Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[Ibsen]

Oh, btw: If anyone for any reason would like to reach me, here is my email address: akula_86@yahoo.se

If you want to chat, steam of or anything.

 

[Shotokan07]

Thanks Ibsen. I will definitely keep that offer for future timing. Just don't think some wacko just started to emailing you.

 

[Ibsen]

Thanks Ibsen. I will definitely keep that offer for future timing. Just don't think some wacko just started to emailing you.

Its cool. I have a internet-based account, so I wont get any viruses into my computer, and I get alot of spam mails from motrons wanting to sell me the Office-programs as it is, so another one doesnt bother me.

I forgot to explaine the swedish grade system.

There is 3 steps, or technicly, 4. (IG) G, VG and MVG. IG equals F, G C, VG B and MVG equals A. We had a 5 step system, with the numbers 1-5, but out stupid politicians removed it. You can get worse then IG, you can get no grade at all, but that is if you isnt present on the lessons at all. And then a no-grade probably is the least of your problems.

I am looking for scholarships that can pay for a education on a US university, anyone who think they know anything of value? I want to read something in science. Paleontology, biology or geology, just to take three examples.

/Tomas

 

[MercyMia]

hi ibsen, just a quick reply to your question about scholarships in the us. i heard that st cloud uni in minnesota offers state grants to non-residents after the first 6 months...or something like that. maybe it's that they offer in-state tuition rates which are a lot lower than out-of-state rates.

 

[Tap-Out]

Can we still come here when we’re feeling down and completely out? When we need some support and a shoulder to cry on? Yes? Good.

These last few… weeks I guess it is now I’ve had a major major case of what I call the “Eyores”. Eyore is that donkey that is always down on himself in Winnie The Pooh. Even though on the surface he doesn’t have anything to be down about, he’s always that way. Well lately that’s me in a very big way.

On the surface I have absolutely nothing to be down about. I have a job, a roof over my head, and food in my belly. I’m still healthy and young enough to still “have my entire life ahead of me”.

But dammit nothing seems right to me lately. It seems like I’m picking every good thing in my life apart and finding all the bad with it and focusing on that. I have a roof over my head. Sure. I hate where I’m at. I’m at home living with my folks because the place where I was living didn’t work out. I didn’t have anywhere else to turn. My family, recently, has turned into one of the most Unsupportive group of people I know. Probably has something to do with the string of failure’s I’ve had in life lately I guess. I used to live in a place most people would consider a paradise. But due to government technicalities I had to leave it. So then I tried re-locating myself to another part of Canada. That was a major major flop for me, and not one, not one, single thing worked out for me there. I had to come home, my tail between my legs, broken and defeated. Not the best confidence builder I can assure you.

Normally I would be able to deal with all that if my personal life were together. If I had something to fall back on. But lately I don’t. When I left the first time I had a wonderful group of friends that I could call on to cheer me up, that I could always go out with, and have someone to support me. Now it seems they’ve all disbanded, and nobody really is around anymore. It seems everytime I try to get in touch with them they’re all busy. Not only that but some of them has done as I did and moved away all together. My best friend, whom was like a brother to me, moved away so I can’t even hang out with him when things get rough. I live in such a small city that there’s hardly any social clubs around that hold my interest. Back in Sydney where I lived before I had several computer groups to attend, sports teams to play on, and a wonderful group of mates I could call on at any time. Here I have none of that. I have a dart league that I enjoy that meets once a week, and that’s all well and good, but what about the other six evenings of the week? I play rugby about once a month when I can get a group of people together to play, but lately everybody has been to busy to do even that, so I can’t even enjoy that anymore.

Well what about an SO you ask? Surely a strapping young lad such as yourself must have a special someone in their life. No actually. How I wish I did. How much happier I would be I believe. I had someone once. They were the most amazing person I ever met. They truly taught me how to love someone again when I didn’t think I would. But they too left me. Since then I’ve had this gaping hole in me where that happiness and love used to be. I haven’t found anybody to fill that hole since. I want to. Oh how I want to. But I’m not the most attractive guy around town. The people who know me all tell me I have lots to offer someone, but I’m not attractive so I never get the chance to show a potential partner what I’ve got to offer, because it always seems they never give me the time of day. Sure I have people telling me here on Lit, and other places as well that I’m very attractive, but dammit I can’t remember the last time someone in my physical reach has told me that. Every day I see happy couples walking down the street hand in hand, and I’m reminded of what I once had. How happy I was. I see it and my unhappiness and loneliness hits me once again like a ton of bricks. I feel more down and out than I did before. My ex and I tried to remain friends, and for the longest while we were able to. However lately it seems like she’s completely gone from my life. She used to be my very best friend and knew me better than anybody. Now she’s noting more than a casual acquaintance. We bump into one another and we say hi, and try to catch up, but hard as we try to deny it it’s nowhere near like it used to be. It’s times like these when I miss having that closeness. Not her so much, as that feeling of being completely loved and knowing that if I were in trouble or need that I wouldn’t need to come crawling to someone for support it would just be there. They would just be able to tell something is wrong with me and help me through it. I miss having that closeness with someone. Not that there’s anything wrong with coming out and asking for some help and support, but sometimes it’s nice not to have to ya know?

So what about work? Doesn’t that give you any joy in your life? Yes and no. I love my job, and I work with, or at least to work with, a great group of co-workers. However I work in a majorly depressing place, a children’s hospital. My job takes me to places and shows me things sometimes I would rather not see. So much so I even started a completely different thread about it here on Lit, so I won’t delve to much into that situation. However now I am doing the back shift at work. 11pm – 7am. For 8 hours it’s just myself inside of a large room, nobody to talk to, and for the most part nothing at all to do. I have a checklist of things to do and let me tell you there may be about 90 minutes of work in 8 hours to do. I’m there “just incase”. So I have all that time, just me and my thoughts, and time to dwell. Not the most ideal situation I can assure you.

I think my downness and depression are really starting to show on me too. A lot more people are starting to ask me if I’m alright, asking if something’s bothering me. Normally I can hide my emotions quite well in person, but now even total strangers are picking up on it that something’s very much not alright with me. I’m normally the last person to wear their heart on their sleeve, but lately I guess my armour is cracking big time. It’s happening inside of me too. Where before I built walls up inside not to let things bother me to much, not to let things boil over, but lately those walls are starting to crack and crumble. I can feel a complete breakdown coming on. Lately there have been times I leave the doors at work with tears in my eyes. Some days I’m so tense and stressed out I’m almost hyperventilating. Clenching my fists and having just about every muscle in my body tight as a steel cable. I sit on the bus on my way home and I can almost feel everything drain out of me. I think of what I’m coming home to and I get depressed all over again, because what’s there except for an unsupportive family and some tv. No friends to have plans with, nobody special to come home to, nothing. At times I damn near broke down right there on the bus. Sometimes at home I start to cry without even knowing it, but always stop myself. But it’s getting to the point now where it’s almost inevitable.

Thank you all for letting me rant and rave. It hasen’t been a good night, and I’ve been told at times like these it’s better to just rant and let it out than keep it in and have it fester.

 

[MercyMia]

Dear Tap,

Please do something for yourself to lift yourself up. A small something. I can't say what because I don't know the parameters of your life...I have known you only on this thread and from when you answered a computer question I had last year. But I know you to be a kind and lovely person inside. The world needs good people like you. I'm worried about you. I know you feel that life has left you by the wayside...I hope you can change your outlook and find happiness again.

You know, it seems like you're bottling up all your feelings in real life and it's only here on Lit that you can truly say how you feel. If those people who ask you if you're all right seem like safe folk, can you open up (just slightly) to them and say, "No, things are a little rough for me right now but I'm working on them." You don't have to be strong ALL the time.

Gee, you offered to listen to me when I need a shoulder and an ear. I offer you the same.

Lots of hugs,
Mia

 

[MercyMia]

I hope the silence on this thread means everyone is bopping along, doing just fine.

 

[Quoll]

Suffering a large dose of the couldn't give a fuck, my timing as usual is impeccable.

 

[MercyMia]

Hey quoll

{{{{{{quoll}}}}}}

What a warrior you are, going up against the beast within.



Mia

 

[MercyMia]

http://www.join-the-fun.com/handledepression.html

Here's an interesting website that might interest people on this thread. I haven't explored the entire site so can't vouch for its usefulness, but I did read a long article and found it credible.

 

[Quoll]

Hey quoll

{{{{{{quoll}}}}}}

What a warrior you are, going up against the beast within.



Mia

Thank you sweet lady, I'm still here and still fighting.

 

[eudaemonia]

Currently I am taking 300mg of effexor daily...anyone else have any experience with this? The side effects are pretty nasty... In the past I've been on zoloft, wellbutrin and lexapro with no long term results of any notable nature.

I'm taking 150mg of Efffexor for GAD and have responded well to it. I have had panic attacks in the past, like 10s on the Richter, and major depression when I first started college. Taking walks, laying off alcohol helped. I really should take up Yoga.

What, that's my little story. For those lurking or have posted just once, just know this: You're not alone!

 

[Guest]

 

[bobsgirl]

I think your wife is a pretty smart cookie, Mr. Wag. I relate so much to becoming a Mother Emeritus--a mom whose kids have grown and gone. My children are 25 and 23 and I still haven't figured it all out. Now that I have all this free time in which to cultivate a career, my health won't let me do it. It's a struggle, but hey, I'm a work in progress!

 

[MercyMia]

Hi ScalyWag, I do sort of get around, but really, I'm a good girl
I agree with bobsgirl. You're a SNAG to be that attuned to what your wife is processing and to see the progress she's made.
I tell you, romance and motherhood are two difficult stereotyped phases of life that we need to get a better handle on. Sometimes I wish I could turn my feelings off and just function, get through the days and weeks. Then maybe once a month, I could handle a day with full emotions on...

I don't think that by sharing your update on your life that you have jinxed anything. How could it when those of us reading your post will cheer you on and send you good wishes

 

[Guest]

 

[pink]

i too struggle with depression. It effects everything in my life, i live with it everyday. it is a miracle i am still here.

 

[Guest]

 

[MercyMia]

i too struggle with depression. It effects everything in my life, i live with it everyday. it is a miracle i am still here.

hi pink, there are a lot of depressed people who have posted on this thread. there's a lot of helpful information too.

my husband has had several rounds of depression and it's been educational for me to hear what life is like for depressives. he won't really go into it with me so i have to find out for myself.


mia

 

[Quoll]

Scalywag, that is just awesome, give your wife a huge hug from me, believe me, to hear of someone else's triumph is very lifting.
It is so easy to just put ourselves in safe situations that to do something that takes us out of our comfort zone is almost terrifying. She must be feeling very proud of herself.
Good luck to both of you, may the happy times continue.

 

[Quoll]

i too struggle with depression. It effects everything in my life, i live with it everyday. it is a miracle i am still here.

Hi Pink, Feel free to share whatever you want, the good, the bad, the I just don't give a shit, whatever you need to get off your chest. Many of us wouldn't be here if we listened to those thoughts, so congrats to you for keeping them in their place.

 

[Guest]

 

[Quoll]

Thanks for the well wishes quoll.

I think her stepping out on a limb, so to speak, is helping her in so many ways, and she's just now realizing how much.

So, you working this morning? Must be mid spring there. Leaves coming out on trees? everything turning green?

Thanks and take care.

It's hard to take that step, but you feel so much better when you finally do.

Heading off in a few minutes.
It's been green here since about June, except for some of the trees, the grass is about six foot high in places and still growing.
We have had a very wet spring so things are just booming along in the garden.
Gotta go, have a nice lazy Friday.



Oh yeah.
You are welcome.

 

[MercyMia]

It's hared to take that step, but you feel so much better when you finally do.

Heading off in a few minutes.
It's been green here since about June, except for some of the trees, the grass is about six foot high in places and still growing.
We have had a very wet spring so things are just booming along in the garden.
Gotta go, have a nice lazy Friday.



Oh yeah.
You are welcome.

My apologies, quoll, but I thought you were Canadian for some reason. You must be in Australia or NZ.

 

[Quoll]

My apologies, quoll, but I thought you were Canadian for some reason. You must be in Australia or NZ.

No apologies needed Mia, yes you are correct, Australia it is, eh.