Dating Sucks!

[BiBunny]

YES YES YES!!!!
I've gotten hate mail after I said "thanks but no thanks" hate mail seriously.
I also have gotten "I know where you work" and etc. it's not easy.

There's a reason I don't even bother anymore. Being single beats dealing with the astounding entitlement complexes any day.

 

[Loverskitten]

There's a reason I don't even bother anymore. Being single beats dealing with the astounding entitlement complexes any day.

It's true. I don't know why I'm on there anymore. I feel like I'm a catch but the people I'm attracting are .... hmmmm .... What's the word....ugh yuck

 

[seela]

Oh, please.

If you reply to 99% of these asshats--even if it's a polite "No, thank you" or whatever--they either a.) get offended and send you this long, misspelled rant about what a stupid bitch you are, or b.) take the fact that you replied at all as an invitation to keep annoying you.

Ignoring is the simply the best of several shitty options.

I used to have an ad up and I used to answer to every single person that approached me, even those annoying "my dick's huge, so kneel before me, bitch" types. I guess most guys were used to either being ignored OR being told to fuck off or something similar, because more than once, when I sent a guy a polite and nice no-thank-you note, they saw it as some kind of a challenge. Like I'm actually interested in them, but just playing coy, so all they have to do is to just try harder and I'll be theirs. It wasn't like they were just trying to annoy me because I turned down their offer, but they really, truly seemed to believe I was secretly into them. Another common reply to my no-thank-you note was to let me know that they're ok with paying for my company as well.

After some time I just started to ignore the ones I wasn't interested in on any level, and saved the polite no-thank-you-notes to the ones that seemed to be sane and had put at least some effort in their message to me.

But. The place where I had my ad up was such, that people got my email address once I answered to their message, just like I got their email once they approached me. This meant that some of the guys could show up in my inbox months and months after the first and second no-thank-you-notes. The most resilient of them still sends me an email about twice a year. 4,5 years after I took down my ad.

I'm glad I've since lost all interest in playing outside my relationship.

 

[Que]

Maybe I tried online dating sites too early.......

My first attempt at (match? chemistry) or some such yielded a very attractive woman in the top 5 most likely matches. I read and looked and imagined and dreamed myself into her arms...

Then I something clicked in the occupation section. I suddenly realized I had actually met (and flirted with semi-effectively) her. She was the MRI tech when I went in to see if I wanted to get my torn shoulder repaired or John Wayne it.

THRILLED, that it was really this easy..I fired off a missive in, well the TL;DR style those of you familiar with my work would recognize.

then I waited...and waited...and waited...

then I realized that these sites use MY interest as bait to get people to buy a membership. I did a dummy female account to see how it all meshed...it didn't...all she would know is SOMEONE was interested, not who or what the email contained until they ponied up 30 bones or so.

They do "free weekends" every now and agin' so I waited and waited and waited...

Eventually the indicator showed she had read it and apparently decided NOT to avail herself of my magnificence.

Next time...I meet a paying member. She a BEAUTIFUL 35 year old woman of German and Hawaiian extraction. An aeronautical engineer working on cabin retrofits for high dollar private jets. You wanna calculate how much it throws the yaw off if you gold plate the sultan's commode? She is your girl!

She was looking for a handsome, brilliant, amusing gentleman between the ages of 35 and 55, and as luck would have it I was both the arithmetic mean, median AND mode at 45.

We bantered a couple of three days...she politely suggested that the one and only one picture I had didn't show my handsome visage to full effect. (I had only the one and was JUST crawling out of the post divorce deprivation and had until that month no way to synch some combination of camera/laptop/phone to upload anything else.

I looked at the 2 year old Eastwood-esqe low brimmed hat pic and decided it may need updating...I got her request at 8:30 am after completing five 12 hour night-shifts in a row.

I wearily looked in the mirror at the old man looking back at me and affected a jaunty (but sincere) grin for some selfies. She likes me for me...I sang to myself. And if she can love me gray stubble and all, she is for sure a keeper...

...she sent me a note suggesting her 55 year old secretary would be PERFECT for me.

Now, I keep it shaved, never appear in public with bags under my eyes, and chase girls with daddy issues up close and personal where pheromones and decent cologne have a fighting chance. Its a tough life but someone has to do it.

 

[Sebastian_Plz]

Next time...I meet a paying member. She a BEAUTIFUL 35 year old woman of German and Hawaiian extraction. An aeronautical engineer working on cabin retrofits for high dollar private jets. You wanna calculate how much it throws the yaw off if you gold plate the sultan's commode? She is your girl!

She was looking for a handsome, brilliant, amusing gentleman between the ages of 35 and 55, and as luck would have it I was both the arithmetic mean, median AND mode at 45.


...she sent me a note suggesting her 55 year old secretary would be PERFECT for me.

Now, I keep it shaved, never appear in public with bags under my eyes, and chase girls with daddy issues up close and personal where pheromones and decent cologne have a fighting chance. Its a tough life but someone has to do it.

Dude, I gotta ask...did you really think you had a chance at this woman? Based on your response, it seems like you're up on the Game Theory aspect of dating websites and I am surprised that you would actually believe that an attractive, successful, and (relatively) young woman would want someone that mirrors her own attributes. Not to sound judgmental, but her age range was 10yrs, she has an advanced degree, and she's used to working with 'powerful' individuals with a lot of clout.

Point is, I highly doubt this woman has met anyone on the website nor was she ever intending to. My experience has always been that when a woman is that successful, even when forced into isolation due to work constraints, she still can date without the need of online solutions. Web dating, IMO, for people such as that (and this is a wide assumption here) is that she just wants to feel good about herself, entertain a bit of the objectification factor, and be able to say to her friends/family that she is 'trying' to date.

Again, all my own unsolicited opinion, but your comment on your approach to the world of online dating caught my eye.

Good post!

 

[Sebastian_Plz]

I guess most guys were used to either being ignored OR being told to fuck off or something similar, because more than once, when I sent a guy a polite and nice no-thank-you note, they saw it as some kind of a challenge. Like I'm actually interested in them, but just playing coy, so all they have to do is to just try harder and I'll be theirs. It wasn't like they were just trying to annoy me because I turned down their offer, but they really, truly seemed to believe I was secretly into them. Another common reply to my no-thank-you note was to let me know that they're ok with paying for my company as well.

After some time I just started to ignore the ones I wasn't interested in on any level, and saved the polite no-thank-you-notes to the ones that seemed to be sane and had put at least some effort in their message to me.

But. The place where I had my ad up was such, that people got my email address once I answered to their message, just like I got their email once they approached me. This meant that some of the guys could show up in my inbox months and months after the first and second no-thank-you-notes. The most resilient of them still sends me an email about twice a year. 4,5 years after I took down my ad.

I'm glad I've since lost all interest in playing outside my relationship.

Both you and Loverskitten have great insight into the whole female perspective of online dating. Its actually pretty refreshing to read about it esp from articulate and expressive folks like yourselves.

That being said, its amazing how much of the 'game' aspect truly exists in the web dating websites. You are right, if you acknowledge a guy (or gal) that you are not interested in, you often times are only contributing to the potential problem. It is like feeding a troll on the online boards, yes, they make comments that are often personal attacks, and yes, often times a coherent and logical response will assuage their accusations, BUT they will still come back with more malicious comments. Or another way I see it, its like playing the 'copy' game with a child...where they repeat everything you said ad nauseam....best solution to get some peace and quiet, while moving on with your day, is to do what you wise gals have already noted: do nothing.

Kinda sad, but again, quite an interesting points. The title of this thread def rings true: dating sucks.

 

[YourCaptor]

Hi kitty girl!

*Scratches ears*

 

[Loverskitten]

Hi kitty girl!

*Scratches ears*

Wow! Long time!!!!!

 

[YourCaptor]

Wow! Long time!!!!!

Yes, too long.

I see dating still sucks.

 

[monoblanco]

Both you and Loverskitten have great insight into the whole female perspective of online dating. Its actually pretty refreshing to read about it esp from articulate and expressive folks like yourselves.

That being said, its amazing how much of the 'game' aspect truly exists in the web dating websites. You are right, if you acknowledge a guy (or gal) that you are not interested in, you often times are only contributing to the potential problem. It is like feeding a troll on the online boards, yes, they make comments that are often personal attacks, and yes, often times a coherent and logical response will assuage their accusations, BUT they will still come back with more malicious comments. Or another way I see it, its like playing the 'copy' game with a child...where they repeat everything you said ad nauseam....best solution to get some peace and quiet, while moving on with your day, is to do what you wise gals have already noted: do nothing.

Kinda sad, but again, quite an interesting points. The title of this thread def rings true: dating sucks.

I couldn't agree more!

I'm glad I finally stumbled upon this thread.

I share everyone's collective pain.

Dating sucks...

And I'm thinking maybe I should remove one or two of the travel pics from my online profile

 

[Dyslexicea]

I've never used an online dating site, hopefully I'll never have to. As far as dating goes I actually liked dating, at least most of the time.

I'm really posting this for you Loverskitten, you did ask, and BiBunny you know I'm including you too.

Juicy Jincey's Guide to Online Dating: Finding Love or Just a One-Night Stand

If perchance you decide the on line thingy isn't for you here's how to go about finding the love of your life or just one night of spectacular sex. Just to give you a wee push Kitten we don't do any kind of sex that isn't spectacular.

Juicy Jincey's Guide to Meeting Eligible Women Everywhere

 

[Loverskitten]

Here's an idea!!!
How about you make first contact with me, we exchange numbers, make a date, and when I text to confirm our date the night before/morning of, you ignore me. What a fun way to spend an evening.... again.

Not even a, "sorry cant make it" downright rude!

Seriously, this same senerio has happened so many times, I should just put that as my dating profile.

 

[Loverskitten]

I am much more of a masochist than I ever thought.

 

[Sebastian_Plz]

Here's an idea!!!
How about you make first contact with me, we exchange numbers, make a date, and when I text to confirm our date the night before/morning of, you ignore me. What a fun way to spend an evening.... again.

Not even a, "sorry cant make it" downright rude!

Seriously, this same senerio has happened so many times, I should just put that as my dating profile.

Not to prod or sound cruel...but are you possibly mis-representing yourself in your profile or profile pics to the aforementioned dating websites?

That is to say (and this is an extreme example) you post a pic from 10yr ago when one was younger, thinner, etc and then send a more recent one in which the effects and natural progression of age reveal their marks? Again, that's not to say that's what you are doing, it just been my experience that some folks on those sites like to engage in such tactics. Hide behind their online images, engage in the 'MySpace post' or 'selfie' tactic that flatters under bright lights and odd angles....then when the reveal comes, yea, said person is really two midgets and a broom.

Of course it could be the gentlemen you are interacting with as well. They could be misrepresenting themselves and realize that the gig will be up once they meet up and you see instead of an image of what you have seen online is a vast contrast to the real-deal.

And once they see you and know you are the real deal, they realize that they can't necessarily BS/bully/'spit game at' you as with other women whom are otherwise classified as hot messes...'its cool baby, I lied to you....now lets get busy!'

Seriously, fuck online dating.

 

[Bdgirl]

I just found this thread. I am sorry to hear about everyone's storys....I can relate whole heartedly. What is one to do?

 

[Sebastian_Plz]

I just found this thread. I am sorry to hear about everyone's storys....I can relate whole heartedly. What is one to do?

Buy a vibrator or get real familiar with your hands...

...thats for both girls and guys, respectively....or both, I guess here it can be either/or...diff strokes for diff folks

 

[Ahlam]

Adding to the pile

I just waited for my date for over an hour, and he never showed up. I can't believe I found a babysitter and shaved my legs for that. Dating does suck!! I'm going to go rollerskating by myself and I'm going to have the best time!

 

[Loverskitten]

Not to prod or sound cruel...but are you possibly mis-representing yourself in your profile or profile pics to the aforementioned dating websites?

That is to say (and this is an extreme example) you post a pic from 10yr ago when one was younger, thinner, etc and then send a more recent one in which the effects and natural progression of age reveal their marks? Again, that's not to say that's what you are doing, it just been my experience that some folks on those sites like to engage in such tactics. Hide behind their online images, engage in the 'MySpace post' or 'selfie' tactic that flatters under bright lights and odd angles....then when the reveal comes, yea, said person is really two midgets and a broom.

OHHHHHH Yeah! That must be it. I post all old photos, you found me out!!!! /offended /rolleyes

Dear Mc Judgerson, all my photos on my dating profiles are within the last year and a half and I have 2 full body shots as well. I have a nice body for the record.
Hell, even my avatar here, was taken 2 weeks ago.

My latest flaky date and I didn't even text additional photos. He just flaked like a rude jerk.

 

[BiBunny]

My friend and I were talking about dating or the lack thereof. This was our conversation.

Me: Because apparently, finding a man who can talk intelligently (but not pretentiously) on literature of any sort and can ALSO change a tire is nigh on impossible.

Her: You dream big, my friend. I'll give you that.

That pretty much sums up all my problems right there. So I refuse to bother. Besides, the lack of drama in my life right now is AMAZING.

 

[Ahlam]

After I was stood up, my date texted me the next day. He berated me for calling him (I called once and left a voice mail in which I asked if he was alright), and insisted that if ever we talk in the future he will contact me first. Doesn't that sound fishy? I told him not to worry about contacting me anymore.

 

[YourCaptor]

The problem with dating sites.
Her: OMG too much fucking mail. I’m not even gonna read it all.
Him: OMG no responses. I guess I’ll write to 10 more ladies.

 

[Dyslexicea]

Buy a vibrator or get real familiar with your hands...

...thats for both girls and guys, respectively....or both, I guess here it can be either/or...diff strokes for diff folks

No wonder you're having so much trouble finding someone to date.

I'll quote BiBunny to make my point!

Me: Because apparently, finding a man who can talk intelligently (but not pretentiously) on literature of any sort and can ALSO change a tire is nigh on impossible.

I might add intelligently on anything. Not that those kinds of men don't exist but obviously from reading this thread not many of them are available on dating sites.

I realize you're a man and sex for most men seems to be your driving force. Like they say you think with your little head, the problem is most women, those who want men, want one who thinks with his brain.

I so thank god I'm a lesbian. Not that all lesbians are perfect, I've met my share of dumb as a box of rocks lesbians or those who are just plain bitches but over all we do want a relationship of some kind before we have amazing, mind blowing lesbian sex.

 

[Blase]

After I was stood up, my date texted me the next day. He berated me for calling him (I called once and left a voice mail in which I asked if he was alright), and insisted that if ever we talk in the future he will contact me first. Doesn't that sound fishy? I told him not to worry about contacting me anymore.

Yeah, I'd have to go with "fishy" on that one. Well done, Ahlam. Sorry you had to go through that.

 

[VWSinger]

I realize you're a man and sex for most men seems to be your driving force. Like they say you think with your little head, the problem is most women, those who want men, want one who thinks with his brain.

I so thank god I'm a lesbian. Not that all lesbians are perfect, I've met my share of dumb as a box of rocks lesbians or those who are just plain bitches but over all we do want a relationship of some kind before we have amazing, mind blowing lesbian sex.

Well there you have it! By your own analysis, men and women have conflicting objectives, so why should anyone expect dating to work out at all?

Solution? Don't date. Problem solved.

 

[Dyslexicea]

Well there you have it! By your own analysis, men and women have conflicting objectives, so why should anyone expect dating to work out at all?

Solution? Don't date. Problem solved.

I'll have to disagree!

By the way I did not imply all men nor all women, which you seem to be doing.

Personally I think most women and men have pretty much the same objectives when it comes to relationships. Building a relationship is why people date, if otherwise, the otherwise person should have enough self respect and courage to tell the other person they are only interested in sex. I hope I made that unisex enough.

If after dating a relationship happens to become romantic, lifelong or otherwise, hopefully mind blowing sex is part of it but sex is still overall a rather small part of a loving relationship, as a matter of fact it's a very small part of overall living. Just to be clear by romantic or loving relationship, I don't just mean relationship where 'I'll Love You forever and ever' only apply.

I've surely had more than my fair share of hook-ups, if I was being self judgmental I'd say to many, but I never once had one where we both didn't know exactly what we were getting into.

Finally, my reply was to Sebastian_Plz, who implied the only reason to date was to have sex.

Buy a vibrator or get real familiar with your hands...

which in my opinion is not the reason most people date. They date to get to know the other person, if all goes well sex may happen.