Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

I am consumed by apathy, filled with self loathing at not being able to overcome it and as guilty as hell at not respondng or replying or finishing things.
 
quoll said:
I am consumed by apathy, filled with self loathing at not being able to overcome it and as guilty as hell at not respondng or replying or finishing things.

People go through that all the time, I go through it ALL the time, but I know that you are a caring person, I know that this apathic person IS NOT YOU...Don't try to overcome it, just ride it out, it won't last forever...
 
quoll said:
I am consumed by apathy, filled with self loathing at not being able to overcome it and as guilty as hell at not respondng or replying or finishing things.

{{{{{pq}}}}} I'm so sorry.

I know you must be so tired from all the happiness (but hard work) that's going on in your life. Rest when you can, and don't beat yourself up thinking about all the "shoulds" in your life.

Hang on, sweetpea. It'll all come right soon. Be kind to yourself. :rose:
 
tbs230 said:
People go through that all the time, I go through it ALL the time, but I know that you are a caring person, I know that this apathic person IS NOT YOU...Don't try to overcome it, just ride it out, it won't last forever...


bobsgirl said:
{{{{{pq}}}}} I'm so sorry.

I know you must be so tired from all the happiness (but hard work) that's going on in your life. Rest when you can, and don't beat yourself up thinking about all the "shoulds" in your life.

Hang on, sweetpea. It'll all come right soon. Be kind to yourself. :rose:

Thanks tbs, I do care, but somedays I just don't care to care even if I want to care, if you get my meaning. :confused:

BG *sighs* I know I shouldn't worry about the shoulds... but you know. ;)

Hey I responded didn't I. :)
 
quoll said:
I am consumed by apathy, filled with self loathing at not being able to overcome it and as guilty as hell at not respondng or replying or finishing things.

:heart: Breathe easy, quoll. I remember the procedure you described for getting oneself out of a panic attack--to listen and hear all the sounds around you one by one, to see things, letting them register, without judgment or interpretation. To just catalog what's going on around you. Getting grounded this way can give you a break from that overwhelming sense of guilt and self-loathing. I keep trying it. :rose:

bobsgirl, yes, it feels good to wake up and find a new chance to do better. I might not get everything done, but sometimes just surviving is a huge accomplishment. :rose:
 
quoll said:
Thanks tbs, I do care, but somedays I just don't care to care even if I want to care, if you get my meaning. :confused:

BG *sighs* I know I shouldn't worry about the shoulds... but you know. ;)

Hey I responded didn't I. :)

I'm sorry, Q. Try not to be hard on yourself. Hope things are going better for you. (((Quoll))) :rose:
 
So I tried lexapro...

and I didn't like it. It just gave me headaches. Looks like I have to call the doc again, but he won't be back until next week. It's so frustrating, but I'll be okay. ****Sigh****
 
onlyerics said:
and I didn't like it. It just gave me headaches. Looks like I have to call the doc again, but he won't be back until next week. It's so frustrating, but I'll be okay. ****Sigh****

Awww, sorry oe, lexapro didn't work for me either. Try, try again, I guess, but I know how frustrating it is. :rose:
 
bobsgirl said:
Awww, sorry oe, lexapro didn't work for me either. Try, try again, I guess, but I know how frustrating it is. :rose:

Thanks, BG. I spoke to my psychologist and she said there are others out there. She suggested Wellbutrin. I have an appointment with my doctor in two weeks since he will be out of town next week. Oh well. I won't complain as long as something is being done.
 
observation - annoyance

Why is it with this damned thing that you have to go to the deepest darkest recesses of your mind, think the worst of all thoughts before you can start the climb back up?
Maybe you have to reach the point where you are so disgusted/horrified of your own thoughts, before that little something in your mind is triggered that finally releases you from the grip of impending insanity. I don't know, but it's a dangerous way to live.
 
quoll said:
observation - annoyance

Why is it with this damned thing that you have to go to the deepest darkest recesses of your mind, think the worst of all thoughts before you can start the climb back up?
Maybe you have to reach the point where you are so disgusted/horrified of your own thoughts, before that little something in your mind is triggered that finally releases you from the grip of impending insanity. I don't know, but it's a dangerous way to live.

I started thinking "the worst of all thoughts". It's how I knew it was time to get some help. It must have been bad because my doctor, who's usually pretty laid back said, "You MUST get help." I don't know why that is. Maybe until we start going to those very dark places, we think we can fix it ourselves by ourselves.

Keep your chin up, pq. If it helps at all, I'm in your corner. :rose:
 
bobsgirl said:
I started thinking "the worst of all thoughts". It's how I knew it was time to get some help. It must have been bad because my doctor, who's usually pretty laid back said, "You MUST get help." I don't know why that is. Maybe until we start going to those very dark places, we think we can fix it ourselves by ourselves.

Keep your chin up, pq. If it helps at all, I'm in your corner. :rose:

Thanks best girl, I'm doing ok, just had a really crappy night, (five hours of driving gives the mind plenty of time to wander) lots of negative nasty thoughts, but somewhere along the way the switch was thrown, I could actually tell that it was over and I would start the climb back up again, too weird and not something I'm looking forward to dealing with again, although I most likely will. :rose:
 
I hate those tentacles of anxiety that are starting to wrap around me.

God, I hate that feeling! I've been fighting them all day, and they're gaining on me. :(
 
bobsgirl said:
I hate those tentacles of anxiety that are starting to wrap around me.

God, I hate that feeling! I've been fighting them all day, and they're gaining on me. :(

Soooo, what's the weather like there? It's a bright sunny day here in drought riddled oz. :D
 
quoll said:
Soooo, what's the weather like there? It's a bright sunny day here in drought riddled oz. :D

Right now the weather is dark. ;)

but earlier today the sun was out. Nice day but a little cool. About 45F.

I'm celsius challenged.

I know what you're trying to do.
 
bobsgirl said:
Right now the weather is dark. ;)

but earlier today the sun was out. Nice day but a little cool. About 45F.

I'm celsius challenged.

I know what you're trying to do.

Who moi?

45f is not a little bit cool, that's bloody cold 7c brrrrrr :catroar:
 
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I stink of stress and a general I-dont-give-a-shit-attitude.

I also realize it is a bit of a contradiction, but still. I mean, it is not so I want to end everything or so, but I feel real tensed in my shoulders. And the fact that I *still* havent got a drivers license doesnt make it better (I have the exam drive on thursday, but I have stopped with hope, as it only throw things in my face).

I want to work in the nature, like a natural park or something. I´ve mailed the company that owns Krueger NP and asked what education I should have to actually become one. Just for fun.

Oh, btw, I´ve aplied for the swedish peace-keeping forces that is deployed in Bosnia and Afghanistan. Its for nxt fall, but I still hope I get in, as it means a six-month bye-bye to good inbred Sweden.
 
Hi, just thought I'd write about some of the problems I've been getting and hopefully get some feedback.

I found my mother after she committed suicide fairly recently. I think that she had intended to be found peaceful in bed but she wasn't discovered until a day or two after she died. [unpleasantly graphic] Her two cats had been left unfed and had therefore started to feed on her. Mum's face was exposed above the bedclothes and so that's where they started. Not pretty. [/unpleasantly graphic]

I have had a number of panic attacks since then and have been unsuccessful in assuaging them at all. I have photos of Mum that I can look at and try to focus on and possessions of hers, happy memories etc but can't seem to banish the disturbing images in my head before the panic attack takes over.

The attack starts suddenly, often after I have been crying and feel weak anyway. I can feel my breathing growing too fast and too shallow but am unable to stop it escalating. This awareness and impotence makes me so frustrated. My whole body shakes and the distrubing images crowd my head. I have even started to invent images such as Mum decomposing underground and the way she must have looked after her post mortem (I am a nurse and saw one during my training).

No matter how stupid and destructive I know these images to be, I can't banish them and my breathing gets more and more out of control. On one occasion I even fainted. This is worrying for me because I'm epileptic and depriving my head of oxygen to the point where I faint is not a good idea. I am convinced that unless I find some form of coping strategy these attacks will continue to escalate until they start bringing on seizures. It's partly this fear that makes them worse :rolleyes:

My neurologist is at a loss as to how to advise me re: panic attacks and grief. My therapist has no clue about epilepsy. I try so hard to slow down and calm myself and I fail every time. I never had a panic attack before my mother died so I'm really at a loss. I'm staying with a friend and have scared her to death on a number of occasions now, which also upsets me.

I have tried breathing into a paper bag (i'm carrying one around at the moment), trying to slow my breathing, trying to hold my breath and regain some control, trying to empty my head, trying to fill it with something positive. I'm running out of ideas now, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks :rose:
 
Velvet Darkness, I'm sorry you are suffering so. Panic attacks are frightening. Can your therapist consult your neurologist so maybe they can come up with a plan as to who to best treat you? Maybe your therapist can give you some tips on ways to pull yourself back from one of these attacks.

I wish I could be of more help.
 
I've been thinking about this for a while. Familiarity is comfortable. It takes a while to break in new shoes, for example.

Now you all know I believe that the disease of depression does exist. I'm all too familiar with it. But sometimes I think I am holding on to some of this pain because it's what I'm familiar with. I am afraid to trust positive feelings. I dunno, maybe I'm not making any sense. I'm just trying to figure out why this horrible lethargy and emotional pain keep hanging on. I haven't really accomplished anything for days it seems. Day after day it the same old thing and I just fall back into this fog of apathy. I always have good intentions, you know what they say about intentions.

Maybe I just need a good swift kick in the rear.
 
bobsgirl said:
Maybe I just need a good swift kick in the rear.

Where would you like my boot to land, dear?

I promise to hug you afterwards.

In all seriousness, I know what you mean BG. We hang on to what is comfortable even if what is comfortable isn't best for us.
 
bobsgirl said:
I've been thinking about this for a while. Familiarity is comfortable. It takes a while to break in new shoes, for example.

Now you all know I believe that the disease of depression does exist. I'm all too familiar with it. But sometimes I think I am holding on to some of this pain because it's what I'm familiar with. I am afraid to trust positive feelings. I dunno, maybe I'm not making any sense. I'm just trying to figure out why this horrible lethargy and emotional pain keep hanging on. I haven't really accomplished anything for days it seems. Day after day it the same old thing and I just fall back into this fog of apathy. I always have good intentions, you know what they say about intentions.

Maybe I just need a good swift kick in the rear.

*Ahem* See my current location.
What do you want to do, the tiles or the grout?
 
VelvetDarkness said:
My neurologist is at a loss as to how to advise me re: panic attacks and grief. My therapist has no clue about epilepsy. I try so hard to slow down and calm myself and I fail every time. I never had a panic attack before my mother died so I'm really at a loss. I'm staying with a friend and have scared her to death on a number of occasions now, which also upsets me.

YOU? Scare ME? Don't be so damned ridiculous or I'll get the crop out, whether you're bereaved or not. :mad:

I'LL worry about me, thankyou very much.

OK soulsister. Just because you're worth it, here are some links: -
causes
some coping strategies
suicide & bereavement
nhs direct
uk epilepsy forum
uk epilepsy association
an interesting study

That should keep you busy for a bit. Back to work for me now *sigh*
 
quoll said:
*Ahem* See my current location.
What do you want to do, the tiles or the grout?

I know, pq, I know. I'm busily tiling and grouting my own path. Just can't seem to break out of the down hill slide.
 
onyxvixen said:
YOU? Scare ME? Don't be so damned ridiculous or I'll get the crop out, whether you're bereaved or not. :mad:

I'LL worry about me, thankyou very much.

Thankyou darling, I'll look through them all in the morning :rose:
 
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