Dom/me wannabe's and their lack of insight

[raven2]

Swinging and BDSM play has often come up in conversation with BDSM aware friends and I.

Some of the couples who go to the local munch also swing.

They attend events and as a result we sometimes get people who are swingers coming to the munches, yet the have no interest in BDSM and think its simply kinky sex with strangers.

I went to a munch in the next county last week and met a man who swings (his wife was at home with the kids) to say I found him a horrible person is an understatement.

The munch was in the garden of a Gay pub. This man complained there wasn't any sex to watch, he complained that there were no couples so he couldn't make arrangements to 'hook up' with some people at a later date. He did not understand why anyone would want to be hurt or hurt another person, he actually commented that he could see nothing wrong in straight forward sex; where was the harm in it!
I tried to be nice as I spoke to him but I could feel my temper slow boiling.

It got worse
He wanted to know if I was willing to have sex with him back at his house with his wife. I explained I was owned and did not play in public and did not go to munches to have sex.

He then wanted to know if he wore leather trousers and called me 'bitch' would it change my mind, after all one Dom is much like another and he was ok about role play!!

Finally he asked about Andante I explained he lived in Denmark but we saw each other regularly. He leered at me and asked if Andantes wife knew about me!!
Hoping to shut him up I said his wife was dead.

His reply "Well if she was into the kinky stuff I bet she died smiling"

At that point I was so very angry I got up and walked away.
It was either that or punch him and explaining to my son why I was in a police station instead of coming home was something I didn't want to have to do.

I don't understand swinging, it never been an interest of mine and I know he is not like all swingers but it did highlight for me that people who have their own kinks view BDSM as an easy way to get sex and a role play based on kinky sex.

Needless to say, I am so looking forward to any munch Andante can come to and this man is there.
I really want to make those introductions

I will agree with you, Shy. That guy was a complete jerk. But not everyone who is into swinging, views BDSM as a place where they can get a quick lay. There are people who will try to take advantage of others and who lack sensitivity all over. I don't think a particular group has a monopoly on it.

 

[shy slave]

I will agree with you, Shy. That guy was a complete jerk. But not everyone who is into swinging, views BDSM as a place where they can get a quick lay. There are people who will try to take advantage of others and who lack sensitivity all over. I don't think a particular group has a monopoly on it.

I am sure there are dumb insensite people all over the place but I was still surprised about his views considering he fucks, and allows his wife to fuck, complete strangers carry God knows what diseases.

I was naive enough to think that people with kinks would have a modicum of understanding for other people with kinks.

*I should get out more* LOL

 

[shy slave]

I am sure there are dumb insensite people all over the place but I was still surprised about his views considering he fucks, and allows his wife to fuck, complete strangers carry God knows what diseases.

I was naive enough to think that people with kinks would have a modicum of understanding for other people with kinks.

*I should get out more* LOL

Edit to add:

Greenmands you are more than welcome, but I think if he ventures to the local munch I usually go to, he will find people far less tolerant than I, and others were, that night

 

[graceanne]

Needless to say, I am so looking forward to any munch Andante can come to and this man is there.
I really want to make those introductions

Take a camcorder, k? I want to watch Adante squish him like a bug.

 

[raven2]

I am sure there are dumb insensite people all over the place but I was still surprised about his views considering he fucks, and allows his wife to fuck, complete strangers carry God knows what diseases.

I was naive enough to think that people with kinks would have a modicum of understanding for other people with kinks.

*I should get out more* LOL

A lot do, but there are always a few jerks to mess things up.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Interesting thread...interesting thoughts...

(however I only came in to wave hello to shy)

 

[Richard49]

"We" have allowed people to come to the conclusion that BDSM is open to a lot of s_ _ t but our misuse of our community language.

I have been into lots of things but I have always been a Dom.

I have been into swing and even owned a swing club. Did you know that members of the swinging community have the lowest level of STDs?

I have been ploy. yup married to two women at one time and they married to each other. Poly only seems to work when parties of the same sex are bi.

The "gentleman" shy shared about does not sound like anything but a jerk.

How did he or the other swingers get into the munch?
no one screening?

Why has no one had the courage to "educate" these folks?

or perhaps as I have seen
to many in the D/s bdsm community thnk they must allow anyone that is kinky
to be part of the community?

 

[Blushing Bottom]

"We" have allowed people to come to the conclusion that BDSM is open to a lot of s_ _ t but our misuse of our community language.

I have been into lots of things but I have always been a Dom.

I have been into swing and even owned a swing club. Did you know that members of the swinging community have the lowest level of STDs?

I have been ploy. yup married to two women at one time and they married to each other. Poly only seems to work when parties of the same sex are bi.

The "gentleman" shy shared about does not sound like anything but a jerk.

How did he or the other swingers get into the munch?
no one screening?

Why has no one had the courage to "educate" these folks?

or perhaps as I have seen
to many in the D/s bdsm community thnk they must allow anyone that is kinky
to be part of the community?

 

[greenmands]

Edit to add:

Greenmands you are more than welcome, but I think if he ventures to the local munch I usually go to, he will find people far less tolerant than I, and others were, that night

Thank you shy. I am into swinging (selective, very selective). But in 20 years I have been with 8 ladies and 2 men. When we started it was agreed we would all be checked for STD's and would use a condom if we went outside our little group. 20 years later, 4 ladies and 2 men are left. We don't get to see each other too often. We are spread from Denver to Chicago to Kansas City.

 

[raven2]

Thank you shy. I am into swinging (selective, very selective). But in 20 years I have been with 8 ladies and 2 men. When we started it was agreed we would all be checked for STD's and would use a condom if we went outside our little group. 20 years later, 4 ladies and 2 men are left. We don't get to see each other too often. We are spread from Denver to Chicago to Kansas City.

My wife and I also a have a history of swinging (3 and 4-somes and some singles) over the last 25 years. But we have always been very open witheach other and extremely careful. STD's checked and condoms if there was any question. I think I agree with Richard, that there should have been better screening at the munch.

 

[DVS]

Usually, every group is a cross section of the world as a whole. There are usually good and bad in every organized group. Swingers, as a group are usually very clean and also social, because they are aware of these things and know anything bad can quickly affect everybody in the group.

I've noticed the older the swingers are, usually they are more sensible, because they are more likely long time devotees. Some assholes call themselves swingers, expecting easy sex just like some guys call themselves Doms, expecting the subs they meet to kneel at their feet. And, the few who are like that will always stand out, because they aren't savvy or care to be. Because they don't have a clue, they will always stand out and cause problems, whereever they practice their self serving agenda.

Life is full of those losers. The chain is only as strong as its weakest link, you know. And, it's been said many times before...but never enough...somebody needs to change the filter in our gene pool.

 

[shy slave]

Its good to know that swinging works for people.
It just never appealed to me.

I never thought all swingers were idiots, it was just this particular persons kink. He was under the impression a munch was another word for orgy.
I also didnt know that the STD rate is lower in swinger groups than in other groups (wonder if thats international stat or US only).

Within the munch group there are some elements of screening, but the munches are well advertised and people are encouraged to come along and meet everyone. A few years ago they had some problems with the local press and the screening was increased.

As we meet in a pub and its not a private members place we cannot throw out members of the public nor anyone else who wanders by. The munches nor the website are 'members only'

We are known as a group who are welcoming of people whatever their kink, we have several people who are transexual or tranvestite come along; as well as swingers, gay and every other type of person you can think of.

This person is the first in a long time who has been an idiot.

 

[raven2]

Its good to know that swinging works for people.
It just never appealed to me.

I never thought all swingers were idiots, it was just this particular persons kink. He was under the impression a munch was another word for orgy.
I also didnt know that the STD rate is lower in swinger groups than in other groups (wonder if thats international stat or US only).

Within the munch group there are some elements of screening, but the munches are well advertised and people are encouraged to come along and meet everyone. A few years ago they had some problems with the local press and the screening was increased.

As we meet in a pub and its not a private members place we cannot throw out members of the public nor anyone else who wanders by. The munches nor the website are 'members only'

We are known as a group who are welcoming of people whatever their kink, we have several people who are transexual or tranvestite come along; as well as swingers, gay and every other type of person you can think of.

This person is the first in a long time who has been an idiot.

Well it is too bad that he was such a jerk and got you so mad. It can ruin a good time.

 

[cati]

re: swinging jerk.

Pisses me off just reading your post shy... grrrr.

Note to Richard, we screen our munch attendees in so far as they must know someone in the group. The guy shy spoke of should have known better, he was just rude and disrespectful. He likely felt it was a wasted evening away from his wife. As a member of a BDSM group here in our area, it isn't our responsibility to educate new members before hand. There's no telling whose going to be a creep or worse and for that one night at least you have to put up with their BS and hope they never come back.

 

[greenmands]

Pisses me off just reading your post shy... grrrr.

Note to Richard, we screen our munch attendees in so far as they must know someone in the group. The guy shy spoke of should have known better, he was just rude and disrespectful. He likely felt it was a wasted evening away from his wife. As a member of a BDSM group here in our area, it isn't our responsibility to educate new members before hand. There's no telling whose going to be a creep or worse and for that one night at least you have to put up with their BS and hope they never come back.

I hope I don't see any of that type when I go to the local BDSM monthly meeting on March 4th.

 

[cati]

greenmands...A creeper may occasionally come out of the woodwork, but the people running the munch tend to keep a close eye on them. Should you ever-ever be bothered by anyone, even a munch regular...run don't walk to the first femme Domme in sight....they love to kick ass!

 

[graceanne]

greenmands...A creeper may occasionally come out of the woodwork, but the people running the munch tend to keep a close eye on them. Should you ever-ever be bothered by anyone, even a munch regular...run don't walk to the first femme Domme in sight....they love to kick ass!

Sometimes it's the domme's who're the problem . . . right shy?

 

[Master Ambrose]

I decided I wanted to post on here to share a little story; I hope no one minds.

My wife and I got into a D/s relationship about a year ago, but have only recently been (cautiously) public about it (i.e., to others who share similar interests and such -- like at Lit).

I decided that I wanted her to post some pics of herself in the Amatuer forum. I did this both to push her boundaries some, and because I think she is absolutely the most beautiful woman there is, and I enjoy sharing her beauty. Additionally, I knew that when she got positive responses, she would love the attention, and I enjoy pleasing her as well (if she deserves it, anyway).

Well, soon after it was revealed in her thread that she was submissive, she got a substantial number of PMs with "instructions" from people. Later a few started giving her instructions in the open thread.

In the end, she decided (after a sympathetic poster suggested it) that once she passes 1000 posts and gets to make her own "Title", she is going to put "Owned -- but not by you" in there.

My greatest sympathy to all the subs who have had to deal with these kind of situations -- and various asshats...

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I decided I wanted to post on here to share a little story; I hope no one minds.

My wife and I got into a D/s relationship about a year ago, but have only recently been (cautiously) public about it (i.e., to others who share similar interests and such -- like at Lit).

I decided that I wanted her to post some pics of herself in the Amatuer forum. I did this both to push her boundaries some, and because I think she is absolutely the most beautiful woman there is, and I enjoy sharing her beauty. Additionally, I knew that when she got positive responses, she would love the attention, and I enjoy pleasing her as well (if she deserves it, anyway).

Well, soon after it was revealed in her thread that she was submissive, she got a substantial number of PMs with "instructions" from people. Later a few started giving her instructions in the open thread.

In the end, she decided (after a sympathetic poster suggested it) that once she passes 1000 posts and gets to make her own "Title", she is going to put "Owned -- but not by you" in there.

My greatest sympathy to all the subs who have had to deal with these kind of situations -- and various asshats...

Ambrose

With genuine respect I make the following comments of my own opinion.

I just looked at the first picture of your wife/submissive there is no doubt she is a beauty. I do understand the desire to push boundaries , I do understand the desire to show her off. I also understand from what you state that she may well enjoy the attention.

Surely this things can be achieved without putting her up to a troll festival by displaying her image over and over semi naked. I scanned the comments made following the picture posts. I don't know these people and neither do you I imagine, so where comes the self esteem from their appraisal of your wife/submissive ?

Is it ego ? Yes she is mine look but don't touch.If thats a motivation its a false pride however in my opinion.

I am old fashioned about such things, perhaps completely behind the times in some ways but to me as a submissive it lacks dignity to display her like that.

I also offer my apologies to your submissive for my comments. I am sure she has the brains to compliment her beauty and her compliance has been consensual in the posting of the picture thread. I am not suggesting any form of abuse has taken place.

There is for some differing degrees of propriety , run close to the edge you will only attract edge dwellers.

I wish you both well .

With kind though perhaps not as amicable remarks as you may have desired .

@}-}rebecca----

 

[Master Ambrose]

rebecca,
Thank you for your opinion. I did not see the postings as "putting her up to a Troll Festival" (although I DO see how it could be interpreted as such) at all. Mostly, her responses have all been positive. There may be better ways to do such things, I will readily admit, and if there are any suggestions as to such, I would be more than happy to listen to them. I will be the first to admit that I do not know everything.

It is pride in how attractive she is, yes, I suppose it is. But she has had some exhibitionistic desires she was a bit timid to act on as well. In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit that such displays do stimulate me as well.

Look but don't touch? Not always, but I suppose that would be the case in these specific circumstances.

While I did do this partially out of a desire to push boundaries, as I indicated earlier, I believe I am very respectful of what would be "too far" for her. While I did direct her to post pictures, I also told her she could choose which ones and that they did not have to show her face at all. Overall, I thought it was a "fair" task, and she did not seem to disagree (and we always discuss anything that she feels is even slightly difficult).

I will say I meant no ill toward her dignity; she is truly the love of my life and I am as devoted to her as I know she is to me. We are very perfectly suited to each other, and I can't imagine being without her.

I wish you well as well, and hope my answer has helped to (at least somewhat) address your concerns.

 

[cati]

Anyone can be a problem at some time or another. I only speak from my own experience. When I was being leared at and rubbed up against by some perv who had wandered into the very crowded munch, a couple of femme Dommes stepped up and were more than happy to teach the guy a lesson. Hey they've got my vote.

 

[graceanne]

Anyone can be a problem at some time or another. I only speak from my own experience. When I was being leared at and rubbed up against by some perv who had wandered into the very crowded munch, a couple of femme Dommes stepped up and were more than happy to teach the guy a lesson. Hey they've got my vote.

I was teasing shy. Her first munch was pretty funny.

 

[cati]

oh... smiles sheepishly at graceanne.

 

[FurryFury]

I decided I wanted to post on here to share a little story; I hope no one minds.

My wife and I got into a D/s relationship about a year ago, but have only recently been (cautiously) public about it (i.e., to others who share similar interests and such -- like at Lit).

I decided that I wanted her to post some pics of herself in the Amatuer forum. I did this both to push her boundaries some, and because I think she is absolutely the most beautiful woman there is, and I enjoy sharing her beauty. Additionally, I knew that when she got positive responses, she would love the attention, and I enjoy pleasing her as well (if she deserves it, anyway).

Well, soon after it was revealed in her thread that she was submissive, she got a substantial number of PMs with "instructions" from people. Later a few started giving her instructions in the open thread.

In the end, she decided (after a sympathetic poster suggested it) that once she passes 1000 posts and gets to make her own "Title", she is going to put "Owned -- but not by you" in there.

My greatest sympathy to all the subs who have had to deal with these kind of situations -- and various asshats...

I can see that she does enjoy the attention. That's totally understandable. The great thing about this board is that she will get TONS of positive feed back about her body, face and so on.

I went over the thread until my time ran out, earlier today and yes, she is very lovely!!! Good for you both!!!

I only got to about 10 pages but I didn't see any orders. Sadly wannabes and assholes are always going to be around. The ones that are obvious are actually helpful in a way. It's the ones you give your time to that turn out to be better able to hide their fucked up shit that are real problems IMO.

I would love to post pictures of myself on here for the ego. I have noticed however, that someone, many someone's think everyone looks hot on here. I'm sad to say to me, that many do most assuredly not look hot to me. So that makes me wonder, are all these bravos "real?" Are their people that think everything is hot and want to fuck em? Are they really that depraved? *L* Or are they just being nice? I can't help but judge myself by stringent standards and I am my own worst critic.

I often run into this conundrum at work too. Did they really enjoy that performance? I didn't feel the "right" energy. I know when I stumbled. Did they not notice or are they just being nice?

Now your wife, by any standard is actually one of the rare hot ones!!! There is no doubt of that. I'd want to show it off anonymously, if I felt it were safe too!!!

Congrats to you both and don't let the all too obvious occasional troll or ass hole bother either of you! There are always some in any crowd, online or RL.

Fury

 

[raven2]

rebecca,
Thank you for your opinion. I did not see the postings as "putting her up to a Troll Festival" (although I DO see how it could be interpreted as such) at all. Mostly, her responses have all been positive. There may be better ways to do such things, I will readily admit, and if there are any suggestions as to such, I would be more than happy to listen to them. I will be the first to admit that I do not know everything.

It is pride in how attractive she is, yes, I suppose it is. But she has had some exhibitionistic desires she was a bit timid to act on as well. In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit that such displays do stimulate me as well.

Look but don't touch? Not always, but I suppose that would be the case in these specific circumstances.

While I did do this partially out of a desire to push boundaries, as I indicated earlier, I believe I am very respectful of what would be "too far" for her. While I did direct her to post pictures, I also told her she could choose which ones and that they did not have to show her face at all. Overall, I thought it was a "fair" task, and she did not seem to disagree (and we always discuss anything that she feels is even slightly difficult).

I will say I meant no ill toward her dignity; she is truly the love of my life and I am as devoted to her as I know she is to me. We are very perfectly suited to each other, and I can't imagine being without her.

I wish you well as well, and hope my answer has helped to (at least somewhat) address your concerns.

I think I agree with Rebecca that there may be other ways to push boundries than posting pics. You need to consider what boundries you are actually pushing here. She is certainly a very beautiful woman (I agree with one respondant over there, you are one lucky guy). But is this pushing her boundries? You need to consider whether or not picture taking and display are doing what you want. Do you want her to be more of an exhibitionist or are you looking for something else? Anyways, good luck.