Cock Talk

[Cogan]

Sounds like my sons’ bedrooms.
When we were helping a friend pull up gym flooring at the Gold’s, we found a used condom. Middle of the fucking cardio room. Who has sex on a treadmill?

Someone who multi tasks?

 

[hotwords229_A]

I still cringe at the thought of the sex ed Disney cartoons sonic probably ask a question about why Minnie just became a sex object. I’m convinced her skirt got shorter in those videos.

WHAT?!!! Is that a real thing?

I’m going to hold hold his feet to the fire

No wonder he hasn’t had it yet, it has nothing to do with his feet!

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

Wait, why do you need two? Is that normal?

Short answer? No, not normal.
Pull up a chair and grab a drink... For anyone who hasn't been snipped yet - my story is NOT typical.

“nightmare experience” says it all

Absolutely true.

Background: I had previously had a hernia, this story takes place while I was on active duty, and anything healthcare related and the US military is already headed in the wrong direction. I was 28 when this happened, wife was expecting our 4th child, potent doesn't begin to describe me; due to chronic infrequency, I can tell you the exact date all of my (biological) children were conceived.

I go into flight med to have my assigned flight doc perform what should have been a routine procedure. She was kind, charming, and I anticipated the day was going to be a struggle to not enjoy being handled by her. But then her assistant came in, 20 year old goddess. By far, the best looking woman on the installation. Damnit. As she was prepping me for surgery and trimming things down, I couldn't help it, I got turned on. On subsequent visits, she never looked me in the eye again.

And that's the end of the good parts. It's all WAY downhill from here.

First the topical numbing, followed by the injection of what I later discover is lidocaine.

Next the incision; wince! It was like catching my scrotum on a thorn and pulling. Quick, but not painless. Then the next 25 minutes I grit and tense and struggle. As does the doc and med tech. Flight doc says she doesn't understand why things were not going well and asked why I was so tense. I told her I could feel her pulling on my plumbing all the way up into my abdomen and it wasn't fun. I was hurting, but doing my best to stay still.

Finally, I start bitching that I shouldn't be surprised, my wisdom teeth extraction went terrible and my hernia surgery wasn't great either. That's when the doc stops and asks about the hernia. That the military performed on me. That's in my charts! THAT I TOLD HER ABOUT! That's when she claims to have not known about it and states that, due to scar tissue from hernias, a proper urologist has to perform the surgery. Damnit. Also, when I asked if I should be hurting she said no, but stated that she noticed I had some red hair mixed in and that some of us don't react to anesthetics very well - which would explain the issues with all my previous dental situations to include wisdom teeth extraction. So, I had close to zero numbing effect for the slice and dice!

The next day, I'm required to take my physical fitness test because to them, I hadn't actually had a vasectomy, despite the incision. Needless to say, running became an impact sport and I failed, miserably.

Fast forward past a couple of dumb situations and I'm now in an actual operating room and going under for this procedure. This was wholly uneventful, except I had three loops of sutures on each side. Normally, there are none.

Some time goes by and I'm starting to be uncomfortable as I'm healing. I call the doc and ask when the sutures should begin to dissolve and he says they already should be. Come to find out, he didn't use dissolving sutures and told me to just remove them myself.

So there I was, with nail clippers, in my bathroom, trying not to nick myself, tugging at the string. I finally cut it loose, pull the strands out, and go about my life.

6 months later, my wife gets a full hysterectomy

 

[MedicalMuse]

I love stories like this. You have just made my entire afternoon.

I’m glad you can look on it with some humor. And really, since you’re in the service, you understand that putting uncle Sam in charge of anything delicate is generally a bad idea.

 

[lavendersilk]

Rubber? I barely know her!

What is your preferred method of birth control?

Currently, IUD, but it is painful to insert. Lasts 8 years. I'm not looking forward to having it removed, but hopefully by then I'll be barren.

Does condom use affect women’s enjoyment of sex?

I don't notice a difference.

For most (all) guys, using a condom is not nearly as enjoyable, in some cases not enjoyable at all,

Tell them to bring their clean bill of health papers to their sex partner and have a vasectomy if they dont want kids. It shouldn't always be on the woman to take all of the responsibility.

for many women the pill causes problems, so how do you navigate that?

I was on the pill for 20+ years. I believe it messed me up causing emotional mood swings and weight gain. I had to take it because at the time it was the only option for irregular menstrual cycles.

Is safe sex boring sex?

Not at all.

Have you ever found a condom that fits just right?

N/A

Have you, or your partner, had a vasectomy? Would you/he?

See above.

If you use condoms, due to sex with a lot of people, are you more afraid of pregnancy or disease?

Disease.

If you could go back and ask your Sex Ed teacher a question, what would it be?

Isn't the internet awesome?

*This topic was submitted, what questions about condoms, safe sex, birth control should I have asked?

I just want to say that your doctor doesn't know everything. Get a second or third opinion and do your own research.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I love stories like this. You have just made my entire afternoon.

I’m glad you can look on it with some humor. And really, since you’re in the service, you understand that putting uncle Sam in charge of anything delicate is generally a bad idea.

I'm so glad I could amuse
I definitely was not laughing when this happened.

 

[Lmizzler]

Short answer? No, not normal.
Pull up a chair and grab a drink... For anyone who hasn't been snipped yet - my story is NOT typical.


Absolutely true.

Background: I had previously had a hernia, this story takes place while I was on active duty, and anything healthcare related and the US military is already headed in the wrong direction. I was 28 when this happened, wife was expecting our 4th child, potent doesn't begin to describe me; due to chronic infrequency, I can tell you the exact date all of my (biological) children were conceived.

I go into flight med to have my assigned flight doc perform what should have been a routine procedure. She was kind, charming, and I anticipated the day was going to be a struggle to not enjoy being handled by her. But then her assistant came in, 20 year old goddess. By far, the best looking woman on the installation. Damnit. As she was prepping me for surgery and trimming things down, I couldn't help it, I got turned on. On subsequent visits, she never looked me in the eye again.

And that's the end of the good parts. It's all WAY downhill from here.

First the topical numbing, followed by the injection of what I later discover is lidocaine.

Next the incision; wince! It was like catching my scrotum on a thorn and pulling. Quick, but not painless. Then the next 25 minutes I grit and tense and struggle. As does the doc and med tech. Flight doc says she doesn't understand why things were not going well and asked why I was so tense. I told her I could feel her pulling on my plumbing all the way up into my abdomen and it wasn't fun. I was hurting, but doing my best to stay still.

Finally, I start bitching that I shouldn't be surprised, my wisdom teeth extraction went terrible and my hernia surgery wasn't great either. That's when the doc stops and asks about the hernia. That the military performed on me. That's in my charts! THAT I TOLD HER ABOUT! That's when she claims to have not known about it and states that, due to scar tissue from hernias, a proper urologist has to perform the surgery. Damnit. Also, when I asked if I should be hurting she said no, but stated that she noticed I had some red hair mixed in and that some of us don't react to anesthetics very well - which would explain the issues with all my previous dental situations to include wisdom teeth extraction. So, I had close to zero numbing effect for the slice and dice!

The next day, I'm required to take my physical fitness test because to them, I hadn't actually had a vasectomy, despite the incision. Needless to say, running became an impact sport and I failed, miserably.

Fast forward past a couple of dumb situations and I'm now in an actual operating room and going under for this procedure. This was wholly uneventful, except I had three loops of sutures on each side. Normally, there are none.

Some time goes by and I'm starting to be uncomfortable as I'm healing. I call the doc and ask when the sutures should begin to dissolve and he says they already should be. Come to find out, he didn't use dissolving sutures and told me to just remove them myself.

So there I was, with nail clippers, in my bathroom, trying not to nick myself, tugging at the string. I finally cut it loose, pull the strands out, and go about my life.

6 months later, my wife gets a full hysterectomy

Oh geez. I feel horrible for you but I definitely laughed at this tragedy of errors.

 

[darkelf9]

Wait a second, all of yours can talk?!
What the hell is wrong with mine?

Probably due it's 100k checkup.

 

[Apisto42]

I'm so glad I could amuse
I definitely was not laughing when this happened.

Tough story. I was lucky and only had to pull two sutures out myself. Damn things never dissolve even when they use the “dissolving” ones.

 

[Wand3rlust]

Rubber? I barely know her!

What is your preferred method of birth control?

Seems to be abstinence at the moment.

Does condom use affect women’s enjoyment of sex?

Yes.

For most (all) guys, using a condom is not nearly as enjoyable, in some cases not enjoyable at all, for many women the pill causes problems, so how do you navigate that?

i used to be on the pill. I had no issues. Now i have a hormonal coil. I have no issues. Althogh it can get moody occasionally and cry floods...

Is safe sex boring sex?

No. Not in my experience.

Have you ever found a condom that fits just right?

erm. They all seem a little big on me.

Have you, or your partner, had a vasectomy? Would you/he?

N/A

If you use condoms, due to sex with a lot of people, are you more afraid of pregnancy or disease?

it would be STI's.

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

While porn makes it look simple and pseudo-hot, I guarantee that I’d hurt myself.

Have her run on the treadmill, you stand just behind her with your legs kinda spread eagled on the sides. themoreyouknow.jpg

 

[Bbl87]

Sounds like my sons’ bedrooms.
When we were helping a friend pull up gym flooring at the Gold’s, we found a used condom. Middle of the fucking cardio room. Who has sex on a treadmill?

I mean, I'd give it a shot.

you understand that putting uncle Sam in charge of anything delicate is generally a bad idea.

Just when I thought you couldn't get any sexier...

 

[wrodgers89]

What is your preferred method of birth control?

-Condoms. That way I don’t have to worry about someone else’s sexual health or prescriptions.

Does condom use affect women’s enjoyment of sex?

-I obviously cannot speak to that but I like trying new and fun condoms to see what they may like.

For most (all) guys, using a condom is not nearly as enjoyable, in some cases not enjoyable at all, for many women the pill causes problems, so how do you navigate that?

-You just deal with it. Women deal with enough in this world without us needing to say the sex feels good but not *as* good.

Is safe sex boring sex?

-If you’re having boring sex in any context, you’re doing it wrong.

Have you ever found a condom that fits just right?

-Not really. I remember in college, they had a whole bowl at the health center. Took some home, tried to use one and it didn’t fit, unfortunately. Some it’s a length thing, some a girth thing, I guess I’m just the Goldilocks of condoms.

Have you, or your partner, had a vasectomy? Would you/he?

-Nope but I would, I suppose.

If you use condoms, due to sex with a lot of people, are you more afraid of pregnancy or disease?

-Long-term, you worry about those things but in the moment when blood flow is toward the south, you aren’t as thoughtful as you should be.

If you could go back and ask your Sex Ed teacher a question, what would it be?

-Why did they let the gym teachers teach us about dodgeball one day and sex the next?

 

[Bbl87]

What is your preferred method of birth control?

-Hace had a vasectomy, so that pretty much covers it.

Does condom use affect women’s enjoyment of sex?

-It did for my wife when we went back to them pre-vasectomy.

For most (all) guys, using a condom is not nearly as enjoyable, in some cases not enjoyable at all, for many women the pill causes problems, so how do you navigate that?

-I feel like that's up to the couple how you balance the factors.

Is safe sex boring sex?

-I don't think so.

Have you ever found a condom that fits just right?

-Pretty close. Of course it was at the very end of using them, ha. Skyn Elite Larges were far and away the best fit for me. I didn't realize what a proper fitting condom felt like, thought the tight feel was normal all those years.

Have you, or your partner, had a vasectomy? Would you/he?

-I have, a couple years ago.

If you use condoms, due to sex with a lot of people, are you more afraid of pregnancy or disease?

N/A for me, in our context when we did it was all about pregnancy.

If you could go back and ask your Sex Ed teacher a question, what would it be?

-Why is it called birth control, shouldn't it really be called conception control?

 

[darkelf9]

Back in the '70's in the before times, fashion meant that jeans for guys had the bell bottom style jeans, but we called them Flares due to the flared legs, hence the name. The main issue with them was not the fact they covered your shoes and the heals so the bottom seams would drag on the ground, it was in fact the crotch area. It wasn't cool to wear belts back in the '70's even though all jeans had belt loops, so these Flares were tighter around the waist and front panel. Downside was your junk got swashed and when you sat down it was like you were presenting your balls to world. So man spreading was the only real option. And forget trying to cross your legs. If you tried to, the seam around the zip would try to chop your dick off. It was painful. Later they came out with a "relaxed" version around the crotch area. When I was in high school in the '70's the girls not be outdone would shorten the dresses of their school uniform to the point that when they sat down you could see their underwear then they would get aggressive towards any boy that tried to perv. That didn't happen to me cause I worked out if you didn't try to perv they would come and sit next to you, a fact my mates in school never worked out and would ask why those girls would come and talk to me and not them. And of course the other standard bit of clothing worn by the cool girls was black lace chokers and dark black and blue eye shadow to the point it looked like they had been punched in face. Girls these days are much better at make up.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Back in the '70's in the before times, fashion meant that jeans for guys had the bell bottom style jeans, but we called them Flares due to the flared legs, hence the name. The main issue with them was not the fact they covered your shoes and the heals so the bottom seams would drag on the ground, it was in fact the crotch area. It wasn't cool to wear belts back in the '70's even though all jeans had belt loops, so these Flares were tighter around the waist and front panel. Downside was your junk got swashed and when you sat down it was like you were presenting your balls to world. So man spreading was the only real option. And forget trying to cross your legs. If you tried to, the seam around the zip would try to chop your dick off. It was painful. Later they came out with a "relaxed" version around the crotch area. When I was in high school in the '70's the girls not be outdone would shorten the dresses of their school uniform to the point that when they sat down you could see their underwear then they would get aggressive towards any boy that tried to perv. That didn't happen to me cause I worked out if you didn't try to perv they would come and sit next to you, a fact my mates in school never worked out and would ask why those girls would come and talk to me and not them. And of course the other standard bit of clothing worn by the cool girls was black lace chokers and dark black and blue eye shadow to the point it looked like they had been punched in face. Girls these days are much better at make up.

They should have called them Dick Splitters!

I’ll take Carpenter jeans over those any day.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Cummunication

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?
It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?
What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?
How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?
What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?
Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?
What steps would you take if they did?
How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?
Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

 

[NRJLIVES4ever]

Cummunication

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?

Yes. And because it's essential.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

Offer advice when it's requested. Otherwise just listen and empathize.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?

Talk regularly

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?

Divorce them.

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?

Ex-wife...the "I'm unhappy" talk. Then the final divorce talk.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?

Maybe a little. I think I'm okay to talk to but when it comes to talking about myself I have trouble. I kbow what its like to open up and get belittled.

What steps would you take if they did?

Listen, ask what they need.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?

Honest to a fault. I hide nothing

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

Nothing negative I don't think.

 

[darkelf9]

Cummunication

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?
It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?
What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?
How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?
What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?
Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?
What steps would you take if they did?
How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?
Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

Men who have been in a relationship for a number of years get selective deafness. Which ear depends on which side of the couch their partner is sitting.

 

[darkelf9]

Was going to visit a friend of mine and stay at her place interstate. She asked me when I was going to visit so I decided I would visit that particular holiday period. Our Christmas /New Year holidays are during our Summer here in Australia so the typical Summer wear of course is shorts. So since I was going to visit her I thought I would buy some new shorts to sleep in as I don't wear PJ's and don't wear boxers. Haven't worn PJ's since I was a kid. I just find them too restricting. Blokes don't usually try clothes on when out shopping for new clothes. It's a case of you know your size, you find it buy it and get the hell out of there. Some women will say men have the same attitude to shopping as they do to having sex. Just get in and get out. As a bloke, if you haven't completed shopping for clothes within 1hr, you're doing it wrong. So anyway, I got home and washed the new shorts then packed them away in the suitcase.

Got to my friend's place and it was the usual hugs and kisses. We're very close friends but not FWB. So the next morning wearing the new shorts they felt a bit short and thin compared to what I would normally wear and I go commando when sleeping and when at home, so without thinking I walked into her kitchen. For once she was actually up early and sitting on the couch in the open kitchen. It's normal for Aussie homes to have an open plan seating area and kitchen combined. She is a petite woman so compared to my height and size she only comes up to my shoulder. With her position on the couch her head was level with my waist. She blinked, took a look at my shorts then looked up at me then back at my crotch. It didn't register to me as to why the sly grin on her face. Not till I got back to the bedroom and looked in the mirror did I see these shorts were much shorter than I realised and very very thin. The package was well defined. She must of thought I was trying to prank her. Well later that night when we were making dinner, and yes I can cook, she got back at me by coming up behind me and placing a boob against my back whilst I was chopping vegies and she was talking about what we were going to do the next day. Was obvious she wasn't wearing a bra. She does have nice boobs as I've observed over the years. She just kept the conversion going and said nothing about her boob pressed against my back. I thought, well you got me.

 

[MedicalMuse]

Cummunication

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?

Yes. 25 years three kids and 1 million other little things makes it so we talk often. Does that mean that he can always give me what I need, no. But that doesn’t mean that I have not communicated with him about it. It also doesn’t mean that he has not communicated back to me about his needs.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

Just listen. There’s this thing called active listening, where you listen to hear not listen so that you can respond. A lot of people only listen so they can say something back to someone else. Don’t do that.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?

I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him so I think that makes a difference.

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?

Now you’re talking about my parents. My dad and Mom could stand staring at each other having a whole conversation and they would each be talking about something different and the other would have no idea. My dad was mildly narcissistic, and my mother was oblivious and it started limiting her life, then she realized that my dad was not a positive positive partner

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?

That I was going to leave him. And had enough of being second to everything else and I figured I could at least get him to spend some time with his kids if I wasn’t there all the time. So coparenting and separate households, having my life separate from him other than the kids sounded like a really good idea.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?

Yes. Sometimes I err on the side of being quiet rather than talkative and I wait for him to say what he has to say. I guess that can be considered difficult. However, if you look at my face, you can see every thought.

What steps would you take if they did?

Listen. Try to understand why he feels that way. Ask him to say more.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?

I used to send him pictures and porn and dirty voice notes, suggestions of what we could do. I still do sometimes. I have never felt like I couldn’t share what I wanted or needed. I know for a fact I have never shamed anything He’s been interested in.

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

Well, we were swingers for a while.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

Cummunication

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner?

Yes, I believe that we communicate well.

Why?

As in why have good communication? Because it's a key factor in making relationships work for all those involved.

As in why do I think I have good communication with my partner? Because we make it a priority and check in often with each other. Because we try to learn from our past communication mistakes.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

Be an engaged listener. Don't interrupt. Empathize. Don't offer advice or solutions without asking if they are wanted.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?

Checking in with my partner. Asking how he feels or what he thinks about a given situation. Trying to be a good listener.

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?

Conscious uncoupling

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?

Talking to my husband about my desire to chat with other people on Lit.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?

I would be surprised if it was for a reason that I didn't already know, as we've been together for 30 years. I'm far from perfect, but I do try to know my problem areas.

What steps would you take if they did?

I would listen to his concerns, work hard not to be defensive about the feedback, and ask him how I could make communicating with me easier.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?

Pretty damn honest. This has been tough at times because my needs and desires don't always match up with his.

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

I don't believe so.

 

[Mei5ter]

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship

Do we?

This is one of those things which sounds so obvious that we don't even question it.

What does 'communication' mean in this context?

Imagine you're in a relationship which is blissfully happy in all respects, except...say...a mismatched sex drive. It causes some frustration sometimes, but it's always felt awkward to talk about it So, you don't. And you discreetly work out ways of dealing with the situation, quietly, and with minimal fuss. And everything works just fine, and you're still blissfully happy.

Alternatively, because you've read something in Cosmopolitan (because it's still 1997 in my world), you decide that Communication Is Key To A Healthy Relationship. And so you talk to each other with great openness and candour, because you've read that this will make you both happy and will fix everything for you.

Unfortunately, it turns out that you explain to one another, with great openness and candour, that you are utterly sexually incompatible. And, in fact, one of you is curious about something which the other thinks is so icky that they can't see you in the same way ever again.

And you break up. Yay communication.

So sometimes, when everything else is working just perfectly, maybe it's better to shut the fuck up about the 2% which isn't? Or would you rather insist on laying it all out there and risk the whole shooting match for that 2%? Either way, do feel free to communicate your opinion - with great openness and candour, please.

 

[Endless_Night]

Freaky picture, dude.

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?
I mean, I certainly try. I am a verbose little thing.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

So many reasons:

-There's a difference between venting, making a random comment, and asking for advice. If in doubt, ask. That said, you should not have to listen to someone complain endlessly about the same old same old.
-Active listening rather than listening enough to respond, as @MedicalMuse said.
-People get into patterns and just tune out.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open
I'm the sort who says what is on their mind.

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?
It's time to exit.

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?
Saying I needed to open the relationship sexually or end the relationship.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?
Not really. Communication is tough. I am as set in my ways as anyone.

What steps would you take if they did?
Listen. Figure out how to deal with the situation.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?
I no longer have those conversations with my SO. We are not sexually compatible. On the rare occasion I've played on Lit, I try to be very honest and open.

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?
Shared? No. It rather did blow my mind that he preferred to stay together and open the relationship rather than separate. And that its seemed such an easy decision. He'd been refusing for years.

It was like he sat up and said: Oh. You're serious?

People are so confusing.

 

[MedicalMuse]

Do we?

This is one of those things which sounds so obvious that we don't even question it.

What does 'communication' mean in this context?

Imagine you're in a relationship which is blissfully happy in all respects, except...say...a mismatched sex drive. It causes some frustration sometimes, but it's always felt awkward to talk about it So, you don't. And you discreetly work out ways of dealing with the situation, quietly, and with minimal fuss. And everything works just fine, and you're still blissfully happy.

Alternatively, because you've read something in Cosmopolitan (because it's still 1997 in my world), you decide that Communication Is Key To A Healthy Relationship. And so you talk to each other with great openness and candour, because you've read that this will make you both happy and will fix everything for you.

Unfortunately, it turns out that you explain to one another, with great openness and candour, that you are utterly sexually incompatible. And, in fact, one of you is curious about something which the other thinks is so icky that they can't see you in the same way ever again.

And you break up. Yay communication.

So sometimes, when everything else is working just perfectly, maybe it's better to shut the fuck up about the 2% which isn't? Or would you rather insist on laying it all out there and risk the whole shooting match for that 2%? Either way, do feel free to communicate your opinion - with great openness and candour, please.

I like being open. It’s not for everyone and you should do what works for you. I’m not you, so I expect your perspective to be different from mine. Is that bad or wrong? No. Just different.

That in itself is a form of communication. Understanding your partner enough to know where the hard limits lie…. That’s communication. Knowing you’ll push a boundary too far? Communication. You’ve picked up signals.

Just because you don’t share all aspects of yourself with a partner doesn’t mean you aren’t still incredibly effective at communicating with each other.

I definitely don’t share everything in my head with anyone else. I keep some things for me.