FemDom, Tantric Ritual and Kali

[Homburg]

[completely off-topic and inappropriate]

you two are making me really hot right now.

I frickin' love smart, articulate men.

[/shameless, unabashed leering]

It's okay, feel free to touch yourself. Don't mind us.

anyway.

Let me just point out for a moment that there's a metalevel here that really answers that question of vulnerability.

Neither of you is being 'vulnerable' in the sense of easily attacked, of course, but this is exactly what those books are talking about when they say that women like men to be 'vulnerable.' What they mean is introspective, knowledgeable, self-aware, articulate, honest, revealing.

And people wonder why outta shape, balding, grey old fart me has no trouble finding women willing to do all sorts of lovely things for me.

 

[Arkhilokhus]

[completely off-topic and inappropriate]

you two are making me really hot right now.

I frickin' love smart, articulate men.

[/shameless, unabashed leering]

You're starting to push my exhibitionist button, dear. Just saying.

Let me just point out for a moment that there's a metalevel here that really answers that question of vulnerability.

Neither of you is being 'vulnerable' in the sense of easily attacked, of course, but this is exactly what those books are talking about when they say that women like men to be 'vulnerable.' What they mean is introspective, knowledgeable, self-aware, articulate, honest, revealing.

That's an interesting point, and 'revealing' is a lot more descriptive than 'vulnerable' in this particular context, I think. Also, it's easier for me to see how to be revealing, vice being vulnerable, so that's more helpful in a 'help me give you what you want' sense, too.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

It's okay, feel free to touch yourself. Don't mind us.

*typing with one hand*

I agree, or at least, would like to believe what you say. But here's the thing. If the Taoists are wrong, then that means that their theory vis-a-vis the essential male and female conditions of having an excess of yang and yin and the importance of using sex to rebalance the participants is, at the very least, in need of revision. And then I bring it back further to our discussion about the male and female approaches to the sort of initiation we've been talking about.

I don't know how much the Taoists really think in terms of excess of energy; they acknowledge a certain depletion, particularly in men, and within the more prosaic rites like the Balancing of Heaven and Earth, I believe there's an admission that everyone will, at least ideally, be tired afterward. heh.

But understand this too: I'm not a Taoist. I'm a dilettante and a syncretist and an iconophant. I steal freely from many systems, but wouldn't name myself for any of them as such.

If you ask a modern "mainstream" Taoist, that is, a practitioner of the "religion" of Taoism, about their sexual practices, they tend to get defensive. It's not part of the mainstream religion in any official sense, as far as I can tell.

It's one model, this idea of yin and yang, the red drop and the white drop, the Dragon and the Tigress. And I think once you start actually trying to apply these policies and models, you're going to run into an incredible number of variations among different individuals. I mean, look at something as simple as orgasm itself, just in men, and we're already finding that you and Homburg, two men with basically the same anatomy, are about as similar as chocolate and cheese.

Both quite tasty and edible, however, she added, still typing with one hand...

You reminded me of a quote by Ramakrishna that I read a little while ago. "Once a man realizes God through intense dispassion, he is no longer attached to woman. Even if he must lead the life of a householder, he is free from fear of and attachment to woman. Suppose there are two magnets, one big and the other small. Which one will attract the iron? The big one,of course. God is the big magnet. Compared to Him, woman is a small one. He who has realized God does not look upon a woman with the eye of lust; so he is not afraid of her. He perceives clearly that women are but so many aspects of the Divine Mother. He worships them all as the Mother Herself." First, "intense dispassion" reminds me, as a Stoic, of apatheia. But going to the end, his perception - through dispassion - of women as aspects of the Divine Mother touch on that idea of women as goddesses.

I have to say, though, I've never liked the idea. As I'm fond of saying on this point, women are not goddesses. They are far more important.

*bright smile* Nicely phrased.

Rather than agree or disagree, I'm just going to think about that for a while.

I'm not hip to giving up my desire, feeling nothing but "intense dispassion," just yet either. Ramakrishna would have some opinions about that, I'm sure. But the tantrics would go the other way anyway, and say that by diving into passion absolutely and completely and with every cell of your being, you come out the other side into a clear light, the Pure Passion for the All. And you're wearing a necklace of skulls, more often than not.


However, you remind me of various ritual meditations espoused by some of the early, radical Tantric sects, in which one would sit and meditate on a young girl, the Kumari, who was considered to be the embodiment of the divine feminine. She's generally 16, and one is to meditate on her form in great detail, while cultivating complete stillness and resisting any sort of passion or desire or emotional response.

Having said that, I think there's something else going on here. The Chinese sometimes make simple things complicated in order to integrate into their qi theories, and I can't help but think that's what has happened here. Setting aside Taoist ideas, the problem can be simply stated: after ejaculation, men lose almost all their arousal for a time, while women remain semi-aroused after orgasm. Consequently, men are limited in their sexual endurance while women are not (or not to the same degree). Given this issue, ejaculation control and more extensive foreplay are reasonable solutions.

But as a submissive, I have to say that one of the greatest acts of surrender for me personally is to come inside my partner. The physical exhaustion, the sleepiness, combined with the way I can literally feel the arousal draining out of me, combine to create a sensation of true sacrifice for me partner. It really is a "little death", and I would think it certainly has a place in a FemDom context.

The early tantric models would respond to this seeming "imbalance" by diagnosing that the energy was not being processed properly. In that set of systems, what we're supposed to be doing is:

- uniting the two substances, primarily but not exclusively in their etheric form, within the female, at a very specific physical point, then

- allowing them to transform into a singular substance, in the same way as the physical substances might join to create a new baby monkey, then

- allowing that substance to flow through both bodies, into every part of both the physical and the subtle anatomy, and then, at least in the advance sects,

- cutting off our heads and allowing three streams of that substance to fountain out, one which falls into our counterpart, and two which are directed toward our pairs of avatars, who go out and heal everything in the world with it.

Et le voila. All living things are redeemed for eternity, and nobody falls asleep afterwards. Piece of cake.

Or, if you want a shortcut that doesn't save the world, it's possible for women to purposefully 'give back the yang' after it has been so nicely offered to her and she's had her share. It's relatively simple, at least to return a bit of it. Really circulating it takes more education.

I didn't find what I was looking for at all with them, though it certainly wasn't all bad. I gave up after that though, and not long thereafter I re-encountered my wife, so there was never really a chance to revisit that search, and given that the journey the first time didn't turn out so healthy in the end, I might be better off in a stable relationship where it's pretty much out of the question.

christ ok i'm babbling. alot.

It's perfectly alright to babble. And welcome!

i dunno. To me, that's like saying, 'well, I went to Schenectady once for a few days, and I didn't like it. I guess travel's not for me.'

There's physical exhaustion, which varies depending on what we did. Sometimes I have the "I'm spent" feeling, and sometimes it is that "I feel better now" you speak of. But more than that is the urge to sleep, which seems particularly pronounced for me. In fact, if I lay down, especially with someone warm next to me, I WILL fall asleep. And I snore, so this is generally not appreciated! Consequently, I tend to sit up afterwards, just lightly massaging my partner and talking. She gets touch and conversation, and I get to to work past the initial sleep urge, which only lasts about five or ten minutes.

Interestingly enough, if I do go to sleep, I'll go into a very deep sleep for about fifteen minutes, then wake up feeling very refreshed.

That sure sounds like a Yang thing to me. Like you're offering it quite completely, which is just fine and beautiful, and then taking a few minutes of meditation, which you are naturally talented enough or well educated enough to use for rebuilding your Yang.

Nah, it's more my thing. I keep wondering, "With all the work involved, what can they possibly get out of it?" That's partly my point in the whole, "What do women learn from men" discussion, too. I keep asking myself, "But what's in it for her?"

And anyway, mystery is usually in the eye of the beholder, don't you think? I mean, there are people who insist on finding me mysterious, despite the fact that I'm fairly easy to understand. ::shrugs::

I think Homburg answered this question quite beautifully already.

For me, it's not necessarily about "mystery" so much as it is about beauty. Every time I travel, I see some new beautiful things, but I also go look at beautiful things I've already seen. I haven't seen every inch of Paris yet either. But that doesn't mean I'm not going back to Montmartre, just because I understand it and have seen it before.

I mean. It might be raining this time. That would be even cooler.

 

[eastern sun]

Wow. My mind is spinning. I just read the whole thread at once. And I am utterly floored.

Can I add just one little twist?

I'm a female slave serving a male master, and still have been visited by the Goddess. But it isn't through him. It is through me in the space he leaves behind.

How does that work into your understanding?

 

[eastern sun]

And I do believe that mind-to-mind contact is possible and that it happens all the time. We just rarely recognize it when it's happening and attribute its effects to other causes.

 

[eastern sun]

Oh dear. The gates are opening.

My biggest stumbling blocks are my confused and unresolved feelings about theater, shamanism, transformative rituals, and BDSM.

May I just sit down somewhere and rest for a while?

 

[Homburg]

Oh dear. The gates are opening.

My biggest stumbling blocks are my confused and unresolved feelings about theater, shamanism, transformative rituals, and BDSM.

May I just sit down somewhere and rest for a while?

Feel free. You knwo that if I'm here then it isn't a purely Fdom thing.

 

[Arkhilokhus]

I'm not hip to giving up my desire, feeling nothing but "intense dispassion," just yet either. Ramakrishna would have some opinions about that, I'm sure. But the tantrics would go the other way anyway, and say that by diving into passion absolutely and completely and with every cell of your being, you come out the other side into a clear light, the Pure Passion for the All. And you're wearing a necklace of skulls, more often than not.

Well, I can't speak for Hinduism/Tantra (though I'll note briefly that Ramakrishna was known for warning his disciples away from LHP stuff), but as a Stoic, I get a bit defensive whenever people start talking about 'giving up desire'. Imnsho, that's not what it's about at all. Rather it's about purifying desire, of getting rid of all the false desires, things we think we want but are more a testament to the cleverness of advertising or rhetoric than anything truly within us. Burn all that crap up; and plunge into what remains whole-heartedly.

Anyway, that's my spiel on apatheia.

The other thing you make me think of is the idea that there are two kinds of balance. One is the sort of disciplined cutting back everyone thinks of. "Don't go to extremes." Zero in the sense of the absence of anything else, if I can be a math geek for a moment. But there's another way to get to zero - the addition of positive and negative numbers. I see the Tantrics as advocating this second approach, where you go to extremes, but in a way that they all balance each other out. I also think this is a stereotypically Sakti type of balance, while the other kind seems stereotypically Sivan.

That sure sounds like a Yang thing to me. Like you're offering it quite completely, which is just fine and beautiful, and then taking a few minutes of meditation, which you are naturally talented enough or well educated enough to use for rebuilding your Yang.

That sounds right, actually. And let's go with naturally talented this time, since I've always done it this way. Honestly, I just thought it was the standard male experience. Now that it seems maybe not, and that I can think of it in terms of energy exchange...hm. I need to think about that some more, since that suggests that there are other ways to go about this, ways that might not leave me drained to that degree. Options are always good, yeah?

Oh, and Bijou? You keep using the word distilled in a way I'm not sure I understand. Could you extrapolate on what you mean a little bit?

 

[Homburg]

At that point, where does that leave me in the auspice of energy exchange? If most males are exhausted by the release of yang, and I am not, am I somehow husbanding my yang better?

In my own experience, my interface with sexual energy exchange is fairly simple, and more a matter of retrospection. I may not be aware of it in media res, but certainly become aware after the fact. This sort of ex post facto awareness is why I have that yang vampire experience. I didn't realise it at the time, just felt a bit off during. It was not what I'd call a great sexual experience at all. It wasn't until later that I caught on.

Anyway, the partners I enjoy are the ones where there is an exchange of energy,a give and take. While we both give, at the end, we're both energised and refreshed. Using MIS and our occasional weekend visits as an example, she is as energised as I am overall, just winding down towards the end of each day because she has normal human sleep needs and I do not (yay for constant borderline insomnia). Anyway, our mutual energy play is fantastic and neither party feel draggy afterwards. That is how it should be, in my opinion.

BDSM play has a lot of energy done right, and I can usually better tell how the energy works there. Without sex clouding it, it seems more clearly observable during. I can figure out is someone is a drain (rare), good energy, or closed off. Hell, there have been times when I've felt it so strongly that I could tell that the person was trying to keep it closed off, but that her energy was bubbling and seething, desperate to get out.

(Interestingly, every case where the person was closed, but did not want to be), was a woman that was married, and her husband was not present but was aware. My surmise was that they were keeping the energy locked down due to existing relationship constraints. Those with whom I've played that were married but whose mates were not aware were less constrained about energy.)

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Again, so much to chew on by the time I get in here. I have to think about all this in little bits at a time right now.

Wow. My mind is spinning. I just read the whole thread at once. And I am utterly floored.

Can I add just one little twist?

I'm a female slave serving a male master, and still have been visited by the Goddess. But it isn't through him. It is through me in the space he leaves behind.

How does that work into your understanding?

My honest answer would be first that I don't know, as such. Each relationship dynamic is so individualized, and each individual is That in a completely unique way.

In my cosmology, as opposed to my understanding, I would say that I've seen you explore yourself as the Divine, in the sense of being More and Less than your immediate self, within your relationship. So basically I'd call that an awareness of yourself as archetypal, at those moments. The quintessential Slave, rather than yourself as an individual.

But I want to understand more about how you mean the phrase "through me in the space he leaves behind." That seems to be a pretty meaty set of words, and I want to hear more about it. And even the concept of being 'visited by the Goddess' can mean so many different things. An awareness of her presence, an awareness of yourself as her embodiment, or something else entirely?

So glad to see you in here. And it was amazingly brave of you to track through this whole thing at once; there's enough meat here to feed an entire village for a month, as far as I can see.

Oh dear. The gates are opening.

My biggest stumbling blocks are my confused and unresolved feelings about theater, shamanism, transformative rituals, and BDSM.

May I just sit down somewhere and rest for a while?

*grin* Coffee? Some soup? Lemme just move these pillows and you can relax on the chaise lounge for a bit. I may join you; I'm routinely overwhelmed by the ideas being tossed around in here.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Thats fair i suppose.

My first steps with submission, and my second, were taken while i was reeling from my grandfather's death. I was very emotionally unstable.

If i were to continue with that exploration, I would prefer it not to be under those or similar conditions.

I've found a place to pause in my journey, and i don't know if i will have the opportunity to continue.

se la viv

My own entry into the arena of BDSM was also a response to grief, and I entered as a masochist, needing to explore what pain is and how I moved through the various forms of sorrow and injury and sensation.

It has shifted radically since then, and I've found much more value than just that initial exploration, but it sounds like our profiles may be a bit similar, at least in the ways we began our search.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

The other thing you make me think of is the idea that there are two kinds of balance. One is the sort of disciplined cutting back everyone thinks of. "Don't go to extremes." Zero in the sense of the absence of anything else, if I can be a math geek for a moment. But there's another way to get to zero - the addition of positive and negative numbers. I see the Tantrics as advocating this second approach, where you go to extremes, but in a way that they all balance each other out. I also think this is a stereotypically Sakti type of balance, while the other kind seems stereotypically Sivan.

Indeed, the whole idea of having ritual orgies in charnel grounds was a way to translate exactly that: at the moment of highest ecstasy and bliss, drunken ecstatic celebratory sensation, take a moment and remember that nothing exists, that we are all already dead burned corpses, and so on. So yes; reach the two numbers -infinity and +infinity, add them, and you get Bliss. And God, and stuff like that.

That sounds right, actually. And let's go with naturally talented this time, since I've always done it this way. Honestly, I just thought it was the standard male experience. Now that it seems maybe not, and that I can think of it in terms of energy exchange...hm. I need to think about that some more, since that suggests that there are other ways to go about this, ways that might not leave me drained to that degree. Options are always good, yeah?

Oh, and Bijou? You keep using the word distilled in a way I'm not sure I understand. Could you extrapolate on what you mean a little bit?

Yeah, sorry, that's sort of from my own private lexicon.

An example might be best. We all have complex personalities, different sections that generate roles. I have taken to naming some of these sections and roles, which makes it easier for me to communicate who I am within various contexts. So, let's say I'm feeling mild mannered and relatively indulgent on a particular night, and just want to play and have fun. I tell the Jet I am bijou. But let's pretend (heh) that tomorrow night I know I'll be feeling extraordinarily toppy and maybe even mean, and have a strong desire to come in raging like a house afire, strap on something rather Large and Intimidating and peg my boy until he can't remember his own name. I might shorthand this suggestion by asking him if he is feeling strong enough to play with Third-Eye Sadie instead of bijou. He knows what Sadie represents in terms of mannerism, character and tastes, and so he would be able to make an educated choice that way.

It may border on something that looks like multiple personality disorder, but when I say 'distilled' it acknowledges that neither bijou nor Sadie are all I am, but represent concentrated parts of me. I prefer that to the idea of role, since role tends to at least vaguely imply some sort of theater, something I am not but am pretending to be. That's not the case here; all of this is me, and there's no theater, but it is parts of me "distilled", refined into a concentrated and contexually-defined version of myself.

I see that as a way to define the "drawing down", or being "ridden by a loa" or being invoked as a goddess as well. There's a piece of liturgy that says "if that which you seek you find not within you, you will never find it outside of you." So the invokation or becoming a deity has its source internally; if you are not already at least hypothetically That, you cannot become That within ritual.

golly, I hope that helps.

Om Tat Sat.

 

[Arkhilokhus]

It may border on something that looks like multiple personality disorder, but when I say 'distilled' it acknowledges that neither bijou nor Sadie are all I am, but represent concentrated parts of me. I prefer that to the idea of role, since role tends to at least vaguely imply some sort of theater, something I am not but am pretending to be. That's not the case here; all of this is me, and there's no theater, but it is parts of me "distilled", refined into a concentrated and contexually-defined version of myself.

Very interesting! I like your approach. My use of 'mask' is in a similar vein, although the only part of me I really do this with is my anima.

I see that as a way to define the "drawing down", or being "ridden by a loa" or being invoked as a goddess as well. There's a piece of liturgy that says "if that which you seek you find not within you, you will never find it outside of you." So the invokation or becoming a deity has its source internally; if you are not already at least hypothetically That, you cannot become That within ritual.

Definitely, and why I think of this material in terms of psychology rather than spirituality. All the gods and goddesses are within.

I think.

golly, I hope that helps.

Very much, thank you.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

At that point, where does that leave me in the auspice of energy exchange? If most males are exhausted by the release of yang, and I am not, am I somehow husbanding my yang better?

Well, knowing what I know about you, the first thing it means is that you're Yangzilla. Mr. SuperYang, Major Meat Mojo... I could go on.

Anyone whose Cock has His own advice column...

But yes, I suspect that you are probably doing a number of things both consciously and inherently. Much of it, I suspect, is in your nature. But if you're entering these interactions with a clear idea of what is being exchanged, as you obviously are, that can't help but create a pretty reasonable flow back and forth, unless there are weird circumstances, like the ones you describe.

Very interesting! I like your approach. My use of 'mask' is in a similar vein, although the only part of me I really do this with is my anima.

I believe in the immense power of Naming things, and treat that act with gleeful reverence. One cannot have too many names. They are little sources of power and mystery.

There was a time when I toyed with naming a "male" or animus persona within me, but somehow it never really stuck. I can't get away from being female. I content myself with some highly androgynous bits with vague names.

Though when I cross-dressed for Halloween this year, (and nearly got into a fist fight with a homophobe who seriously thought I was a gay man - w00t I passed!) everyone decided to call me 'Serge' all night. I don't know why.

 

[Mistress_Belladonna]

I'm right there with you on this, bijou!

[completely off-topic and inappropriate]

you two are making me really hot right now.

I frickin' love smart, articulate men.

[/shameless, unabashed leering]


anyway.

I've been going through this thread and completely mesmerized by the communication.... all these intelligent ideas and concepts! I need a cold shower!!!

And a certain someone to chat with! *arches eyebrow*

Let me just point out for a moment that there's a metalevel here that really answers that question of vulnerability.

Neither of you is being 'vulnerable' in the sense of easily attacked, of course, but this is exactly what those books are talking about when they say that women like men to be 'vulnerable.' What they mean is introspective, knowledgeable, self-aware, articulate, honest, revealing.

I think that is a interesting way to put it, but I'm not sure why that is defined as "vulnerable"?

 

[Arkhilokhus]

I've been going through this thread and completely mesmerized by the communication.... all these intelligent ideas and concepts! I need a cold shower!!!

And a certain someone to chat with! *arches eyebrow*

I mentioned my exhibitionism button before? Firmly pressed now, even though I'm blushing.

I think that is a interesting way to put it, but I'm not sure why that is defined as "vulnerable"?

I think I'm to blame for that, Mistress. I originally mentioned reading that women liked men to be 'vulnerable', wondering what that really meant.

Specifically, although I didn't mention it then, the articles I've read dealt with why women like anal play with their partner, with the man receiving. The implication was that women find men vulnerable in that context, which is exciting for them.

 

[Mistress_Belladonna]

Or maybe...

I mentioned my exhibitionism button before? Firmly pressed now, even though I'm blushing.


I think I'm to blame for that, Mistress. I originally mentioned reading that women liked men to be 'vulnerable', wondering what that really meant.

Specifically, although I didn't mention it then, the articles I've read dealt with why women like anal play with their partner, with the man receiving. The implication was that women find men vulnerable in that context, which is exciting for them.

Or... we know how good it can feel and want to share it with our partners! ;-)

 

[Homburg]

Well, knowing what I know about you, the first thing it means is that you're Yangzilla. Mr. SuperYang, Major Meat Mojo... I could go on.

Anyone whose Cock has His own advice column...

Yangzilla? Boo-yah.

But yes, I suspect that you are probably doing a number of things both consciously and inherently. Much of it, I suspect, is in your nature. But if you're entering these interactions with a clear idea of what is being exchanged, as you obviously are, that can't help but create a pretty reasonable flow back and forth, unless there are weird circumstances, like the ones you describe.

Probably makes sense. It might also explain why I'm so god-awful choosy about whom I have sex with too.

 

[eastern sun]

So glad to see you in here. And it was amazingly brave of you to track through this whole thing at once; there's enough meat here to feed an entire village for a month, as far as I can see.

*grin* Coffee? Some soup? Lemme just move these pillows and you can relax on the chaise lounge for a bit. I may join you; I'm routinely overwhelmed by the ideas being tossed around in here.

*lifting her head from her hands and smiling weakly*

Oh, thank you. Just coffee. With milk, please. I'm okay here on the floor. I like the feeling of the solid ground at the moment. I'm still feeling a bit light-headed.

I think I should have taken it more slowly.

In my cosmology, as opposed to my understanding, I would say that I've seen you explore yourself as the Divine, in the sense of being More and Less than your immediate self, within your relationship. So basically I'd call that an awareness of yourself as archetypal, at those moments. The quintessential Slave, rather than yourself as an individual.

But I want to understand more about how you mean the phrase "through me in the space he leaves behind." That seems to be a pretty meaty set of words, and I want to hear more about it. And even the concept of being 'visited by the Goddess' can mean so many different things. An awareness of her presence, an awareness of yourself as her embodiment, or something else entirely?

Language is difficult and awfully slippery right now.

I have had the extreme pleasure of practicing a form of sexual devotion that allowed me to worship the archetype or icon of the masculine "other" on a daily basis. Generating sexual arousal on a nearly continuous basis for a period of months released a tremendous amount of creative energy and "filled" me with a passionate, largely unconsummated desire oriented away from myself. Even my own orgasms, when they occurred, were subsumed in this devotion, given as offerings to this masculine "god."

Then, after a period of many months, the iconic "other" evaporated. My initial reaction was fear and anguish, and the feeling of being forsaken. In order to save myself, I turned that devotional energy away from the male icon - the "cock," "the godhead" - and gave it instead to the Goddess, which I perceived at the time as a natural spiritual force, rooted in sexuality, chaos, fertility and growth, a force that I could actually embody. Whereas the masculine "other" would always be elusive, and ultimately absent, this feminine spirit could reside in me.

I was comforted.

And then one night a very real surge of energy entered me. It rose from the base of my spine, shot up my back and hit my skull with incredible force. I could see colors and forms like a waterfall raining down around me. And I felt my mother's presence, as my body realigned itself. I could feel subtle shifts in every muscle and joint, and I knew I was being healed at some fundamental level.

When I walked outdoors the next morning, there were fern-like ice formations on the steps to my house, like footprints. And I told my daughter, "the Goddess came to visit us last night." And we smiled.

And now, sexually, and in our relationship, I have this experience regularly on a more mundane level. There is a space he occupies in me. A kind of physical/mental/spiritual space. But we are not one. And we are not equally balanced. And he invariably leaves. What's interesting to me is that, now, when he leaves, I am able to move more deeply into myself. Like he's opened channels with his penetration that give me greater access to . . . what? I call it "truth," but I could be kidding myself.

I've practiced trance work and quasi-shamanic rituals before. And I've had fascinating experiences of various "mysteries" and "clairvoyance" that I can only explain to myself with discussions of Jung's collective unconscious or Buddhist mindstreams.

But I know nothing. Nothing at all.

What I worry about, in all this . . . is that I'll get so mesmerized by the images I create, by the ecstatic emotional experiences, by the sexual pleasure and release, that I'll waste years and years chasing phantoms in the name of spiritual development, and miss something profoundly important because it's so damn mundane. Like keeping a clean house and feeding my children.

And then I worry that I'll trap myself in the mundane.

I don't need him to tie me in knots. I can do it all by myself.

 

[Homburg]

my eloquence has gone limp.

It happens to every guy once in a while, so don't feel bad about your, y'know, eloquence.

Really.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

It's late, and I'm distracted, so I'm saving your post, eastern sun, to meditate on before I decide if I can say anything more than "That's gorgeous." Which it is. But I can at least say that, first and foremost.

I do love the way you write.

Specifically, although I didn't mention it then, the articles I've read dealt with why women like anal play with their partner, with the man receiving. The implication was that women find men vulnerable in that context, which is exciting for them.

Feh.

I'll say it again, and let me clarify I'm speaking only for myself here and not for "women." But Feh. Double feh.

That's certainly not why I love going there. Not at all. Quite the contrary, there's a certain strength that i see in that particular act. I've written about it, even, about doing so as a sub to a man who is a dom, and who demands it because that's what he wants.

I don't know that I'm a representative sample of anything. But chalk me up as at least one "woman" who has very little interest in that as a 'vulnerable' act. I have a very different agenda, one in which you need to prove just how strong you really are.

*waggles eyebrows* c'mere and I'll show ya.

Yangzilla? Boo-yah.

Have I managed to offer you another potential Name, then? *grinning*


eta: well well, we are up late, aren't we? By the time I'd written this three more posts had wandered in.

Is everyone as, um, sleepless as I am tonight, or what?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

it must be obvious that my french is entirely second hand.

There is a stereotype of women who melt for anyman who can descently speak french. Miss Piggy embodies this sterotype hilariously in one episode of the Muppet Show.

In anycase; i have the same weakness. A girl whispering french just puddles me. As does a properly done southern belle accent. Two of my exes enjoyed taking advantage and/ or teasing me about both of those weaknesses.


Shatem, la salle de bains est en bas du hall du côté droit.

*shudder/melt*

I bring this up as a segway into another memory; one of the girls who toyed with my weakness for whispered french was the same one that managed to embody a Goddess to me, though it was only one of three times.

She thought it would be fun and exploited that very weakness, singing softly in french while we made love; as enchantingly incomprehensible to me as the Goddess she momentarily embodied.

heh.

I speak french. Un petit peu.

But more importantly, what an amusing little synchronicity. Allow me to direct you to this recent page of the Bistro, specifically post #9022 and a few subsequent responses. Yes, I melt. It's why I went and studied the language in the first place.

Just a lovely little coincidence that you would mention this. My life is full of those lately. Gumbo synchronicities.

 

[IrisAlthea]

What I worry about, in all this . . . is that I'll get so mesmerized by the images I create, by the ecstatic emotional experiences, by the sexual pleasure and release, that I'll waste years and years chasing phantoms in the name of spiritual development, and miss something profoundly important because it's so damn mundane. Like keeping a clean house and feeding my children.

And then I worry that I'll trap myself in the mundane.

I don't need him to tie me in knots. I can do it all by myself.

This is something I worry about too. I just haven´t been able to explain it as well as you do.

 

[Homburg]

She thought it would be fun and exploited that very weakness, singing softly in french while we made love; as enchantingly incomprehensible to me as the Goddess she momentarily embodied.

Hmm, interesting image. It calls to mind Ecstatic Ejaculation or speaking in tongues. There is something in the ecstatic ind that recognises meaning to even the most incoherent babble, as there is some sort of code there whoe content you are juuuust on the edge of grasping. It is as if the words themselves are meaningless and the sounds are the vessel into which the divine is poured.

--

LMAO

it wasn't a double meaning.

twirp.

(and thank you)

*bows*

Quite welcome.

 

[Arkhilokhus]

I don't know that I'm a representative sample of anything. But chalk me up as at least one "woman" who has very little interest in that as a 'vulnerable' act. I have a very different agenda, one in which you need to prove just how strong you really are.

*waggles eyebrows* c'mere and I'll show ya.

Only if you promise to speak French to me all the while.