Do you believe spanking is an appropriate discipline for a child?

[satindesire]

i don't know if she knows or not but i think she surmises based on other things i have told her. She refers to Daddy as my affair and i have never referred to him as Daddy to her. At first she assumed the relationship was a bad thing but she's since changed her tune since i have elaborated on some of the more risky behaviors i was engaging in before my relationship with Daddy. Being expected to spend every night that i travel for work with Daddy keeps me out of trouble.

Oh, that's great sweetie, I'm really glad!

 

[MICH69AGIE]

Interesting question for this site.

I think most may think spanking is all bad. I do think it is good when done at the right time for the right reason. The pole results seem to say the same thing.

 

[JMohegan]

Of course it's necessary. How are we going to raise the next generation of pervwads?

[/kidding]

Early exposure to the Rocky Horror Picture Show?

 

[ownedsubgal]

interesting. i'm just noticing that most of those who are against CP for children are also opposed to physical discipline or punishment within their D/s relationships.

 

[FurryFury]

Early exposure to the Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Yessssss!!!

LOL



Seriously, I was so happy when I felt my kid was ready to see the full RHPS with stage show with me. She looooooved it!

 

[Netzach]

interesting. i'm just noticing that most of those who are against CP for children are also opposed to physical discipline or punishment within their D/s relationships.

It is interesting isn't it? I've pointed out my reasons, lacking point of reference it just feels fake and weird to me, like I'm playing house or something. I totally get that for other people it's an organizational principle.

 

[Homburg]

interesting. i'm just noticing that most of those who are against CP for children are also opposed to physical discipline or punishment within their D/s relationships.

I consider physical punishment a tool of last resort, be it with my kids or in my relationships. Most of the few times I've done it in a relationship were at the request of the person receiving the punishment. They wanted the expiation.

 

[intothewoods]

interesting. i'm just noticing that most of those who are against CP for children are also opposed to physical discipline or punishment within their D/s relationships.

I don't know. Maybe there is some significance there. Maybe not. For the record, if it matters, at this point, I wouldn't say no to discipline in my relationship. I don't feel like I have that as a limit. On the other hand, it's not all that likely to come up, depending on how you define punishment.

Anyway, if I were single and looking, my philosophy is - I'm not just opposed to physical discipline, but any sort of punishment. The reason is not an objection to physical discipline. Rather, I feel that punishment/discipline of any kind is for children, and I'm not a child. I realize there are plenty who don't feel that way about punishment, but that's just my gut feeling on the subject. If I fuck up, I'm perfectly capable of getting that I fucked up and not doing it again. I apologize, and make amends.

Children, on the other hand, need consequences for their actions - positive and negative, including of course positive consequences for positive actions. I just don't think that corporal punishment is an appropriate one.

 

[Homburg]

Rather, I feel that puniishment/discipline of any kind is for children, and I'm not a child.

This encapsulates the reasons behind why I rarely use CP in relationships, and also why I won't completely say it is off the table.

I do consider corporal punishment to be inappropriate for adults generally speaking. If a person is intelligent and mature enough to be in this sort of relationship with me, it should not be needed.

But sometimes that is exactly why it is needed. Sometimes the message needs to be "You are acting like a spoiled child, thus I will treat you like one." The implicit humiliation is part of the punishment itself.

But likewise implicit to the whole affair is the realisation on my part that this is a fuck-up of my own. Had I not handled some aspect of the situation better, this would not have occurred. I did not communicate my desires, expectations, etc properly, and thus a failure occurred, or I misjudged the individual greatly, or some other failing on my part as the dominant in the relationship.

I felt the same way the very few times I handed out a spanking to my kids. In those cases, I had failed to drill certain lessons into their little heads the normal way. They broke the one standing rule that results in a spanking, and they knew it. There were no mitigating factors or worthwhile excuses, so I did it.

 

[CutieMouse]

This is fascinating to me, because I am okay with physical punishment [if necessary] in my relationships - because I am a grown woman and we can discuss the whys and wherefores both before and after punishment occurs, and I have the ability to reason through things. (Something I don't believe a young child can do.) Maybe it's tied to that ginormous penitent streak I have running through me...

Having said that - it's still a major goal in my world to avoid punishment. Period. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been punished (vs. disciplined), because I do everything possible to not fuck up. When talking to a potential Lover, I'm always like - um, yeah... and I don't get punished. The last guy I said that to tried to argue that punishing me for an invented infraction was part of mind fucking. [No that's a great way to piss me off and mess with my head in a bad way.] My kinky co-worker is totally baffled by the idea that I won't brat or taunt to get a spanking - because how else am I going to get punished? [Uh, yeah... I don't get punished.]

 

[intothewoods]

<snip>

Yeah, I think that dynamic is just really not present in our relationship, on the D side or the s side.

 

[BiBunny]

interesting. i'm just noticing that most of those who are against CP for children are also opposed to physical discipline or punishment within their D/s relationships.

LOL, am I the lone hypocrite in the bunch? Whip the kid, but treat me like an adult, please? Haha.

 

[ataxia.girl]

In my casual going about the supermarket observation of the world, the usual look on the face of most parents with children that I see is one of abject, active hatred. Across classes, races, regions. Something is out of whack in a serious way. The fact that people do not hesitate to inappropriately hit their children in front of other adults, knowing that no one is going to say anything, is more of an issue to me than everyone feeling perfectly validated by a statement like "children should not be hit." Just like I realize that some women may not feel fully validated by the statement "women should not be beaten."

i would never spank a child in public. i don't do public humiliation of children. The fact is even the running out in the parking lot is really only reacted to by catching them grabbing their arm or hand and then squatting down and talking to them intently but quietly. The world just doesn't need to know what i say in a private conversation with my child.

If my child is misbehaving in public, even in line at the supermarket register this is still my response. i squat down to get at their level and talk to them quietly but with a voice they know means they had better listen. Usually the consequence if they don't shape up is simply that they don't get to go out with me next time. i usually only take one or maybe two and i will only buy treats or drinks or whatever for the ones i take with me. i try to alternate and usually only one or two even wants to come but they DO NOT like it when they are now ALLOWED to come because of some behavior the last time they were invited.

 

[jadefirefly]

I received one public spanking. I was about two years old, and had decided that I was going to throw one of those full-on screaming tantrums as my mother was putting the groceries in the car.

She drew me close, swatted my rear ONCE, and gave me this *look* she had (I still fear that look to this day).

I never again had another public tantrum.

With some children, that extra dose of public knowledge that you were bad goes real far.

 

[Netzach]

The last guy I said that to tried to argue that punishing me for an invented infraction was part of mind fucking. [No that's a great way to piss me off and mess with my head in a bad way.] My kinky co-worker is totally baffled by the idea that I won't brat or taunt to get a spanking - because how else am I going to get punished? [Uh, yeah... I don't get punished.]

Oooo this makes me mad. Take a service submissive and fuck everything pleasant about her in one grand gesture.

I saw Midori give a really elegant nod to "how it's abusive to set up a service oriented pleaser person to fail intentionally" and I remember it clicked for me, it was like "yeah, someone just articulated something that always bugged me."

 

[Netzach]

i would never spank a child in public. i don't do public humiliation of children. The fact is even the running out in the parking lot is really only reacted to by catching them grabbing their arm or hand and then squatting down and talking to them intently but quietly. The world just doesn't need to know what i say in a private conversation with my child.

If my child is misbehaving in public, even in line at the supermarket register this is still my response. i squat down to get at their level and talk to them quietly but with a voice they know means they had better listen. Usually the consequence if they don't shape up is simply that they don't get to go out with me next time. i usually only take one or maybe two and i will only buy treats or drinks or whatever for the ones i take with me. i try to alternate and usually only one or two even wants to come but they DO NOT like it when they are now ALLOWED to come because of some behavior the last time they were invited.

This seems like the logical thing to do, I don't get why more people don't do it, but it's awesome that you do. I don't want to sound like a frequently beaten child, because it's not an accurate picture and it's probably becoming an aggregate of all this talking about what I did get from CP -- but MOST of the physical things that happened to me did happen in public, and I can't say that anything good came of this. It didn't stop whatever it was that made it happen, it went on, until I was big enough to explain that I would hit her across the face if she ever did it again and big enough where delivering on that would have sucked for her. 16 or 17, I think.

The funny thing is that I also remember my mother doing what you described at times and I must have listened to it, I know that when teachers got down into my face space it was like "oh holy shit, I've been bad!"

The upside - I got this really neat sexual perversion out of the deal.

 

[BiBunny]

Oooo this makes me mad. Take a service submissive and fuck everything pleasant about her in one grand gesture.

I saw Midori give a really elegant nod to "how it's abusive to set up a service oriented pleaser person to fail intentionally" and I remember it clicked for me, it was like "yeah, someone just articulated something that always bugged me."

Huh. Now I get why the whole "punishment" thing, in relation to myself, just pisses me the fuck off. I have a better response for it now, rather than merely "It's bullshit!"

 

[Netzach]

Huh. Now I get why the whole "punishment" thing, in relation to myself, just pisses me the fuck off. I have a better response for it now, rather than merely "It's bullshit!"

Right, it's like "Jesus Christ, I'm sweating blood for you, if you want a robot, get one."

It's not that being service oriented and LOVING negative consequences being abundant are exclusive, but there is definitely a certain kind of personality, type, and submissive where it's not a fit.

 

[Homburg]

Yeah, I think that dynamic is just really not present in our relationship, on the D side or the s side.

Given that I can count the numbers of times I've gone there on one hand and still have fingers left over, and this is over the course of 7-8 years, it's not particularly present in my dynamics either. But I'm not going to take a tool out of the toolbox just because.

And I can say the same thing about parenting. I can count the number of times I've spanked any of my four kids on one hand and still have fingers left over. Been a parent now for going on ten years.

The parallels go further as well, as I refuse to punish when I'm angry, regardless of whom it is that has screwed up. Anger leads to overreaction and lack of control.

--

I saw Midori give a really elegant nod to "how it's abusive to set up a service oriented pleaser person to fail intentionally" and I remember it clicked for me, it was like "yeah, someone just articulated something that always bugged me."

I was at a talk she gave that included this, and had the same feeling.

And she really is an excellent monologist/presenter.

 

[ataxia.girl]

I received one public spanking. I was about two years old, and had decided that I was going to throw one of those full-on screaming tantrums as my mother was putting the groceries in the car.

She drew me close, swatted my rear ONCE, and gave me this *look* she had (I still fear that look to this day).

I never again had another public tantrum.

With some children, that extra dose of public knowledge that you were bad goes real far.

i thankfully have not had one throw that kind of tantrum in public, that i can remember anyway. i'm not actually sure how i would handle it other than to just get really pissed off and likely very quiet. i probably wouldn't say or do anything. We ignore tantrums at home so i'd likely ignore them in public and get in the car and home as quickly as possible.

i haven't had one that throws tantrums past 3 or 4 years old but i know it happens. my brother threw them until he was like 9. To the point that even he was embarrassed by it but by then it was a deeply ingrained habit. He had a terrible temper but he did manage to learn to control it and now he is the picture of serenity. Its hard to find a more laid back guy. i remember when he was 5 used to kick the wall on his way to his room where he was usually sent and when he was older once punched a hole into the door. my two year old is the worst tantrum thrower of my bunch and reminds me a lot of my brother. i just don't take him in public much by myself. Luckily we haven't had a screaming fit yet when i have taken him out. i only take him when i do because we're afraid he's starting to get a complex that he never gets to go when the other kids do. We're sort of at a cross roads with him as he is becoming more aware. He's pretty awful in the car.

i've only swatted him 2 or 3 times for kicking me when i'm trying to change his poopy diaper. i so do not put up with that. For most everything else we just do back to him, somewhat lighter, whatever he did to someone else which he really doesn't like but it does seem to be the only thing that is even remotely effective. He's one of those that throws his head back when he's in your lap and has given all of us bruises on our face at various times. He also has a tendency to hit and push and is just a terror in general. i'm not terribly worried about it because i know at some point we will be able to reason with him and he'll gain the self control to deal with it but i won't be surprised if it is a challenge for him.

 

[JMohegan]

interesting. i'm just noticing that most of those who are against CP for children are also opposed to physical discipline or punishment within their D/s relationships.

My high school coach punished us when we messed up, with drills that were physically extremely unpleasant. My college coach never punished, but always inspired us to do better. My style as authority figure in personal relationships is modeled on the latter.

It's interesting to think about if, or whether, my style would be different, had I ever been exposed to an adult employing CP or physical discipline whom I also respected. But I never was. And in my mind, the contrast between those who inspire fear, and those who inspire respect, just couldn't be starker.

 

[Cattypuss]

Double post

 

[Cattypuss]

interesting. i'm just noticing that most of those who are against CP for children are also opposed to physical discipline or punishment within their D/s relationships.

Most maybe but not all. I love being beaten up but I would never lay a hand on a child. Though actuall I prefer being beaten if it's not described as punishment/discipline.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Most maybe but not all. I love being beaten up but I would never lay a hand on a child. Though actuall I prefer being beaten if it's not described as punishment/discipline.

How many kids do you have? Just curious.

 

[Cattypuss]

I sense you may be wishing to challenge my statement. Your prerogative, of course. But bear in mind that my assertion that I would never hit a child is NOT a judgement on anyone who DOES hit children. It is merely my personal view on my own behaviour.

I have no kids. But my brother and I were never hit (well, I was slapped once, when my dad was having a nervous breakdown - but that was a total aberration). And I am a lifelong dog-owner who has never punished or hit a dog, even in extremis - my training of dogs is 100% reward-based and extremely successful.