Dissection of The Slut

[catalina_francisco]

Another thing: I don’t think of promiscuity and sluttiness as being necessarily synonymous. I’ve know promiscuous women who never got close to being sluts, as I think of it, and I’ve also known women who were not promiscuous but who could be great sluts.

Great post and I think this is very true. There are many who use sex as a means to an end, a control factor or weapon so to speak, not from raw and undeniable desire and lust.

Catalina

 

[Arles]

Great post and I think this is very true. There are many who use sex as a means to an end, a control factor or weapon so to speak, not from raw and undeniable desire and lust.

Catalina

Thank you. And, yes, that's a good way to put it, in terms of ends/means. For the slut, the end is sex. Promiscuity can be a means toward that end, for those whose drive is strong or is triggered easily. When sex becomes a means toward some other end, that's something else--at least as I think of it. Maybe that's the diff. b/w a "slut" and a "whore"? I dunno.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you. And, yes, that's a good way to put it, in terms of ends/means. For the slut, the end is sex. Promiscuity can be a means toward that end, for those whose drive is strong or is triggered easily. When sex becomes a means toward some other end, that's something else--at least as I think of it. Maybe that's the diff. b/w a "slut" and a "whore"? I dunno.

Not sure...the ones I was thinking of are the women who use sex not because they want sex, but because it gets them what they want be it gifts, marriage, children, illusion of love. Once they have all they want, they are no longer interested in having sex.

Catalina

 

[Arles]

Not sure...the ones I was thinking of are the women who use sex not because they want sex, but because it gets them what they want be it gifts, marriage, children, illusion of love. Once they have all they want, they are no longer interested in having sex.

Catalina

Oh, you've met my first wife, have you?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oh, you've met my first wife, have you?

LOL, no, but sadly I have met a huge number of women who are comfortable in this role and see nothing wrong with it....worse still, those who take the view the object of their 'affection' should be grateful.

Catalina

 

[ownedsubgal]

i agree that promiscuity does not necessarily make one a slut. however i do think one must be promiscuous or at least have a promiscuous nature in order to truly be a slut. having a burning, depraved sexual desire within a relationship or with that one special person does not make one anything close to a slut imo. i also do not think that a slut must be lustful (tho without a doubt some are). i am rarely lustful, that is not what drives my sexual nature. rather i'm driven by a need to be used and degraded...that is what sex is to me. i don't want to have orgasms, to be drippy wet, to have some man drive me to crazed heights of sexual ecstasy. the slut within me simply wishes to be used to satiate the sexual needs of men, any and all men in need. and when it's all over, when a man is done with me...am i bathing in the aftermath of sexual bliss? no. but i have the temporary fulfillment of knowing i've been put to good use.

 

[Netzach]

Re: <-----IS a White Chocolate slut...

I agree there are, at least, two distinctly different types of sexual sluts and probably many more.

There ARE those sluts who own their own sexuality – on their own terms - who take their pleasure where they find it, or make their pleasure when they need it. But, doesn’t that crash head-on into the D/s dynamic?

I don’t believe so. While these two types (the ones who own their sexuality; and the ones driven by their sexuality to be used by others) are priceless to those who desire them, the sluts who own their own sexuality must be willing to give up that ownership to another if they are going to surrender to One who is dominant. They MUST know what it is that drives their submissiveness in order to match up with One who can dominate them effectively.
:

I don't personally see "slut" as a trait on the bottom continuum any more than "masochist" or "skater punk" is, necessarily.

It comes up a lot because we are talking about sexuality, but it's not something I relegate or connect only to submissives.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: <-----IS a White Chocolate slut...

I don't personally see "slut" as a trait on the bottom continuum any more than "masochist" or "skater punk" is, necessarily.

It comes up a lot because we are talking about sexuality, but it's not something I relegate or connect only to submissives.

So true....I wouldn't adore him so if he wasn't slut enough to venture where others fear to tread.

Catalina

 

[BoardLurker]

It seems like there are three main themes evolving in the definition of "slut" or "sluttiness"

1) A voracious appetite for sex
2) A willingness to be used as a sexual object
3) Promiscuity

Interesting thoughts, all of them. Before I weigh in with my opinion, I always like to point out that most words have several meanings listed in the dictionary, and, in this case, all of these could be valid, since the word seems to evoke at least one of these images to several contributors here.

That being said, I’ve always associated the word “slut” with number 3 above, i.e., promiscuity. I think osg hit the mark quite well: "one who has sex indiscriminately with multiple partners"

Here are my beefs with (1) and (2): I don’t think a voracious appetite for sex makes one a slut in and of itself. If this appetite is satisfied with a single partner and some toys, I might call the woman “horny,” or even a “nymphomaniac,” but certainly not a slut. Likewise, I think (2) may be more of a submissive trait, rather than a requisite trait of a slut. (Incidentally, if sluttiness is defined simply as a voracious appetite to be used as a sexual object, then I offer myself as Exhibit A in the “Can there be a male slut?” debate).

One other thought: if you grant me for a moment that the essence of a slut is promiscuousness, than (1) and (2) certainly increase the degree of sluttiness! Someone may be willing to sleep around simply to enjoy sex, and may even be able to do so relatively discretely, thereby avoiding the “slut” label. But add in a voracious appetite and a willingness to be used, and it seems like word will spread quick, and the label will stick.

In summary, (1) and (2) don’t make one a slut per se, but often they are indeed contributing factors in what the onlookers would call the “worst” sluts (and what this community might call the “best” ones).


Thanks for hearing me out. I don't post often, but I like this board.

 

[FungiUg]

It seems like there are three main themes evolving in the definition of "slut" or "sluttiness"

1) A voracious appetite for sex
2) A willingness to be used as a sexual object
3) Promiscuity

My own personal definition isn't really covered by those three. Well, (1) comes closest.

For me, a "slut" is someone who is DRIVEN by sex -- not just a nymphomaniac, but a sexual addict. They need not be willing to be used as a sexual object (they could quite well be sexual predators), and they need not be promiscuous.

As a concrete example, my lover and I had a submissive "slut" last year who is far from promiscous. Also, I rate myself as a "slut", but I'm not at all willing to be used as a sexual object.

If we all agreed on the dictionary definitions (or on each others' definitions), this wouldn't have been nearly as much of a fun discussion!

 

[Esclava]

From one slut to another...

<snip>
If we all agreed on the dictionary definitions (or on each others' definitions), this wouldn't have been nearly as much of a fun discussion!

AGREED!!!!!

Esclava

 

[Arles]

If we all agreed on the dictionary definitions (or on each others' definitions), this wouldn't have been nearly as much of a fun discussion!

What!? You mean we're not going to settle this question once-and-for-all!?

 

[Esclava]

What!? You mean we're not going to settle this question once-and-for-all!?

WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Fungi be able to settle THIS question once and for all?

Bite your tongue ... or let me/him do it...

Esclava

 

[crazybbwgirl]

LOL, no, but sadly I have met a huge number of women who are comfortable in this role and see nothing wrong with it....worse still, those who take the view the object of their 'affection' should be grateful.
Catalina

Worse still is a women like those mentioned above that looks down her nose at ME for being what I am. At least I'm honest about what I need and how I'm going to go about getting it.

 

[Netzach]

I've always found it amusing that a woman who will fuck someone for a prada bag will look down on a woman who spanks businessmen for money.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I've always found it amusing that a woman who will fuck someone for a prada bag will look down on a woman who spanks businessmen for money.

LOL, those wonderful double standards which help the denial wagon keep rolling.

Catalina

 

[Travelintheways]

This is such an interesting thread! I'm a very "good girl" kind of... er, girl and have always been, but guess who the kids I like hanging out with the most are? Not the other "good girls/boys" but the "sluts" because, like many of you, I saw in them an honesty that was missing elsewhere. I am a "good girl" in most of my interactions because that's simply my character, and I don't think it's truly such a good thing. The "sluts" understood that I was this insecure, shy, nerdy person and accepted me for it. The "good girls/boys" saw the same person and rejected her because she actually was good, not hiding something underneath.

When I was involved in a long-ish term relationship and de-flowered, I discovered that I was wanting sex more than he was, even when I was mad at him for something. Someone (or a couple of people) have mentioned being a slut for just one person, and that is exactly how I feel. I would slap away anyone else's hand, but for that one person, I would do... almost... anything.

But right now I am not in any sort of sexual relationship, romantic or friends-with-benefits (which I would much prefer at this point in time), and I live almost exclusively with guys and one attractive, wonderful girl who's leaving soon. It's frustrating on so many levels, including the dichotomy I see in myself between the "good girl" and the "slut" in me, both of which are equally true.

 

[catalina_francisco]

This is such an interesting thread! I'm a very "good girl" kind of... er, girl and have always been, but guess who the kids I like hanging out with the most are? Not the other "good girls/boys" but the "sluts" because, like many of you, I saw in them an honesty that was missing elsewhere. I am a "good girl" in most of my interactions because that's simply my character, and I don't think it's truly such a good thing. The "sluts" understood that I was this insecure, shy, nerdy person and accepted me for it. The "good girls/boys" saw the same person and rejected her because she actually was good, not hiding something underneath.

When I was involved in a long-ish term relationship and de-flowered, I discovered that I was wanting sex more than he was, even when I was mad at him for something. Someone (or a couple of people) have mentioned being a slut for just one person, and that is exactly how I feel. I would slap away anyone else's hand, but for that one person, I would do... almost... anything.

But right now I am not in any sort of sexual relationship, romantic or friends-with-benefits (which I would much prefer at this point in time), and I live almost exclusively with guys and one attractive, wonderful girl who's leaving soon. It's frustrating on so many levels, including the dichotomy I see in myself between the "good girl" and the "slut" in me, both of which are equally true.

Is certainly a journey which is interesting for those who are fortunate enough to travel it.

Catalina

 

[curlyred24]

a liberated slut

I just had an interesting phone conversation in which I was discussing that just because i had been promiscuous, "I am not a slut." Then I read this post. I had never remotely heard of anyone describing being a slut in a positive way, or in a way that allowed one to embrace their sexuality. I always looked at my past and my number of partners as a "bad" thing, something to be ashamed of and hid away. Reading this thread was like turning on a light bulb in my head - and i thought, "Wow, I am normal after all." Strange how our parents and society have such an impact on how we view our sexuality. The only sex talk my mother and I had was, "Sex is a beautiful thing with the right person and not in the back seat of a car." Well, needless to say, i found a lot of right people and i've had sex in many places, but never in the back seat of a car (in the front seat, on the hood, in the back of a pick-up but never in the back seat). So thanks to everyone for allowing me to see myself in a new light. This board has opened up a new world for me, I am blessed to have stumbled upon it and the wonderful people here. I should be celebrating my sexuality and embracing my needs and desrires, rather than criticizing myself for having them. So the new liberated slut me says - i like dick, i want dick, i need to have it and I am damn proud of it!

 

[YinandYang]

* What is your definition of a slut within the world of D/s and BDSM?

* How deep does it go? Where are your limits?

* What is it which attracts you to the role?

* Do you feel comfortable admitting it, giving it free rein or offering the idea to a Dominant for guidance, exploration, play?

* Does it thrill you, scare you, tempt you to turn fantasy into reality?

* Is there a love/hate relationship with that side of you?

I am not sure what the definition of a slut is in every day life, perhaps someone who is promiscuous, slept with many partners etc. Although I think the term in itself is used casually by people as an insult, or to gossip about another. Personally I think each to their own, and most comments of insult come from people who feel jealous or curious about a lifestyle they have fantasised about but not participated or because of some insecurity they have.

So I think when my SO calls me a slut/whore whatever, it is his way of bringing me 'down' to the level society has already taken these so called 'sluts'. In calling me slut he is expecting me to do things that only 'sluts' do (getting down and diiiiirty). I am expected not to question anything he wants me to do, and indeed be a willing participater to it. He strives to strip me of any dignity, have me feel like someone to be used for his own desires. Could range from wearing no knickers when we go out shopping....right up to having him fuck me anyway he see's fit. He uses the words 'You are my slut so therefore....' often.

My limits are really his limits, I trust him in that he knows my bounderies. Sometimes his fantasies step outside those bounderies, for example having me suck another mans cock in front of him. In my head these fantasies sound good, in reality its a different matter. But things change, people change, I never say never and always say maybe (that MUST make me a slut lol).

I guess I feel good in this role because its in contrast to my everyday life. I am a mother, I have friends who would probably piss themselves if they knew this side of me lol, and I live in a very small community where people think they know everything about their neighbours. I am a 'good' person. But there is the darker side to my character, and this is the side of me that I am sharing with you all here (and my SO!). I love the contrast, the adversity and the freeing of me when I submit myself to a scene where I am made to feel like a slut.

I feel totally comfortable with it. Its kind of like I am also giving myself permission to let go of the drummed in crap that society feeds us and our children. ''I can be whoever I want, just don't think you are important enough to judge me and make me feel like shit'' is how I feel about life.

 

[voltigeur]

I can relate to some things being said here. I'm a switch and when I'm dominating a lover I find it very interesting to have her confess to being a slut and whore. The reaction of being turned on and humiliated at the same time creates so much intensity

 

[serijules]

I used to never have any desire to be called a slut, and if anyone would have called me that, I would probably have been embarrassed or insulted, depending on the situation.

When D and I got together, that changed a lot. She would affectionately call me her "little slut" occasionally, usually when I was spread out on her bed, soaking wet and begging begging begging to come or to be fucked. I loved the look on her face when she called me that, so pleased with me, so amused by my arousal. She would get that same look on her face when I was really in pain, bordering on begging for her to stop but knowing I really didn't want her to stop. Her little pain slut. A word I used to think was degrading become something of affection, although no one else could call me that to my face and have the same reaction out of me. When she comments on my sluttiness or addresses me as her slut, there is an instant reaction in me....thighs soaked, cunt throbbing, nipples hard...all from that little word.

So for US...being her slut means I'm insatiable. I want more of whatever she is dishing out no matter how much she is teasing me or denying me or hurting me. I will be begging for it, begging her to allow her slut to suffer for her, begging her to allow her slut to be her toy, be used for her pleasure no matter how frustrated I am or how much I am hurting. Normally, I will take what she gives me without much complaint, but when I'm her slut I will beg her for more in not just my words but my actions. I am naturally quite shy, but when I am her slut, I have no shame, no shyness. I'll press my ass up in the air like a cat in heat and beg to be fucked hard with her cock until I'm sobbing. I'll hump her hand when she touches me, desperate for more, harder. I'll suck my juices off her fingers or toys like my very life depends on it. I need no coaxing, no orders, I'm just completely, sexually free and lusting. She'll punish me for being too slutty sometimes, although she is always amused when she does so, to remind me who's pleasure is most important. I feel most owned when I am her slut, as those are the times she uses me the hardest and makes me most aware of how little control I have over my own body and what is done with it.

May not follow the common definitions of sluts in this thread or in general, but that's what being D's slut means to me. So if someone were to ask me if I was a slut, I'd proudly say yes...but only for D.

 

[WriterDom]

Being (My) slut is something to cultivate and nourish. Not to be confused with being (a) slut, which is just plain nasty.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I like sluts and I don't need them to be my slut, but I do like to punish them for it. Sluttiness is all well and good and even to be encouraged, but it must not go unpunished.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sluttiness is all well and good and even to be encouraged, but it must not go unpunished.

Definately not or someone might be very disappointed.

Catalina