depressed stage. Had absolutely zero desire to go out and try to meet new women. Had friends that wanted to hook me up with someone and always turned them down. Still got very horny, though, so one night while killing a bottle of Jack Daniels, I was cruising craigslist m2m personals and saw an ad for someone looking to give a no recip blowjob. He was in his 20s and attractive. I thought, why not? Responded to the ad, exchanged a few emails, and within half an hour he was on his knees in my apartment giving me the best blowjob I'd ever had. As soon as he was done, he said thanks and left. In, out, no fuss. I thought, damn that was easy. Responded to a few more ads over the next few weeks and got a lot of no recip blowjobs. Finally, I got curious. Responded to an ad looking to swap blowjobs. Guy comes over, tells me to get naked, and he takes his clothes off. Pretty nice cock. About 7 hard, cut, and very thick. I then proceeded to give my first blowjob. I guess I sucked at it because he finally pulled my head off and jacked off onto my face. All I'll say is I got better at it. lol. Ended up over the next several months really exploring my bi side. Went to a dark room party with several guys hosted at a local hotel, went to some group jerks, topped a guy in his bedroom with his head covered, and finally responded to an ad looking for a bottom and did that a couple of times. Always played safe.

Then out of nowhere, I meet a woman one day and fell in love. Ended up marrying her. We have a great sex life. But I am truly now bi married and closeted. The desire is there, I just don't act on it hardly at all. Especially in the age of 'rona.

 

[Merc99]

Me too

Yep, I can relate to this.

I sucked a cock once when I was about 19, and although I didn't know what to do, looking back all these years later, there is so much that I wish that I had done with him. I think he wanted me to fuck him, and now I wish I had. I wish that I had let him cum in my mouth or on my face. I wish that I had rubbed cocks with him. I wish that it hadn't been just for one night and for one time.

But, time has moved on, and I wouldn't want to do anything that would jeopardise the trust of my wife, even though the temptation is very, very strong.