Dom/me "Thought of the Day" calendar

[Esclava]

July 20th

Shadowsdream

<snip>I absolutely do everything in the Power and experience that I do have to never INTENTIONALLY cause harm to the ones I hold so closely to My heart. But I do have the balls to admit My own humanity and not candy coat it with impossible statements that may hold water today and have Me eating crow tomorrow.
<snip>
I am also a service oriented Domme..it is next to impossible to get to be Mine...I am at this time in a 3 year 24/7 relationship and trust Me....We all make mistakes that hurt physically or emotionally from time to time...That IS reality.

2 mistakes 3 years..not a bad tally but a tally it is non the less.

Reality! Without My long term experience I am certain I would have had to post a much higher number. Both subs and Dom/mes entering this lifestyle better have a realistic understanding that Dominants are NOT Gods but people with a Dominant nature!

Thread link

Doms do something bad???? Please go read what inspired this response.

Esclava

 

[Esclava]

July 21st

catalina_francisco

My message is not one of despair and misery but one of joy and gladness. Look in the right places and you will find. If you are into BDSM do not try converting vanilla, if you would be gay would you try turning heterosexuals. You might, some try, but most gay persons have learned that they have the highest chance of success inside their own community. And that is basically my message, do not waste your time in trying to turn vanilla, but go for the gold and do not be happy with tin. Vanillas which are inclined towards BDSM will find their way into it, one way or the other. Just as homosexuality can not be denied successfully neither can BDSM.

Thread link

This is actually Francisco, patiently, explaining something to a submissive. The exchange is interesting.

Esclava

 

[Esclava]

July 22nd

Netzach

I don't really ask for references, though if someone asked me for them I'm happy to provide them, I don't find it offensive.

What I do pay attention to is how I see the person I am interested in treating others. I don't do serious stuff with someone I've never watched in a group context. How they treat others is a huge tip-off for me, simply huge.

If you are an asshole to waiters, kids, animals and little old ladies, I know everything I want to know.

Thread link

How do YOU feel about providing references (or not)? Please feel free to visit the thread and chime in.

Esclava

 

[Esclava]

July 23rd

Pure

I think these words are well-chosen. "Best interest" is an interesting concept, not easily equated with satisfying wants you may feel'; it has an objective quality. The wants/desires you feel lie at a polar opposite point, being mostly subjective.

Between the extremes of 'best interest' and the 'wants', lie the *needs,* and you've not used that term, a move I like. Possibly because individuals often are thought to know their needs.
<snip>
If someone knows your 'best interest', they know something at the core. One is on dangerous ground if they are wrong, and on blessed, though sometimes, terrifying ground if they're right.

Thread link

These are excerpts from a longer post - but it is thought provoking.

Esclava

 

[Mr Blonde]

July 24

The key word here is honor. When one or both the people are not honorable someone gets hurt....I was brought up with the belief in honor, loyality [and] duty. So few today even have heard the words [yet] alone live them.

--Richard49 (reformatted) link

 

[Mr Blonde]

July 25

I think the call for references depends alot on the circumstances, but to rule them out altogether seems foolish. Especially in a long distance first meeting, why would any of you say references aren't required? What happened to all that 'safe, sane, consentual' stuff you all bandy about? We all know there are predators out there, and asking for references is a way of adding a layer of safety to the whole thing.

--Johnny Mayberry link

 

[Mr Blonde]

July 26

In a normal femdom relationship, what Mistress wants comes first, within the limits both domme and sub have agreed upon beforehand. Men with specific femdom fantasies and kinks go to pro-dommes; fulfilling such fantasies is what they do.

--RavenSpirit2k4 link

 

[Mr Blonde]

July 27

If I want to actively participate and explode down my partner's throat, then yes, I'm going to have a handful (or two) of hair and I'm going to be driving my cock as deep into her mouth and throat as it will go. If she gags, fine - the sensation of the throat muscles working to expel this intruder feels good on the head of my cock. If she drools and I can see it drip down her chin and onto her breasts and/or onto me... fine. It's an added turn-on to see her fight her body's reactions in order to pleasure me. That is mouthfucking.

--sir_Winston54 link

 

[Mr Blonde]

July 28

[E]ach of us have our own unique experiences and reactions to the same stimuli. Sometimes, my own "vanilla " thinking from days gone by creeps in and causes doubt and concern. I need to remember to just let go and love what is happening in my life rather than question it.

--MissTaken link

 

[Mr Blonde]

July 29

Vulnerability, control, humiliation... these are some of my favorite things...

--Sandia link

 

[Mr Blonde]

July 30

Dom/me space for me was a surreal feeling, like it was just our scene, nothing else existed. I wanted to do more, feed on her reactions. I had to really concentrate to keep my focus. It was a wonderful feeling. I had to force myself to end the scene, because I wanted it to go on forever. That's the best way I can explain it at the moment.

--LadyHeart link

 

[Mr Blonde]

July 31

I am a hard nose! I am a Domme that will not allow My submissives to wallow in guilt after a punishment if they crave My Domination. Why bother punishing if I have to deal with a long face of self recrimination? If My moving on past the infraction or disappointment through the doling out of punishment/correction is not honored by acceptance and appreciation then why should I waste My time? Why not omit teaching and training? Guilt is selfish in My opinion, if it is held onto stubbornly when already forgiven.

--Shadowsdream link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 1

The first, most important and the one greatest thing so few seem to understand is this. A Dom/me among all things must care for, want to learn all about, and invest much time and effort in the proper care, teaching, and life of their sub. A dom/me after all is the caretaker and holder of if not all of, a very large part of the life of their sub. When a Dom/me accepts the submission of a person they enter into a agreement and commitment. Any Dom/me that wants you to "jump" into a collar right off the bat without knowing you, is just playing a game, not living a life. Trust me, the rapture you experience will only get better the longer you are with and know your Dom/me or sub.

--PyroDemon link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 2

With my relationships, I always want to know that my partner is with me because she WANTS to be. And in reality, the only thing keeping a relationship working is that the people in it want it. So... saying to a submissive that she can "walk away with no bad feelings" is really only just an admission of reality.

--FungiUg link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 3

...peech restrictions can be incredibly valuable in teaching patience and contemplation as well as endurance, obedience and tolerance. There can actually be a freedom for the one obeying the restriction and a sense of pride in accomplishment. Speech restriction as a training tool can actually bring the Dominant and the submissive/slave closer together.

--Shadowsdream (abridged) link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 4

I stumbled upon my domme voice by pure accident while making love to my husband. There was nothing especially BDSM about it, no " scene" set for us to play out, but as I straddled him I leaned in next to his ear and said softly but firmly " Don't you dare close your eyes, I want to watch you as you come" and I could actually watch his eyes widen and feel his heart beat a little faster. I experimented over the next few weeks with using my voice as a commanding tool and noticed that the same low, soft and husky tone I had used with him that night not only made his heart race a little faster, but got the exact response I wanted be it a request to take out the trash, or an order for a back rub. I find the ability to arouse, command and control with my voice to be an incredibly arousing experience and a far better motivator then any device I could use. He's learning too that my voice is an indicator, a barometer for him to gague me with and that is helping him meet my expectations.

--Beloved link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 5

Discussion about Doms lowering their standards when not in a relationship...

I won't play with just anyone either. But I do find myself compromising my standards lately.

--Learn Humility link

 

[catalina_francisco]

August 6th

I have been asked about DomSpace before and back then as it is now my answer is "I don't know!"

If I compare it with sub space descriptions I am glad I don't know because I wouldn't trust myself for much if I reached that mental level with the power in hand to seriously harm. It lead to a story that turned out more psychologically scary than enlightening, but I still have not found another approach to "Dom Space" yet.

Hecate

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=69844

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 7

Abandonment...the fear of it...the craving for it...the complex interraction of is it real or will She really keep Me has been a thread and undercurrent of My 5 year relationship with My slave.

--Shadowsdream link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 8

It can be very difficult for one who has built a wonderful fantasy life in online BDSM to translate the words on the screen to real life activities if he hasn't actually participated in that type of relationship.

--Sir_Winston54 link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 9

Human Women are animals--mammals, really. Infants suck at their swollen, milk-hard breasts; and clutch with tiny red marsupial digits. Why does this give me perversity? I want to rend them with my claws, to bite them, to beat them with whips. Odd.

--rosco rathbone link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 10

I am a cane aficionado. There is nothing like the swish of one of my canes as it cuts through the air on its way to her bottom or upper thighs. Nothing like the "snap" as it makes contact with that tender flesh. No other tool, except perhaps the shaft of a crop, can come near the visual sensation as the cane rebounds, leaving its white stripe that so quickly turns pink, then red, as the welt swiftly rises to the eye.

--Sir_Winston54 link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 11

There are lots of things that are too scary for me to do as a domme. Playing without safewords, for example. I remember one story - it was only a story, I know - where the sub snapped his fingers, this being their safe word, because he couldn't breathe around the ball gag. The reason? The whipping brought him to tears and his sinuses clogged. It gave me just a bit of a chill because I probably wouldn't have thought of that.

--RavenSpirit2k4 link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 12

Especially with new subs, I use graduated safewords - e.g., red is "stop now," orange is "I'm very close to red, yellow is "hmm... this is intense but tolerable," blue is "intense but enjoyable," and green is "keep goin' - I'm fine - don't stop!" I shy away from any kind of intentional blood play, and will stop an activity if blood is inadvertantly drawn, for the sub's safety, the safety of anyone else nearby, and my safety. In these times, one cannot be *too* safe.

--Sir_Winston54 link

 

[Mr Blonde]

August 13

Teeth, blood, tears, honey, salt stains, sweat in the eyes, raking nails, laughter, wailing, grunting and roaring ... these are a few of my favorite things. Getting a cramp in the arch of a foot mid-orgasm ain't scary, just annoying as hell ... until laughter falling out of the bed makes everything alright.

--AngelicAssassin link