Curious about the whole training thing

[RJMasters]

I think the better question is, you're drinking what?

Some rum and coke

 

[BeachGurl2]

Some rum and coke

I guess that explains it then.

 

[Temptress_lee]

Even some of the most experinced Doms out there had to get there start somewhere. If your letting a newbie Dom experiment with you. Then they could start out using basic punishments. The basic handspankings for dislipline are great for beginners. I think if a person is to become fully dominant over there partner in the bedroom. They should inforce basic punishments in the begining and gradually work there way up to whips, paddles, wooden spoons, hair crushes, floggers, bull whips etc...

I'm a beginner myself when it comes to the S&M world. For the most part I can swing both ways. And I haven't really let myself advance into things I have no clue about. I experiment with candle wax, ice, french ticklers, flavored lubricants, my fingers, my hands, my mouth. And for the most part i'm more experinced with the lighter side of domination then i'am with the experinced kind. Although one day I would love to meet someone who would let me do that sort of stuff I would probably need someone with experince to introduce me to it and show me how to do it and perform it without causing any damage that could leave scars.

 

[Proudsubinatl]

Thanks

 

[WriterDom]

What if more structured training was available.

What if there was a BS in pyl. Which university would be the place to go?

Something in California seems likely.

Maybe that perennial top 10 party school, Florida?

Georgia Tech is submissive. You have your Oral Roberts.

The Dommes have Norte Domme.

I'm a gator hater but I wouldn't call them subs.

 

[Master_Miles]

Training is a very personal thing and (for me) it is not about training you to be a submissive, but conditioning you to be submissive *to me*. Allowing me to mold and condition you.

Consensual sexual exploitation

Not sure if that makes sense...

Miles

 

[SirFace]

*I'll preface this post by saying I don't intend to offend anyone, especially newbie Doms. I'm truly asking for information sake, not to stir up trouble.*


I always see personal ads placed by Doms wanting a sub "to train". But I see a whole lot of self-proclaimed newbie Doms around here. Frankly, I would be very hesitant to stick my rear end out for a newbie Dom to start flogging away on it. Just exactly how are newbie Doms trained so that they know what they are doing and they don't truly harm someone? Not everyone can afford to go to a professional for lessons in Domliness. How, then, does this work in the real world for them? Do they hook up with a knowledgable sub who "trains" them? I'd love to see some advice from experienced Doms to newbie Doms with suggestions for ways to learn about toys and how to use them safely.

Just another of those random thoughts running around in my brain.

I am in this situation right now. My sub is far more experienced than I. That we have been lovers and best friends for years helps a great deal (and sometimes hurts since I have to rethink all my previous conceptions about her) I am trying to read as much as I can and found some things to be very helpful. So far I found that trying and asking has helped me through some of the initial clumsiness and lack of hands on knowledge. While she hasent really gone into any "do this" or "do that" or even "harder" or "softer" after I have tried something she will say "I really liked that" Those kind of comments at least seem to steer me in the right direction and in a way are training me without her taking control. Listening to her (and not always verbally) is really the only clue I have most of the time. I have asked her to work on some written things that will help me find her deepest likes (and mine). Myself, since this was awakened in me, cant get enough. Ive never been so turned on and cant seem to wait for our next session. This Friday will be the first full "play" session where I have lots of plans and hope to push a little harder than I have been. Being able to get information and hear others experiences on this site has been priceless.

Thank you for being here.

 

[SirFace]

It sounds silly for a sub to train a Dom, but that is how I ended up with my latest. He was a close friend and when he started talking about it one day, I thought, huh I know a few things about this, I'll help him out. It requires the sub to be patient, but honestly I will admit that out of all of the Doms I have ever trained with, played, committed too. He is the one I will never forget. After we made it through the basics I thought, "Damn, he is perfect for me LOL"

Having said that I would never offer to train with a newbie DOM that thought he knew everything. I have been with "experienced" Doms who claimed years of experience (more than 6 consecutive) who failed to Dominate me.

To answer your question though, I am a sub and I have trained a few Doms and not just for myself. This was the first time I had done that. I started doing it because it is safer for everyone involved. I think it is best with a third party that can be a second voice for the sub with a newbie Dom.

What an interesting idea. I would be way more comfortable having an experienced sub train me with my sub than another dom. I like that whole idea. Interested?

 

[crazybbwgirl]

What an interesting idea. I would be way more comfortable having an experienced sub train me with my sub than another dom. I like that whole idea. Interested?

I personally think you are doing just fine the way you are...

 

[SirFace]

Hmmm, Well, Thank You. Alleviates that doubt. I will have to reward you with something special. hehe.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Hmmm, Well, Thank You. Alleviates that doubt. I will have to reward you with something special. hehe.

Not that I'm opposed to you seeking outside help. that might be fun too...

 

[SirFace]

That av is doing things, you know, the shuddering, jumping, dripping, hard things.

I have your light bulb.

 

[SirFace]

Not that I'm opposed to you seeking outside help. that might be fun too...

Im not opposed to that either.

How long does that "virgin" thing stay under my name. I assume at some point I get to change that. After reading that strap on thread I suppose I still am a virgin in one way anyway.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Im not opposed to that either.

How long does that "virgin" thing stay under my name. I assume at some point I get to change that. After reading that strap on thread I suppose I still am a virgin in one way anyway.

after 100 posts you get an av and it changes to something - literotica guru? I don't remember anymore?

 

[nytemist]

Well, for me, as a curious sub, "training" means becoming conditioned to think and act as a sub. I'm basically at the point of ok, I know I'm a sub at heart, and now I want to start learning to actually BE a sub. So the most important part is mental conditioning...to learn to think and act in a submissive manner, to learn to obey and do as I'm told, to basically learn a different thought process than I've been used to. And that's what "training" means to me. And I don't think a Domme's experience or lack thereof is necessary for that really...I think anyone with a dominant personality could help me develop my submissiveness. In a way, being inexperienced, I'd almost be more comfortable learning with someone who was also a bit new to things, because it might not seem as awkward for me.

And it depends on the situation too. In an online BDSM situation, which is how I'm considering beginning, I don't think a lack of experience is as important as it might be in a real life situation. I think I could gain as much from an inexperienced Domme who wanted to learn as I could an experienced one. Again, being new, I might even feel more comfortable that way, I don't know.

But I realize that the physical aspect is part of sub training, punishments, etc, and I imagine that's where people billing themselves as experienced who really aren't becomes a bigger concern, for safety's sake. I'd definitely feel more comfortable being whipped or flogged or punished in real life by someone who knew what they were doing than I would someone who didn't, but then again, there's something to be said for learning together, too. So there's a lot of different elements here.

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

Im not opposed to that either.

How long does that "virgin" thing stay under my name. I assume at some point I get to change that. After reading that strap on thread I suppose I still am a virgin in one way anyway.

I'd be more than glad to help you lose that, SirFace. *WEG*

 

[SirFace]

I appreciate the offer but at this point in my life there is only one person who would be able to do that for me and she knows who she is.

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

LOL! I'm sure she does. Good play to the both of you.

 

[soupy]

4 help 2 U

I am in this situation right now. My sub is far more experienced than I. That we have been lovers and best friends for years helps a great deal (and sometimes hurts since I have to rethink all my previous conceptions about her) I am trying to read as much as I can and found some things to be very helpful. So far I found that trying and asking has helped me through some of the initial clumsiness and lack of hands on knowledge. While she hasent really gone into any "do this" or "do that" or even "harder" or "softer" after I have tried something she will say "I really liked that" Those kind of comments at least seem to steer me in the right direction and in a way are training me without her taking control. Listening to her (and not always verbally) is really the only clue I have most of the time. I have asked her to work on some written things that will help me find her deepest likes (and mine). Myself, since this was awakened in me, cant get enough. Ive never been so turned on and cant seem to wait for our next session. This Friday will be the first full "play" session where I have lots of plans and hope to push a little harder than I have been. Being able to get information and hear others experiences on this site has been priceless.

Thank you for being here.

Anytime you would like help just ask I'd be MORE than happy to help anyway I can IM's PM's email as you read make sure you take attention to SAFETY
then after you read about safety reread it as you learn and grow to be the DOM that she needs and WANTS you will be very consious of her safety because her life could be in your hands or at the end of your rope so do knot take this part lightly just a friend j

 

[SirFace]

Anytime you would like help just ask I'd be MORE than happy to help anyway I can IM's PM's email as you read make sure you take attention to SAFETY
then after you read about safety reread it as you learn and grow to be the DOM that she needs and WANTS you will be very consious of her safety because her life could be in your hands or at the end of your rope so do knot take this part lightly just a friend j

Thanks for the warning, info and advice. I (we) are going slowly and Im learning as I go. She swears she will let me know when things are going to far. I havent even come close yet though I think I have surprised her a few times. As a beginner, I think Im not even close to taking her over the edge BDSM wise although we have been having a great deal of fun. There are huge questions yet that I have that hopefully will reveal themselves soon. Should all our sex/closeness now involve "play", or are we going to schedule and pick and choose when and where. And if so, how and who decides? I thought a signal like if she wears a certain necklace or I wear a certain thing it would tell the other that this is now "full play" and not just regular sex that we have been having for years (and very satisfying). I think we have already included some BDSM things in our regular (sorry I dont know another term, is it vanilla?) sex lives without going into full play mode. I think I want, and I think she wants, some differentiation between the 2. Maybe not, that remains to be seen. I know if we keep going like we have in the last week, we'll be dead in 6 months. Just kidding but my god. I ordered some books and shes working on list for me. I cant imagine ever putting her in harms way but as things develop and as I start to push myself, it will be interesting, exciting and Im sure potentially dangerous to her if Im not fully aware. I truly believe we will have hard limits that we both will respect.

I really appreciate the offer and I will tag your name and will ask as I need it. Thanks friend. I hope I can return the kindness someday.

 

[Master_of_Pupets]

probly should read all of the posts before posting but...

I'll be honest and just say i didnt read all of the posts in this thread before i started writing this but here's my input anyways, as worthless as it may be. I think the worst thing a newbie dom can do is think you know anything or that you will suceed on the fist try. Know that you know nothing and try to learn for every experience and be better for the next time. Having an experienced sub helps too, and lots of patience. As a very much newbie myself my imput may be totaly incorrect but im trying.

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

*I'll preface this post by saying I don't intend to offend anyone, especially newbie Doms. I'm truly asking for information sake, not to stir up trouble.*


I always see personal ads placed by Doms wanting a sub "to train". But I see a whole lot of self-proclaimed newbie Doms around here. Frankly, I would be very hesitant to stick my rear end out for a newbie Dom to start flogging away on it. Just exactly how are newbie Doms trained so that they know what they are doing and they don't truly harm someone? Not everyone can afford to go to a professional for lessons in Domliness. How, then, does this work in the real world for them? Do they hook up with a knowledgable sub who "trains" them? I'd love to see some advice from experienced Doms to newbie Doms with suggestions for ways to learn about toys and how to use them safely.

Just another of those random thoughts running around in my brain.

As a sub in this situation at the moment it is a very interesting experience and it seems that both sub and Dom learn and train eachother. Yes the Dom will be the one holding the flogger but the sub is letting them know if things are working and if they aren't. Sometimes it is all about learning what kind of reaction you can get out of the sub and what areas the Dom needs to work on either physically or emotionally. That's my opinion as a sub.

Cherry

 

[DVS]

As a sub in this situation at the moment it is a very interesting experience and it seems that both sub and Dom learn and train eachother. Yes the Dom will be the one holding the flogger but the sub is letting them know if things are working and if they aren't. Sometimes it is all about learning what kind of reaction you can get out of the sub and what areas the Dom needs to work on either physically or emotionally. That's my opinion as a sub.

Cherry

It's hopeful that the newbie Dom will actually listen when the sub lets him know when things aren't working. Sometimes it IS all about what kind of reaction you can get out of a sub. Some newbie Doms tend to assume they are in charge and take it beyond what the sub wants, to get a reaction.

 

[soupy]

Good

Thanks for the warning, info and advice. I truly believe we will have hard limits that we both will respect.

I really appreciate the offer and I will tag your name and will ask as I need it. Thanks friend. I hope I can return the kindness someday.

ANY Time I'm here also sent you a PM

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

It's hopeful that the newbie Dom will actually listen when the sub lets him know when things aren't working. Sometimes it IS all about what kind of reaction you can get out of a sub. Some newbie Doms tend to assume they are in charge and take it beyond what the sub wants, to get a reaction.

Here's something I've been pondering of late. IME, listening with your ears and eyes and mind is the key to being a good Dominant. With that in mind, and casting no aspersions, what is it that makes some newbies so quick to jump in without listening?