Feminism and BDSM...

[Netzach]

You took the words right out of my mouth...or keyboard as the case may be. I think for many who have been born and grown up with the rights women have fought hard for and taken, it is taken for granted and for many not even realised just exactly how different their lives could have been if women did not take that stand in history and continue to do so. The struggle is far from over, and oppression of women still exists in our society on a large scale albeit much improved from our ancestors. The danger lies in believing we have reached the magic plateau of equality and relaxing our vigil under the mistaken ideal we can do anything we want without censure, have equal rights in all areas, and stand shoulder to shoulder with men without fear or apprehension.

It seems women still do not have equal pay in so many professions including law and medicine, nor do receive equal opportunity in the workplace in most professions, and unlike their male counterparts are now expected to not only be in the workplace 100% but also handle the domestic side of life 100% while a huge percentage of men still come home after work and put their feet up while the 'little woman' get busy feeding the family, nurturing and caring for the children and cleaning the house from floor to ceiling, all expected without complaint after she has also put in an 8 or more hour day of work in the workplace. Then often in the households where men do help out a little, they feel it is a favour to their partner and act as if they should get a medal for perhaps stirring dinner while she baths the children, or helping out as in their mind they do not have to do it, should not be expected to do it, but are doing it out of the goodness and generosity of their hearts. That still speaks volumes to me that we are eons away from equality, and if we become complacent in thinking everything is OK, our daughters and grand daughters are going to be the ones to pay the ultimate price.

Catalina

Thank you. Totally.

I didn't get the memo either that feminism was the new status quo.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It *is* a little alarming when you want your hand back. I'm still a little nervous, now I know why the vagina dentata looms large in the imagination.

LOL, always raises images in my mind of 2 stiletto heeled feet unceremoniously pressed against devouring buttcheeks and pushing and pulling with all my might to be released...fortunately I didn't have to go that far but there was a moment when I had an anxious thought it might be necessary. Sheesh, and he wanted 2 hands at once the next time, no wonder they ache these days!!

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

LOL, always raises images in my mind of 2 stiletto heeled feet unceremoniously pressed against devouring buttcheeks and pushing and pulling with all my might to be released...fortunately I didn't have to go that far but there was a moment when I had an anxious thought it might be necessary. Sheesh, and he wanted 2 hands at once the next time, no wonder they ache these days!!

Catalina

LOL omg, the visual. I can imagine adding in a foley sound effect of a champagne cork when you finally got out.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL omg, the visual. I can imagine adding in a foley sound effect of a champagne cork when you finally got out.

LOL, would sort of add that final touch dontcha think!

Catalina

 

[alexanna]

Then often in the households where men do help out a little, they feel it is a favour to their partner and act as if they should get a medal for perhaps stirring dinner while she baths the children, or helping out as in their mind they do not have to do it, should not be expected to do it, but are doing it out of the goodness and generosity of their hearts. That still speaks volumes to me that we are eons away from equality, and if we become complacent in thinking everything is OK, our daughters and grand daughters are going to be the ones to pay the ultimate price.

Catalina

WOW, this brought me a lot of clarity. THIS is why I feel like I'm at their mercy. Don't forget the accolades which rain down from the outside on those who do do their share. I am CONSTANTLY hearing about how lucky I am, and I am, but I am growing weary of hearing it. He is most definitely not hearing the same message with the same frequency. He is the wonderful, helpful, dutiful, caring husband and I am his unusual high maintenance wife.

I'm starting to think I'm pretty fucked up about this. I really need to quit feeling guilty that he's doing what he signed up for. He doesn't resent it. Why am I resenting it for him? My father is not the standard. My father is not the standard.

And everyone is right we weren't ceded power. We took it. I recant. The gloom overtook me.

 

[Homburg]

Sure seems likely to me. But look at race and SM and you have the same kinds of microcosms. I personally have no problems with that kind of play, and I do think that people are rescripting and re-enacting all the time.

I don't think "play" is a dirty word. Most of the most serious of physicists don't either.

But anything that deviates from the "realness" and "trueness" is automatically thrown out by most of the community. Everyone wants to feel totally authentic, but I think what we're doing is a pretty synthetic thing at its base.

This sort of thinking drives me up the wall. Are you physically there doing whatever it is you're doing? Great, you're not imagining it, so it's real. Trueness? What does that mean? Maybe it's the philosophy student in me, but truth is one of the most elusive concepts in language, and is one of the most pervasive sources of mental wankery around.

It *is* a little alarming when you want your hand back. I'm still a little nervous, now I know why the vagina dentata looms large in the imagination.

 

[Marquis]

http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809426687/trailer

 

[Netzach]

But I want to know, is the asshole dentata like the talking asshole beetle from naked lunch the movie?

 

[Netzach]

This sort of thinking drives me up the wall. Are you physically there doing whatever it is you're doing? Great, you're not imagining it, so it's real. Trueness? What does that mean? Maybe it's the philosophy student in me, but truth is one of the most elusive concepts in language, and is one of the most pervasive sources of mental wankery around.

I think this is why we get the "but tell me about your family" threads.

Personally you *could* dismiss M/f D/s on the basis of "well, you're just enacting these horrible power dynamics, you realize that this is evidence that no one can have a neutral relationship in a power-fucked world."

To me it's like - well thank God people are using it, warping it, jerking off to it, getting *pleasure* out of the dynamics rather than just participating. Which guess what we ALL do, so ha, difference feminist, you're not exempt anyway. If you think the sex/gender is the ONLY power binary that matters or the grandaddy of power binaries, you clearly came from money and you are likely white.

We have all taken the red pill to varying levels. Even disabled black lesbians, everyone *everyone* is part of the problem and it's much better to admit it and find the shape of the problem and be ourselves *inside* of the problem instead of trying to make ourselves more pure or remove ourselves from that which we carry in us anyway in some pseudo "cultural revolution" moment. A look at lesbian separatists and a look at Maoists has chillingly similar overtones. Happily, the lesbian separatists aren't in charge of anything that matters.

Edited to add: is not a smiling snatch the perfect visual for this rant?

 

[intothewoods]

I think this is why we get the "but tell me about your family" threads.

Personally you *could* dismiss M/f D/s on the basis of "well, you're just enacting these horrible power dynamics, you realize that this is evidence that no one can have a neutral relationship in a power-fucked world."

To me it's like - well thank God people are using it, warping it, jerking off to it, getting *pleasure* out of the dynamics rather than just participating. Which guess what we ALL do, so ha, difference feminist, you're not exempt anyway.

Edited to add: is not a smiling snatch the perfect visual for this rant?

It's interesting - I haven't thought about what motivates my D/s in a while (ya know, like 5 minutes - ), and I think the first word that comes to mind is control, rather than power.

I feel as though I have to be in control all day long, and the D/s is my counterbalance to that. Though of course, when I press the issue, the reason I feel I have to be in control (which is, of course, an illusion anyway) is that I'm a working (now) single professional mother feeling pulled in twenty different directions without much support (though I certainly have it better than many single moms). Enter the "f" word - feminism.

My attraction to a fantasy version of M/s was me saying, I give up, I can't do this. I want someone else to be in charge. Frankly, my husband wasn't "that bad." He did more than some men, and I think quite a few of my friends wondered what the hell I was complaining about. I don't know what made me freak out and want or need more, but I did.

 

[intothewoods]

I am afraid of the smiling snatch. And heh heh, Naked Lunch.

 

[Homburg]

Edited to add: is not a smiling snatch the perfect visual for this rant?

Smiling fanged snatch, and, yes, it is perfect. When you mentioned vagina dentata, I recalled this picture, and just had to post it.

 

[Cheshire D]

Fascinating thread. I just finished up an Intro to Women's Studies class this past semester. One of the things that my prof and I butted heads on (a very few, luckily) was the idea of porn and other sex work not being oppressive. She, and the textbook, and the videos, were of the opinion that women who choose to do porn/sex work were just doing so because they weren't actually freely choosing the life they were subconsciously reacting to how the Patriarchy set things up. Which, quite frankly, I'd like to think people have a little more free will than that, and seriously disagreed with her. I just couldn't put it into words.

And I never thought about how the "personal is political" slogan could be read as " ' you must fuck in a way that reflects what you desire politically' " as Netzach so put it. Probably because the aforementioned prof always put it in the other context, about how your personal choices reflect the realities in society and life.