Curious about the whole training thing

[Master_of_Pupets]

For newbie doms

For newbie doms, like myself, one of the hardest things to learn is the subtle hints at what the sub wants/needs. Without a clear idea of what to do next it can be really easy for one to jump in head first, sometimes into the wrong thing.

 

[SirFace]

Here's something I've been pondering of late. IME, listening with your ears and eyes and mind is the key to being a good Dominant. With that in mind, and casting no aspersions, what is it that makes some newbies so quick to jump in without listening?

In my own case I will find it hard, and it will take some time, to be able to push myself to to the level that my pet needs. Having spent way to many years being very gentle, the jump to intentionally inflicting pain is a huge one. Today will tell. For me, its a learning process that will take time but being very close, physically, emotionally and mentally with the one you are with is a huge help.

 

[Dodgers]

100

In my own case I will find it hard, and it will take some time, to be able to push myself to to the level that my pet needs. Having spent way to many years being very gentle, the jump to intentionally inflicting pain is a huge one. Today will tell. For me, its a learning process that will take time but being very close, physically, emotionally and mentally with the one you are with is a huge help.

Well lookie here you have 100 posts now cuntgraduLAYtions

your not causing her pain to her its pleasure think of it like that

 

[SirFace]

Well lookie here you have 100 posts now cuntgraduLAYtions

your not causing her pain to her its pleasure think of it like that

Thanks, I was a little busy last night posting away. Hows this av. We both like it. Of course, she is the av goddess.

I know that consiously, but changing or controlling years of behavior and belief doesnt come easily. Its all very new and exciting and time will tell. I do have some questions, Ill send you a PM.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Thanks, I was a little busy last night posting away. Hows this av. We both like it. Of course, she is the av goddess.

I know that consiously, but changing or controlling years of behavior and belief doesnt come easily. Its all very new and exciting and time will tell. I do have some questions, Ill send you a PM.

Whoever took that av picture must be one hell of a photographer! You stud you! grrrrrrr

 

[FurryFury]

I'm thinking that going boating is looking better and better!

Fury

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I'm thinking that going boating is looking better and better!

Fury

hehehe - we DID have fun last weekend... I do feel kinda sorry for those bald eagle watchers with the binoculars!

 

[FurryFury]

hehehe - we DID have fun last weekend... I do feel kinda sorry for those bald eagle watchers with the binoculars!

LMAO!

Why?

*look confused*

Fury

 

[crazybbwgirl]

LMAO!

Why?

*look confused*

Fury

Cuz they probably got an eyeful of us out in the water! hehehe

 

[FurryFury]

Cuz they probably got an eyeful of us out in the water! hehehe

But hot stuff, it was their choice to aim those binoculars there or not, right? I mean y'all tried for privacy, I'm sure.

I wanna take the boat out next!!!



Fury

 

[crazybbwgirl]

But hot stuff, it was their choice to aim those binoculars there or not, right? I mean y'all tried for privacy, I'm sure.

I wanna take the boat out next!!!

Fury

I'm sure we have scarred them for life! oh well... you come up here - I'm sure Sir would love to take you out in the boat!

 

[FurryFury]

I'm sure we have scarred them for life! oh well... you come up here - I'm sure Sir would love to take you out in the boat!

Oh I doubt you scarred them.

As for fun on the boat, I wish!

*L*



Fury

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

Whoever took that av picture must be one hell of a photographer! You stud you! grrrrrrr

My, SirFace, you certainly do look delicious! All that smooth tan skin!

 

[FurryFury]

Whoever took that av picture must be one hell of a photographer! You stud you! grrrrrrr

*chuckles*

Yeah he looks great and you sure can shoot!

*smiles*

Fury

 

[SirFace]

*chuckles*

Yeah he looks great and you sure can shoot!

*smiles*

Fury

In more ways than one. DOH, did I say that?.

 

[SirFace]

My, SirFace, you certainly do look delicious! All that smooth tan skin!

All the better to serv.... Oh I better stop now. Thank you my Lady, and I also want to thank you for your very erotic threads. Brings out all kinds of feelings. Hard ones at that.

 

[uwrote]

Curious about the whole training thing - still

I am very new to this. So new I still have the price tag on me.

I am looking into this to understand how someone thinks as a Dominant personality. It is for a story that is not directly about Dominance and Submissiveness. I should be honest enough to say that I also find it interesting which has me looking into this more deeply.

I started to read some material on this through the various links offered by Lit and I still found it difficult to understand where and how the training starts. (Or how it is even decided where you stand.) I understand the reading part and I am trying to get through the tons of information offered here and other places. (For which I am very greatful.)

When I saw this subject title after I created this new profile, I ran through it and read ninety nine percent of it.

Coming into this, I had an idea of what it is to be Dominant. I also had a few ideas on what is available to a Dominant. I did and still know that I am far from understanding what it is to think like one let alone be one.

So without any guidance, I thought to myself - Self, what better way than to understand how one is trained? Perhaps I am not looking hard enough or I should take more time away from my other pursuits and focus more on this.

Glancing at it in the beginning, there are definitely way too many pathes in this field to absorb for a "starter" Dom. (I remember getting very confused when I saw the list: Age Play, Anal Play, Blood Play [huh?], Body Modification, Bondage, Breast Play, Caning, Costumes, Breath Play, Symbols of Ownership, Chastity, etc.) I mean, I really thought before reading anything on the subject that Bondage and other pain play was what it was about. (I should have been shot for being so naive!)

It is even worse when the wanna-be Dominant, like myself, does not have a Submissive already.

So I ask all the wise, learned Dominants and Submissives and Observers out there. Where to start?

RJMaster's note on April 21st with the list of things is good and I will look into some of it. I say some as I am limited in time and by constraints of work so it makes it more difficult to physically be at some places. What I am looking for is, say, getting into it up to my knees. Not quite test the waters with my toe but enough to understand the flavor. Depending on if and what I like, I guess I'll head deeper into the waters, head held high, in the direction I want but how does one start?

I do not foresee any good coming from advertising "Brand spanking (no pun intended) new Dom looking for a Sub! - Learn as I go Dom Guy". This is especially after reading all those warnings about safety.

Then I also do not want to "jump" into the sexual dominance. For some strange reason, I thought Dominance starts off with other things.

Hey, I think the sex part is great! If that is all it is, then my thoughts on this is completely wrong. I thought it also has to do with the intimacy of knowing or getting to know your Submissive and receiving the trust to decide for them in things more than sex. I do not mean take them over and have robots.

I don't know. I think I am rambling at this point because of all the information that is running through my head and I am trying to sort it all out.

Thank you for the read and any advice.

 

[SirFace]

I am also very new and though trying, dont really have a clue where my nitch will be in all this. So far Ive found one part that turns me on a great deal. Dont know about the rest yet. I know it will take time. Im really lucky to have a loving experienced sub.

This 3 page article helped me a great deal and helped me understand that there can be individuality in all this and there are no set rules written in stone that you have to abide by. This has helped me more than I can say since at first, I was overwhelmed with preconceptions.

Read this well if you havent already. And welcome

http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/domadvic.html

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

I'm very tired, so pardon me if I sound convoluted, LOL.

The best thing for you to do, IME, is to understand yourself first. This was drilled into me by the Domme who kindly took me under her wing and helped me accept that I was 'perfect' as I am, kink and all, LOL!

IMO, before you can hope to dominate another you must be able to dominate yourself, for lack of a better term. Now, there are lots of books and advice out there that you should certainly consider when trying to understand yourself. I recommend some of them myself.

But all the books and advice won't necessarily force you to take a good, hard look at yourself. I'm not one for massive amounts of introspection, but in finding yourself, it's usually a good idea. Once you know who you are, then you'll know what you can offer someone else. In sexual relationships and elsewhere.

And that's the best advice I can give.

 

[uwrote]

I am also very new and though trying, dont really have a clue where my nitch will be in all this. So far Ive found one part that turns me on a great deal. Dont know about the rest yet. I know it will take time. Im really lucky to have a loving experienced sub.

This 3 page article helped me a great deal and helped me understand that there can be a individually in all this and there are no set rules written in stone that you have to abide by. This has helped me more than I can say since at first, I was overwhelmed with preconceptions.

Read this well if you havent already. And welcome

http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/domadvic.html

SirFace, thank you. I have not read it until now. It has definitely helped form better guides to this whole thing.

Will now poke around the rest of that site.

 

[DVS]

I am also very new and though trying, dont really have a clue where my nitch will be in all this. So far Ive found one part that turns me on a great deal. Dont know about the rest yet. I know it will take time. Im really lucky to have a loving experienced sub.

This 3 page article helped me a great deal and helped me understand that there can be a individually in all this and there are no set rules written in stone that you have to abide by. This has helped me more than I can say since at first, I was overwhelmed with preconceptions.

Read this well if you havent already. And welcome

http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/domadvic.html

I scanned that article, and it seems pretty good. It does tell you what to ask and what to look for in your sub, so you can find out what she/he wants out of a relationship. After all, this isn't just a body to be flogged and fucked because you want to do that. The sub is suppose to enjoy what happens, too.

So, communication is necessary to find out what both partners expect to happen. If someone has a certain kink they want to play out, they should mention that to see if their partner enjoys it, too. You don't have to chart it out in a step by step layout, but talk it over so you both know what to expect and there aren't any unknowns.

And, when at least one partner is a newbie, going slow is always best. They can sometimes get overwhelmed by the new feelings and experiences and while that is usually OK, if the Dom is a newbie, play might not as enjoyable for him, at first, because he must also care for the sub. Until he feels secure in his position, he must never forget that comes first. Because he has the control, he also has the responsibility of watching for signs of harm.

The more he gets familiar with his job and his sub, the more he will enjoy his role. This is why it can sometimes be best for a newbie sub to first experience things with a seasoned Dom. And, even a newbie Dom can learn from a seasoned sub, too. But, if both sub and Dom are newbies learning together, a mistake can happen without either person expecting it. Shit just happens, sometimes.

If it's a novice sub, sometimes they assume they have no rights and the Dom is in charge. That's bull. the sub is ultimately in charge of what happens up to the point she/he decides to give it away to the Dom. Even then, the sub is always able to say "no" or "stop" at any time and whatever is happening stops. That's part of the SS&C way of doing things. Always play safe.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Dominance and submission and the quality found there in when it completes you starts with the mind. Sex is secondary. Concern yourself not with great feats of 'scene' credibilty. If you get true satisfaction from guiding through dominance, if the submission of a woman you truly respect is there, you already have the foundation.

Observence of fetish aspects can be garnish , joy and a respectable drive. A wonderful way to experience the symbiosis that can exist between a Dominant and a submissive .They do not however 'measure' the dominant.

Not having a submissive does not make one a 'wannabee'. Dishonesty, lack of self respect , lack of control and a motivation to abuse would however.

Apologies, its simplistic to me at times

 

[SirFace]

Dominance and submission and the quality found there in when it completes you starts with the mind. Sex is secondary. Concern yourself not with great feats of 'scene' credibilty. If you get true satisfaction from guiding through dominance, if the submission of a woman you truly respect is there, you already have the foundation.

Apologies, its simplistic to me at times

I have to read this many many times. This is the key I have been looking for.

 

[uwrote]

I'm very tired, so pardon me if I sound convoluted, LOL.

The best thing for you to do, IME, is to understand yourself first. This was drilled into me by the Domme who kindly took me under her wing and helped me accept that I was 'perfect' as I am, kink and all, LOL!

IMO, before you can hope to dominate another you must be able to dominate yourself, for lack of a better term. Now, there are lots of books and advice out there that you should certainly consider when trying to understand yourself. I recommend some of them myself.

But all the books and advice won't necessarily force you to take a good, hard look at yourself. I'm not one for massive amounts of introspection, but in finding yourself, it's usually a good idea. Once you know who you are, then you'll know what you can offer someone else. In sexual relationships and elsewhere.

And that's the best advice I can give.

Thank you. A similar piece of advice was given to me and I was advised if I did not know where to start (in understanding myself - kink and all - sexually and non-sexually), I should go to personal sites and start filling out those questionares about one's self and what I am looking for. It has helped me tremendously in understanding (or adjusting) what I am looking for and who I am.

 

[uwrote]

I scanned that article, and it seems pretty good. It does tell you what to ask and what to look for in your sub, so you can find out what she/he wants out of a relationship. After all, this isn't just a body to be flogged and fucked because you want to do that. The sub is suppose to enjoy what happens, too.

So, communication is necessary to find out what both partners expect to happen. If someone has a certain kink they want to play out, they should mention that to see if their partner enjoys it, too. You don't have to chart it out in a step by step layout, but talk it over so you both know what to expect and there aren't any unknowns.

And, when at least one partner is a newbie, going slow is always best. They can sometimes get overwhelmed by the new feelings and experiences and while that is usually OK, if the Dom is a newbie, play might not as enjoyable for him, at first, because he must also care for the sub. Until he feels secure in his position, he must never forget that comes first. Because he has the control, he also has the responsibility of watching for signs of harm.

The more he gets familiar with his job and his sub, the more he will enjoy his role. This is why it can sometimes be best for a newbie sub to first experience things with a seasoned Dom. And, even a newbie Dom can learn from a seasoned sub, too. But, if both sub and Dom are newbies learning together, a mistake can happen without either person expecting it. Shit just happens, sometimes.

If it's a novice sub, sometimes they assume they have no rights and the Dom is in charge. That's bull. the sub is ultimately in charge of what happens up to the point she/he decides to give it away to the Dom. Even then, the sub is always able to say "no" or "stop" at any time and whatever is happening stops. That's part of the SS&C way of doing things. Always play safe.

Thank you DVS. I had a similar thought in starting out slow. I liked the suggestion in the article about time.