For the Downtrodden and Erotically Challenged

[MathGirl]

WWSJD?

Any tips how he can resolve his dilemma?

Dear SirH,
I have recently discovered a wonderful method for resolving all the problems, quandries, and dilemmas that are a part of everyday life. When faced with a difficult choice, I suggest that my readers ask themselves:

"What would SubJoe do?"

In your "friend's" case, it's obvious what SJ would do: 1). kick the cat, 2). drink seven Absolut martinis, and 3). take a nap.

See how easy it is? Just remember, "WWSJD?"

MG

 

[Guest]

Re: did y'all give up?

I hope not, cause I got a buddy with a really big problem. seems his girlfriend decided he can't go down on her until he trims his nose hairs.

Now this might seem simple to y'all, but my buddy has been growing and grooming his hairs for 4 years, anticipating the next Olfactory Coiffure Olympics, and is rather proud of his creative " Double Twist Through the Toe Reverse Sawkow".

Buddy loves being a cunning linguist, and is afraid his less nasally endowed chums might slip into his place if he fails to keep his girl satisfied.

Any tips how he can resolve his dilemma?

Dear SH,

While the WWSJD? phrase may be helpful to those of us who know SubJoe, I am concerned that your friend will not be sufficiently enlightened by this advice.

As one who abhors facial hair, I can understand his gilfriend's aversion. There comes a time in every relationship when each partner has to decided what they are willing to sacrifice in order to make the relationship work.

It seems that time has come for your friend. He needs to either sacrifice his dreams for a future with her or find someone who can be supportive of his aspirations for nasal hair greatness.

b

 

[Dirt Man]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

There comes a time in every relationship when each partner has to decided what they are willing to sacrifice in order to make the relationship work.

Why do people have to sacrifice anything? I hear this all the time, and still I am dumbfounded by its irrationallity. Why do women fall in love with a man the way he is if they are going to try to change him later? Why do men want their women to stay home, barefoot and pregnant? Why is it when the man stays home to take care of the kids he's mooching off of his wife? Why do women insist on having the toilet seat down? Why are men so careless as to leave the damn thing up? I mean for Christ's sake, why can't they build bathrooms in houses with a freaking urinal, and a bidet, and a toilet? Why don't the authors in here vote when they open a story? Why do people think that their way is the only ^*$*&*%&$&%$ way?????

Whew! Sorry for venting everybody, just had to get it off of my chest. Thanks


As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man

 

[MathGirl]

With all due respect.........

As one who abhors facial hair, I can understand his gilfriend's aversion.

Dear Bridget,
While I have deep respect for your wisdom, I must beg to differ with you on this point. This is not a facial hair issue, dear.

This poor man is suffering from hyperplastic hirsuteness of the nares. To treat it as a simple facial hair problem is to miss the point entirely. We're not dealing with a moustache, goatee, handlebars, muttonchops, van dyke, Fu Manchu, walrus, or chest warmer here. This is not an issue which can be resolved with a Gillette or a Norelco.

Again, I counsel the afflicted to ask himself "WWSJD." In the unlikely case this does not completely cure the disease, he should consult a competent large animal veternarian.

MG

 

[MathGirl]

Re: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew! Sorry for venting everybody, just had to get it off of my chest. /B]

Dear Dirtie,
Bridget and I certainly hope you feel better after that little outburst. As a valued and esteemed reader, we offer you the following gentle advice: bugger off.
Respectfully,
MG

 

[Guest]

Dearest Colleague

Dearest MG,

As the daughter of a man who has to shave his ears and nose daily I am very much "up" on the problem of nasal hair. I gifted said Papa with a Roto-rooter just this past Christmas that has attachments for both his ears and his nostrils.

The issue of SH's friend is that he wants to have extended nasal hairs. He cultivates them.

While I am usually the ditz of our dynamic duo, I do know about facial hair and will not be relegated to the blonde on this one.



DM-

Compromise is the art of living with other people. Some things are negotiable. Others are not. Each of us has to decide what these are.

Emotionally manipulating people to change them is never appropriate and is a different kettle of fish.

b

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Dearest Colleague

While I am usually the ditz of our dynamic duo, I do know about facial hair and will not be relegated to the blonde on this one.

Dear, Dear Bridget,
I certainly would not argue with the first half of that sentence.

Did I detect just the merest hint of blonde bashing in the phrase immediately prior to the full stop? Hmmmm?
MG

 

[Guest]

esteemed compatriot

Dearest MG,

How could you ever think that I would cast aspersions on someone based upon the color of their hair? Each and every person has unique attributes and character qualities that define who they are. To "bash" someone for a characteristic that they can't control, that is reprehensible.

b

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Me sees that both the Doctors are in... I mean on. Line. This bodes well...

 

[MathGirl]

%$#^&^$&%(*

Me sees that both the Doctors are in... I mean on. Line. This bodes well...

Piss off, Swede. This here is a private difference of opinion.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Är det inte dags för dig att gå och lägga dig, lillan?

 

[MathGirl]

Heathen tongue

Är det inte dags för dig att gå och lägga dig, lillan?

Oh, sure, always resort to some foreign tongue when you're challenged.
Harumph!
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: Heathen tongue

Oh, sure, always resort to some foreign tongue when you're challenged.
Harumph!
MG

Your weakness is my strength.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Heathen tongue

Your weakness is my strength.

Oh, Yeah? Strength DIS, Swede.
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Försöker du DIStrahera mig?

Tror du att jag är så DISträ att jag inte kan hålla koll på dina förolämpningar?

Din lilla DISktrasa!

 

[MathGirl]

$#*&(&^%)(*_!!

Svenska,
Why don't you try some of that on Master V for that awful avathingie of his?
MG

 

[Guest]

Xie Xie

Wo de peng yo,

Ni men bu shi tai hao de.

Wo men hen hao peng yo!

b

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Xie Xie

Wo de peng yo,

Ni men bu shi tai hao de.

Wo men hen hao peng yo!

b

Oh, shit. They're ganging up on me. Can't anyone here speak English?
MG

 

[Dirt Man]

Bent over in Hoboken...

Oh, shit. They're ganging up on me. Can't anyone here speak English?

I can, but I'm busy buggering off. Remember.

DM

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Bent over in Hoboken...

I can, but I'm busy buggering off. Remember.

Oh, that's right. Sorry to bother.
MG

 

[sirhugs]

is this thread dead?

or is that lazy bugger Cosgrove just lost at sea?

 

[MathGirl]

We're baaaack..........

Bridget and MG have been on a well earned vacation, but we're back now and ready to offer our expertise to those who are up romance creek lacking an oar.

Rather than answering this first letter ourselves, we're going to open it up for reader comment. As you can see, the writer and her signifigant other really need some help.

______________________________

Dear Bridget and MG,

Please answer this soon. I'm in a quandry and really need your advice.

My husband of three months is very romantic and a wonderful lover. Last night he told me that he wants to rub me from head to toe with rare scented ungulants before we make love.

This sounds very erotic, but I'm somehow a bit uneasy about it. I've asked him to hold off until I hear from you.

Sincerely,
Uneasy in Utah

Ps. We're strict Mormons, if that makes any difference.

 

[oggbashan]

Re: We're baaaack..........

rare scented ungulants

ungula = 1. Hoof, claw, talon; 2. Cone, cylinder, with top cut off by plane oblique to base.

Ouch!

 

[MathGirl]

Gotta do better than that

Dear Ogg,
That's hardly advice. Now you people can get some idea how difficult it is for Bridget and me to deal with the problems presented to us. Mere knowledge is insufficient. It must be tempered with wisdom.
MG

 

[MathGirl]

%$^&^%(*&!!

Oops