chudwah

[Richard49]

common sense

Why is it called common sense when so few have so little
of it?

Our munches here are not often and seldom have more then 10 people ... yet in the several years I have attended we only had one person attended that had no manners and he was both the ex Dom of another attendee and drunk

Online I have encountered so many that need to be spanked and sent home to there mothers ... this includes both Doms and subs

 

[redelicious]

http://forestmyst.com/acid.html

*you may want to mute your sound before loading the above site. It's pretty cheesy*

The above link is an article for new subs looking for a Dom. It's pretty basic info, but I was especially interested in the various descriptions of wanabees, in particular this blurb about control freaks:

These men can be dangerous because many really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants as a way to justify their dysfunctional lives. Many inexperienced submissives find themselves ‘naturally’ attracted to these men because outwardly they seem so ‘in command’ of things all the time. The truly ironic (and sad) thing is, a controlling personality is actually the closest thing to the OPPOSITE of a sexual Dominant.


I read Hecate's thread about Wannabee's with interest when it was bumped recently. I agree that everyone has to start somewhere, and it is ok to identify with being Dom or sub if you don't yet have the experience or knowledge, as long as you are honest with yourself. I am scared and sad for the person who feels s/he knows it all at any stage and doesn't have the desire for growth.

I'm rambling and I feel I am slighty off the original topic, so I will stop writing for now.

 

[Richard49]

http://forestmyst.com/acid.html

*you may want to mute your sound before loading the above site. It's pretty cheesy*

The above link is an article for new subs looking for a Dom. It's pretty basic info, but I was especially interested in the various descriptions of wanabees, in particular this blurb about control freaks:

These men can be dangerous because many really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants as a way to justify their dysfunctional lives. Many inexperienced submissives find themselves ‘naturally’ attracted to these men because outwardly they seem so ‘in command’ of things all the time. The truly ironic (and sad) thing is, a controlling personality is actually the closest thing to the OPPOSITE of a sexual Dominant.


I read Hecate's thread about Wannabee's with interest when it was bumped recently. I agree that everyone has to start somewhere, and it is ok to identify with being Dom or sub if you don't yet have the experience or knowledge, as long as you are honest with yourself. I am scared and sad for the person who feels s/he knows it all at any stage and doesn't have the desire for growth.

I'm rambling and I feel I am slighty off the original topic, so I will stop writing for now.

Red

you can drop in anytime and ramble like you have here also
this article is wonderful

 

[Desdemona]

Richard and Red, both articles are great! I wish I had seen them a couple of years ago. They might have saved me a little heartache and trouble.

 

[lark sparrow]

The more things change, the more they stay the same

It's a common attitude, and not just in BDSM. I would suggest CHMWD (Clueless, Het. Male Wannabe Dom) though. Wannabe Het Male Doms' (the original, official title) seems to question their sexual orientation and gender as well as their Alpha male status.

Personally, I still prefer 'PMS' for these types of people.








That would be Pale, Male and Stale.

 

[Richard49]

Richard and Red, both articles are great! I wish I had seen them a couple of years ago. They might have saved me a little heartache and trouble.

Perhaps they will help people who are
where you were....

than maybe not

 

[Richard49]

Re: The more things change, the more they stay the same

It's a common attitude, and not just in BDSM. I would suggest CHMWD (Clueless, Het. Male Wannabe Dom) though. Wannabe Het Male Doms' (the original, official title) seems to question their sexual orientation and gender as well as their Alpha male status.

Personally, I still prefer 'PMS' for these types of people.


That would be Pale, Male and Stale.

I should know not to eat or drink when I am reading here
Now I have a screen and key board that need to be cleaned

 

[rosco rathbone]

Because it isn't obvious to some, some people have to have things spelled out for them. Not only in our perverted wonderful world, but out there in the big scarey one as well.
That's why we have so many signs and laws and such.

I don't trust any of this "you poor subbies with your lack of common-sense" bullshit. It's nothing but a Ooh Daddy Is Here To Look Out For You ploy.

Fuck those who can't tell the idiots from the dominate masters. They deserve what they get.

 

[rosco rathbone]

People who are ignorant about BDSM and the lifestyle, but accept that they are learners, can be taught and helped.

Ignorant people that believe they know it all are best ignored.

Chatbuuuuuuuuuuuuuug!!!!!!!!!!


What's up dood!

 

[s'lara]

Lovely

I don't trust any of this "you poor subbies with your lack of common-sense" bullshit. It's nothing but a Ooh Daddy Is Here To Look Out For You ploy.

Fuck those who can't tell the idiots from the dominate masters. They deserve what they get.

Why thank You for dismissing the the men/women who first venture into the lifestyle with trust and very little knowledge. They can't tell the difference so how dare they complain when they step in it? Ohhh that's right. Naivete doesn't exist for some.

i guess some are born with the omniscient ability to tell the real from the fake at all times ... isn't that special.

i won't preach tolerance because frankly, that's a personal choice. However, i do bridle at the "just desserts" attitude when it comes to those who made honest mistakes and paid for them. *shrugs* Other than that, i have no comment on the article.

 

[Richard49]

IMHO the best way to handle rosco
and others like him

is

to

ignor them

they will go away

I feel for both the innocent sub and Dom that come into the lifestyle with little information and there emtionals still on the cuff of there sleeve .....

Hell I have been suckered
and I am experenced

 

[Valcorie]

I am sorry, but I must disagree

I don't trust any of this "you poor subbies with your lack of common-sense" bullshit. It's nothing but a Ooh Daddy Is Here To Look Out For You ploy.

Fuck those who can't tell the idiots from the dominate masters. They deserve what they get.

I am sorry, but I must disagree with you on this point. I am fairly new to the BDSM scene and did have a few run ins with the 'wrong type' of Doms before finding one I am very happy with.

I feel that the wolf in sheeps clothing is even more problematic on the net where you are not able to verify if a person is what they represent. In one instance a 'Dom' threatened to send me computer viruses unless I gave him my phone number and called him every day at 5:00pm sharp. Needless to saw he was dropped like a hot potato. But, someone easily intimidated or that thought BDSM worked in that fashion could have been taken in by a very persuasive preditor.

Thank You,
valcorie

 

[Netzach]

I have gotten romantically fucked over.

In 3 d. With someone I met on the net. With people I met face to face.

Every time this happened, it was from my unwillingness to listen to that little voice inside, not my failure to have read the right articles. Articles, like the sane objections of one's friends, are rarely going to change the course of someone blinded by lust.

At least articles that focus on external "predation" and less on the rights of the submissive person so say "fuck off." The latter is what's sorely missing sometimes, I think.

 

[FungiUg]

Re: The more things change, the more they stay the same

[...] Personally, I still prefer 'PMS' for these types of people. [...]

Lark! I resemble that remark!

I only come in two colours: pale white and red.

 

[FungiUg]

I don't trust any of this "you poor subbies with your lack of common-sense" bullshit. It's nothing but a Ooh Daddy Is Here To Look Out For You ploy.

Fuck those who can't tell the idiots from the dominate masters. They deserve what they get.

It's interesting. A friend of mine was sexually assaulted by a so-called "Dom", and I had to help pick up the pieces. Yet when she posted a warning about this guy to the local BDSM club e-mail group, she was attacked herself. There were several opinions. The first that she was lying and making it up to besmirch an innocent man. The second that it was all her fault anyway, and she deserved everything she got.

We all get fucked over at times. Sometimes yes, we do stupid things to contribute, and sometimes no. But the responsibility for a violent act lies with the person committing it, and as a Dom, I think one of the most important things I can learn is responsibility.

The best we can do (as a community) is to help educate those who are new, and protect them from the predators. And the "you deserve everything you get" attitude is less than helpful. As well as being a downright lie. No one "deserves" abuse.

I've seen too much of this attitude of recent times, and I hate it. It's like these people have blinkers and refuse to face the fact that all is not perfect and there are problems with the people in this lifestyle.

The sad thing is it's generally a defensive attitude, and if they would only wake up and see it's not actually a problem with BDSM, but with people in general, and that there's no need to be defensive, then maybe their attitudes would improve.

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Re: The more things change, the more they stay the same

Lark! I resemble that remark!

I only come in two colours: pale white and red.

LOL You need to fit all three categories to qualify... and you, FungiUg, are as "fresh" as they come!

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Re: The more things change, the more they stay the same

LOL You need to fit all three categories to qualify... and you, FungiUg, are as "fresh" as they come!

Blush. Aw, shucks!

 

[rosco rathbone]

I am an experenced

You are a senile old cunt. I'm sick of your mispelled maunderings.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I have gotten romantically fucked over.

In 3 d. With someone I met on the net. With people I met face to face.

Every time this happened, it was from my unwillingness to listen to that little voice inside, not my failure to have read the right articles. Articles, like the sane objections of one's friends, are rarely going to change the course of someone blinded by lust.

At least articles that focus on external "predation" and less on the rights of the submissive person so say "fuck off." The latter is what's sorely missing sometimes, I think.

Once again, the voice of sense wears bitch boots and sits on a big throne.

 

[lark sparrow]

<snip>Every time this happened, it was from my unwillingness to listen to that little voice inside, not my failure to have read the right articles. Articles, like the sane objections of one's friends, are rarely going to change the course of someone blinded by lust.
<snip>

I tend to agree. Once you are overtly attracted to someone and begin to extend trust, they are naturally thought of as the exception. Sometimes true, other times not - but nearly always felt, regardless of the ten predator articles you read online. I have nothing against these forewarnings, I just wonder about them being the saving grace that precludes countless heartache. You just have to find some things out for yourself, no matter how many people have warned you against it - your mileage may still vary, and the person you're attracted to is "different", of course.

People who think BDSM is the fantasy land of perfect, romantic trust and immediate, unquestioned submission are just as scary as predators. Goodbye cruel world - Harlequin Romance here we come! I wouldn't take the attitude of "you get what you deserve, and screw 'em" but it doesn't take a genius to know it's going to be a hard landing from lala land to planet earth.

If you wear your heart on your sleeve and leave your brain at the door it's likely you're going to be taken advantage of by predators - it's perfect partnership and natural selection at work in the real world. This is not to blame victims, because some times things are way beyond our control - but take responsibilty for yourself as an adult who has spent time in the world at large. BDSM is not an automatic refuge from harsh realities - in fact it plays on many of them - knowing the difference between reality and fantasy is crucial. This applies to all equally.

 

[rosco rathbone]

^^^^ Another one with the head screwed on straight.

 

[Richard49]

Even though I am a cunt ... though I seem to see some other part but ... then I know I am not wiser or smarter then the person who list big books he reads ..... I wanted to share something that happened here .....

A beautiful submissve here in some way let a co worker know of her lifestyle. He showed up at her house one day and was asked in ...... he raped her ...... claimed she consented because of the lifestyle.

Though he was arrested he never saw a court room or prison.

 

[Netzach]

I don't think we are talking about date rape here. Although that's happened to some of my friends with no SM overtones or participation, and the guys who did it also saw no jail time or courtroom. That's unfortunately not news, it's the way of the world. "She asked for it" is still a rampant theme in this world.

I'm not talking about asking for it, I'm talking about paying attention to things around you, being aware of what will keep you safe and taking responsibility for your own safety and comfort. I'm talking about neither relying on the brilliance of experts nor the benificence of strangers. If you have no idea how to do that, you have no business throwing yourself into SM. Yep, I just said it. SM is no place for the clueless, the immature, the half-developed, the Harlequin Romance la la land denizens.

Bad things will happen to good people, who do not deserve them. I don't wish ill on people who take no responsibility for their own well being, but when they kvetch online about the big bad man who took everything I poured on him without a thought for my emotions, I don't like to play the sympathetic ear as much as I used to.

 

[D's mariposa]

As for the morons who regularly hit on me, assuming I was a bottom only or treating me as their bottom, or telling me at length all women are bottoms, or whatever their stupidity happened to be, if I can't just laugh in their face and I need articles spelling out that they are idiots with no tact, God help me.

Is there a sign at the munch door "abandon all common sense ye who enter here"

No there isn't. But we've had such a chudwa problem showing up at munches and new member meetings and parties lately that a great many people have stopped coming. Now we've got people wanting to have a screening process to keep them out. Sadly, there's no way to keep out clueless types with out accidently keeping out people who are simply inexperienced yet sincere.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I don't think we are talking about date rape here. Although that's happened to some of my friends with no SM overtones or participation, and the guys who did it also saw no jail time or courtroom. That's unfortunately not news, it's the way of the world. "She asked for it" is still a rampant theme in this world.

I'm not talking about asking for it, I'm talking about paying attention to things around you, being aware of what will keep you safe and taking responsibility for your own safety and comfort. I'm talking about neither relying on the brilliance of experts nor the benificence of strangers. If you have no idea how to do that, you have no business throwing yourself into SM. Yep, I just said it. SM is no place for the clueless, the immature, the half-developed, the Harlequin Romance la la land denizens.

Bad things will happen to good people, who do not deserve them. I don't wish ill on people who take no responsibility for their own well being, but when they kvetch online about the big bad man who took everything I poured on him without a thought for my emotions, I don't like to play the sympathetic ear as much as I used to.

I think what really burns my butt about this ever-present theme in "online BDSM" is that the underlying motive or emotional key is never acknowledged. The idea of protective, patriarchal male defending the harem. Although we can all agree that, A: there are predators, losers, "the clueless", etc and , B: it's a good idea to identify and avoid them; what's REALLY going on here is the psychosexual/emotional thrill of Daddy Is Looking Out For You. There isn't anything wrong with that; but I prefer it to be out in the open. Jon "Submissive Women Speak/Different Loving" Jacobs built an entire online dominate master career on this issue.