For the Downtrodden and Erotically Challenged

[MathGirl]

$%^&^%^%!!

Dear Svenska,
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Sincerely,
MG

 

[oggbashan]

Re: $%^&$#$%^&!!

Oh, buy the way, "DurtGurl" is a new nam de plum I'm using to post my Really Really Bad Story
MG

I can't wait for DurtGurl to get an AV.

Og

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: $%^&^%^%!!

Dear Svenska,
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Sincerely,
MG

My god! MG, I had no idea you could speak Russian!

Ya nie govario mnoga parusski, no ya pinimaio otchin.

(OK, so my spelling isn't very good...)

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: $%^&^%^%!!

My god! MG, I had no idea you could speak Russian!

Dear Svenska,
No, dear, that isn't Russian. It's an ethnic greeting from the Bronx, NY.
MG

 

[pop_54]

Hello

Dear MG & BK.

I have this problem, no one will speak to me, everyone just ignores me as if I don't exist.
Where ever I go, here, home, in the street, people just brush past me without a word.
I went to my doctor about this problem, I said: "Doctor you've got to help me, everyone is ignoring me", he said: "Next patient please"

I wonder if you have any ideas that may help, I'm getting desparate.

Thank you in anticipation. Arnold Froggmorten.

 

[Guest]

Re: do I need a better class of friends?

Dear wise women of the web:

I have a female friend, who is quite nice, attractive and all. Seems however that she has Tourrette's Syndrome. The good news is that she doesn't blurt out swear words. the bad news is that her uncontrollable discourse sounds a lot like ' wanna blowjob?'

She's made lots of nice friends. However, she's almost done school and is concerned about getting ahead in the business world.

She tried speech pathology, but the result sounded a lot like ' cum on my tits'.

Any suggestions?

Dear SH-

I suggest a career as a Democratic politician's intern.

b

 

[Guest]

Re: Hello

Dear MG & BK.

I have this problem, no one will speak to me, everyone just ignores me as if I don't exist.
Where ever I go, here, home, in the street, people just brush past me without a word.
I went to my doctor about this problem, I said: "Doctor you've got to help me, everyone is ignoring me", he said: "Next patient please"

I wonder if you have any ideas that may help, I'm getting desparate.

Thank you in anticipation. Arnold Froggmorten.

Dear A,

Perhaps a course in assertiveness would help you. Just posting here and receiving a response is a good sign. If you ask people about themselves, they can rarely resist answering.

b

 

[Svenskaflicka]

B, you DO realize how funny it would have been if you had just ignored his post, don't you?

 

[Guest]

funny?

Svenska-

What a tragedy it would have been for A to have been unaffirmed in this forum! I don't see any humor in neglecting the downtrodden and erotically challenged.

b

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I suppose I have been reading too much Draco Sinister. I'm getting cynical.

 

[MathGirl]

Who?

Dear MG & BK.I have this problem, no one will speak to me, everyone just ignores me as if I don't exist.

Dear Arnold,
Next letter, please.
MG

Bridget: Just ignore him.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

That's more like it.

Now, let's go chop the head off garden gnomes.

 

[Dirt Man]

What's a garden gnome?

DM

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Small creatures that look like potatoes.

If you want to get rid of them in a less bloody way, you can lift them up by their feet, swing them round and round over your head, and throw them as far away as you can. They'll be back again in a couple of days, though. Kinda like the stubs on your legs.

 

[MathGirl]

Podiatric concerns

Kinda like the stubs on your legs.

Dear Svenska,
Most people call those things "feet." You're forgiven, though, because English is your second language.
Helpfully, MG

 

[pop_54]

Hmm

Thought you had Trolls over there not gnomes Svenska.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Pop: Does the concept "Harry Potter Fanatic" mean anything to you?

MG: Would you like a stub up your..?

 

[sirhugs]

Re: Re: do I need a better class of friends?

Dear SH-

I suggest a career as a Democratic politician's intern.

b

wasn't Gary Condit a republican?

 

[Guest]

Echoes of Cosgrove

Dear Gentle Readers-

It has come to my attention that there are many of you who are unfamiliar with Diane and my calling to help the downtrodden and erotically challenged.

This distresses me greatly.

Please know that we are here for you.

b

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Echoes of Cosgrove

This distresses me greatly.
Please know that we are here for you.

Good grief, Bridget! We've been coasting along nicely without being bothered by a bunch of lowli....... Oh. Yeah, I forgot.

Yes, Bridget and MG are here for you.
MG
Ps. Where the hell did you find this old thread? I thought it had gone to the great cyber beyond.

 

[Quasimodem]

Some advice column!

“For the Downtrodden and Erotically Challenged” indeed!

The dead King, Oggbashan, has been waiting for over thirty posts and ninety days for an answer to his question about where, amongst the departed, he may find the shade of a female soul with no fear of elephantasis.

Even the dead can’t wait forever, especially those involved in the fast food industry.

Good King.

Cleopatra possess a needle SO BIG that people have claimed to be able to pass through its eye. Need I say more? (Nudge-Nudge! Wink-Wink!)

Just one word of caution. I’m not certain what its import is to the predeceased, but they do say that Cleopatra had a deadly asp.

 

[Guest]

... they do say that Cleopatra had a deadly asp.

Oh man, Quas. Don't you have a more subtle way of asking for help? Take a pun and call MG in the morning.

Or if you really can't sleep, go visit Pure (seems to be ready to kick some foreign butt on the R&J thread).

night night, Perdita

 

[MathGirl]

Some advice column! “For the Downtrodden and Erotically Challenged” indeed!

Dear Quaz,
Back off, buster. Our advice is free. We have never made any claims about correct or timely.
MG and B

 

[Guest]

you have not because you ask not

Quasimodem-

I don't think that you understand that we are not busybodies dispensing our advice hither and you without inquiry.

All we ask is that those needing help pm Diane or me.

Doling out unsolicited advice is so tacky. *cringes*

b

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Creepy... just when we thought the Classic Threads were dead and buried, they come back!

I'm just waiting for J-Le to bring back her For Svenskaflicka thread, and recommend new HP-fan fics for me.