Dear X,

[Emerson40]

Dear Key of E,

Sorry. What can I say? His voice has that sexier than sin, rough husky quality that sends my mind racing. That's the kind of voice I want whispering or growling in my ear, telling me all the dirty things he's going to do to me.

I have no idea who Chad Kroger is or what he looks like. I just like the voice.

Yours in aural lust,

The key of B minor

CC: C cup

Dear Lusty Auralist,

Your explanation for listening to that shite band follows the same logic as men who own stroke-mags for their articles.

Wondering... does any dysphonic voice shake the knees and gives you the panty sweats? If Louis Armstrong sang your grocery list, would you swoon?


Ludicrously,

SMHIMPARMWP
(Screaming Myself Hoarse Into My Pillow to Aurally Remove My Wife's Underpants)




Guttural utterances and sexy guitar riffs start up....

http://www.barnorama.com/wp-content/images/2012/02/b29/40.jpg


The Beachy One takes notice....

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mv2rFaIDz-I/Tii2RGBgzbI/AAAAAAAAi2g/PO59m3RXl94/s400/Ani+145.gif


Her mind drifts into dreams...

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw43meOXo41r73jjoo1_500.gif


And dreams the dirty things that will be done to her.

http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/21l72pv.gif?w=400&h=225


Snapped back to reality by her own throaty cries and raspy shouts.

http://mattsko.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/yipee-gif.gif?w=560




Later in the day, Beach Lady recognizes her neighbor's son on the evening news, being "detained" for questioning about an incident in a music store, south of Tampa.

http://senyorbernat.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/pic_002_sclean_638.jpg?w=560

 

[BeachMomma]

Dear SMHIMPARMWP,

You owe me a new monitor. While you're at it, you can buy me another drink. That's alcohol abuse, dammit!

Sincerely,

It'sMySaturdaySoIDon'tCareThatIStartedDrinkingWayBefore5

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear X - and Y,

What the hell is NAMBLA?

It reminds me of a gif somebody posted of a little girl, cute as hell but in the midst of a ferocious temper tantrum.

Love,
Me

NAMBLA = North American Man Boy Love Association

Suzie is one of their most dedicated members. She's fans on their Facebook page and has had many donations in her name. She's particularly supportive of the Alabama chapter- AlabaNAMBLA.

Dear Key of E,

Sorry. What can I say? His voice has that sexier than sin, rough husky quality that sends my mind racing. That's the kind of voice I want whispering or growling in my ear, telling me all the dirty things he's going to do to me.

I have no idea who Chad Kroger is or what he looks like. I just like the voice.

Yours in aural lust,

The key of B minor

CC: C cup

Really Beachie???? Nickelback? You would admit that in this group? I'm sure Rainshine will be around as soon as this post is done to defend Nickelback and their awesomeness.

Chad Kroeger looks like he sounds- like a curly haired piece of shit on a stick. He wrote a song about 15 years ago and has been remaking that same shitty song over and over since.

 

[Lord Pmann]

so awesome I posted it twice

His voice has that sexier than sin, rough husky quality that sends my mind racing. That's the kind of voice I want whispering or growling in my ear, telling me all the dirty things he's going to do to me.

Dear Beachie,

His voice IS a sin. In fact, the Catholic Church has 8 deadly sins now. Being Chad Kroeger is one of them.

I can see the scenario:

"Hey Beachie, it's me, Chad. I'm going to tell you the dirty things I'm gonna do to you. First, I'm gonna sing you a shitty song. Then, I'll do another (shitty) song. Then you can play with my noodle. It's like a piece of fettuccine. My hair is curly and blonde, but my pubes are straight and long like Crystal Gale's hair. I straighten it very morning while I'm doing my morning beauty routine and vocal routine (eating glass).

Then we fuck and I cum in a minute."

 

[Lord Pmann]

His voice has that sexier than sin, rough husky quality that sends my mind racing. That's the kind of voice I want whispering or growling in my ear, telling me all the dirty things he's going to do to me.

Dear Beachie,

His voice IS a sin. In fact, the Catholic Church has 8 deadly sins now. Being Chad Kroeger is one of them.

I can see the scenario:

"Hey Beachie, it's me, Chad. I'm going to tell you the dirty things I'm gonna do to you. First, I'm gonna sing you a shitty song. Then, I'll do another (shitty) song. Then you can play with my noodle. It's like a piece of fettuccine. My hair is curly and blonde, but my pubes are straight and long like Crystal Gale's hair. I straighten it very morning while I'm doing my morning beauty routine and vocal routine (eating glass).

Then we fuck and I cum in a minute."

 

[Emerson40]

Oy! Seppo & Sheila,

It is clear you'd fancy a bit of the other from one another.

Until a mid-Pacific coital rendezvous can be arranged, fix your jigged passies.

There's a few here who can't discern the true blue from the pig's arse.

Your pally,

E

 

[Lord Pmann]

There's a few here who can't discern the true blue from the pig's arse.

Hey now. My believed Rainshine may be the trickiest little shit in all of lit land, but she is not a pig's arse. I mean... Oh wait. I'm the pig's arse in this scenario, aren't I?

 

[cf23430]

Lol......Not to interupt the banter.....but I am rolling on the ground laughing my A$$ off.....

CF

 

[Emerson40]

Hey now. My believed Rainshine may be the trickiest little shit in all of lit land, but she is not a pig's arse. I mean... Oh wait. I'm the pig's arse in this scenario, aren't I?

http://24.media.tumblr.com/a6cefafdf2746e4a1218c2e3182b930c/tumblr_mj14s6dmMA1rfrvcao1_500.gif

 

[BeachMomma]

I'm dying over here! Gawd, I love you guys! (Much more than I love Nickelback, but I might love my cake vodka and pineapple juice just a *tad* more than you guys!)

 

[Emerson40]

I'm dying over here! Gawd, I love you guys! (Much more than I love Nickelback, but I might love my cake vodka and pineapple juice just a *tad* more than you guys!)

Beachy...

Did you forget commas?

You meant cake, vodka, and pineapple juice right?



Or are we talking cake flavored voddie?

http://25.media.tumblr.com/0148dcaf996a0270ee4c6c5b98a72f42/tumblr_mmnbclZnWf1rbrhnko1_500.gif





Just in case, I made you a vodka flavored cake, with vajazzle.

You can eat it with your fingers.

Bon appétit!

http://pravings.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/kooka-cake-11.jpg?w=614&h=380


http://pravings.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/kooka-cake-10.jpg?w=636&h=717

 

[BeachMomma]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy GAWD! Rolling on the floor, laughing my fucking head off!

How long did it take to find a cake with my name on it?

*looks Em in the eyes, swipes finger through center of icing, and slowly licks finger - still maintaining eye contact*

 

[BeachMomma]

Interupt away, we could use some fresh abs... I mean meat. I mean... hi.

We could put CF between us - a RainyBeach sandwich. Somehow I don't think he'd mind very much. StickMann might get a cactus up his ass about it though.

 

[Emerson40]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy GAWD! Rolling on the floor, laughing my fucking head off!

How long did it take to find a cake with my name on it?

*looks Em in the eyes, swipes finger through center of icing, and slowly licks finger - still maintaining eye contact*

Dear Beach Lady,

Whatever gave you the idea a cake with your name was the the Holy Grail of confectionary?

The cake has a twat built into it fer Chrissakes... You must have cunny cakes growing on trees where you are if you think the hard part (hey now!) was finding a cake with a few words on it.

Maybe you do have an abundance of cunny cakes 'round your parts, if I am to go by the cavalier way you just "swipe" your "finger through the icing".

Just look at the tender, puffed up, butter cream labium majora, and the sweet, delicate fondant petals of the labium minor surrounding that swollen, sugared clitoral candy.
I believe a gentler "swipe", and an attentive and skilled tongue is in order here, not some vodka-fueled, violent finger-bang.


Licking the beaters,

Pussy Pâtisserie

 

[Emerson40]

StickMann might get a cactus up his ass about it though.

*pmann turns to planter, led by his index finger*

"Eeny, meeny, miney....."


http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m72eymrVlF1qbjv2io1_1280.jpg

 

[BeachMomma]

It's a good thing I love you! Geez, you men can be a little slow at times! Who said I was being violent or cavalier? I gave you eye contact, dammit! That was an erotic swipe....and lick of the fingers! Have you ever watched a woman try to seduce you while eating a banana? Same damn thing! Good Lord. Do I have to teach you all the wonderful ways women have of seducing the man of her dreams?

Let's try this again.

*looking soulfully into your eyes, I slowly lower my face to the sweet, moist, delicate flower. I gently touch the tip of my tongue to the clit, running my tongue in circles before raising my face to allow you to watch me suck the icing off my tongue. I bend down again, the hem of my skirt inching higher, and slowly, lovingly trace my tongue from top to bottom and back again."

There. Better? If you can walk around the house now without getting some strange looks, my feelings will be hurt!

 

[BeachMomma]

Dear PMann,

Don't look now, but Rainy is on your Facebook. Who's that weird looking guy with the pubic hair style?

Love,
Me

*grabs the purple wabbit and wuns wike heww!*

 

[BradBigBrain]

I love pie. Not sure about cake at all!

 

[BeachMomma]

I love pie. Not sure about cake at all!

I'm calling bullshit. I think you'd dive right in that cake.

 

[Lord Pmann]

*pmann turns to planter, led by his index finger*

"Eeny, meeny, miney....."


http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m72eymrVlF1qbjv2io1_1280.jpg

Who wants to shove a what up my where????!?!?

Now I've heard of rimming a rat, but pork a pmann? Hmmmmmm. Rainshine? Thoughts...

 

[Lord Pmann]

We all know my limits are pretty much non-existent.

Dear Rainshine,

I know. Oh dear god, I know.

You've corrupted me in ways I never expected. I remember when I first asked you, "What's a blowjob?" You just laughed. And then I said, "you can put your mouth... Down there?" and you explained the ways of the world to me.

I used to be so innocent. Now you wouldn't believe the shit (figurative shit) I'm into. Seeing boobs! Seeing vaginas! Seeing arses! I'm a straight up freak, muthafuckas.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear PMann,

Don't look now, but Rainy is on your Facebook. Who's that weird looking guy with the pubic hair style?

Love,
Me

*grabs the purple wabbit and wuns wike heww!*

Is it Chad Kroeger?

 

[Emerson40]

pmann wrote this:

Who wants to shove a what up my where????!?!?

Now I've heard of rimming a rat, but pork a pmann? Hmmmmmm. Rainshine? Thoughts...

And for some reason, I read it as this:

Who wants to shove a what up my where????!?!?

Now I've heard of rimming a rat, but a porcupine?!?! Hmmmmmm. Rainshine? Thoughts...

 

[Lord Pmann]

pmann wrote this:





And for some reason, I read it as this:

It's not shaving or acne that makes me face red.

 

[Emerson40]

That would be a little... Uncomfortable.

I agree.

Though perhaps not unconceivable for one accustomed to cacti in the a-nye.

I have no visual accompaniment to this in the vault, and zero desire to search any out.

Perhaps our learned colleague NightL can work his visionary magic and produce something equal parts disturbing, and hilarious.