Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[jethrobodeen]

Lit newbie can relate

New to the Lit board and this thread, so I have lots of reading to do.

I began to spiral down for a few years right around the 40-something mid-life thing. I waited a long time to get help, I thought I was too tough to feel defeated, I'm not the kind of person who sits on the couch and cries about what a miserable sought I am. Just a few years earlier, I was on top of everything money, notaritity, pursued to speak, I sensed from many people, I was perhaps someone they wanted to be like. But then, I found myself not wanting to be me anymore. I looked in the mirror and didn't even feel like it was my reflection staring back at me. When I couldn't ignore how down I felt about myself or fake it anymore I went to my doctor and he put me on xanax and lexapro. In my case, the meds are to help me gain equillibrium, but forward momentum comes from CBT (cognitive behavior therapy).

It's been six months on the meds/CBT (although inconveniences prevented several of our recent sessions) and everyone near me remarks how much better I look. I do feel a lot better but as said earlier it is two steps forward, one step back. Currently (last few weeks) I'm feeling a bit off but not expecting to stay that way.

A side note, you probably noticed the Lexapro delayed-ejaculation side-effect. This has been extremely bothersome for me so I told the doc at a med re-check appointment. He said I probably need to switch to Wellbutrin but since I've been stable he didn't want to disrupt things just yet. So he prescribed an ED gave me my choice, recommended Levitra.

Heh, so get this, I'm already able to last as long as necessary to satisfy my woman and I rarely have problems with staying hard unless it just goes completely numb from desensitization. But the Levitra increases the sensitivity and engorgement well beyond my normal full state, so it gets so hard sometimes it hurts. I can go for 2 hours easy. Now the problem is my wife is pushing me off collapsing with exhaustion from her multiples or soreness from last night's 2 hour romp, etc... and I'm left holding a raging woody.

--jb

 

[Ibsen]

*sigh*

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sieg Heil! F#¤@%ng s$#t!!!

I go and conidering two things right now. Either to hurt myself real bad, or kill someone... I feel no educational stimulation for 2 cents. My classmates are really stupid. Wich, I realize, is there right to be, but why let it out over me? I am trying to learn, but how easy is it when a bunch of bozos sitting and doing there ebst to imitate a chicken-farm? And the teachers arent that much better either. They have no idea of what is up or down, and we get the information we need 15 minutes too late!

They said it would be better in high school compared to jr high. That is a frigging lie! It is not worse, but it is no way better! I have a friend that, when he doesnt feel like he have the will to go to school, he stay home. It is not god, but it is a hell of alot better then going to school and imitating a baboon!

I mean, sure, it is just six months left, but the question is, can I handle that? I am serious. I get lower for each day that pass. Every day I wake up I feel like the day is ruined. The inturn-days is a life saver though. Thing is it is just two days a week.

Another thing that is really depressing is that I havent managed to get a new gdf since me and my last broke up a bit over a year and a half ago. I have been trying to flirt me in with some others, but this far, I´ve only faced rejections. Am I really that rebolting? I hope not, but somethings wrong when I am just intrested in girls that is unintrested, occupied or too old (in their, or societies opinion. I dunno. They´re under 30 anyway).

I dont know... I just might go crazy or something. I know I gonna cry or hurt or insult someone really soon anyway...

 

[MercyMia]

hi jethrobodeen, welcome to literotica and to quoll's thread. you're one of the first guys i've heard actually refer to the male midlife crisis as something real. my husband scoffs at the idea in relation to himself--in his opinion, it's the kind of thing that happens now and then to OTHER men, but not to him. HA! that's what i say! anyway, if you have a moment, i'd like to hear more about what your thoughts were when you were looking in the mirror and not liking who you saw. aside from the cbt and the medications, did you do other things on your own to help lift out of the blahs?

hi ibsen, happy new year. i'm sorry you're not enjoying school. it sounds like you at least take pleasure from your 2 days a week internship work. just keep plugging along, friend, and hold out for the better days.

 

[Ibsen]

hi ibsen, happy new year. i'm sorry you're not enjoying school. it sounds like you at least take pleasure from your 2 days a week internship work. just keep plugging along, friend, and hold out for the better days.

Ah, Internshp, so THAT´S how its spelled.

Well, things would be so bad if I atleast, as before mentioned, had a gf to spend some time with. And now it is really stressfull. The economic six-months report for our companies are to be finished untill the 31st. I havent even started mine. Wich I however isnt alone to havent done, but still...

My lips are a bit sour, and I am really tired, but otherwise, right now, I am fine.

But still, what do I do when I somehow managed to get a crush on someone who´s 26 and most likely have a bf? Or is my age, but lives 45 000 km (450 swedish miles) away, and also have a bf? I mean... I doesnt pick the easy ones. Wich, someways, are good. But I think I do it becouse I am n ot sure I want a new gf, as I am afraid she will be like my ex... (Feminist who didnt want to do anything sexual except make out. And blow-jobs was female humiliation and so on. Was like being together with my mother, wich I didnt really enjoy. Except I had to do everything in her apartment. I realize there is some who is in to that, but that is another thread...).

Anyhow... I passed the ice track this thueseday! Now I only have the theory part and the final examination driving left, then I have my driving licens. I feel much more secure compared to before. But it is still a bit insecure, but I realize it is becouse I havent been driven so long and much yet.

BTW, I want to do the TOEFL-test. It is one of the criterias to even be considered into Dalhousie university. Anyone who knows anything about it?

I really would like to study geology. Its really fun. Lava, magma, zircons, sedimentary rocks and so on. I am not so keen on the different rock-types, but the gelogical processes and such is really fascinating. And paleontology, as I have said before.

 

[firetaz]

New to this board

I am new to this board, and I appreciate the discussion. I have dealt with anxiety for many, many years. I would stew over things I couldn't control or change. My way to deal with was to become a compulsive drinker to calm myself down. This brought mode swings and a lot of yelling. I didn't want my kids to be around as it added to my anxiety. My kids and wife wanted nothing to do with me. Finally, I went to the doctor and asked for help. He prescribed Cymbalta. I am now able remain calm and no longer have to drink. I am able to interact with my kids and they are now becoming comfortable with the new me. My wife likes the new me also, however I now have problems with ED and it is starting to way on me. I see the doctor in a week, and I am going to ask for help with this. I don't like being on chemicals, but I like the new me too, so I will keep taking them. Just a personal comment.

Thanks for the help!

 

[Guest]

 

[Quoll]

Ibsen,
ice driving mate I'd be pissing my pants, about the only ice we see here is in the fridge.
Not sure what you can do about others at school that distract you, I guess just remember that you have a goal and no one is going to stand in your way. Six months may seem a long time but you have already gone through so many years of schooling, don't throw it away when you are so close.
I think it is very cool that you have something you want to do and have already started doing it.

As for the girlfriend thing, *sigh* that's one of lifes great mysteries, it seems the harder you look the harder they are to find. The only bit of advice I have at the moment is try to look as if you are enjoying life, people are going to steer clear of you if you constantly look down and out, even ifyou don't feel like it, fake it, hell most of us are pretty good at putting on a false look for others anyway.

Oh yeah it's hard to pick up women if you are locked up, so hurting yourself or others is really going to cramp your style.

Keep on keeping on my friend.

 

[Ibsen]

Ibsen,
ice driving mate I'd be pissing my pants, about the only ice we see here is in the fridge.
Not sure what you can do about others at school that distract you, I guess just remember that you have a goal and no one is going to stand in your way. Six months may seem a long time but you have already gone through so many years of schooling, don't throw it away when you are so close.
I think it is very cool that you have something you want to do and have already started doing it.

As for the girlfriend thing, *sigh* that's one of lifes great mysteries, it seems the harder you look the harder they are to find. The only bit of advice I have at the moment is try to look as if you are enjoying life, people are going to steer clear of you if you constantly look down and out, even ifyou don't feel like it, fake it, hell most of us are pretty good at putting on a false look for others anyway.

Oh yeah it's hard to pick up women if you are locked up, so hurting yourself or others is really going to cramp your style.

Keep on keeping on my friend.

Well, upp here it is ice in more places the the fridge, I can promise you that. Too steer away from for example a moose on a icy road, clutch and breake at the same time, release the gas after about 2-3 seconds, and steer away, with no fast movements. And one other really funny part was when they put us in a car attached to a cradle, and tured it up-side down, and we (me and an old jr high friend) was supposed to get out of there. I almost wanted to do it twice.

About the gf thing, I am divided there. Becouse as much as I want a gf, I remember that I sometimes felt trapped in the relationship, wich, I realize, also could have alot to do with the girl I was seeing at the time.

Thing is, I am not this depressive in certain situations. Most people probably thinks I am a normally happy person who tells all different sorts of jokes, both good and bad, with a beginning twist towards science-nerdery. Its a bit hard to explain, but "false multiple personality disorder" could be a somewhat suiting category.


@Scalywag: Thank you whery much!

 

[Insensate Mist]

How is it possible to be this depressed when I'm already taking an anti-depressant? Lexapro 10 mg per day

 

[Ibsen]

How is it possible to be this depressed when I'm already taking an anti-depressant? Lexapro 10 mg per day

Hm, depressed when taking anti-depressive. That can not be good.

 

[Quoll]

How is it possible to be this depressed when I'm already taking an anti-depressant? Lexapro 10 mg per day

Sad to say it can happen, from what I know 10mg of Lexapro is considered a low dose.
Sleep, diet, and outside stressors can also affect their effectiveness.
Have you missed any?
If you have just started taking them it is possible they have not started working fully, It took almost three months for me to feel the full affect of them.
They might not be the one for you, they don't appear to be the right one for me either, they are very good at controlling the anxiety I have, but I will be going back to zoloft shortly.
Is the depression as bad as it was before you started taking them?
I hope things improve for you, try and wait it out, these things usually pass.
Feel free to off load here if things get to be too much.

 

[jethrobodeen]

hi jethrobodeen, welcome to literotica and to quoll's thread. you're one of the first guys i've heard actually refer to the male midlife crisis as something real. my husband scoffs at the idea in relation to himself--in his opinion, it's the kind of thing that happens now and then to OTHER men, but not to him. HA! that's what i say! anyway, if you have a moment, i'd like to hear more about what your thoughts were when you were looking in the mirror and not liking who you saw. aside from the cbt and the medications, did you do other things on your own to help lift out of the blahs?

Hi Mia,

My story is pretty long and not very typical of the average US male going late 30s-40s. Long story short I screwed up on my first business venture after incredible success to the tune of about US$3M and salary in mid-6 figures. Just missed a window of opportunity and it never returned because the market changes so fast. But I got a little too comfortable and let myself goof off a little more than I should have so I felt guilty, and very stupid. I found myself right back where I was in school, get a job or start [another] business. That was the summary of the incredible high, then a trip to the gutter around my 40th bday.

So I don't think everyone has to have a mid-life crisis, I might not have had one either if I'd stayed the safe route like in my earlier R&D Engineering carreer at a Fortune 10 company (but those aren't safe anymore either!!!).

When I looked in the mirror during a particulary low period, I would cuss myself out for being so stupid, greedy, lazy, inexperienced. I couldn't let go of my regrets over my mistakes. I couldn't believe I screwed up and cooked the goose that lays the golden eggs. I replayed over and over in my mind how I should have done it, what could have been....I hated myself and I told myself so when I saw me. That was the regret side, which I am greatful to be over now. But at the same time building and exploding was FEAR! I was afraid I was a one-hit-wonder, I could never take on such a big dream again, like I blew my last load, helpless, hopeless, tired, hating myself, exhausted, clouded thoughts with a negative slant and confusion. Who the hell would want to hire a basket case like me? It was the classic male-provider question rolled up into also not wanting to accept mediocrity (for me anyway, I've found I put way too much pressure on myself). I prayed to have God take me now, and send someone who could provide for my family.

Before I sought treatment, I started trying to get out more, and picked up some consulting jobs, trying to decide if I had another business in me. But it was a difficult start. My depression still caused me to want to run and hide, not let others see me that way and I withdrew more and more. The more isolated I was, the more anxious I became because I was not bringing in enough money to pay the bills without going into emergency funds. So I would become angry with myself for not going out and looking for customers or gainful employment. This would continue to feed the cycle of regret and self-loathing.

...sorry, I'm rambling now....

So besides CBT and meds, I went back to church, reaffirmed my faith, started talking to and made friends with the pastor and the youth pastor for my kids. Made some new friends at church who are also [or have been] going through tough times. Read the Bible (still do). Try to get out of the house and interact with others more, get out of myself.

Hope this helps

--jeff

 

[Quoll]

Hi Mia,

My story is pretty long and not very typical of the average US male going late 30s-40s. Long story short I screwed up on my first business venture after incredible success to the tune of about US$3M and salary in mid-6 figures. Just missed a window of opportunity and it never returned because the market changes so fast. But I got a little too comfortable and let myself goof off a little more than I should have so I felt guilty, and very stupid. I found myself right back where I was in school, get a job or start [another] business. That was the summary of the incredible high, then a trip to the gutter around my 40th bday.

So I don't think everyone has to have a mid-life crisis, I might not have had one either if I'd stayed the safe route like in my earlier R&D Engineering carreer at a Fortune 10 company (but those aren't safe anymore either!!!).

When I looked in the mirror during a particulary low period, I would cuss myself out for being so stupid, greedy, lazy, inexperienced. I couldn't let go of my regrets over my mistakes. I couldn't believe I screwed up and cooked the goose that lays the golden eggs. I replayed over and over in my mind how I should have done it, what could have been....I hated myself and I told myself so when I saw me. That was the regret side, which I am greatful to be over now. But at the same time building and exploding was FEAR! I was afraid I was a one-hit-wonder, I could never take on such a big dream again, like I blew my last load, helpless, hopeless, tired, hating myself, exhausted, clouded thoughts with a negative slant and confusion. Who the hell would want to hire a basket case like me? It was the classic male-provider question rolled up into also not wanting to accept mediocrity (for me anyway, I've found I put way too much pressure on myself). I prayed to have God take me now, and send someone who could provide for my family.

Before I sought treatment, I started trying to get out more, and picked up some consulting jobs, trying to decide if I had another business in me. But it was a difficult start. My depression still caused me to want to run and hide, not let others see me that way and I withdrew more and more. The more isolated I was, the more anxious I became because I was not bringing in enough money to pay the bills without going into emergency funds. So I would become angry with myself for not going out and looking for customers or gainful employment. This would continue to feed the cycle of regret and self-loathing.

...sorry, I'm rambling now....

So besides CBT and meds, I went back to church, reaffirmed my faith, started talking to and made friends with the pastor and the youth pastor for my kids. Made some new friends at church who are also [or have been] going through tough times. Read the Bible (still do). Try to get out of the house and interact with others more, get out of myself.

Hope this helps

--jeff

Welcome Jeff, sorry I missed your earlier post but sometimes, as you would know, the mood is not always right.
There is usually someone here to pick up the slack, (mostly Mia ).

I highlighted that paragraph as it is just spot on and covers the feelings that go with depression so well, whether or not you are in big business or still at school it's those feelings and thoughts just keep dragging you down.
It's great to see you have a support network in place, it can make a huge difference being involved with people who understand.

Feel free to ramble, it's what we do here.

 

[Insensate Mist]

Sad to say it can happen, from what I know 10mg of Lexapro is considered a low dose.
Sleep, diet, and outside stressors can also affect their effectiveness.
Have you missed any?
If you have just started taking them it is possible they have not started working fully, It took almost three months for me to feel the full effects of them.
They might not be the one for you, they don't appear to be the right one for me either, they are very good at controlling the anxiety I have, but I will be going back to zoloft shortly.
Is the depression as bad as it was before you started taking them?
I hope things improve for you, try and wait it out, these things usually pass.
Feel free to off load here if things get to be too much.

I've been on it for at least a year; I began taking them for anxiety which I had never experienced before in my life. I think I did miss two or three pills in a row this week and I have had some outside stressors. I know I shoudl go back to see a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist, but honestly there is nothing they can do or say to help me.

Change must begin within and I've done lots of changing and things that bothered me two years ago, do not bother me now. I think part of that just comes with maturity.

But what about the things we cannot change about ourselves, how can that ever be fixed?

 

[MercyMia]

Ah, Internshp, so THAT´S how its spelled.

Well, things would be so bad if I atleast, as before mentioned, had a gf to spend some time with. And now it is really stressfull. The economic six-months report for our companies are to be finished untill the 31st. I havent even started mine. Wich I however isnt alone to havent done, but still...

My lips are a bit sour, and I am really tired, but otherwise, right now, I am fine.

But still, what do I do when I somehow managed to get a crush on someone who´s 26 and most likely have a bf? Or is my age, but lives 45 000 km (450 swedish miles) away, and also have a bf? I mean... I doesnt pick the easy ones. Wich, someways, are good. But I think I do it becouse I am n ot sure I want a new gf, as I am afraid she will be like my ex... (Feminist who didnt want to do anything sexual except make out. And blow-jobs was female humiliation and so on. Was like being together with my mother, wich I didnt really enjoy. Except I had to do everything in her apartment. I realize there is some who is in to that, but that is another thread...).

Anyhow... I passed the ice track this thueseday! Now I only have the theory part and the final examination driving left, then I have my driving licens. I feel much more secure compared to before. But it is still a bit insecure, but I realize it is becouse I havent been driven so long and much yet.

BTW, I want to do the TOEFL-test. It is one of the criterias to even be considered into Dalhousie university. Anyone who knows anything about it?

I really would like to study geology. Its really fun. Lava, magma, zircons, sedimentary rocks and so on. I am not so keen on the different rock-types, but the gelogical processes and such is really fascinating. And paleontology, as I have said before.

hey, ibsen, you're going great guns! sounds like you're progressing in your driving and in school. it's a big deal to know what you're passionate about, in your case geology. if you read back some of your early posts on this thread, you'll be surprised at how much of the stuff that was a problem for you before is now old hat. i bet the same will be true for the gf issue in another six months or so. anyway, why rush into a relationship now while you're getting ready for studies abroad? just enjoy having crushes on people!

i'm not familiar with the toefl. i know it stands for test of english as a first language and some of my filipino friends had to take that test when they wanted to study in the us. you could probably find books to help you review for the test if you went to your school library, no?

 

[MercyMia]

But what about the things we cannot change about ourselves, how can that ever be fixed?

Hello Insensate Mist,

I'm not sure what you mean by things we can't change about ourselves. Maybe you mean height, or what race/ethnic group we belong to? Anyway, I hope you get your meds straightened out. I do agree that change has to begin from within but it sure helps to have support from the outside.

jethrobodeen, it sounds like you were smart enought to get a lot of support from the outside to help yourself recover. I wish other depressed people (like my husband) would build their bridges to support systems like the church or a good circle of friends or close family (just the positive people!) in order to keep themselves going.

It's nice to read posts from several new people here. I'm going to go back and see who I've missed responding to. Depression/anxiety/panic attacks are REAL and we who suffer them or live with someone who suffers from them need places like this to come and share our observations, feelings, and thoughts.

It's a bright, sunny Sunday here in Singapore. After a week of rain, this weather is soooooo welcome.

 

[Quoll]

I am new to this board, and I appreciate the discussion. I have dealt with anxiety for many, many years. I would stew over things I couldn't control or change. My way to deal with was to become a compulsive drinker to calm myself down. This brought mode swings and a lot of yelling. I didn't want my kids to be around as it added to my anxiety. My kids and wife wanted nothing to do with me. Finally, I went to the doctor and asked for help. He prescribed Cymbalta. I am now able remain calm and no longer have to drink. I am able to interact with my kids and they are now becoming comfortable with the new me. My wife likes the new me also, however I now have problems with ED and it is starting to way on me. I see the doctor in a week, and I am going to ask for help with this. I don't like being on chemicals, but I like the new me too, so I will keep taking them. Just a personal comment.

Thanks for the help!

Welcome aboard firetaz, it's great to see you are making progress, although the ED is a bit of a bummer, it does seem to be a bit of a common theme with some of the drugs unfortunately.
I agree with your statement about the meds, for some of us they are the only reason we are still here. I hope your doc can get on top of your ED , so to speak.

 

[MercyMia]

What's ED?

 

[Quoll]

What's ED?

*whispers* Erectile Dysfunction


Insensate, from personal experience with Lexapro missing even one put me into a downhill slide so I would not be suprised if that is part of your problem lately.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean, but if we can't change things then we have to try and find some way to accept it or at least live with it.
Often it's not our acceptance that is the problem it's other people's attitude to our situation that causes problems.


Jeff, I hadn't really struck any major problems sexually with Lexapro, there was a certain dampening down of libido, but not enough to cause major problems, actually it probably brought me more in line with my wifes.
The only other effect it may have had was to put the brakes a second orgasm, although I had put that down to just getting older, I'll be interested to see if that comes back when I go back on the zoloft.

 

[Ibsen]

hey, ibsen, you're going great guns! sounds like you're progressing in your driving and in school. it's a big deal to know what you're passionate about, in your case geology. if you read back some of your early posts on this thread, you'll be surprised at how much of the stuff that was a problem for you before is now old hat. i bet the same will be true for the gf issue in another six months or so. anyway, why rush into a relationship now while you're getting ready for studies abroad? just enjoy having crushes on people!

i'm not familiar with the toefl. i know it stands for test of english as a first language and some of my filipino friends had to take that test when they wanted to study in the us. you could probably find books to help you review for the test if you went to your school library, no?

Yea, I have advanced alot. I still cant keep the damned thing straight somethimes, but that is mainly on high trafficked high-ways, so...

I checked on the page I was tipped of here, and I did some of the old questions from the hearing-test. Didnt seem much of a trubble really. Could probably do it right now if I had time.

And speaking of intrests, it would be really cool to sleep in a tent 6 months a year running around digging up things that could possibly be a dinosaur. Or any other minerall for that matter.

I am certain that once I finally kiss high school good bye and start studying to something I really want to do, and move out, things will be better then ever.

 

[MercyMia]

*whispers* Erectile Dysfunction

*whispers back* ahh, ohhh, i see...thanks...i'll sit and listen now...

 

[senseeker]

Dear Luscious Lady you have cured me, no longer am I depressed, confused as all shit, but not depressed.
When I get up off the floor I am going to have my favourite 3 course meal, Hair pie, hot crumpet and self saucing pud.

I have dealt with panic attacks since i was 16....there is help ...over the years I have tried many things ...meds are good but you should work on the "cause" of your anxiety while on them ...e-mail if you would like to discuss this further...too much to say about it on here !!
Best of luck....never give up !!

 

[Insensate Mist]

Hello Insensate Mist,

I'm not sure what you mean by things we can't change about ourselves. Maybe you mean height, or what race/ethnic group we belong to? Anyway, I hope you get your meds straightened out. I do agree that change has to begin from within but it sure helps to have support from the outside.

Hi Mia,

It's not a physical attribute that I'm talking about. It's more of what is inside my head and my heart. I cannot share here what it is, so I know I'm not likely to get answers and that's okay.

It feels like I've been drifting in this thing called life. No purpose--don't we all need to feel like there is a reason we are here on this Earth. Most of the time I'm coasting along just fine and then I hit a speed bump. Most of the time, the speed bumps are just that. Right now I feel as if I'm on a washboard road that goes for miles and miles.

I have tried to get involved in things, but nothing has clicked. I feel like it's a waste of my time to keep trying.

 

[firetaz]

Thanks for the comments!

Welcome aboard firetaz, it's great to see you are making progress, although the ED is a bit of a bummer, it does seem to be a bit of a common theme with some of the drugs unfortunately.
I agree with your statement about the meds, for some of us they are the only reason we are still here. I hope your doc can get on top of your ED , so to speak.

I don't like the ED problems....but I'll take them so I can deal with the anxiety and drinking problems. They do make meds for the ED problems...hehehe

 

[Ibsen]

I have this problems breathing sometimes. First, I thought it was becouse I was alergic to cigarette-smoke (I dont smoke, but many in my surroundings do), but I realized just a half hour ago or something, it is becouse of stress and shit.

I sometimes feel it hard to breath (how does that spell anyway? I think I know it is wrong spell). It is not so I cant get air, but it is enough to make me aware that it is not as easy to breath as I am used to. Shit... I hate smokers. In Sweden, it excists a orm of chewing tobacco, called "snus", wich you place under your top lip and get the niccotine-kick from there. I much more prefer people doing that before they who smoke.

Anyway. My first internship-day at the mine was nice. Not so much at the place all the geologists are, but there is atleast one there more or less all the time, so get little talk. And the shoes they got me, man! I think I never have had better shoes on me. I am allready considering buying them free after my internship is over. I was supposed to have a pair of shoes already used by other interners, but when I said my shoe-number, the guy I was with just said "WHAT!?", and said that they apparently didnt have my size. I am a size 45-46, and the biggest they had was apparently 44. hat was actually god, as I dont want to use used shoes. Clothes are no problems, but shoes to me is personall, who shapes after onces feets.

Going to get there tomorow as well, and then I´ll talk to the boss boss of the place I am on, trying to convince him that I should do more office-based things (administration, and that sort of thing), as that is one of the terms of my internships excistens.

For you who havent read it, I study at commers, but I want to be a geologist, so I thought I could hang out with the geologists twice a week learning CPU-programs like CAD and so, wich falls under the fram "administration".

Well, my brother cellebrates his birthday (the troll is 12 today), and I should probably go and be social.

Take care.