Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[Fflow]

HockyShark,

I'm sorry that I didn't respond more quickly to your post. I'll reiterate what I'd reported previously, that my Dr said that, when we experience stress, the blood levels of adrenalin (sp) slowly begin to climb. Eventually, they reach a threshhold beyond which the body kicks into a fight/flight state. The adrenalin persists in the system until it is 'burned up.' The only way to do this is in the large muscle groups. Thus, walking is one of the best ways to deal with the chemical aspects of the affliction. If you're feeling stress, but haven't kicked into anxiety mode yet, walking can help reduce the levels of adrenalin and, potentially, forestall a full-on anxiety attack. Of course, you should speak to your own dr about this but, when I'm feeling ANY stress, I walk around the mall.

Bobsgirl, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. The process is harrowing, but you'll make it through. Hang in there, baby! *hugs*

BTW, what was the drug, and what were the side effects?

 

[HockeyShark]

thank you. I will try to be on the lookout ofr warning signs and and see if i can walk it off....

Good Advice.

 

[Quoll]

I often struggle with explaining how this disease makes me feel, but yesterday I came across something that might make it easier for others to understand some of what people with depression go through.

Yesterday was Show Day in one of the towns nearby, we all went, even though I really didn't feel like it.
Anyway, to get to the point before my interest in posting fades, I went on the dodgem cars with my five year old, it was great fun, we laughed, ran into my oldest son (literally ), I felt really good and I was having a blast.
The ride ended, and we left the track, 30 seconds later all that was gone, I might as well have never gone on the ride for all the good it did me, ( yes I knew there was a possibility this would happen, I did it for my kids ) no matter how hard I try I can't bring back those feelings once they are gone.

It gets tiring knowing that most happy thoughts are going to fade away within minutes at best, I can remember the events themselves but my mind does not remember the feelings that came with those events.

It's not a choice we make to be sad, it doesn't mean we don't make ourselves do things that we know will bring us very little joy, and that the memory of these things will actually increase our depression because there are little to no positive feelings associated with the memories.

So why bother?
For me the reasons are twofold, one selfish and one altruistic.
There are so many times that my kids come to me asking me to do stuff with them and there are so many times that I let them down because I cannot motivate myself to participate.
There are fortunately some times when I can make myself get involved, and hopefully, as far as my kids are concerned, we are having a great time.

These occasions at least partly assuage the guilt I feel for saying no too many times. (The selfish bit.)
I know that my kids will carry fond memories of these times, especially if I am particularly adept at hiding my thoughts. (The altruistic bit.)

 

[Quoll]

I think I made an unwise choice about medication. Last summer I was put back on an antidepressant that I had gone off previously because of side effects. This drug works like a charm for me, depression- and anxiety-wise. But the side effects are hell. The doctor thought maybe with a lower dose, the side effects would be less. That's not been the case, unfortunately.

I am in the process of weaning myself off this drug, and I feel like hell. Sorry for the whining, but it's really got me down.

The thing about mistakes is we don't know they are mistakes until we make them.
I'm sorry the change didn't work out for you, I hope things are better, I have a sneaky suspicion that you are doing ok.

 

[Fflow]

Quoll, your description of your recent events helped me to understand some things that I didn't. First, although I often suspect that I suffer from depression, I do not share your symptom of losing the emotional value of joyful, or painful, experiences. That would suck. Also, I wonder if my problems aren't specific to depression, or that my depression, such as it is, may be a symptom of something else. Anyway, I'm so sorry that you're faced with this, but glad that you take the risks of having a momentary high, even though it may create a sharper contrast with the subsequent low.

*hugs*

srw

 

[Mazuri]

Why do things get worse before it gets better? My therapist is trying to tear down my habit of dissociation during stressful, uncomfortable, or highly emotional times. Unfortunately, this makes me an emotional wreck whose downward spiral into the slick-walled pit is easier and more swift than normal. I realize I need to deal with it all...but do I really need to deal with it all at once?


and the holidays without my husband is NOT helping things at all

 

[Fflow]

Why? I'm not sure anyone knows. I read in a poem once that "a healing heart will hurt at first."

I went through a similar experience re therapy, disassociating, etc. During that wee stint I was never closer to offing myself. I actually felt that my therapist was doing a bad job, and quit. Sometimes we disassociate for a reason and, although it may not be the best choice, it can help us survive. I guess all I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't beat yourself up about feeling overwhelmed, and it is ok to tell your therapist that you need to ease off a bit on the hard work of feeling everything.

Anyway, take good care, hang in there, and know that you're supported.

xoxo

srw

 

[Quoll]

Why do things get worse before it gets better? My therapist is trying to tear down my habit of dissociation during stressful, uncomfortable, or highly emotional times. Unfortunately, this makes me an emotional wreck whose downward spiral into the slick-walled pit is easier and more swift than normal. I realize I need to deal with it all...but do I really need to deal with it all at once?


and the holidays without my husband is NOT helping things at all

Hi Maz, my apologies for not replying sooner, .
I agree with Flow.
Why not tell your therapist you are not ready for this just yet, let him/her know you do not have your support system with you at the moment.
Sometimes a good therapist has a better idea of what we are capable of than we ourselves do, but sometimes their timing is off or they just don't get how we see things.

 

[Mazuri]

Hi Maz, my apologies for not replying sooner, .
I agree with Flow.
Why not tell your therapist you are not ready for this just yet, let him/her know you do not have your support system with you at the moment.
Sometimes a good therapist has a better idea of what we are capable of than we ourselves do, but sometimes their timing is off or they just don't get how we see things.

I meant to add to the last post I made but forgot to return to it

The therapist wants it done before the holidays and before my husband comes home so we can move to things that he can be more involved in. Part of this is a good sign as I'd repressed so much and am prey to dissociation, so it shows the emotions are coming to the front so they can be dealt with. The rest, I'm being watched closely by her and the psychiatrist to ensure they're not giving me more than I can handle.

*hugs* to all concerned. I think I'll make it through (if they don't delay my husband like we fear)

 

[Fflow]

Whatever the outcome of your husband's status, I know you will be ok. You're doing the hard work, growing, and becoming stronger every day.

Take good care, and happy holidays!

 

[Fflow]

Just thinking of you all, and sending some love your way.

 

[Quoll]

Just thinking of you all, and sending some love your way.

Seasons greets to you too Flow.

I only have one piece of advice to offer to everyone at this time of year.

 

[Fflow]

Awe! Poor kittums! Hair Jel misused!

Anyone have special plans, feelings, etc for NYE?

 

[Mazuri]

My therapist has put her foot down and will be contacting my psychiatrist to put me on some sort of anti-depression medication. She said she is working 3 times as hard to make half the progress we could make if I was doing therapy with medication instead of being stubborn about it. This has knocked me for a loop for some reason. I was nearly hysterical that night and in one of the biggest depressive funks I've been in for some time now. Regardless of everything I've been doing, all the work, the therapy sessions, meetings with the psychiatrist....hearing that, against my wishes, they were recommeding drugs as I had 'serious depression,' made it very very real. I couldn't get over the feeling that I'd failed at healing myself and was going to have to use a crutch. I still can't get over that feeling. It's made my moods shift horribly this last week which I hate as I really don't want to go through this with my hubby newly home.

I see the psychiatrist on the 22nd. He may choose to go with my wishes over the therapist's. I have a feeling if he does, she could recommend I see someone else. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I hate this

 

[Fflow]

I couldn't get over the feeling that I'd failed at healing myself and was going to have to use a crutch. I still can't get over that feeling.

Is insulin a crutch for diabetics? No. This isn't about a weakness of character, or an inability to just cheer up. You are sick. Your body needs help, and some medicines can help. Although anti-depression meds are not with out risks and side effects, they can also provide amazing benefits to those they help.

You are strong and courageous for facing this, and for working hard to overcome it. There is no stigma to using meds in this cause and, if it helps, your life with your husband will benefit greatly from it.

I know that it feels like your losing control of something but, on the other hand, you may be gaining control of your depression which, ultimately, is the outcome you desire.

*hugs*

take care!

srw

 

[Quoll]

My therapist has put her foot down and will be contacting my psychiatrist to put me on some sort of anti-depression medication. She said she is working 3 times as hard to make half the progress we could make if I was doing therapy with medication instead of being stubborn about it. This has knocked me for a loop for some reason. I was nearly hysterical that night and in one of the biggest depressive funks I've been in for some time now. Regardless of everything I've been doing, all the work, the therapy sessions, meetings with the psychiatrist....hearing that, against my wishes, they were recommeding drugs as I had 'serious depression,' made it very very real. I couldn't get over the feeling that I'd failed at healing myself and was going to have to use a crutch. I still can't get over that feeling. It's made my moods shift horribly this last week which I hate as I really don't want to go through this with my hubby newly home.

I see the psychiatrist on the 22nd. He may choose to go with my wishes over the therapist's. I have a feeling if he does, she could recommend I see someone else. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I hate this

If you could heal yourself you wouldn't need a therapist or a psychiatrist, it is an illness Maz, and yeah it's real and that realisation just rips you apart doesn't it.
It's certainly not a failure to try the meds for a while, you could certainly continue living the way you are, but I gather it's not exactly making you happy.
I can't begin to describe the relief, the peace, and the light that was let back in to my life when I first started on meds.
That said, we all know they are not perfect and don't always work forever (raises hand) and it can take time to find the right mix, but (come on, you know there's always a but) they can help your mind slow down, they can reduce negative thoughts, they can stop the frustrating mood changes,they can quieten the incessant internal dialogue, they can help you to be a part of the the world again.
They can give you a break from the continous tiredness and despair of this horrible bloody thing.
What have you got to lose, your sanity?

 

[Mazuri]

*big hugs to Fflow and Quoll* Thanks guys. I know all this, but logic doesn't always come into play on things like this. I have the appointment with the psychiatrist next week and I think I'll be in a better mind-set by then. Hubby's being great just letting me rant and rave and pout and whine but he's also pretty adamant that I follow the therapist's suggestion.

I'm still trying to be hopeful about everything as I do know this is for the best.

 

[Fflow]

I don't know if you discussed this previously, and I just missed it, but I'm a bit unclear as to why you feel so strongly about not using meds to help treat your condition. If you don't mind, can you share what it is you're feeling about them, and why?

Anyway, I know you will move through this process smoothly, and come out of it with a new, healthy, and peaceful mindset.

*hugs*

srw

 

[Mazuri]

I don't know if you discussed this previously, and I just missed it, but I'm a bit unclear as to why you feel so strongly about not using meds to help treat your condition. If you don't mind, can you share what it is you're feeling about them, and why?

To be honest, I'm not quite sure myself. Part of it, I know, is due to the side effects. My hubby just returned from a one year remote in Korea and taking something that kills libido is definitely not on my list of "things to do." Other than that...I just have a thing for medication. Rarely take it, even for headaches, colds, pain, etc. If I can do it without it, I'd rather do that. Even I didn't realize how strongly I felt about the meds until they gave me little choice and it hit me like it did *shrugs*

 

[Fflow]

BTW, I heard an interview with Dr. John J. Ratey who wrote a new book titled Spark, which is about recent research studies that indicates that daily physical exercise, sustained with a high heart rate for 45 minutes to an hour, can improve brain chemestry as well, and sometimes better, than meds in people suffering from clinical depression. Hear the Interview. The link is at the body of the page.

If you're really serious about avoiding meds, you might consider this. Of course, you'll have to work yourself up to that level gradually if you're not fit right now. You may want to discuss this with your Dr.

*hugs*

 

[Mazuri]

I've started an exercise routine for both aiding with depression as well as losing those last 30 pounds I want to shed (lost 40 in '07 and then plateaued hard the last 6 months). I've done better at accepting the meds and won't fight them, though I will be watching the side effects closely. Hubby and I had some rough spots for a long while and I'm not letting anything interfere with the wonderful progress we've made in the last 2 years: neither my stubborness concerning meds, the depression, or the meds themselves

 

[SxRx]

I've started an exercise routine for both aiding with depression as well as losing those last 30 pounds I want to shed (lost 40 in '07 and then plateaued hard the last 6 months). I've done better at accepting the meds and won't fight them, though I will be watching the side effects closely. Hubby and I had some rough spots for a long while and I'm not letting anything interfere with the wonderful progress we've made in the last 2 years: neither my stubborness concerning meds, the depression, or the meds themselves

Hello Mazuri,


Good luck on your quest to get better physically and emotionally! I think your caution about meds is a wise one as well as your open attitude to consider them. Many doctors don't really take the time to advise you of the varied options you might consider, review the different side effects and help you understand fully the benefits and otherwise of the different meds. Instead, you normally get a prescription. Ask questions about side effects, ask for hand outs and information. You can take your time and explore the medication on the internet as well.

You are quite right that most antidepressants have an impact on the libido and the capacity to have a full and satisfactory orgasm. Some are more potent than others and you should be aware of them. Being cautious is important for many reasons. It takes several weeks before the meds reach therapeutic levels so you'll need to keep at it unless you have troubling side effects. Many of the antidepressants are dispensed to you at the beginning to taper you up to a certain level and then should you ever come off them, you must wean off slowly, etc.



SxRx

 

[Fflow]

lost 40 in '07

Holy crap! You totally RAWQ!!!!

 

[Mazuri]

Holy crap! You totally RAWQ!!!!

Hehe It surprised me, actually, as it was from diet change alone for the most part. Totally cut out sodas (except 1 at the games during football season - daughter is band), switched from whole to 2% milk, changed from white to wheat bread, and avoided fast food like the plague whenever possible. I monitored my caloric intake, scheduled in a couple of snacks to keep me from being hungry, and gave myself one day per week to "cheat" - eat whatever I wanted in order not to binge. Now it's just how I eat...but adding the gym to it will hopefully knock off those last stubborn ones and get some toning done as well. I was happy...went from a size 18 pants to a size 12 and those can fit loose at times (depending on when in my cycle I'm at). Hubby was pleased as well when he got home

 

[Fflow]

You inspire me to give it a go myself!

Thank you for sharing your challenges, and successes!

xoxo

srw