Does age matter?

[Netzach]

No I couldn't. All of my Dom/mes have been significantly older than I by at least 20 years in some instances. I think perhaps even if you are very experienced, you're still not going to be perceived as such mostly due to your age. While this might not be fair, it generally is what happens. Females typically want someone with a lot of experience under their belt because of safety issues as well as at least the perception of great vast amounts of experience under the belt, or weilding the belt as the case may be.

Best of luck! Try collerme.com -- it seems to have worked for several here.

This made me dig up a fun memory.

The woman I bottomed to hardest, ever, was 22 and 5 years younger than I was at the time. I had invites from many a 40something with 20 years of lifestyle experience blah blah blah, believe me.

None of them were as experienced in the physical arts of SM as this girl, who had trained with a top prodomme since she was legal.

"Experience" in other cases was limited to telling one's wife or girlfriend what color panties to wear day in and day out maybe --fine, but not relevant whatsoever to what I wanted to try doing, totally unrelated to saety issues for me, and ultimately not that important to me. A lot of people are experienced in their minds and in their scenes -- that does not mean you will be kept safe in YOUR scene.

This girl mopped the floor with me, JUST how I wanted it, did stunningly well. She ID's as submissive and a service top, and she's the best one I've ever played with. It was one of those magically clicking scenes. She even embarrassed the shit out of me because I'm really a do-me bottom and she sussed that out, it was lovely.

 

[shy slave]

A lot of people are experienced in their minds and in their scenes -- that does not mean you will be kept safe in YOUR scene.

To me, this is such an important point and appears to be a common link to all BDSM activities.

Thanks for the reminder Net.

 

[SueJ]

Now I have other concerns: My 18yr old told me that his gf mum came into the bedroom when he has half naked (bottom half) smiled, looked and said 'Hi' before leaving.
He has not expressed direct concern at this but my mind is creating all kinds of things as to why/what etc.

Wow, Shy Slave, it is so wonderful that you have the kind of relationship with your son that enables him to come to you and talk about these things. Clearly that type of openness is something you have fostered since childhood. Well done!

As for the age game....well....I do think there is a difference in perspective and understanding with different age groups. A difference of a few years is not a big deal, and as one gets older, that gap closes quickly. A 10 year age difference that seems insurmountable at 20 is less so at 40. But sexual/domination/submission experience doesn't make up for the first-hand experience of seeing life from the perspective of somebody who has lived it longer. That's not intended as a put-down to anybody by any means. There are just different stages that cannot be rushed nor ignored. And of course, there are immature 50 year olds as well as mature 20 year olds, so any generalization does not hold true for 100% of the population.

 

[Seduce]

HI Seduce
I was so pleased to read your protective and honest thoughts about your teenage girls.

My son turned 18 earlier this year.
He was seeing a 15 yr old girl for several months during last year and part of this year.
Legal age in UK is 16 yrs anything else can be considered stat rape.

My issue was with her parents. They allowed him to stay over at her house every saturday night.
This really bothered me a great deal from a legal viewpoint. If the realtionship ended (which it did earlier this year...briefly) whats to stop her parents reporting him for rape yet they allowed him to stay
I spoke to my son about this on many occassions but he just said I was overreacting...maybe I was, but its all ok until something goes wrong. How do I know that the parents will not feel aggrieved once the relationship is over.

Once I had voiced my concerns to him I did not go on about it, but it did affect the relationship i had with him as the gf did not want to be in my home...ever.

They split up and are now back together, call me a cynic but they split after valentines and reunited just before her 16th birthday (presents anyone ).

The gf does seem ok as a person, although my younger son says his brother only sees one side of her.

Now I have other concerns: My 18yr old told me that his gf mum came into the bedroom when he has half naked (bottom half) smiled, looked and said 'Hi' before leaving.
He has not expressed direct concern at this but my mind is creating all kinds of things as to why/what etc.

Maybe I am overreacting, I do have a talent for it, but I really wish he would find somebody slightly older.

The idea of him being ogled by his gf mother may be some peoples fantasy but frankly I want to go and scream, rage, poke her eyes out etc etc etc

Sometimes I think it was easier when they were little kids saying 'why, why' why, every five minutes.

Hi, my dear

I do understand your worries, and frankly I think they are just normal for Mom who cares about her boys.

It is equally normal for your 18 yrs old not to see things the way you see them and to think you overreact.
My opinion is that you made mistake in telling him you are worried couple of times. Either forbid him to go there, or just warn him once.

I think the person/s you should talk about your problem was not your inmature son (they all are at 18, and they dont know how nasty world can be)....... but the parents of his girlfriend.

I know it is not easy, but there should be ways to get to know them. If you met them in person, and even express your disagreement with your son staying at their home overnight (you dont have to say what exactly bothers you, just in general say you dont like the idea), you might get some responses that would ease your mind. Or, if you made an opinion you dont like or trust them, you might take some further steps.

Mind that nothing you can say now to your son in love will change his opinion on his girlfriend, you can just make him think you are his enemy. Be nice to her and never say something against her in front of him.

And about her mother being nice to him...... maybe she was just nice and nothing else.
But if you get to know her better, you can see what kind of woman she is and is she capable of what you suspect.
I know it takes time and you have to be very cunning, but I do think you can only get to the bottom of things by meeting them. It would not be unusual thing for loving and caring Mother wanting to meet her boys girlfriend parents...... in fact I would consider it quite natural thing to do.

Dont torture yourself by imagining things, it may only get worse in your mind. Try to either trust your son (you know him best) or go and get yourself some answers.

I do hope there is nothing really to worry about

 

[shy slave]

Hi, my dear

I do understand your worries, and frankly I think they are just normal for Mom who cares about her boys.

It is equally normal for your 18 yrs old not to see things the way you see them and to think you overreact.
My opinion is that you made mistake in telling him you are worried couple of times. Either forbid him to go there, or just warn him once.

I think the person/s you should talk about your problem was not your inmature son (they all are at 18, and they dont know how nasty world can be)....... but the parents of his girlfriend.

I know it is not easy, but there should be ways to get to know them. If you met them in person, and even express your disagreement with your son staying at their home overnight (you dont have to say what exactly bothers you, just in general say you dont like the idea), you might get some responses that would ease your mind. Or, if you made an opinion you dont like or trust them, you might take some further steps.

Mind that nothing you can say now to your son in love will change his opinion on his girlfriend, you can just make him think you are his enemy. Be nice to her and never say something against her in front of him.

And about her mother being nice to him...... maybe she was just nice and nothing else.
But if you get to know her better, you can see what kind of woman she is and is she capable of what you suspect.
I know it takes time and you have to be very cunning, but I do think you can only get to the bottom of things by meeting them. It would not be unusual thing for loving and caring Mother wanting to meet her boys girlfriend parents...... in fact I would consider it quite natural thing to do.

Dont torture yourself by imagining things, it may only get worse in your mind. Try to either trust your son (you know him best) or go and get yourself some answers.

I do hope there is nothing really to worry about

Thanks for that Seduce.

I do hope I am just worrying about nothing,

His gf does come round here occasionally now and manages a 'hello'

I have agreed when he sorts his bedroom out she can stay over, but have to admit it was Andante who helped me come to this decision.

Her parents are not interested in meeting or speaking to me at present but this may change.

I will now wait until they suggest meeting and make sure i take a responsible adult with em to help keep my mouth in check lol

Deep down I still wish he would find someone else, although I know we can't make their choices for them and have to respect they have their own minds and the right to make choices regardless of parental views.

If things develop further I will be ok about his choice, i would hate him to think he has my permanent disapproval.

Sorry to have slightly hijacked the thread, but back to the age thing:
Whatever people decide in terms of age/race/gender we can have opinions, but we should not impose them on others as its their choice not ours and simply shows us to be both narrow minded and bigoted.

Of course that applies to everyone I meet but not when it concerns my sons
(I am joking!!, my sons can live thier own lives without asking permission and putting the said request in writing three months ahead of request deadline)

 

[catalina_francisco]

This made me dig up a fun memory.

The woman I bottomed to hardest, ever, was 22 and 5 years younger than I was at the time. I had invites from many a 40something with 20 years of lifestyle experience blah blah blah, believe me.

None of them were as experienced in the physical arts of SM as this girl, who had trained with a top prodomme since she was legal.

"Experience" in other cases was limited to telling one's wife or girlfriend what color panties to wear day in and day out maybe --fine, but not relevant whatsoever to what I wanted to try doing, totally unrelated to saety issues for me, and ultimately not that important to me. A lot of people are experienced in their minds and in their scenes -- that does not mean you will be kept safe in YOUR scene.

This girl mopped the floor with me, JUST how I wanted it, did stunningly well. She ID's as submissive and a service top, and she's the best one I've ever played with. It was one of those magically clicking scenes. She even embarrassed the shit out of me because I'm really a do-me bottom and she sussed that out, it was lovely.

So true....I think a lot of people assume a lot based on the age being greater and don't look and listen to the reality of the person they are considering.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sometimes I think it was easier when they were little kids saying 'why, why' why, every five minutes.

________

LOL, I can so identify. I discovered just how protective I could be of my daughter's emotions and lovelife a few times which she had mixed feelings over. She was pleased I stood up for her, but she also felt she needed to keep that bit of control for herself even though she admitted on the one really big explosion that she was really unable to do it herself at the time. Thankfully she has managed to get things under control and my being on the other side of the globe also avoids my getting too involved and stepping on any toes I maybe shouldn't.

Catalina

 

[Seduce]

So true....I think a lot of people assume a lot based on the age being greater and don't look and listen to the reality of the person they are considering.

Catalina

Quite right.
But lets say in general ....... do you people really think that average 25 yrs old can match someone over 45 in life experience?

Sometimes we must assume things based on age or something equal, and miss to know the true person, but that is life, we just dont have time or energy to get to know everyone we would like to.

 

[Private_Label]

They know they can talk to me or their father at any time about anything.

Even if they mess up they know that while we will be angry and disappointed, we will be there for them. We will help them figure out how to deal with whatever problem they created. They will have to do the work and own up to it though.

Fury

As a kid (I'm 40 now) who grew up with a mother who esposed the same viewpoint (she's not into kink at all), all I can say is that I hope your kids appreciate it as much as I have and do now appreciate it and always will. She may not agree with my choices in life but I have never felt that she would cut me off or out because of them. I really feel sorry for the people who don't have that kind of relationship with their parents.

~~*end of thread jack*~~

Now to get back to the Topic at hand...

I don't care how old he is. I do however want someone who is familiar with the realities of Adult hood. Stuff you can't really find out if you still live at home or are going to college straight out of High School. Mainly because these are places safe enough for someone to go out and test the waters a bit without it changing their life. Once you are responsible for paying your own way and how your choices affect other areas of your life it changes something... Maybe that is a bad way to measure maturity, but it is one that I have found will cover most people fairly well. Yes there are exceptions, but they are rare jewels.

 

[Sir Quam]

Age most definitely does matter.

I am 50 years old, while I have always been aware of my Dominant side, I have only been putting it into practice for the last 15 years. Before that, I spent my time submitting, so that I could better understand what it is a submisive sacrifices to her Dominant when the time should come for me to take on that role.

I see a lot of fakers on this board, but there is no place in true BDSM for a Dominant under the age of 35 or so. Perhaps 30 if the individual was particularly mature. Other than that, men simply do not have the maturity, responsibility and self sacrificing nature to be a true Dominant.

 

[Private_Label]

Quite right.
But lets say in general ....... do you people really think that average 25 yrs old can match someone over 45 in life experience?

Sometimes we must assume things based on age or something equal, and miss to know the true person, but that is life, we just dont have time or energy to get to know everyone we would like to.

In general, no a 25 yr old does not have the life experience of a 45 yr old. However, the way I read the question was "is it ever possible?"

I've known immature older people and very mature younger people. The main difference to me is their ability to deal with "hard knocks." Sometimes the 45 yr old hasn't had any hard knocks and one misstep brings him to a standstill where a mature 25 yr old has the backbone to meet the challenge and deal with it.

Are there things a 25 year old hasn't seen that I being 40 have? You betcha. But it is just one more area that we can talk about. Having a different perspective is not necessarily a bad thing.

 

[Netzach]

Age most definitely does matter.

I am 50 years old, while I have always been aware of my Dominant side, I have only been putting it into practice for the last 15 years. Before that, I spent my time submitting, so that I could better understand what it is a submisive sacrifices to her Dominant when the time should come for me to take on that role.

I see a lot of fakers on this board, but there is no place in true BDSM for a Dominant under the age of 35 or so. Perhaps 30 if the individual was particularly mature. Other than that, men simply do not have the maturity, responsibility and self sacrificing nature to be a true Dominant.

Um, ok. What's true for you is not what's globally true for the rest of the universe. I don't think what I was doing was really valid D/s until I was 29, but for someone to come along and tell me that the soul searching and consideration I brought to the table by the time I *was* ready to take on submissives isn't valid because they weren't ready till they were a certain age, it's pretty ludicrous.

I don't think most people are ready to deal with 24/7 D/s relationships as the Dominant until they are in their 30's but I've met lots of highly functional exceptions.

 

[JupitersGirl]

Age most definitely does matter.

I am 50 years old, while I have always been aware of my Dominant side, I have only been putting it into practice for the last 15 years. Before that, I spent my time submitting, so that I could better understand what it is a submisive sacrifices to her Dominant when the time should come for me to take on that role.

I see a lot of fakers on this board, but there is no place in true BDSM for a Dominant under the age of 35 or so. Perhaps 30 if the individual was particularly mature. Other than that, men simply do not have the maturity, responsibility and self sacrificing nature to be a true Dominant.

Thank goodness for you real dominants. <smirk>

 

[Sir Quam]

Thank goodness for you real dominants. <smirk>

You have my sincerest apologies if I have elicited a cynical response in you.

I will spend 90 minutes meditating on humility before I go to sleep tonight.

 

[canadiancutie]

You have my sincerest apologies if I have elicited a cynical response in you.

I will spend 90 minutes meditating on humility before I go to sleep tonight.

Ack!! just die already!

 

[Farblat_Ieem]

Age most definitely does matter.

I am 50 years old, while I have always been aware of my Dominant side, I have only been putting it into practice for the last 15 years. Before that, I spent my time submitting, so that I could better understand what it is a submisive sacrifices to her Dominant when the time should come for me to take on that role.

I see a lot of fakers on this board, but there is no place in true BDSM for a Dominant under the age of 35 or so. Perhaps 30 if the individual was particularly mature. Other than that, men simply do not have the maturity, responsibility and self sacrificing nature to be a true Dominant.

Beneath refutation. Not funny. Lame. Ug.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I see a lot of fakers on this board, but there is no place in true BDSM for a Dominant under the age of 35 or so. Perhaps 30 if the individual was particularly mature. Other than that, men simply do not have the maturity, responsibility and self sacrificing nature to be a true Dominant.

Oh goody. Does that mean i should run for POTUS now as well, or should i wait a while longer and settle for Senator?

 

[TaintedB]

You have my sincerest apologies if I have elicited a cynical response in you.

I will spend 90 minutes meditating on humility before I go to sleep tonight.

One of the most genuine and responisble dominants I know was 19 when I first met him. I met him online and he had me fooled though, something that rarely happens to me. He talked and acted like somebody in his mid-50s. He was astonishing. I think there is an old-fart conspiracy in some bdsm communities to keep the "young'uns in their place" and also to keep all the subbie chickies pressing their hot young bods to their older and wiser selves (heh, there's no fool like an old fool) by pretending profound bs like nobody under 30 can be dom. My former master was born dom, and was writing letters to his dad sternly ordering him to be more finanically responsible at the ripe old age of seven. By 14 he was both advising and controlling girls. He'd get their pants off then give them orders on how to better run their lives. Dominance is either something you have or you haven't and try to fake and the people most into faking it also seem the ones most interested in promoting the ridiculous idea that it is "learned" or "acquired" through age and experience. Bah!

--just another old fart

 

[Sir Quam]

Oh goody. Does that mean i should run for POTUS now as well, or should i wait a while longer and settle for Senator?

You are unfit to run for anything. The evidence of your abusive sadism is all over this board.

As a true Dominant, I am only ever as sadistic as my submissive is masochistic.

 

[canadiancutie]

You are unfit to run for anything. The evidence of your abusive sadism is all over this board.

As a true Dominant, I am only ever as sadistic as my submissive is masochistic.

you would be.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

You are unfit to run for anything.

On the contrary, i'm quite fit, for two miles and the occasional 10K. Care to try another brillant observation dimwit?

The evidence of your abusive sadism is all over this board.

Sadistic? Indeed. Abusive? On occasion, but then only to mental midgets. How ya doin' Tiny?

As a true Dominant, I am only ever as sadistic as my submissive is masochistic.

Keep your head shoved up your ass. No one, much less a submissive, should endure the stench you're spewing. With any luck, we'll get truly lucky and you'll blow your brains out from the back pressure.

 

[Marquis]

You tell him AA!

 

[canadiancutie]

On the contrary, i'm quite fit, for two miles and the occasional 10K. Care to try another brillant observation dimwit?Sadistic? Indeed. Abusive? On occasion, but then only to mental midgets. How ya doin' Tiny?Keep your head shoved up your ass. No one, much less a submissive, should endure the stench you're spewing. With any luck, we'll get truly lucky and you'll blow your brains out from the back pressure.

encouraging suicide is fun, I like you

 

[AngelicAssassin]

You tell him AA!

About our torrid "i luv u" affair?

Ok, i 'fess up. This is Marquis and i after we got snockered in a sushi bar on cheap saki ...

 

[Marquis]

About our torrid "i luv u" affair?

Ok, i 'fess up. This is Marquis and i after we got snockered in a sushi bar on cheap saki ...

Please AA, I'm very sensitive!