Dating Sucks!

[lostandfound197]

I read and also enjoy your posts.

Dating is brutal.

 

[jewelz_diamondz]

I read! Just lurk a lot...and dating very much sucks!! Started again myself and I am finding out why I stopped in the first place!

Much love, sweetie!

 

[Loverskitten]

I read! Just lurk a lot...and dating very much sucks!! Started again myself and I am finding out why I stopped in the first place!

Much love, sweetie!

Thanks. Feel free to vent, misery loves company.

So I was looking at my pics on a profile and I thought, geez I'm too smiley in these. I'm not that smiley in real life, I could be misrepresenting myself. But then I got this message

"You look Evil..." (that was the entire message)

So all the smiley pics will stay. Lol

 

[jewelz_diamondz]

Evil Well, I didn't know a sweet, blond, smiling was considered evil! Who knew?! I guess to each their own opinion!

Keep the pics!

 

[Loverskitten]

Evil Well, I didn't know a sweet, blond, smiling was considered evil! Who knew?! I guess to each their own opinion!

Keep the pics!

Oh I am evil, I just don't usually let that secret out right away.

 

[jewelz_diamondz]

Every woman has an evil side!!!

 

[Loverskitten]

Well let's see... A few messages from today

"Hi I just had to tell you how incredibly gorgeous you are"
"Hello ..loved your profile cute and sweet my name is (removed) nice pics "
"R U transgender?"
"Hi! Don't know what to say that you haven't hear alredy, I just want to say that you are very beautiful and I would love to get to know you."
"Love your pin-up look."

One of these things is not like the others.

 

[midwestyankee]

Well let's see... A few messages from today

"Hi I just had to tell you how incredibly gorgeous you are"
"Hello ..loved your profile cute and sweet my name is (removed) nice pics "
"R U transgender?"
"Hi! Don't know what to say that you haven't hear alredy, I just want to say that you are very beautiful and I would love to get to know you."
"Love your pin-up look."

One of these things is not like the others.

Someone has incredible faith in surgery.

 

[Blase]

One of these things is not like the others.

That's what he was thinking!

 

[SailorJerry]

Well let's see... A few messages from today

"Hi I just had to tell you how incredibly gorgeous you are"
"Hello ..loved your profile cute and sweet my name is (removed) nice pics "
"R U transgender?"
"Hi! Don't know what to say that you haven't hear alredy, I just want to say that you are very beautiful and I would love to get to know you."
"Love your pin-up look."

One of these things is not like the others.

LOL.

love your musings. Makes me feel slightly better about my dating life.

Stick with it. It's better to have an oar in the water than be standing at the shore staring out to sea. Oh, right. Cats hate water. Bad analogy.

 

[Loverskitten]

Young guys

 

[SailorJerry]

LOL. I hope you broke him.

I had an after work drink meetup last week, from an online dating site. We're sitting at the bar and she pulls out her smartphone, opens her dating app, scrolls through all the guys she's chatting with, and asks (I shit you not), "Which one are you again?"

I was out of there in under 20 minutes, just to be polite, even though the date was over at that moment.

 

[wicked woman]

Why am I not surprised at the number of guys within 5- 10 years of my age looking for women 30 years their junior. Hey, some even go 40-45 years younger. Really? They're serious? I barely understand the fantasy, but in real life?

 

[midwestyankee]

Why am I not surprised at the number of guys within 5- 10 years of my age looking for women 30 years their junior. Hey, some even go 40-45 years younger. Really? They're serious? I barely understand the fantasy, but in real life?

My guess is that most who claim to be looking for someone that young are operating in fantasy land and don't have experience witb such an age difference in the real world.

 

[Loverskitten]

Ok, so, sometimes I make the first move and send a guy a short "hi there handsome", "funny profile", or "pretty eyes". Sometimes the guy responds and we chat, about 1/2 the time the guy doesn't , so I know he's not interested. ONE TIME a guy (who had viewed my profile before i contacted him) said "thanks for the compliment but I am not interested" wow, that hurt. I'd actually rather hear nothing than that. So I decided I'd do the same and not respond if not interested.
But then sometimes I get these lovely messages,
His second message
3/25/2013 9:52:28 PM
"Question..
How do you get to a place that leaves you so rude as to not even take all of ten seconds to respond when someone takes the time to write you and pay you a compliment..?
Don't want to date a person?Fine?
Racist bigot?O.K...
You are not interested?Hardly the end of the world...
But....
To be so ignorant ,rude and flippant as to not take the time for even the most basic of manners says so much more about who and what you are..
Your profile is fictional as what you do shows what you are..
Who cares about the dating aspect,rudeness is the true sign of ignorance..
Don't bother now,you are blocked and I hope the same level of coldness you use to ignore others shines on you ten fold.
Karma.."



So what do you think? Any one do online dating. Would you rather hear a rejection or nothing? Would you shoot off a hate message, calling the person names?
I'd love to hear.
I actually consulted a couple male friends who also date online and they said, the no response is universally understood and preferred.

I'd also like to add.... Nut job.

 

[wicked woman]

Your friends have it right. Whether it's polite or not, a non-reply is a pretty clear message and generally the norm.

I have sometimes replied, if something in his comments caught my attention, but it's difficult to put a nice spin on no, and really, it just extends the process to get to the same place.

 

[Asian_Flower]

A place for bitching about dating. Please share, misery loves company

Online dating
Today a very handsome guy messaged me, "looking for someone to chill wid"
I don't care how hot you are, if you can't be bothered to spell "with", it's a NO

I totally agree. If you cant spell or use txt language its a major turn off for me.

 

[SailorJerry]

Here’s my 2 cents on the reply/don’t reply issue:

If a person presents themselves in their profile as being open and approachable, and they receive a serious, legitimate, and sincere message from someone who seems to meet the criteria of what the message recipient has indicated in their profile, then the recipient should reply. IMHO, to do otherwise is just plain rude.

Having said this, there are many valid reasons for not replying, and here’s a few:

1) If you have stated in your profile, “Hey [guys/gals], I really appreciate the messages I get, and the time and effort that it takes someone to send them, but unfortunately I can’t possibly respond to all the messages I get. So please consider this your thank you, but I will only be replying to those messages from people that really resonate with me. Please don’t take it personally, and best of luck in your search.”

(There you go, you’re off Scott free! They’ve been pre-warned, and if they didn’t take the time to read your profile then they shouldn’t be messaging you anyways!)

2) They obviously fall outside the criteria you have stated in your profile.
3) They are rude, or inarticulate.
4) They are an obvious player.

People doing online dating should be able to expect a certain amount of rejection, and not take it personally, however we are all adults and should be able to communicate in a sincere and non-insulting manner.

Personally I try to respond to every (legitimate) message I get (I’ll get to this in a minute...), and if I’m not interested I say something like:

“Hey, thanks so much for your message [Their username]! I do appreciate the time and effort you took. I had a look at your profile, and you seem very nice, but unfortunately I don’t think we are a match. Have an awesome day, and good luck in your search. [My username/first name]”

You can even cut and paste this from a saved .word file if you wanted to - you don't have to write a personal memo every time. But with this approach, DO NOT mention anything specific. I usually get a surprised response thanking me for the reply, and then that is it. Everyone is all warm and fuzzy.


From all my discussions with other online daters (who are also looking for a LTR), I understand that the experiences of men online is very different from the experiences of women. Men tend to be more aggressive, and send more emails; women send fewer. I have heard lots of stories from women who responded politely to brush off a guy, and got a face full of anger in return, and so they stopped responding at all. I’ve also heard lots of stories from guys that only send messages to women who they seem to have a LOT in common with, only to get a “read deleted”, or “unread deleted” message status. Both situations are frustrating.

My own online profile is VERY specific about what I am looking for, and what I consider to be deal-breakers. As a result I only get maybe 1 message a week, but those that I do get are generally pretty close to the mark – that’s how I have the time to respond to every message, and WHY I do. I don't bother to reply to messages from people who fall within one of my stated deal breakers, or outside of my stated criteria. My female friends tend to receive anywhere between 6 and 30 messages A DAY! Most of them don’t respond at all, but have the aforementioned ‘no reply clause’ in their profiles.


That’s my opinion. It’s not right or wrong. Neither is your opinion, or anyone else’s – we just arrived at our places from along different paths. It’s just what works for me.

 

[Loverskitten]

That's nice that you respond but, ya know why I don't like your approach. It does take a lot for me to make the first move. I kind of think it's a turn off to many guys. But sometimes I'm in a "what the hell" mood. I get excited when I see the guy has responded. If I opened it to a rejection, it would be more of a let down than getting nothing.
Still, either way, I would never send off a crazy hate message.

 

[Loverskitten]

So how do I politely decline this fart knocker's first message?

"Up late huh do you feel like sucken or fuckin"


Lordy, what am I doing? Trying to keep a sense of humor about this dating thing but I feel like giving up, again.

 

[SailorJerry]

So how do I politely decline this fart knocker's first message?

"Up late huh do you feel like sucken or fuckin"


Lordy, what am I doing? Trying to keep a sense of humor about this dating thing but I feel like giving up, again.

Oh brother! LOL.

maybe try this:

"Hey, that sounds AWESOME! Meet me in the guys washroom in _____ park in 20 minutes - I'll sneak in. Go into the leftmost stall, and put your man-sausage into the glory hole, close your eyes, and imagine me. I suck the BEST cock!."

Then you better block him.......

yeah, I don't get messages like that.....but if I did, I'd have a shitload of fun with it.... likely for the first week,,,,, after that I'd probably just change teams. Can I apologize for the rest of my gender now?

 

[SailorJerry]

Yeah, what works for me isn't going to work for everyone (Or perhaps ANYONE!!! LOL. I'm still single! ).

But from a guy's perspective, here's why you SHOULD make the first move:

In our modern society the feminist movement has socially neutered 'nice guys' who are reasonable, respectful, and believe in going the mile to please their partners. These are the guys you can train . They are the guys you want for long term. These guys are less likely to contact you, partly because of society, but also because YOU, Loverskitten, are a little bit intimidating to those guys.

You are NOT intimidating to the Alpha Male that sends messages like, "Up late huh do you feel like sucken or fuckin". These guys are assholes. If you sit back and wait for the guys to contact you, you will not get what you want. You will only get "Yo baby", and whatnot asshattery.

Here's some Poe!



Anyways, guess who's sitting at his laptop tonight, drinking Old Milwaukee and having amazing BBQ steak, and not going on a date. yeah, that would be me.

[/rant]

That's nice that you respond but, ya know why I don't like your approach. It does take a lot for me to make the first move. I kind of think it's a turn off to many guys. But sometimes I'm in a "what the hell" mood. I get excited when I see the guy has responded. If I opened it to a rejection, it would be more of a let down than getting nothing.
Still, either way, I would never send off a crazy hate message.

 

[LadyVer]

I think the the world is constantly changing and although the feminist movement has been a major game changer in many areas, it's time people looked beyond feminism as a reason that men feel neutered. I like nice guys..Especially those I don't have to train for anything. I mean, really, why would I want someone trainable. I've been through that and it's not something positive to look for romantically. Maybe a better word would be flexible or resilient. Courtesy, intelligence, thoughtfulness, humor and similar interests are what I look for. And as far as getting rude pm's from guys I have no problem telling someone they're a jackass when they take my polite refusal to play keyboards and either tell me there's something wrong with me or say, "But you're a liberal!"

 

[SailorJerry]

I think the the world is constantly changing and although the feminist movement has been a major game changer in many areas, it's time people looked beyond feminism as a reason that men feel neutered. I like nice guys..Especially those I don't have to train for anything. I mean, really, why would I want someone trainable. I've been through that and it's not something positive to look for romantically. Maybe a better word would be flexible or resilient. Courtesy, intelligence, thoughtfulness, humor and similar interests are what I look for. And as far as getting rude pm's from guys I have no problem telling someone they're a jackass when they take my polite refusal to play keyboards and either tell me there's something wrong with me or say, "But you're a liberal!"

LMFAO @ "But you're a liberal"!

LOVE these words:
- flexible
- resilient
- Courtesy
- intelligence
- thoughtfulness
- humo(u)r

(I have stories.... many stories...)

 

[LadyVer]

LMFAO @ "But you're a liberal"!

LOVE these words:
- flexible
- resilient
- Courtesy
- intelligence
- thoughtfulness
- humo(u)r

(I have stories.... many stories...)

I'm sure you do have many stories. Yeah, apparently liberals are next to Satan in the food chain and will do anything for anyone, from a pc even.

Miss your pic thread entries but know you've been busy. Just remember you have the best pic thread om Lit and post when you can.