Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[tearose97]

Fact is, I just don't give a shit. I have short periods of time when I can pretend I'm okay, but it always comes roaring back. The pain of depression is exhausting. I can see why some people choose to mask it with drugs or alcohol.

I have read posts here and there in this thread but the above excerpt is exactly the way I feel.
I have been off and on meds for 18 years, on continuously for the last 8 or 9 and believe that this will be as good as I ever will be. I have tried therapy twice with 2 different professionals, the first basically telling me I should get over it and it's all in my head. The second was going really well and I was learning to accept some things when she retired without notice or referrals. I know I should see someone but I hate the thought of going right back to the beginning and explaining everything.

Anyway, I hope everyone here is having a good day or at least a 'better than crap' day and thanks to those that have posted on here. It really is something to realise that you are not the only one.

 

[Quoll]

Fact is, I just don't give a shit. I have short periods of time when I can pretend I'm okay, but it always comes roaring back. The pain of depression is exhausting. I can see why some people choose to mask it with drugs or alcohol.

I have read posts here and there in this thread but the above excerpt is exactly the way I feel.
I have been off and on meds for 18 years, on continuously for the last 8 or 9 and believe that this will be as good as I ever will be. I have tried therapy twice with 2 different professionals, the first basically telling me I should get over it and it's all in my head. The second was going really well and I was learning to accept some things when she retired without notice or referrals. I know I should see someone but I hate the thought of going right back to the beginning and explaining everything.

Anyway, I hope everyone here is having a good day or at least a 'better than crap' day and thanks to those that have posted on here. It really is something to realise that you are not the only one.

In some ways it's sad to think that one of the few bright (there really isn't a word that fits) spots in our lives is to know that we are not suffering alone, and yet it does help.

Tearose, you've certainly earned your stripes, I've had my dark companion for about 10 or 11 years (well that's when I noticed it taking over my life anyway), I was lucky, I only went through a few years of being untreated and the first lot of meds worked straight away, it was a great four years.
I learnt a lot about myself with the help of some great people here. After a lifetime of low self esteem I was shown that not only was I intelligent and talented but I also had something worthwhile to say, that took a long time for me to accept (even now I'm uncomfortable writing those words, just so not my style) but I really do believe it, I even began to think I could do something positive with my life. It was great.

Until the meds stopped working about four years ago, since then it's been a trial of trial and error with meds, at the moment the meds stop the worst of the thoughts, they also stop inspiration, creativity, intelligent thought and any real interest in life itself.
I've started the counselling route, mainly because it's a prerequisite with a change of meds now, but also out of desperation and a hope that it can at least erase the one constant thought that continually creeps into my mind "I will not live the rest of my life like this."

The psychologist I'm seeing has forwarded me on to a psychiatrist because she thinks I might be at the lower end of the bi-polar scale, this actually didn't bother that much, (a change being as good as holiday and all that) who knows she might be right. Then she tells me he might just up my current dose of meds to see what happens (not happy Jan).

So that's where I'm at, I see him for the first time in a week or so, I've gone from hopeful to whatever.


Cricket and NRL, Aussie or NZer?

 

[Quoll]

Bumpin~

Very timely sweets. although I suspect this wasn't for my benefit, I hope it helps.

 

[tearose97]

Cricket and NRL, Aussie or NZer?

Eeeww.. Aussie of course!!

If you are feeling 'whatever' about the counseling, then I will be hopeful for you

 

[Quoll]

Cricket and NRL, Aussie or NZer?

Eeeww.. Aussie of course!!

If you are feeling 'whatever' about the counseling, then I will be hopeful for you

Whew, and thanks.
I'll just take it one day at a time. *puke* I just love those cliches.

 

[bobsgirl]

Bumpin~

Nice to see this.

This is one of my all-time favorite threads, if only because it helps so much to know that I'm not alone in this darkness.

 

[rebelslady09]

Long time sufferer of depression and anxiety disorders myself. Only one med has helped in the long term and that's Effexor. Xanax and Atarax for the anxiety. I find getting out and getting sun and exercise do help some.

 

[Fflow]

Just chiming in with support for everyone.

 

[tearose97]

Long time sufferer of depression and anxiety disorders myself. Only one med has helped in the long term and that's Effexor. Xanax and Atarax for the anxiety. I find getting out and getting sun and exercise do help some.

I am currently taking 225mg Effexor but have been feeling less than average for the last couple of months so I am off to see the doc soon to see if I can increase the dosage. I don't want to change as I hate the side effects.

You're so right about sun and exercise. One of the best things I did was get a job that is based outside. It has made me get out of the house, get some exercise and the bonus is that I actually get paid for it!!

 

[tearose97]

Quoll,

Just checking in to see how your appointment went........hope all is well with you.

 

[likes2watchU]

PTSD resource links

Here are some sites I found helpful with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder):
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml
http://www.ptsdinfo.org/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/DS00246

I'm not comfortable sharing my personal story yet. Perhaps in time. For those who have I thank you for having the courage to share.

 

[Quoll]

Quoll,

Just checking in to see how your appointment went........hope all is well with you.

Thanks TR, all is well and I start my new job as poster boy for sleep apnea as soon as my doc gets the letter.

Apparently having sleep apnea combined with shift work makes Quoll a very dull boy indeed. This seems to be the reason the original meds stopped working or so he thinks. So no med changes for now, instead a sleep study and whatever else comes with it (lifestyle change no doubt).
More info later, right now I need to get some sleep.
Thanks for asking.

 

[Quoll]

Here are some sites I found helpful with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder):
http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml
http://www.ptsdinfo.org/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/DS00246

I'm not comfortable sharing my personal story yet. Perhaps in time. For those who have I thank you for having the courage to share.

Awesome links L2, I'll put them on the front page as well.

Please don't feel there is any pressure or need to tell your story, it's certainly not a prerequisite to take part in this thread.
You post as much or as little as you want about whatever you want.
Support, advice, comfort, fluff, information, jokes, survival strategies, rants or anything else that takes your fancy.
My wife suffers from ptsd so I have some idea where you are coming from, I hope you can find some support here.

 

[likes2watchU]

Q- thanks. Did not feel any pressure here - just feel like I've been oversharing lately. Likely a response to talking it through w/ therapist and group.

Any non-medication and non-touch suggestions for sleeping deeper and longer than 2-3 hrs at a time would be great. Non-med since I tend to have adverse reactions to most (no anti-depressants for me. did not go well) and non-touch since there's no one in my life that could/would - have been very isolated for last 16 years.

 

[Quoll]

Q- thanks. Did not feel any pressure here - just feel like I've been oversharing lately. Likely a response to talking it through w/ therapist and group.

Any non-medication and non-touch suggestions for sleeping deeper and longer than 2-3 hrs at a time would be great. Non-med since I tend to have adverse reactions to most (no anti-depressants for me. did not go well) and non-touch since there's no one in my life that could/would - have been very isolated for last 16 years.

No worries, it can be exhausting I know.

What a great question (runs off to start thread), Eilan started a thread some time ago about sleep/relaxation issues, there might be some ideas you can use.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=334441

 

[likes2watchU]

No worries, it can be exhausting I know.

What a great question (runs off to start thread), Eilan started a thread some time ago about sleep/relaxation issues, there might be some ideas you can use.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=334441

lots of good stuff in there. some won't work for me and some has intermittent success. it does tend to cycle.

there's a CD that i listen to some nights - but my player died so it's not as useful trying to sleep w/ headphones. here's a link to the info: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000HKDEII/ref=cm_sw_em_r_dp

while i don't find breathing exercises as helpful when trying to sleep, i have had some success using them to either ward off a small panic attack or calm my heart back to regular beating when it races (thankfully that doesn't happen too often. still working out the trigger on that one. doc is monitoring it too)

Breathe 4
breathe in through the nose for a count of 4. let your chest and diaphragm expand as needed.

hold for a count of 4

slowly exhale through the mouth for a count of 4

hold again for a count of 4

breathe in through the nose for a count of 4

repeat

-when i first started, i almost passed out trying to get the rhythm. so my advice would be to take it slow until you find a timing/rhythm that works for you. be mindful of your body.

now i can do it just about anywhere without the feeling that others will look at me and think - what is she doing?

 

[Quoll]

lots of good stuff in there. some won't work for me and some has intermittent success. it does tend to cycle.

there's a CD that i listen to some nights - but my player died so it's not as useful trying to sleep w/ headphones. here's a link to the info: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000HKDEII/ref=cm_sw_em_r_dp

while i don't find breathing exercises as helpful when trying to sleep, i have had some success using them to either ward off a small panic attack or calm my heart back to regular beating when it races (thankfully that doesn't happen too often. still working out the trigger on that one. doc is monitoring it too)

Breathe 4
breathe in through the nose for a count of 4. let your chest and diaphragm expand as needed.

hold for a count of 4

slowly exhale through the mouth for a count of 4

hold again for a count of 4

breathe in through the nose for a count of 4

repeat

-when i first started, i almost passed out trying to get the rhythm. so my advice would be to take it slow until you find a timing/rhythm that works for you. be mindful of your body.

now i can do it just about anywhere without the feeling that others will look at me and think - what is she doing?

One that has worked for me, both for sleep and the anxiety is the Self Safe Hypnosis. Like you I can now do this almost automatically without going through all the steps, it just seems to help ground and I guess distract the mind, it works well, even at night.

 

[SweetErika]

Any non-medication and non-touch suggestions for sleeping deeper and longer than 2-3 hrs at a time would be great. Non-med since I tend to have adverse reactions to most (no anti-depressants for me. did not go well) and non-touch since there's no one in my life that could/would - have been very isolated for last 16 years.

Have you tried Melatonin yet? I've found it helps me fall and stay asleep A LOT with absolutely no negative side effects. My doctor suggested it to help with my pain and depression/anxiety-related sleep issues, and he's been taking it himself nightly for several decades.

Noor has a thread or two on blue light therapy. She said it's really helped her, and it looks like the light box is fairly inexpensive and has a money-back guarantee. It might be worth looking into. Her HT thread should still be on the first page of How to proper.

 

[likes2watchU]

Have you tried Melatonin yet? I've found it helps me fall and stay asleep A LOT with absolutely no negative side effects. My doctor suggested it to help with my pain and depression/anxiety-related sleep issues, and he's been taking it himself nightly for several decades.

Noor has a thread or two on blue light therapy. She said it's really helped her, and it looks like the light box is fairly inexpensive and has a money-back guarantee. It might be worth looking into. Her HT thread should still be on the first page of How to proper.

SE-
Thanks, I'll look for that thread. Did try the Melatonin with no success. Thankfully no allergic or other adverse reaction, just had no effect. I find most herbals either have no effect or I'm allergic in some way.

Reminds me... Dear HMO - Please open your eyes and see things from my POV. Then give the okey-dokey for me to see an allergist. Thanks, Me.

 

[SweetErika]

SE-
Thanks, I'll look for that thread. Did try the Melatonin with no success. Thankfully no allergic or other adverse reaction, just had no effect. I find most herbals either have no effect or I'm allergic in some way.

Interesting.

I certainly don't find it to have a sleeping pill-like effect, but I guess it does enough of something to help me drift off and get more quality sleep most of the time. I do have to be ready for sleep when it kicks in, though, I've noticed - if I'm up or engaged in something 30-60 mins after taking it, it doesn't do much of anything for me. I generally take double (and sometimes triple) the recommended dosage because I need the extra help and my doc said it wouldn't hurt me.

I've noticed I've been waking up too early since the weather got warm and my thyroid hormones got off balance (I need a much higher dose of medication in the winter than the summer, so season changes screw me up).

Have you had your thyroid checked out thoroughly (e.g. not via blood and palpation tests alone) recently? It can affect all sorts of things, including mood, mental function, pain, sensitivities, the immune system...

 

[Quoll]

Thanks TR, all is well and I start my new job as poster boy for sleep apnea as soon as my doc gets the letter.

(Yes I know it's considered gauche to quote oneself, but I'm about as gauche as they come.)

What are the signs and symptoms of Sleep Apnea?

The most common symptoms of sleep apnea in adults are loud snoring and excessive daytime sleepiness. Almost all people who have sleep apnea snore, but not all people who snore have sleep apnea. Other signs and symptoms of OSA include: episodes of not breathing; Restless tossing and turning during sleep; nighttime choking spells, sweating, and chest pain; waking with an unrefreshed feeling after sleep, having problems with memory and concentration, feeling irritable and tired, and experiencing personality changes; morning headaches; heartburn or a sour taste in the mouth at night; in obese adults, swelling of the legs; getting up during the night to urinate; daytime naps or sleeping during inappropriate times or activities. People with Sleep Apnea may exhibit onset high blood pressure, unexplained weight gain, depression and other health conditions.

I left off the daytime naps because I have them as part of my work routine, so it's either serendipitous or not a problem.
I'm working on the assumption that the depression was pre-existing.

 

[bobsgirl]

(Yes I know it's considered gauche to quote oneself, but I'm about as gauche as they come.)



I left off the daytime naps because I have them as part of my work routine, so it's either serendipitous or not a problem.
I'm working on the assumption that the depression was pre-existing.

I know you know this, but if you have any questions that I might be able to answer...

 

[Quoll]

I know you know this, but if you have any questions that I might be able to answer...

Rest assured they will come, but not today, bedtime for me soon, and to be honest it couldn't come soon enough, it hasn't been a great day.

 

[bobsgirl]

Rest assured they will come, but not today, bedtime for me soon, and to be honest it couldn't come soon enough, it hasn't been a great day.

I hope tomorrow is better for you. Rest well.

 

[tearose97]

I hope everyone's tomorrow is better than thier today. Personally, my today has been crap so tomorrow has to be better.

Melatonin worked wonders in getting my daughter into a routine of sleep. It wasn't to keep her asleep (she had other medication for that!) but more to get her body into a rhythm where she was able to relax and start to feel tired at the same time. It took just over a year and some dosage adjustment but it worked.