Dissection of The Slut

[FungiUg]

Re: <-----IS a White Chocolate slut...

There ARE those sluts who own their own sexuality – on their own terms - who take their pleasure where they find it, or make their pleasure when they need it. But, doesn’t that crash head-on into the D/s dynamic?

Well, our white chocolate slut... for some strange reason we tend to focus on the power exchange element of sex. And to be honest, I believe it is present in EVERY sexual exchange. However, I also believe that not everyone has our focus or awareness of it.

So... yes, someone so in ownership of their sexuality can be seen through our D/s-coloured glasses, but that doesn't necessarily agree with their own self-view.

 

[Etoile]

I seem to remember that in centuries past a "slut" was a woman who enjoyed sex. Interesting to see how that definition has changed!

 

[Esclava]

Question, though...

I seem to remember that in centuries past a "slut" was a woman who enjoyed sex. Interesting to see how that definition has changed!

If the only criteria for being called a slut was 'enjoyment of sex', how did it get to be such a derogatory label?

Esclava

 

[RJMasters]

Re: <-----IS a White Chocolate slut...

We speak regularly about PYLs and pyls. IMO, it takes a strong PYL to dominate a strong pyl. And, I believe, it will take a strong PYL to dominate a pyl slut who owns their sexuality – because said pyl slut will NOT give up that ownership (easily or permanently) to One who is not strong enough to secure it.

I am not going to disagree with this, however I do want to put my finger on something I find interesting and have noticed in many of your posts.

Many times you use terms of "strong" dominant and "strong" ply. In many of your posts you have this reoccuring theme about the need of a strong dominant to be able to handle a strong ply. I cannot imagine you are speaking about a sammy here when you say strong ply.

I would first like to ask what you mean when you suggest this, or use these terms in this way.

Thank you in advance for your time in this matter.

 

[RJMasters]

Re: Question, though...

If the only criteria for being called a slut was 'enjoyment of sex', how did it get to be such a derogatory label?

Esclava

The derogatory label i believes stems from two sources.

1. The slut is seen as the destroyer of relationships, especially marriages. The age old addage, a man wants a pristine woman in public and a slut in the bedroom applies here, in that many women(mostly of the vanilla variety) cannot play the slut part and are thereby threatened that another woman would do anything even fuck a married man(especially their married man). The vanilla woman see a moral view of things where the slut is not bound to such moral bindings. Hence she cannot compete, or is not willing to compete on this level and attaches the derogatory label in an effort to attack the sluttish type woman, and associate the negative to any man who would have anything to do with her.

2. Same as the above but single women. They prize their moral code of good girls don't, and find it fustrating to compete against a slut for a man's attention. They want the men who want the slut but refuse to act slutty themselves(I know that is confusing, but I stopped trying to figure out women long ago and I sleep better for it). So they also attach the derogatory label in an attempt to discredit the slut's reputation and in some way to intimidate her as a person who has no "preceived" moral bearings. This will often make the low self esteme slut withdrawl in shame, but make the slut who is comfortable with her sexuality laugh. Which pisses off the other women even more, and can be great fun!


That's my take on where the label would come from. Of course the above takes into consideration the level of 'enjoyment of sex' is equivalent to the magnitude of slut's sexual appetite which is excessive.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Re: Question, though...

If the only criteria for being called a slut was 'enjoyment of sex', how did it get to be such a derogatory label?

Esclava

"slut" is defined as a sexually promiscuous (one who has sex indiscriminate with multiple partners) woman, or a female prostitute.

older definitions for "slut" include female servant, a low-class "slovenly" woman, or a female dog.


i don't think enjoying sex has ever been part of the criteria for being an actual slut, but that isn't to say there haven't been those who think of any woman who enjoys sex as a slut.

 

[Esclava]

Re: Re: <-----IS a White Chocolate slut...

I am not going to disagree with this, however I do want to put my finger on something I find interesting and have noticed in many of your posts.

Many times you use terms of "strong" dominant and "strong" ply. In many of your posts you have this reoccuring theme about the need of a strong dominant to be able to handle a strong ply. I cannot imagine you are speaking about a sammy here when you say strong ply.

I would first like to ask what you mean when you suggest this, or use these terms in this way.

Thank you in advance for your time in this matter.

I appreciate the request for clarification. It allows expansion of my mind as well.

What I mean by a "strong" dominant, is someone who is a combination of several "strong" characteristics.

Such a dominant is (among other things) intelligent, confident, charismatic, consciencious about their responsibility, an excellent communicator with a great sense of humor, and not intimidated by a submissive partner with many of the same characteristics. For me, these lay the foundation for a "strong" dominant.

I was speaking with a friend who asked me if I could submit in r/l. I told her, physically, I submit to one - who is not a "strong" dominant - in order to FEEL physical domination and learn to yield my will to that of another (in r/l). He is dominant to the one who serves him, but will never be able to dominate my mind - which is at the heart of my submission.

IMO and limited experience, a submissive with strong characteristics who is matched with a dominant who does not possess strong characteristics - is a dynamic that cannot be balanced. It seems the perfect breeding ground for a submissive to TFTB.

The "10 Locks" I speak of (look over my AV) require 10 Keys of a strong dominant. If you would like to know the 10 Keys that are required, please PM me - I don't mind sharing. I hate being alone, but I'd rather search and wait for One who is strong enough to dominate me than to give my submission to One who is weaker than I.

Esclava

 

[Esclava]

Re: Re: Question, though...

"slut" is defined as a sexually promiscuous (one who has sex indiscriminate with multiple partners) woman, or a female prostitute.

older definitions for "slut" include female servant, a low-class "slovenly" woman, or a female dog.


i don't think enjoying sex has ever been part of the criteria for being an actual slut, but that isn't to say there haven't been those who think of any woman who enjoys sex as a slut.

Now on this we agree and that was my point to asking that question. Thanks!

Esclava

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Question, though...

older definitions for "slut" include female servant, a low-class "slovenly" woman, or a female dog.

Yes, I believe that meaning is kept alive in the variant "slattern". Doncha just love the English language?

 

[RJMasters]

Re: Re: Re: <-----IS a White Chocolate slut...

What I mean by a "strong" dominant, is someone who is a combination of several "strong" characteristics.

Such a dominant is (among other things) intelligent, confident, charismatic, consciencious about their responsibility, an excellent communicator with a great sense of humor, and not intimidated by a submissive partner with many of the same characteristics. For me, these lay the foundation for a "strong" dominant.

Thank you for this answer, it has satisfied my curiosity in how you use these terms.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Wow - so many of us. I too am a slut (somehow feel like I'm at an AA meeting - lol) I can remember always wanting to know more about sex, trying to talk boys into touching me - or let me touch them, trying to give a boy a blow job (maybe 6th grade) and have him push me away in fear. Then when the boys finally caught up with me (or did I just move on to older boys?) the mixed messages. "You're soooo sexy" on the one hand and "You're such a slut" on the other. But I never really felt bad about being a slut - I felt I had just as much right to have sex as the boys did and fuck anyone who thought less of me because of it!

But it did lead to years of very shallow relationships - imagine on the one hand I'm still looking for a husband. Because I was divorced with 2 kids and my parents said I needed one. Yet not playing the 'good girl wifey' role that most men look for in a partner. So you end up with very sexual - yet mainly shallow relationships. It wasn't until recently that I started meeting men (older, more secure) who could love me deeply and accept my sluttiness without passing judgement or feeling insecure.

Once I started exploring bsmd I realized I was home. This is what I'd been looking for all those years. To me a slut is someone who knows what she wants sexually and will do whatever it takes to get it - even - or especially- if what she wants is to be used as a sexual object.

I'm not sure what my limits are - yet.... need more experience first. Its not a 'role' as such - its who I am. I get more and more comfortable with my inner slut as the years go by. Which makes me want/try even harder to make my fantasies and desires come true. The only 'love/hate' thing I got going on is my vanilla relationship and the hardship it causes in the exploration of my submissive side.

Can relate to what you say. LOL, I was just telling Master last week about the disaster it was the first time I tried to give a blowjob......something I had never heard of or knew anything about but was led by my own instincts to attampt. Though we were in our teens, like you, the one O chose to experiemnt was freaked out I would even get my mouth anywhere near that area and refused to allow me to do 'something we would both regret"!! It is sad that in his short life (unfortunately he died at 18) he allowed his ignorance of such things to limit his experiences to naughty but fairly straight sex, and that with a twisted view. He actually got thrown down a set of steps by another love of mine for once suggesting because I had allowed him to be my first I was a slut and not worthy of respect....didn't go down well with the love who was still hoping he would have the pleasure....and did. on and off for about 25 years.

As to the ideal wife image men seek, it seems self defeating and a huge denial of their own sexuality. Perhaps if more had the strength to go for what made them tick there would not be so many divorces and broken homes. Seems there is this stereotypical image that a woman who enjoys her sexuality and embraces it must also be a drunk, loud mouthed, ill mannered, swearing, low class creature. Appeals to some but is something I can never be.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: For love of sluts

As a man and a Dominant, there is a certain appreciation for sluts. First of all I love that she has owned her sexuality and chosen to do with it as she wills. No mores or social concerns, but her desire to be her.

Secondly sluts are more willing to explore, to take a risk, to try something new much more so than good girls are. To find that they enjoy anal as much if not more than vaginal, to take pride in developing their own technique of oral and to learn to read a partner and make him feel like the most special person in teh world because she can.

Perhaps teh greatest adoration of a slut is just that, that she knows how to make a lover feel incredible. She has learned and studied and practiced, and in a bdsm relationship she brings all of that to lay at the feet of Dom/me as offering. Past shame and past glory, perfected thrills and hunger for the next horizon, all to bring pleasure to that One that they serve.

Yes Virginia, the world needs more sluts. I for one love them dearly for what they bring to the world.

SH

Hmmmm, so that is why I have had to deal with men wanting more and more all my adult life, but stupidly not wanting to commit because they felt it just was not the type relationship you shared with a life partner. Thank the universe I have found one who is man enough to own his own sexuality, admit his own perverse pleasures and wanting to explore them and more with me forever.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: For love of sluts

Wonderful thread, Catalina.

I am a slut, and very proud of the fact (as you can all probably tell from my AV!).

Nah!! I am shocked!! You a slut? Never imagined such a thing!! LOL.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm sure I will not get my thoughts into words, but will try..

I see two types of slut, the one who uses sex to gratify her own sexual desires. The other type is a creature with poor self esteem, who's sluttish behaviour is a self induced punishment. One is a victim and destructive, the other a goddes/god. I do see progression in maturity from one to the other sometimes.

I'm not sure it is so clear cut into 2 types. I know for me I have always enjoyed my sexual appetite but often cursed the places it led me, and always concentrated more on the pleasure of the other than myself. There was a dichotomy of the two types you mention, but in one being and dependent on the day, person/s involved, and the outcomes. Those factors had influence over whether it was to be a positive and assertive act, or one which was destructive, and sometimes the latter fed the former and vv.

Now I am in a safe place to enjoy, there is still a need to enjoy both these aspects of who I am, for what they offer me as well as Masterful One. Timing can be the most important factor. Perhaps because I have a long history from vanilla times of being able to please myself what I do with whom sexually, and being into anal and oral from mid teens, it does not thrill me to be told to act like a slut, enjoy my sexuality without guilt or repercussions...been there, done that when I was free to do so.

I don't see it as an esteem issue as much as a power exchange factor. I need to know he has the power to do with me what he wants and with whoever he wants me to....and more than that I need to feel it and also have him push me beyond what I would feel comfortable with, emphasise how much he is in control of my body and slut behaviour to the point he not give me permission to do anything so much as demand I do it.

In doing that it no longer gives me the illusion of being able to enjoy for enjoyment's sake with anyone but him, and even then only as a special treat.....my pleasure is not the point of the play, but providing pleasure is. Though that has always been my aim in life, it gives a vastly different feel when it is directed by another and emphasised I no longer have control over my own sex. The hunger grows the more I am fed, there is a need to be led into the darkness no one else has the power to lighten.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: I hate the label...

I have an orgasm, at least, twice daily. Sometimes more than that.

Hmmm, I have days where I beg to leave it at 2 but he never accepts less than double figures.

I don't happen to subscribe to the assertion that it is an accurate label for a B.I.T.C.H. (Babe In Total Control of Herself). It will take a Dom/me of great substance - to label me as their slut - and transform the anger into submission.


LOL, is all in the way you look at it. I am happy with both labels most times...hope you reach that point too.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

That's cool. I also happen to think that slut is one of the most over used submissive personae in the scene.

I also enjoy good girls and boys who are useful in patently non sexual ways, and people who don't need their sexual lust rubbed in their face, that's just dandy.

Sometimes non-sexual is a very good place from which to have a session without distraction.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

well slap my face and call me a maso-slut.

LOL, but the question is would slapping your face be the best line of action or would the maso be fed better by being refused the slap and called an angel?!!

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: I'm sure I will not get my thoughts into words, but will try..

... it gives a vastly different feel when it is directed by another and emphasised I no longer have control over my own sex. The hunger grows the more I am fed, there is a need to be led into the darkness no one else has the power to lighten.

Catalina

Yes, that pretty much sums it up for me.

That being said, at this point, I have nothing of interest or importance to add. But it's an interesting thread to read, Catalina.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Maybe I should clarify my use of the word 'role' as in being not so much as roleplay but in life role such as we are all daughters/sons, mothers/fathers, accountants, nurses etc. Tried for another word at the time but my brain failed me. We are all a number of roles co-existing in one body. I think the stereotyping and prejudice against the slut comes partly from this belief that there is nothing more to the person than slut behaviour....can't be a good mother and wife as well as a slut thought mode.

So for those who identify as sluts, do you still want to have control over that, how far you will go with it etc.? And the Dominants who love sluts, do you desire to control and play with the limits of sluttiness, push past previous boundaries? Do you want your slut to enjoy or suffer, or for some of us who are wired that way to suffer through our enjoyment and enjoy through our suffering?

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: I'm sure I will not get my thoughts into words, but will try..

Yes, that pretty much sums it up for me.

That being said, at this point, I have nothing of interest or importance to add. But it's an interesting thread to read, Catalina.

Me thinks you underestimate the importance of what you have to say ADR. Many a wise or enlightening or simply entertaining post has come from your mind and heart.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

You did spark a thought in my mind... (LOL scary, but true)

"Service above self" is the motto of Rotary.

Believe it or not, I was twice president of my club. (Can you imagine the reactions of my fellow members, should they know about this "side" of me? It did make me chuckle a time or two, while I stood up there and conducted meetings...) My duality of being a lady to all who see me publicaly, and being a slut for my Dom has never been a difficult transition for me.

And speaking for myself, if there are limits on how deep my slutiness goes, then I have limited my growth as a person... period. It would go as far and as deep as it pleased my Dom.

Anyway, Service above Self... that motto fits my sluthood.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You did spark a thought in my mind... (LOL scary, but true)

"Service above self" is the motto of Rotary.

Believe it or not, I was twice president of my club. (Can you imagine the reactions of my fellow members, should they know about this "side" of me? It did make me chuckle a time or two, while I stood up there and conducted meetings...) My duality of being a lady to all who see me publicaly, and being a slut for my Dom has never been a difficult transition for me.

And speaking for myself, if there are limits on how deep my slutiness goes, then I have limited my growth as a person... period. It would go as far and as deep as it pleased my Dom.

Anyway, Service above Self... that motto fits my sluthood.

Works for me....just another example of how limiting it is for people to try and box people into one label descriptor and keep them there by passing judgement and delivering punishment.

Catalina

 

[A's Sweet Baby]

Re: I'm sure I will not get my thoughts into words, but will try..

I don't see it as an esteem issue as much as a power exchange factor. I need to know he has the power to do with me what he wants and with whoever he wants me to....and more than that I need to feel it and also have him push me beyond what I would feel comfortable with, emphasise how much he is in control of my body and slut behaviour to the point he not give me permission to do anything so much as demand I do it.

Again Catalina, you put what i am thinking into a perfect description. For too long i have fought the "slutty" urges that have raged within, for a variety of reasons but mostly because i was worried with what others thought of me (something i still struggle with). And now i have found someone who encourages me to let my sluttiness rise to the surface ... not, only encourages it but expects it. And as is so indicative of a healthy power-exchange (imho) it has taken strength and trust and confidence (in both myself and him) to grant Appe that power (as Catalina said) "to do with me what he wants"). So i don't see it as an esteem issue because if it were an esteem issue, then that could be said of all aspects of a relationship with a power-exchange.

Just my humble ramblings,
ASB

 

[A Desert Rose]

Works for me....just another example of how limiting it is for people to try and box people into one label descriptor and keep them there by passing judgement and delivering punishment.

Catalina

Yes, I agree. Pigeonholing people as this thing or that really denies the dimension of an individual. There are as many different definitions of slut as there people who view themselves as such. And for lack of a better word (as you mentioned earlier) we all live different "roles" in our lives.

I most certainly would not exhibit my sluttiness in front of my children... nor would I've done that as President of my Rotary club. There is a time and place for all things.

I think I can safely say that there are few people who are 24-hour-7day-a-week-locked in-the-house-slaves/submissives. (Yes, I recognize there are exceptions, therefore I used the word "most.") Most of us do have careers and outside relationships. There are areas in most of our lives where being slutty is inappropriate social behavior.

I think most Dom/mes would respect that it's not always appropriate to be slutty and would not require that of their submissive, at the wrong times or in the wrong arenas.

However, I will not deny my sluttiness in the appropriate venues and to the appropriate man. ;-) Or for that matter, to ShadowsDream.

 

[Arles]

I want to jump on the bandwagon and say what a good thread this is, and thank everyone for replying.

As one who is attracted to or seeks the slut in others, I'll just add a couple of my thoughts about it.

My feeling is that anyone can be a slut, that everyone should experience their sluttiness, and that D/s has provided a framework for me in which that can happen more frequently and, with some education, more easily than in a ‘normal’ or ‘vanilla’ relationship.

I agree with Shadowsdream and others that a slut is one who has been reduced to—or been freed to become—an almost purely sexual creature, such that the sex drive becomes as overpowering as the need for food when one is hungry or for water when one is thirsty. We all have a sex drive, after all, but most people spend more energy suppressing it than satisfying it—and when we allow ourselves to satisfy it, it’s usually in ways that are carefully circumscribed, like a big social prophylactic, so that we can get the genie back in the bottle again so people will go back to work instead spending more of their time fucking and sucking.

I like what happens when you break through—or get someone to break through—all that. That’s when things get interesting and your world turns upside-down.

Another thing: I don’t think of promiscuity and sluttiness as being necessarily synonymous. I’ve know promiscuous women who never got close to being sluts, as I think of it, and I’ve also known women who were not promiscuous but who could be great sluts.