Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[Little Bird]

Not as drastic as the thread title says, but I think it fits and I don't want to open another one for this.

Just recently, a friend told us that she's getting a child and we're all happy for her, but I don't really know what really to make of it.
Probably first a bit of background: We're a group of quite close friends at university, who got to know each other last october. We're all about 22 to 24 year old, are no party-goers, don't "socialize with bad people" , don't touch drugs, have good families, and are at good terms with other students and not much to worry about our degrees, yet, and live in germany, a place as liberal as they get.
Though I'm relieved to now know the reason about our friends frequent non-attendance and declines to join us for lunch the last weeks, I'm not really sure how she's really feeling about the situation. She seems to be back at her happy and cheerful self, but seems to get very quite and distant for some minutes from time to time.
I guess that's totaly normal, espacially at first pregnancy, and with the hormones and stuff, but this is the first time I am, though indirectly, involved in a pregnancy as an adult and not as a child from a distance, so I'm not really sure about reading her. She seems fine and happy, but she's also a good actor and prankster and to tell the truth, I wasn't completely convinced she's not pulling a hoax with us for the first day.
Everything seems fine, I think she makes a perfect mother and I know her boyfriend and they planned to marry this summer some months ago, but having had a married at 19 with child and then divorced case in my family, I just had to count it back and the dates about match. I really doubt they would decide to marry because of the pregnancy that fast and immediately tell everyone happily about at, if you can even notice it that early. And nobody would have to need to know about an abortion that early and those who would wouldn't ask. But I guess that's still what's getting me worried.
I can't really walk up to her and ask her "How long have you two exactly been together again? And do you marry because of the unwanted baby?" Even if it would be true, it would just be cruel.

But I suppose it's simply a group of young friends having their first collective baby, so you can excuse me for getting all anxious about it.

 

[Dyke_Writer]

Ooh now that is interesting about anxiety and adrenalin! I didnt know that, although it does explain why I cant sit still when Im panicking.... people know better than to try and make me stay put since I dislocated my shoulder being made to stay still.

Anyhoo, how is everyone doing with their various stages of mental messiness? And I mean that in the nicest possible way!

 

[Fflow]

Little bird, you can speak with your friend, one on one, about how you feel, without being so judgmental or harsh. You can ask her how she's feeling, and create an emotionally safe space for her to open up to you. That's what good friends do anyway. Just be a good friend to her, without any agenda, and you will be better able to know what's in her mind and heart.

Peace.

 

[Mazuri]

Well, I went on the meds Wednesday...was prescribed Celexa. I'm doing ok so far but then again, they're really not in my system fully, yet Time will tell how they do for me.

 

[Fflow]

Well, I went on the meds Wednesday...was prescribed Celexa. I'm doing ok so far but then again, they're really not in my system fully, yet Time will tell how they do for me.

Rooting for you, Maz!

 

[Quoll]

http://blogs.abc.net.au/allinthemind/2008/03/angels-and-demo.html


http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/video/angels_and_demons_promo.flv

 

[Fflow]

http://blogs.abc.net.au/allinthemind/2008/03/angels-and-demo.html


http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/video/angels_and_demons_promo.flv

Thanks for the links! I'm not really sure how to view an FLV file, though.

I'm glad to see that the issue is being dealt with in a sober and compassionate way. It helps so much when people understand better what people experience.

Peace.

srw

 

[Quoll]

ANDREW DENTON: The stakes for those living with mental illness are devastatingly high. Sometimes, literally, a matter of life and death. This is the case for Heidi Everett. A young woman, who, every day, has to struggle to simply keep herself in the world.


ANDREW DENTON: Heidi.


HEIDI EVERETT: Hi, I'm trying to be eating cake.


ANDREW DENTON: That's an awful lot of cake for one person to be eating.


HEIDI EVERETT: Yes well I'm not all that hungry so…


ANDREW DENTON: Would you like me to hold on to the cake.


HEIDI EVERETT: Yes, have some cake.


ANDREW DENTON: Well I'll eat all this cake while we're talking, how's that? And you're going to play this afternoon.


HEIDI EVERETT: Yes.


ANDREW DENTON: Are you feeling nervous?


HEIDI EVERETT: I'm feeling nervous and I feel like Tommy Tomato now.


ANDREW DENTON: Why is that?


HEIDI EVERETT: Just embarrassed.


ANDREW DENTON: Why embarrassed?


HEIDI EVERETT: Um just all this attention.


ANDREW DENTON: And so after you've finished performing today, what do you do? Are you going to hang around and talk to people or …?


HEIDI EVERETT: Um…I hate talking to people actually.


ANDREW DENTON: Do you?


HEIDI EVERETT: I don't' enjoy talking to people at all.


ANDREW DENTON: Yeah?


HEIDI EVERETT: Um…yeah. It's pretty hard.


ANDREW DENTON: Is it OK talking to me now?


HEIDI EVERETT: No.


ANDREW DENTON: No. Would you rather I stopped talking to you?


HEIDI EVERETT: Um…


ANDREW DENTON: You can say that?


HEIDI EVERETT: Uh no, I I'm getting over it. I'm getting used to it slowly.


ANDREW DENTON: Well look I'll leave you to get ready for this afternoon and I'll see you in a couple of days time.


HEIDI EVERETT: OK, yep, all right. Thank you.


ANDREW DENTON: OK thanks Heidi.


HEIDI EVERETT: That was not fun, but…


ANDREW DENTON: Not fun, but not so bad.


HEIDI EVERETT: Not so bad.


ANDREW DENTON: OK, all right.


HEIDI EVERETT: OK.

[Heidi on stage, performs Angel Song]


ANDREW DENTON: How was the gig for you the other day at the conference?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah, fun. Really fun, yeah.


ANDREW DENTON: You were so buzzed afterwards. It's fantastic.


HEIDI EVERETT: I was. Yeah, I am cos I get so um worked up about it before I get on stage.


ANDREW DENTON: The Angel song ah as you said it was about suicide but and you that particular audience you're playing to at the convention, I expect the, they're taking that in a lot more than many other audiences.


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah yep. Yep. It's one of those songs where it's got like a common meaning about um sort of un-requited love, but then it's got that deeper meaning about suicide and you know the surrender, OK, I've had enough; I'm out of here.


ANDREW DENTON: Have you had days like that?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah. Yeah.


ANDREW DENTON: I'll talk about your music a bit more cos I was really struck by it. Where does the music come from?


HEIDI EVERETT: Um I actually hear a lot of it and I write um, yeah, sometimes, sometimes it's scary cos I used to hear an opera singer. I used to hear opera singers going ...[singing]... and it was like oh no, please, stop. Other times I'd hear a full on orchestra, like just everything: the violins, cello, the boom-boom-boom-pom-pom ... Not pom- poms. What are they called?


ANDREW DENTON: Timpani.


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah, the boom-boom, deep ones and it and it was beautiful and I was like um how on earth do I get this out of and I wanted to plug eh a wire into my head to and then like computerise it but they haven't invented that just yet.


ANDREW DENTON: Can you get the tunes out sometimes though?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yes, so I, I taught myself guitar and I taught myself how to write music and everything and then that's how I got it out and I still can't write orchestra pieces yet. That's something I would love to do one day is write an orchestra piece. And I write a lot of songs for Tigger, love songs.


ANDREW DENTON: And you do eh illustrations as well. Can you tell me about those?


HEIDI EVERETT: I kind of enjoy being an illustrator because I can draw photos that I see that a camera can't take a photo of cos I see some things that a normal camera can't capture and….


ANDREW DENTON: What sort of stuff do you see?


HEIDI EVERETT: Oh I see like um little people in shadows and things so people call them fairies and elves and stuff, but I, I think they're actually offended by that term. Um I see angels, demons, um yeah, UFOs, aliens.


ANDREW DENTON: Wow. What do the angels and demons look like?


HEIDI EVERETT: The angels look like normal people. Um they're not all blond hair and oh, oh ... they're nothing like that. They actually look like normal people.


ANDREW DENTON: And what do the demons look like?


HEIDI EVERETT: They look like demons. I've drawn some. I can show you. Um they're horrible.

[Heidi pulls out illustration]


HEIDI EVERETT: This, this is what they mostly look like, this person here, and um yeah, very horrible and they just come and attack you and get into your space and suck the life out of you and…


ANDREW DENTON: Do you have a sense of them often?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah, yep.


ANDREW DENTON: Must be a horrible feeling.


HEIDI EVERETT: Sometimes I feel like I'm this person.


ANDREW DENTON: Do you see that person in the mirror?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah, yeah I do.


ANDREW DENTON: God that must be an awful feeling.


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah.


ANDREW DENTON: Why don't we turn the page so we can't even look?


ANDREW DENTON: What is that?


HEIDI EVERETT: Oh Tim my case worker at um the clinic where I go tried to get me to explain what anxiety and depression looks like and that that's.


ANDREW DENTON: That's amazing. Can you explain it?


HEIDI EVERETT: Um well it's kind of like it's own planet and it's got its own orbit and everything and these things are
always just there to like knock you on the head and it's got its own power, just all this all sharp object things and...


ANDREW DENTON: There's not a single nice thing there is there.


HEIDI EVERETT: There's nothing nice about it and (breathes deeply) yeah.


ANDREW DENTON: Let's find a happy picture.


HEIDI EVERETT: A happy picture.


ANDREW DENTON: Have you been able to or have you drawn or painted ah what happiness looks like?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yes.


ANDREW DENTON: Oh Tigger. Tigger surfing.


HEIDI EVERETT: Yes.


ANDREW DENTON: Oh that's beautiful.


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah, that's my happy picture. Tigger, Tigger is my happiness.


ANDREW DENTON: Are you in any of your happy pictures?


HEIDI EVERETT: No.


ANDREW DENTON: Why's that?


HEIDI EVERETT: Because I'm not happy. I'm a sad sack as they say.


ANDREW DENTON: It feels to you as though you live between worlds, is that right?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah, yeah. My feet are on this world but my head's in the next world. And I think that's why I was made so tall.


ANDREW DENTON: What's the difference between the two worlds?


HEIDI EVERETT: Um one smells funny; one sounds funny; and like everything's weird about one but the other one's really cool and right, makes sense. Everything's logical to me and yeah.


ANDREW DENTON: So the one where you feet is, feet are sorry, is the one that smells funny and doesn't make sense?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yep. Yeah, takes a lot of working out all the time. You can't just get up and go oh today I do this and da-da-da. It's just like just so much effort that goes into sorting things out just to get up out of bed, yeah.


ANDREW DENTON: You were in ah England until you were about nine is that right?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah, yeah.


ANDREW DENTON: Where you in two worlds then, too?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah. Yeah.


ANDREW DENTON: Did it feel sad for you then, like it does now?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah, yeah, I got um I, I do remember when I used to go to this primary school and the whole school ended up teasing me and calling me a name and no one would hang around Heidi Everett because she was just she was dirty and she had these weird habits and


ANDREW DENTON: When were you diagnosed and what were you diagnosed with?


HEIDI EVERETT: Um that's an anomaly. I, you know it's always been a mystery to me. Um because I was formally diagnosed when I went into hospital the first time. Um he said oh Heidi you've got schizophrenia and I was like yeah, and I'm trying to be cool, oh OK, yeah, whatever, but


ANDREW DENTON: What was hospital like for you?


HEIDI EVERETT: Kind of horrible.


ANDREW DENTON: Yeah.


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah.


ANDREW DENTON: What were the things that you hated?


HEIDI EVERETT: Hated that I was put in a room with only a small window and a mattress and no carpet, nothing, for the night, the first night I was ever in a psyche ward I was in that room and um I pissed my pants out of fear and the nurse wouldn't let me get changed or go ring a friend and get them to bring in some clean clothes, so I had to wear like, that for a while. And then you get jabbed in the arse with injections if you act up, which I think every person that gets dragged off to the psyche ward would act up. Any sane person, would act up. I hate the fact that um we weren't allowed outside for weeks. Um the only fresh air you got was in the smoking room at the time. I do now know that it's changed though and there's a lot more liberties for people but in those times you know that's what I hated about it and I hated the fact that – I could go on and on and on.


ANDREW DENTON: What about the meds? I assume that they've ah given you all sorts of stuff over the years?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah, I've been I've been pretty much on everything, and the one I'm on now um like a lot of people is the last resort. It was the last chance for them to work cos I was very sensitive to them and I used to get some severe side effects.


ANDREW DENTON: What sort of stuff?


HEIDI EVERETT: Um well, my eyes rolled back to the back of my head and I'd be walking down the street like that and it hurt cos they just kept ;going back and back and back and back, and back a bit more and then back a bit more and it was torture and you never stop.


ANDREW DENTON: What did that feel like to be in amongst all of that?


HEIDI EVERETT: lt was embarrassing. Um I knew that people were consciously avoiding me…


ANDREW DENTON: That's interesting, so you know there's a part of you knows entirely what's going on and feels...


HEIDI EVERETT: Yeah. Well, there was this time right, there was an ant and it was just walking around and I totally went into its world, and I was walking around with the ant in the pavement. And then um this person walked past and she said something to me and that's when I realised I was in the ant's world and I wasn't in the person's world. And I couldn't get back into my body so I watched my body get up um and it started screaming and just going completely primeval. It was just, just screaming and rrraaaahh...down the road and I ran into the traffic and people were going get her out of the traffic and everything, and I'm like aahh ... and I was over here watching it all happen from outside, and eh it was a terrifying, terrifying moment and um I eventually came back into my body and I was able to control it and bring it back under control and they just left me on the side of the road um in the gutter and I just sat in the gutter trying to compose myself and um started crying and everything cos I'd never been like that experience before and nobody helped me; everyone just left..


ANDREW DENTON: Why do you reckon no one helped you? That's amazing.


HEIDI EVERETT: People were terrified. They were terrified; cos I was I looked like a banshee. I was just going aahh...down the road and people were just frightened. They didn't know what was happening to me and I didn't know what was happening to me.


ANDREW DENTON: What would you have liked someone to have done?


HEIDI EVERETT: I would have liked somebody to come up to me and say right, Heidi, just relax. Just relax. It's OK. It's OK, you know. That would have been good if somebody just said it's OK, you're all right.


ANDREW DENTON: Is it hard for you sometimes to know what's real?


HEIDI EVERETT: Yes. Yeah, all the time. All the time.

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/transcripts/s2209854.htm


http://www.abc.net.au/tv/enoughrope/interactive/angelsanddemons/

 

[akazie]

I have suffered from depression since I was 18 years old, probably had a lot to do with my environment and a genetic predisposition to it. Right now in my life the depression has gone but I am left with anxiety (personally I would rather be depressed than suffer anxiety) but my doctor has diagnosed me with having a lot of stress which probably is causing the anxiety. She has referred me to stress management counseling which should help. Wish me luck

I don't think people can really understand what it is like to suffer from mental illness until they have been there themselves and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, it really does suck.

ETA: it is good to know that there are other people out there that have the same struggles in life as I do

 

[Fflow]

Check this out!

 

[Quoll]

I have suffered from depression since I was 18 years old, probably had a lot to do with my environment and a genetic predisposition to it. Right now in my life the depression has gone but I am left with anxiety (personally I would rather be depressed than suffer anxiety) but my doctor has diagnosed me with having a lot of stress which probably is causing the anxiety. She has referred me to stress management counseling which should help. Wish me luck

I don't think people can really understand what it is like to suffer from mental illness until they have been there themselves and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, it really does suck.

ETA: it is good to know that there are other people out there that have the same struggles in life as I do

G'day Ak, I might swap you my depression for your anxiety, except I've got my own too.

The stress management counselling sounds like a good thing, it helps to have the info you need (forewarned is forearmed, that sort of thing).

There are some links on the first page that might be of some use to you as well, the self hypnosis one (not sure if I would call it hypnosis but...) is very good at bringing you back to reality when the stress begins to overwhelm you.

Good luck with the counselling, it would be great if you could let us know how it goes.

 

[bobsgirl]

I feel like I want to write something here, but everything I write doesn't precisely convey how I'm feeling.

Used up. Fresh out of compassion, kindness, and patience. Angry and bitter.

I don't like the person I'm becoming. The anxiety is taking over.

 

[Fflow]

I feel like I want to write something here, but everything I write doesn't precisely convey how I'm feeling.

Used up. Fresh out of compassion, kindness, and patience. Angry and bitter.

I don't like the person I'm becoming. The anxiety is taking over.

Reaching out is a great idea. I think, though, that there are people in your real life who might be able to support you more fully as you regain your balance.

How does one lose compassion, I wonder. I would guess that it is hard to have it for others if you don't have it first for yourself. Same with kindness, and patience.

I'm not suggesting that cognitive processes are a cure-all but, in consort with therapy, meds, and physical exercise, it can really help.

Are you undergoing treatment right now?

Anyway, don't be alone. Reach out and keep reaching out. You'll find the support you need.

Peace,

SRW

 

[Mazuri]

Well, I've been on the meds for about 4 months now and WOW what a difference they have made in my life! We're still doing some tweaking and fine tuning, but I already feel soooo different (in a good way). Makes me wonder why I put it off so long, now

I'm seeing the therapist weekly and we're slowly going through various things. And though I feel lots better, I know I can't stop the meds. I don't ever see that happening, in fact, unless something drastically changes. I'm ok with that now, though, and getting more ok with myself as time goes on. Baby steps that are taking me to a much better place in my life and in myself than I ever thought I could go.

*hugs all* Thanks for all the support. Just reading through the thread and knowing that someone understands helps me a lot. My hubby has been super-supportive, but he can't really know what it's like.

 

[Quoll]

Well, I've been on the meds for about 4 months now and WOW what a difference they have made in my life! We're still doing some tweaking and fine tuning, but I already feel soooo different (in a good way). Makes me wonder why I put it off so long, now

I'm seeing the therapist weekly and we're slowly going through various things. And though I feel lots better, I know I can't stop the meds. I don't ever see that happening, in fact, unless something drastically changes. I'm ok with that now, though, and getting more ok with myself as time goes on. Baby steps that are taking me to a much better place in my life and in myself than I ever thought I could go.

*hugs all* Thanks for all the support. Just reading through the thread and knowing that someone understands helps me a lot. My hubby has been super-supportive, but he can't really know what it's like.

*wipes tear* They grow up so fast.

Awesome news Maz, I remember so well those days when the fog started to lift, how good it was to feel, nice.

Enjoy life.

 

[Quoll]

I feel like I want to write something here, but everything I write doesn't precisely convey how I'm feeling.

Used up. Fresh out of compassion, kindness, and patience. Angry and bitter.

I don't like the person I'm becoming. The anxiety is taking over.

I think I know what you mean, I'm a bit like "If you've got nothing nice to say then don't say anything." which pretty much leaves me speechless.

BeeG, I don't know how to get out this frame of mind either, all the things we are supposed to do either don't work or just simply don't get a look in.
My only thought at the moment is to try and get more regular sleep, I really think this is something that has a bigger effect than we give it credit for, particularly over the long term.


Know always that you are forever in my thoughts.

 

[bobsgirl]

Reaching out is a great idea. I think, though, that there are people in your real life who might be able to support you more fully as you regain your balance.

How does one lose compassion, I wonder. I would guess that it is hard to have it for others if you don't have it first for yourself. Same with kindness, and patience.

I'm not suggesting that cognitive processes are a cure-all but, in consort with therapy, meds, and physical exercise, it can really help.

Are you undergoing treatment right now?

Anyway, don't be alone. Reach out and keep reaching out. You'll find the support you need.

Peace,

SRW

I've been on anti-depressants for a few years. Recently, I've had some health issues that have taken a toll mentally. I think once I come to terms with that, I will feel a little more positive. I hope so.

Thanks, Fflow.

 

[bobsgirl]

I think I know what you mean, I'm a bit like "If you've got nothing nice to say then don't say anything." which pretty much leaves me speechless.

BeeG, I don't know how to get out this frame of mind either, all the things we are supposed to do either don't work or just simply don't get a look in.
My only thought at the moment is to try and get more regular sleep, I really think this is something that has a bigger effect than we give it credit for, particularly over the long term.


Know always that you are forever in my thoughts.

I'm encouraged to see you posting, Q-ey. I know you tend to isolate yourself when things get rough.

Yes, sleep is key. Enough sleep is the problem. It's a little better than it was, but I'm still up at all hours.

Ditto on the "in my thoughts always." It's why I always come nagging if I haven't seen you in a while.

 

[Fflow]

Sleep is key, definitely, but more and more research has shown that regular cardio exercise is far more beneficial that pretty much anything else, including meds. Also, regular cardio improves the body's ability to sleep regularly, and stay asleep through the night.

BTW, I'm constantly struggling with getting exercise. When I do, though, I always feel the benefits!

Take care!

srw

 

[Quoll]

Eight signs your man may be depressed.

Thanks Henry.

 

[bobsgirl]

Eight signs your man may be depressed.

Thanks Henry.

Yes, all signs of depression, and how scary is it that I'm experiencing every single one of them? (Well, substance abuse, only if you consider chocolate and sugar to be substances.)

Fact is, I just don't give a shit. I have short periods of time when I can pretend I'm okay, but it always comes roaring back. The pain of depression is exhausting. I can see why some people choose to mask it with drugs or alcohol.

I'm beginning to believe there is no way to fix it.

 

[Fflow]

Brain chemestry is still a bit of a mystery, but great advances have been made. Please don't give up hope. In this new year, know that small but significant improvements are possible, and that where there is life, there's hope.

Happy New Year!

xoxo

srw

 

[Quoll]

Bump for kittyroissy.

 

[Fflow]

One sign of depression: Spends way too much time wanking to internet porn!

D'Oh!

 

[JustSkye]

Bumpin~