Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[Guest]

 

[Quoll]

I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin’.
I see bad times today.

Wanna come to my pity party?

 

[Quoll]

My wish for you, dude:


I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin' for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Scaly, you're a dag (if you are doing a search, it's the good meaning), I read this just before heading off to bed, I'm still chuckling, thanks man.

 

[Guest]

 

[Quoll]

It's been so remarkably easy in the past to be all smiles and smartass comments on the outside. I'm losing the ability to even care whether or not the pain shows.

I can't get past this.

Déjà vu, I remember writing almost the same thing some months back, how I was tired of keeping the mask on for other people. I still keep it on for those that are not close, but I am less inclined to do that for those that are nearer to me, and really why should we, I don't think it's such a bad thing if they gain a bit of insight into what we go through everyday. I understand it can be hard for others to realise that we can't just suck it up and get over it, but that doesn't mean they can't eventually get it. Sometimes we have to shove it in people's faces, otherwise they tend to back away from the whole situation. (yes, even the norms have denial issues )
You have the right to demand comfort and affection and our loved ones have the responsibility to give that comfort, but they have to know that we need it.
Hmm I think I slipped a little rant in there.
Anyway, let it show, you are not superhuman (yes, I'm sorry but it's true, unless of course you really are, in which case forget I even mentined it), if they ask "How are you?" give it to them with both barrels , like Scaly said in another thread "Sometimes you have to step up to the plate" (personally, I think he was confused, one minute he was talking about baseball and the next he's talking about a buffet, but he's a good guy and I get his point )
Do you have something you can latch onto? I know when I have been at my lowest there has been at least one thing I can hang onto ( or retreat into ) that has kept me going. My books on one occasion, my garden on another, Lit on yet another, sometimes that's the best we can do, so long as you continue to continue then you are having a win.

Hang in there girl and shout for help, or just shout, whenever you need it.

 

[Quoll]

*phew*

after quite a bit of searching, I finally found this meaning: an amusing, unusual person (Thanks )


at first I kept coming up with: a wad of shit stuck on the wool of a sheep's butt

As much as we Aussies often have strange ways of complimenting others, I just couldn't see any way of turning the shit thing into something positive.
Yes you found the correct meaning, basically you're a good bloke.

 

[Nightbird]

Quoll I'm sorry I didn't realize you had this thread going already. I started a depression thread, sorry about that I screwed up.

 

[bobsgirl]

Déjà vu, I remember writing almost the same thing some months back, how I was tired of keeping the mask on for other people. I still keep it on for those that are not close, but I am less inclined to do that for those that are nearer to me, and really why should we, I don't think it's such a bad thing if they gain a bit of insight into what we go through everyday. I understand it can be hard for others to realise that we can't just suck it up and get over it, but that doesn't mean they can't eventually get it. Sometimes we have to shove it in people's faces, otherwise they tend to back away from the whole situation. (yes, even the norms have denial issues )
You have the right to demand comfort and affection and our loved ones have the responsibility to give that comfort, but they have to know that we need it.
Hmm I think I slipped a little rant in there.
Anyway, let it show, you are not superhuman (yes, I'm sorry but it's true, unless of course you really are, in which case forget I even mentined it), if they ask "How are you?" give it to them with both barrels , like Scaly said in another thread "Sometimes you have to step up to the plate" (personally, I think he was confused, one minute he was talking about baseball and the next he's talking about a buffet, but he's a good guy and I get his point )
Do you have something you can latch onto? I know when I have been at my lowest there has been at least one thing I can hang onto ( or retreat into ) that has kept me going. My books on one occasion, my garden on another, Lit on yet another, sometimes that's the best we can do, so long as you continue to continue then you are having a win.

Hang in there girl and shout for help, or just shout, whenever you need it.

Thank you, quoll.

Sometimes I am my own worst enemy because I don't ask for help. When I do ask, to me, it sounds like whining and complaining. I feel like I have to suck it up at all times. It's what my family expects. I'm learning how to ask, but it still sounds weak to me.

And you know what, I am really afraid that if I start shouting, I won't be able to stop.

Just for today, things are a little better. I'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

 

[bobsgirl]

There have been a lot of days recently where it's a major accomplishment if I can get myself up and dressed. Especially hard were the days when I had to be up and functioning because I was expected to be "on" (Try being on vacation when all you want to do is stay in bed all day.)

The past few days, though, I have made a concerted effort to do something, just one thing that forces me to concentrate on something outside my mind. I need to keep doing that, and it's not as easy as it seems.

It's so tempting to just sit in front of the computer all day. It's very easy to allow your focus to telescope down to the world of the Internet. My "in person" life suffers because my "on line" life becomes more real to me. No wonder I have the feeling sometimes of being a stranger in my own skin. It's something I have to work on.

I see my doctor next week. I think I'm going to tell him I want OFF these meds. If they're helping I don't see it.

 

[Quoll]

There have been a lot of days recently where it's a major accomplishment if I can get myself up and dressed. Especially hard were the days when I had to be up and functioning because I was expected to be "on" (Try being on vacation when all you want to do is stay in bed all day.)

The past few days, though, I have made a concerted effort to do something, just one thing that forces me to concentrate on something outside my mind. I need to keep doing that, and it's not as easy as it seems.

It's so tempting to just sit in front of the computer all day. It's very easy to allow your focus to telescope down to the world of the Internet. My "in person" life suffers because my "on line" life becomes more real to me. No wonder I have the feeling sometimes of being a stranger in my own skin. It's something I have to work on.

I see my doctor next week. I think I'm going to tell him I want OFF these meds. If they're helping I don't see it.

Keep working on it, quoll. And be patient. In other words, don't beat yourself up. Treat yourself kindly. You'll get there.

(((quoll)))

Some very sound advice you gave me awhile back.
Remember sometimes the meds can take a few months to really make a difference, that said you are the best judge of how you are feeling.
Making the decision to concentrate on other stuff is a big thing, it means you are actually thinking outside of yourself, this is something that has been happening to me lately, I've actually started looking around and seeing things that need doing, I've even been planning on how to do them, next step is to actually do it. This is something that has been creeping up on me, I didn't really think I was getting anywhere until I realised I hadn't even had thoughts like that for so long.
BG you are seeing a problem within yourself, you are making decisions based on that problem, it may be frustratingly slow but I don't see it as a negative thing.
Keep working on it, BG. And be patient. In other words, don't beat yourself up. Treat yourself kindly. You'll get there. {{{ }}}

 

[bobsgirl]

Some very sound advice you gave me awhile back.
Remember sometimes the meds can take a few months to really make a difference, that said you are the best judge of how you are feeling.
Making the decision to concentrate on other stuff is a big thing, it means you are actually thinking outside of yourself, this is something that has been happening to me lately, I've actually started looking around and seeing things that need doing, I've even been planning on how to do them, next step is to actually do it. This is something that has been creeping up on me, I didn't really think I was getting anywhere until I realised I hadn't even had thoughts like that for so long.
BG you are seeing a problem within yourself, you are making decisions based on that problem, it may be frustratingly slow but I don't see it as a negative thing.
Keep working on it, BG. And be patient. In other words, don't beat yourself up. Treat yourself kindly. You'll get there. {{{ }}}

Hey, no fair turning my own words on me!

I've been on this medication for seven months, and a different one for a year before that. I want to try it on my own for a while. I think they're causing me to gain weight and that's the last thing I need.

Thanks, quoll, for your encouragement. Breathing easier now that you're visitor-less?

 

[Quoll]

Hey, no fair turning my own words on me!

I've been on this medication for seven months, and a different one for a year before that. I want to try it on my own for a while. I think they're causing me to gain weight and that's the last thing I need.

Thanks, quoll, for your encouragement. Breathing easier now that you're visitor-less?

Yeah well after that amount of time I guess they are doing all they are gonna do.
I wish you well, btw deciding to go off the meds is another decision you are making for yourself
Breathing easier? Hell I'm just breathing, who knew you could hold your breath for that long.

 

[waterchck30]

Hi all,

I'm fairly new to the Lit boards and haven't gotten up the courage to post very much, but this thread really got to me... I've struggled with depression off and on since I was a teenager (I'm 30 now) but it's only been in the past few years that it's been consistently bad. Before it would only be *really* bad for a few months and then whatever had triggered it would be resolved, and I'd go back to a mild level of depression with periods of normalness (not necessarily the best way to be, but compared to major, clinical depression, mild seemed almost good). Now, however, the thing that's triggering it is pretty much my entire life, which isn't going to be resolved in a few months. I hate my job, where I'm living is making me stressed due to cost and commute time, my two closest friends don't live anywhere near and the friends that do live close are really just the type to hang out with, not really talk to... and none of them (or my family, which is also close) are the type to understand what I'm going through.

I was on medication for awhile last year, but it just seemed to make it worse so I've been off for about 6 months. And I've been looking for a therapist, but despite being in a city that is known for having great medical facilities, I can't seem to find one that I both feel comfortable with and can afford (or that takes my insurance). The only thing that's helped a little is finally, after at least ten years of trying, getting into a workout routine. It's at least gotten my energy level up a bit and made me feel a little better physically.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and vent a bit... Thanks for reading.

 

[bobsgirl]

Hi all,

I'm fairly new to the Lit boards and haven't gotten up the courage to post very much, but this thread really got to me... I've struggled with depression off and on since I was a teenager (I'm 30 now) but it's only been in the past few years that it's been consistently bad. Before it would only be *really* bad for a few months and then whatever had triggered it would be resolved, and I'd go back to a mild level of depression with periods of normalness (not necessarily the best way to be, but compared to major, clinical depression, mild seemed almost good). Now, however, the thing that's triggering it is pretty much my entire life, which isn't going to be resolved in a few months. I hate my job, where I'm living is making me stressed due to cost and commute time, my two closest friends don't live anywhere near and the friends that do live close are really just the type to hang out with, not really talk to... and none of them (or my family, which is also close) are the type to understand what I'm going through.

I was on medication for awhile last year, but it just seemed to make it worse so I've been off for about 6 months. And I've been looking for a therapist, but despite being in a city that is known for having great medical facilities, I can't seem to find one that I both feel comfortable with and can afford (or that takes my insurance). The only thing that's helped a little is finally, after at least ten years of trying, getting into a workout routine. It's at least gotten my energy level up a bit and made me feel a little better physically.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and vent a bit... Thanks for reading.

Welcome to Lit, waterchck30!

I've been where you are, and I still struggle with it. If you felt the meds weren't helping you, perhaps you were on the wrong one. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right one for you. Same thing with the therapist. I was seeing someone for a few months that wasn't a good match. I'm still looking for another counselor (sort of).

Hang in there, kiddo. You're not alone.

 

[waterchck30]

Welcome to Lit, waterchck30!

I've been where you are, and I still struggle with it. If you felt the meds weren't helping you, perhaps you were on the wrong one. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right one for you. Same thing with the therapist. I was seeing someone for a few months that wasn't a good match. I'm still looking for another counselor (sort of).

Hang in there, kiddo. You're not alone.

Thanks! I know that's true, logically, but when no one around me in RL can relate, it doesn't always feel like it... I wonder what people did before the internet? At least I know that whatever I'm going through, I can go online and find someone, somewhere who can understand.

I did try two different kinds of anti-depression meds, each for about six months. But I think part of the problem was the Dr who was prescribing them... he diagnosed me with a couple of things at once (depression, ADD, & anxiety) and gave me a prescription for each. After a few months, I started sleeping pretty much all weekend (at least 12-14 hours a night and once went ot bed at 10pm and woke up at 6pm the next day!) and would feel really groggy and drugged when I didn't force myself to get out of bed for work. Plus there were a few days when I just couldn't get up for work or even make the effort to call in with some excuse, which had never happened before - thankfully I had a very understanding manager at the time who didn't fire me! Anyway, the Dr's didn't seem to think this was all that unusual and his response was to give me another prescription for different kind of the ADD meds I was taking (to be taken along with what I already took) since it's a stimulant... Still didn't work. Then I got switched to a different kind of depression med, which also didn't help. Since I also had one day on the first depression med when I was the closest I've ever come to being suicidal, I decided to stop all the meds completely, because what I had been feeling wasn't nearly as bad as I felt on them, and try to do just do therapy for awhile. I never thought it would be this difficult to find the right therapist, but I am doing ok without the meds, so I guess I'll just keep looking...

 

[Nightbird]

So life has no meaning or fun anymore. I'm constantly numb and just existing. I don't feel anything, no joy, no happiness nothing.

Anyone ever been like this?

 

[MercyMia]

So life has no meaning or fun anymore. I'm constantly numb and just existing. I don't feel anything, no joy, no happiness nothing.

Anyone ever been like this?

Hi Nightbird, that's a tough place to be. I went through a period like that about 8 years ago. I couldn't even get the energy to get out of bed. I would lie there for hours like a zombie. The phone would ring and I couldn't answer it. I used to dread that someone would ring the doorbell and I wouldn't be able to get up to answer it. And then they would call the police or something because they knew I was home.

I can't remember if I did anything special to break out of it...I'm much better now. I recognize when that kind or darkness is coming and I have little coping defenses to prevent myself spiraling down. Yoga, taking walks, calling friends who understand I just need 5 minutes...watching a funny TV show...and hugs are always nice

I hope you find your way out of there, Nightbird. Maybe you can talk to your doctor and ask for suggestions. Or your minister. Maybe a massage once a week would help?

 

[bobsgirl]

So life has no meaning or fun anymore. I'm constantly numb and just existing. I don't feel anything, no joy, no happiness nothing.

Anyone ever been like this?

{{{{{Nightbird}}}}}

Like Mia, I have had times when I couldn't even drag myself out of bed. To answer your question, yes, I have been there before. And it's a very scary place to be. I wish I had a good easy fix to suggest. If you can, it really does help to do something--anything really, that will force your mind to focus outside itself, if that makes any sense. Mia gave you some good ideas. I like to do crossword puzzles. It forces my brain to think in an orderly fashion (that's a relative term, BTW ). One of the things I hate the most about depression is how scattered and disorganized my thoughts become.

I do know, for me anyway, it always runs in cycles. And it will get better sooner or later. I hate to see you suffer though, my friend. I hope you'll consider seeing a doctor for help.

 

[Lightheart]

Before I get to my issues I want to say that I wish everybody here the best, and I hope things work out for you and yours.

I feel like I almost shouldn't post here, because my life is filled with happiness and contentment, but it hasn't always been that way.

The only psychiatric condition I've ever been diagnosed with is Attention Deficit Disorder, in third grade. I was prescribed Ritalin to help cope with it. It worked, but it was expensive and affected my personality. After eighth grade I was taken off of the Ritalin, but they never tell you the withdrawal symptoms -- violent mood swings (and I don't just mean intense mood swings, I mean mood swings that often led to angry and violent behavior). Fortunately school was out for the summer, so I didn't get myself into trouble with school.

As soon as the mood swings were over, I started the process of learning to cope with ADD without medication. It didn't come immediately; my freshman year of high school was by far my worst, grade-wise. It still gives me a little bit of trouble, but I've become fully functional without the medication.

My first two years of college I looked depression right in the face. I was really down on myself for my shortcomings -- I wasn't living up to my potential, felt aimless, and my father's health was failing without me at home to help with things. I fought it and fought it, but I wanted to be able to just give up the fight. I was even hard on myself for being in the funk in the first place -- what right did I have to be depressed? My dad's the one that was dying of heart failure, my mom had to put everything aside to help him, and my sister was at home and had to witness the whole horrible thing in person. I was lucky to be at college and disconnected from all of the problems at home.

But I fought it, and I slowly won my way out of that depression, and everything seemed to get better at the same time, which helped. My parents got a house where dad wouldn't have to struggle up and down stairs, and shortly after that my dad got the heart transplant that he was waiting for. My friends saved my life by being there for me without even realizing it.

I still can't bring myself to thank any of them for it, because I would have to admit to them that it was that bad.

Earlier this year I had another major blow that threatened to send me back to that awful place. I told the girl I loved how I felt about her, and she said that she didn't feel the same way about me. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't because I was emotionally numb for almost a week. I just wanted to feel something again, and I almost turned to a whiskey bottle in my search. I'm glad I didn't; I found myself again, and I'm all right for the most part now.

I still suffer through some regret from time to time. I regret that I still don't live up to my potential. I regret not telling her that I loved her sooner and saving myself years of agony. I regret things that I've done and said -- and things that I haven't done and said. But I don't let my regrets consume me anymore.

Things used to be all dark, but it's not that way anymore. Things are generally bright, but even a bright light casts dark shadows. I just have to remember to revel in the light and not obsess over the shadows.

p.s. Things have been great for my family since my dad's heart transplant. He's healthier and more energetic than I've ever seen him. My parents bougth a Harley Davidson so they could really "live" with my dad's new lease on life. Now my mom's has a little motorcycle of her own that she's learning to ride on. The new house has been transformed in just three years from a neighborhood eyesore to a pretty house with a verdant green lawn and a dozen flower gardens. And to top it all off, my sister just graduated high school, and has received nearly $2,000 US in scholarships. She is really living up to her potential, and somehow maybe even exceeding it.

 

[MercyMia]

hi bobsgirl and lightheart,

what i'm hearing from both of you runs parallel to my experiences. depression comes in many forms, lasts for various periods. for some people, it's a lifelong battle. for others, it hits when stress, trauma, tragedy, or deep disappointment come into our lives.

at any rate, it's good to recognize our personal symptoms and signs, and have coping mechanisms. it's good to know when things are going too far, further than usual, and might require stronger methods of coping. it's good to know ourselves, i guess.

sometimes we're living so hard and so fast that we neglect our mental health.

 

[Quoll]

Wow, what an almost normal day, I gots to get me some more of that.

 

[wicked woman]

Wow, what an almost normal day, I gots to get me some more of that.

Glad to hear it...hope you have lots more quoll.

 

[bobsgirl]

Wow, what an almost normal day, I gots to get me some more of that.

You made me smile.

 

[MercyMia]

I have been taking Fluoxetine 20mg for about a month, last week or so been having problems getting and keeping an erection. Also weirdly had one day where I was dripping pre-cum. This has never happened before. Suspect it may be the meds. Any thoughts?

I didn't see this post before, sorry. My SO is on flouxetine 20mg/day also. He hasn't had any problems with erections, but I know everyone is different. On another board that I read (non-Literotica) for depression-impacted partners, I've read that other people get Wellbutrin from their doctors and this seems to help with the erections. If you're still having problems in this area, maybe you can ask your prescribing doctor for recommendations.

 

[Quoll]

Hi Mia, how is he going on the meds?
I hope you are doing well.