Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[Guest]

 

[MercyMia]

Thanks for the compliment Quoll, but I'm not perfect either, and she has a lot of positive qualities too.

One of the things I am wondering is if anyone that posts here has restless leg syndrome? My wife has it, it has something to do with the nervous system (I don't know how it may relate to anxiety). But if she doesn't take meds for it every night, usually her legs will start moving and twitching involuntarily, even when she is asleep. I've seen her lying on her side asleep, with her feet moving like she was running in place (and I mean fast too.)

Just curious if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Take care,
N

Hi Scalyway, I was like you when I discovered this thread--I read the whole thing! There's so much here to relate to and it makes me feel that I can keep going because I'm not alone. Also, I learn more about depression and it helps me understand my husband's behavior.

About the twitching leg syndrome. I know my father-in-law had it. It's family lore that while sleeping, his leg would rise up of its own accord and thump down several times on the bed. This would happen often during the night. It would wake my mother-in-law up but over time, she got used to it and was able to to sleep again right away.

I've noticed that my husband's leg twitches and kind of rises up, too, while he's asleep. Not as often and regularly as my father-in-law's, but it's becoming a fairly ordinary occurrence. I correlate it to when he's been drinking a lot. The odd thing is that my father-in-law was not a drinker and didn't keep alcohol around the house...so if leg-twitching is hereditary, it may or may not be related to alcohol consumption.

I read a book a couple of years ago on the symbolism of different body part ailments. My husband has chronic back pain. The book explained it as a sign of a feeling of being overburdened with responsibility for everyone else's welfare. This happens to be true in my husband's case as he takes care of many members of his family (brothers, sisters, nieces, his mother, etc). For a while, he was having a pain on the top of his right foot, almost as though he had pulled a tendon or ligament. The book said this symbolized a repressed desire to run away from his current life. He was having the pain at a time when he was saying that he wanted to be alone, to just drink and not have to answer to anyone.

Nowadays, his leg twitches and his arms have shooting pains whenever he tries to pick things up (like his briefcase or suitcase). I can't find the book anymore and can't even remember the title or author so I can't read up on what these new things might mean.

Anyway, pardon me for rambling. Welcome to the thread. Hi quoll and VSkye

 

[Salv]

ive tried the meds they do nothing for me so i stoped that(waste of money/time) but ive been getting really tried of it lately omost always alone with nothing to do. nothing really interests me anymore and over time all i do is really be on the computer. Which doesnt even interest me that much anymore in many repects. So all i really do these days is kill time to get to the next day

And i dont really like going around people i donno or large amounts and when i do i dont talk to anyone anyway

maybe i just wanted to say what was on my mind for once i donno anyway >.>

 

[Quoll]

Just thought I would pop in for a warm hug for you Quoll...I know I haven't been around for a while...but you are never far from my thoughts.

Thanks B . You know this has got to be one of the worst places to try and wallow in sadness, you buggers just wont let it happen. Love it.

 

[Quoll]

Thanks Quoll for the links to the RLS threads. There is way more on this site than one can imagine. Every time I log in I find something new.

Hope everyone had a nice weekend.

N

Scalywag if you ignore the "porn board" tag that gets put onto this place sometimes, you end up with a huge resource of personal experiences, very cool in my eyes.

I had to go socialising on the weekend, I survived it.

 

[Quoll]

Hi quoll and VSkye

Welcome back Mia and thanks for the push.

 

[Quoll]

ive tried the meds they do nothing for me so i stoped that(waste of money/time) but ive been getting really tried of it lately omost always alone with nothing to do. nothing really interests me anymore and over time all i do is really be on the computer. Which doesnt even interest me that much anymore in many repects. So all i really do these days is kill time to get to the next day

And i dont really like going around people i donno or large amounts and when i do i dont talk to anyone anyway

maybe i just wanted to say what was on my mind for once i donno anyway >.>

Salv you sound a lot like me, except the meds worked for quite awhile for me. I've been on my new ones for a few months, still experiencing a few ups and downs but I guess not as bad as it was just before then.
MoodGym
If you have nothing else to do why not check out this site, at worst it may hold your interest for a bit.
You know often just saying what is on your mind can let just the tiniest bit of light in. When at a loss for something to do why not come back here and let it rip, you've got nothing to lose.

 

[Salv]

i would tell people more but it feels extremely weird telling people how i feel. :\

thanks for the link seems interesting and am looking around it

 

[Quoll]

i would tell people more but it feels extremely weird telling people how i feel. :\ thanks for the link seems interesting and am looking around it

When I first started this thread I actually started it for other people, I had no intention of using it much for myself as my meds were working fine, man how times change, now I'm posting my arse off and it helps me, it just seems that if I write some of my thoughts down they stay out of my head for awhile which gives me a break from those negative thoughts. It may not work for you, but you've already posted twice, maybe two more times than you thought you would.

Confession time: That damn moodgym link, I posted that nearly two months ago, I finally registered today and did the first exercise. (What? me procrastinate.)

well....not only do I live with daily depression, but I am married to a man with bipolar and anxiety disorders. Makes for an extremely interesting life to say the least. He was unmedicated for the first 14 years of your marrige, but after a breakdown, 3 years ago, he decided it wasn't below him to get some help. So now he is better, but not perfect. The biggest trouble we have now is the combination of drugs he's on has caused a drop in his sex drive.....a BIG drop. We have had sex all of 3 or 4 times the last year, and we went over 6 months with none at all. It is frustrating me to no end, cuz when he doesn't want sex he pays me hardley any attention at all, and all I want is a little affection.I could live without the sex if I had to...not that I want to, mind me. But I can not live without some kind of physical attention. Hugging, cuddeling, kissing....snuggeling in bed with some touching,not just falling asleep on me!!! I don't know what to do. I have talked to him, but he still doesn't do anything. I'd never ever leave him for someone else, but,to be honest, have thought of finding someone to give me the attention I need, on the side. I know that sounds bad, but I cannot live without it. What do I do? any ideas??? Thanks in advance...Kitty

Kitykai, sorry your post got overlooked, sometimes if you are the last post on a page it happens, so I've put you back up the front in the hopes you can get some advice.
All I can add is I too went off sex, and any sort of physical touching, it actually made me cringe at times to be touched, it also made me feel as guilty as hell because I remembered what I was like before.
I hope that others in your situation can offer some advice or at least support, please feel free to post anytime or perhaps start a thread if you don't get many answers here.

 

[australwind]

Thanks B . You know this has got to be one of the worst places to try and wallow in sadness, you buggers just wont let it happen. Love it.

Rotten little shits, aren't we?



Sending you an extra hug .....

 

[Chainzz]

Been awhile since I've posted anything here but wanted to stop by and say hello ... Hope this finds you all happy , healthy , and pushing for peace ...

slow down and breath ......
~ Chainz​

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

 

[Ibsen]

I really feel bad. And I´m ashamed of it. Sorta... I just feel... not disgusted, but... something, at home. Its frigging sad. I know that, but still.

Shit...

 

[MercyMia]

Hey Ibsen,

I've seen you post on this thread but haven't really said hi to you yet. But I've been reading your posts.

I had one side comment about what you just said...I hope you're okay. You seem to survive even though you often sound gloomy. Anyway, nowadays, when I feel crushed or like a big black cloud is making everything dark for me, I remind myself that feelings are temporary, and not always directly related to reality, that I will survive the darkness, and come out in the sunshine.

For everyone else who is interested:
Someone pointed me in the direction of the Hoffman Process at www.quadrinity.com.au. I read through the 10-page basic article and answered the questions (it took me 6 handwritten pages). I found it similar to other processes but with a slightly heavier emphasis on childhood memories and messages that we carry with us in our adult lives. I think the 8-day workshop must be a lot of good, hard work. Maybe one of these days I'll try to attend one!

 

[Guest]

 

[littleroundman]

Maybe one of these days I'll try to attend one!

Can I respectfully suggest you don't attend without first consulting a trusted healthcare professional familiar with the program and its techniques ??

In another life I had a close involvement in the "personal development" industry in Australia and am extremely familiar with the "Hoffman Quadrinity Process" and have had personal contact with many, many participants.

In my experience, the program is totally unsuited for anyone with depression or any other mental illness.

 

[MercyMia]

Can I respectfully suggest you don't attend without first consulting a trusted healthcare professional familiar with the program and its techniques ??

In another life I had a close involvement in the "personal development" industry in Australia and am extremely familiar with the "Hoffman Quadrinity Process" and have had personal contact with many, many participants.

In my experience, the program is totally unsuited for anyone with depression or any other mental illness.

Really, littleroundman? That's a good suggestion. But why do you think the program is unsuited for people who are depressed or have a mental illness? I thought that's who would benefit from such a program.

 

[littleroundman]

Really, littleroundman? That's a good suggestion. But why do you think the program is unsuited for people who are depressed or have a mental illness? I thought that's who would benefit from such a program.

1) Most psychs agree now days that, while group therapy can be extremely helpful in many circumstances, in cases of chronic e.g. long term depression, group therapy can be considered contra indicated.

2) Hoffman involves a great deal of "early childhood" work.
While this, too can be of benefit to some people, it can also trigger unpleasant side effects, especially in someone already struggling with what has become an illness.
Whereas, with a personal psych or counsellor these can be monitored and dealt with, the 8 day format of the Hoffman Process doesn't allow for such monitoring. Although Hoffman does provide follow up support, I have personally seen a number of people suffer dire "lows" in the weeks and months following attending the Process, including at least 2 cases of self harm.

3) Although Hoffman claims association with and development by qualified Psychiatrists and Psychologists, you will be hard pressed to find any endorsement in "legitimate" mental health circles. Although this , in itself, means little, do a search on the Hoffman Quadrinity Process, and see what sort of other "therapies" it is commonly associated with. It is extremely "New Age", which again, is not in itself harmful, just reason to be careful.

4) The Hoffman program is, essentially, a money making proposition.
While it has evolved from its somewhat tumultuous early days, (check out the stories of the fallouts among its original founders) it still retains elements of its genesis in the "personal development" area. Think E.S.T., The Forum, Landmark Education et al. Research some of the horror stories involving this type of "therapy" and its effects on clients with pre existing mental illnesses, and you'll understand my warning. Check out also the number of failed relationships and other life changing outcomes in people after they have completed the program. Proponents will claim this is merely the result of people becoming empowered by the Process itself, my experience and observations indicates otherwise.

My opinion is strictly from my personal observation, of course, others mileage may vary.
From a strictly personal basis, however, I would again still recommend in depth research from a variety of "legitimate" sources before committing.

And again, from personal experience, I would never, ever recommend any of the people with whom I work attend courses of this nature.
And neither would any of the medical professionals with whom I have an association. In fact, I know the opposite to be true.

 

[Guest]

 

[Tighter]

I hope it's alright that I pop in this thread with my petty things... mostly I'm posting because it's just stuff I need to get out in the open. A 'vent' so to speak.

Ever since our breakup, all I can think about it my ex. I'm fairly certain it's OCD and I hate the way I'm feeling. I want so badly to put it behind me and move on but it's like I can barely breathe and I'm stuck in the same spot. I'm still hurting over it and it happened over two months ago. I want to just forget he ever entered my life (impossible, I know) - but the pain just feels like it's swelling and at times I'm about to explode.
Sorry for dumping here of all places.. I just miss him terribly and haven't felt the desire to do any of the things I used to. And I'm just miserable. What kills me the most is that he was able to just dump me, move on and get on with his life. I wish I had a switch like that.. just turn my feelings right off and go on to the next person.

 

[MercyMia]

littleroundman, thank you for posting your observations and experiences with the Quadrinity process. It certainly gives me guidelines for inquiring into it should I decide to pursue it in the future.

scalywag, you're a true gentleman with your wife and her need for space. I certainly feel the same deprivation with my depressed SO when he withdraws from a hug or shows impatience with my affectionate cuddling. I will try to remember your gentle way with your wife and hope I can practice a more patient approach with my SO.

Tighter, I'm sorry to hear your story about losing your boyfriend to what you think is OCD. From what I've read on the depression fallout site, depression often makes the depressed person able to shut down their feelings as a way of numbing themselves to the intense pressures and pains they get from intimate relationships. It's so unfair to us. It helps me get through tough moments when I remember that he is going through some dark feelings that I cannot even begin to imagine, so that it's his shit, not mine, that is making him act that way.

 

[Tighter]

lTighter, I'm sorry to hear your story about losing your boyfriend to what you think is OCD. From what I've read on the depression fallout site, depression often makes the depressed person able to shut down their feelings as a way of numbing themselves to the intense pressures and pains they get from intimate relationships. It's so unfair to us. It helps me get through tough moments when I remember that he is going through some dark feelings that I cannot even begin to imagine, so that it's his shit, not mine, that is making him act that way.

Thank you MercyMia.. it's been so painful, I even contemplated suicide a few times. Then I get angry at those thoughts and think, "he doesn't care about me, why should I be caring about him?". My sister has told me, "you KNOW you would take him back tomorrow if he wanted you" - and my response is always, "NO, I wouldn't take him back" - but truthfully I'm not sure.
We were friends first and I miss our friendship more than the relationship itself, more than the sex.
After it first happened, my thoughts were - "I hope he's hurting a tenth of what I am" and "someday he'll want me back". I've put those thoughts out of my head now.

In a way I see depression as a sign that we're still alive. To go through such stages and manage to survive.. says alot. But how strong does someone have to be to make it? At times I wonder and doubt myself. Maybe I'm wrong but after this episode, I feel like sex is a safer option than getting involved in an actual relationship. When it's just sex and it's agreed on upfront that that's all it is.. then when someone wants to walk away, there's no hurt feelings. At the same token though.. there's never any room for it to develop and grow.

This may sound corny but I happen to be a -HUGE- Sex in the City fan. And something Carrie had said at the end of the season sums me up pretty well.

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

Unfortunately.. some men are not. And it sucks because now I'm jaded. In my honest opinion.. love is an illusion. Something you believe in when you're a little girl, like Santa or the Tooth Fairy.

 

[MercyMia]

Thank you MercyMia.. it's been so painful, I even contemplated suicide a few times. Then I get angry at those thoughts and think, "he doesn't care about me, why should I be caring about him?". My sister has told me, "you KNOW you would take him back tomorrow if he wanted you" - and my response is always, "NO, I wouldn't take him back" - but truthfully I'm not sure.
We were friends first and I miss our friendship more than the relationship itself, more than the sex.
After it first happened, my thoughts were - "I hope he's hurting a tenth of what I am" and "someday he'll want me back". I've put those thoughts out of my head now.

In a way I see depression as a sign that we're still alive. To go through such stages and manage to survive.. says alot. But how strong does someone have to be to make it? At times I wonder and doubt myself. Maybe I'm wrong but after this episode, I feel like sex is a safer option than getting involved in an actual relationship. When it's just sex and it's agreed on upfront that that's all it is.. then when someone wants to walk away, there's no hurt feelings. At the same token though.. there's never any room for it to develop and grow.

This may sound corny but I happen to be a -HUGE- Sex in the City fan. And something Carrie had said at the end of the season sums me up pretty well.

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

Unfortunately.. some men are not. And it sucks because now I'm jaded. In my honest opinion.. love is an illusion. Something you believe in when you're a little girl, like Santa or the Tooth Fairy.

*sigh* Boy, do I hear you. What is it about those of us who have this huge capacity for all that love, romance, fierce passion, etc etc etc? We can have all the hot sex in the world but 9/10 of us goes unfulfilled.

 

[Tighter]

*sigh* Boy, do I hear you. What is it about those of us who have this huge capacity for all that love, romance, fierce passion, etc etc etc? We can have all the hot sex in the world but 9/10 of us goes unfulfilled.

I don't know.. but I'll make you a deal - if either one of us finds out, let the other know?