Curious about the whole training thing

[uwrote]

Dominance and submission and the quality found there in when it completes you starts with the mind. Sex is secondary. Concern yourself not with great feats of 'scene' credibilty. If you get true satisfaction from guiding through dominance, if the submission of a woman you truly respect is there, you already have the foundation.

Observence of fetish aspects can be garnish , joy and a respectable drive. A wonderful way to experience the symbiosis that can exist between a Dominant and a submissive .They do not however 'measure' the dominant.

Not having a submissive does not make one a 'wannabee'. Dishonesty, lack of self respect , lack of control and a motivation to abuse would however.

Apologies, its simplistic to me at times

Rebecca, thank you. There is no need to apologize. As mentioned, I am new in this and that includes the way of thought in this. I think I see "true satisfaction from guiding through dominance". It is more like the how and the why, not the what and the where.

As to the others, I will have to respond when it does occur. At this point, I can only read and listen and hope that I will be able to form that trust you all have with your Doms/Subs.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I'm very tired, so pardon me if I sound convoluted, LOL.

The best thing for you to do, IME, is to understand yourself first. This was drilled into me by the Domme who kindly took me under her wing and helped me accept that I was 'perfect' as I am, kink and all, LOL!

IMO, before you can hope to dominate another you must be able to dominate yourself, for lack of a better term. Now, there are lots of books and advice out there that you should certainly consider when trying to understand yourself. I recommend some of them myself.

But all the books and advice won't necessarily force you to take a good, hard look at yourself. I'm not one for massive amounts of introspection, but in finding yourself, it's usually a good idea. Once you know who you are, then you'll know what you can offer someone else. In sexual relationships and elsewhere.

And that's the best advice I can give.

I could not improve upon this. You really have to know who you are and what you want in just about every arena of your life. I think it made things easy for me because I had found "clarity" a long time ago. All I had to do is find the path that fit.

Eb

 

[BeachGurl2]

When I first came here looking for information, I was overwhelmed by what I found. Too much information at one time. After awhile, I waded through and picked those things that made sense to me, the things that spoke to me about who and what I felt I was. Only after that was I really ready to begin exploring. So, uwrote, the lack of a sub isn't necessarily a bad thing right now. Reading and learning about yourself is a great place to start, in my opinion.

I began this thread because I had become a little frustrated by some of the posts that assumed subs needed training from any new master but no one ever talked about training doms. It seemed to me that it was assumed they just knew what to do - and I'm not just talking about how to wield a flogger. And as always, there were many newbie doms here. So I got frustrated and was, in a sense, venting that frustration.

Like anything new in life, the thing for me in all of this was learning where I fit along the spectrum. I'm still learning that everyday. I know a few things for certain and those things guide everything else. I know that I am submissive, not just sexually but across the board in my personal relationships. This does not bleed over into my professional life, though. (Funny how that works, huh?) Everything else begins from that knowledge. Balancing everyday life becomes different because I know that my reaction to life comes from that perspective. So before I even began exploring much of the sexual aspects of submission, I was exploring the day-to-day stuff. Once I had that worked out to a degree I was happy with, then and only then was I able to begin looking at what submission meant for me sexually. And while I've learned that I am a bit of a masochist, I've also learned that isn't something I must have in my life. My submission is more about the emotional than the physical. But it's taken awhile to get to that point of understanding about myself.

So take your time, don't try to rush into things just because they sound cool. Figure out who you are and what it is that you want/need. The rest will come with that knowledge.

 

[A Desert Rose]

bumping a good thread