Friends With Benefits AKA My Dom Dumped Me

[Homburg]

As a person who likes power exchange, on line won't give me the fulfillment of that desire. The others are right, the off switch is right there. I can pretend I have given up power, but it won't give me the result I seek. Physically, emotionally, mentally, it just doesn't cut it when it comes to power exchange.

This really is the core of it. Power eEchange just doesn't have the same impact when the off-button is there. At the same time, honesty becomes a major concern. I can't tell you ho wmany times I've seen an online only pyl talk about how they're supposed to be off doing whatever task their PYL set them to, when they were really just doodling about on the net with their IM set to Away. Yeah, that's power exchange.

Yes, I know not everyone is like that, but it does cheapen the milieu for me to see proponents of online turn around and do things like that.

Saying they are not the same does not mean your experiences are invalid. Your experiences and your emotions are all real. But you simply can't compare non-face to face with face to face. It's like saying watching a travelogue of a trip to Paris is the same as being there. Sure you can look at the beauty of Paris on the film. You can even fall in love with Paris watching that film. But what you'll never be able to do watching that film is smell the flowers in the spring, or feel the breeze on your face. See? it's different.

Excellent analogy! There is nothing at all like visiting a place, compared to simply reading abot it or seeing it on TV.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

Well I never said I have any real life BDSM experiences did I?

Real thing must be awesome experience, not everyone is so lucky to have it right when he want it tho. My time will come, untill then I can say just what I think. I am sorry if som people here dont like it. One day I will surely get there, but don't expect me to be all quiet untill then.

Theres a lot of threads where I don't need to experince the real thing, so I could say what I think about things. I am saying my opinion just as anybody else here. Some will relate to my opinion, some not. Not like I mind.

Did I say I was talking about you?

Didn't I preface my comments to say this was My opinion?

Put on your big girl panties, and relax.

Remember this is only cyber too!

 

[the captians wench]

I'm just going to say that I've seen a lot of people who have done online* argue that there's emotional and physical equivalency...

but I've never seen the opposite argued - that it's all the same by someone who's done it 3-D

Even though I conduct a LOT of business with H over the phone it's not the same as when he's here panting and sweating in front of me with my latest challenge. And value judgement time - it's not as good. I like him here, he likes to be here. Once I actually laid hands on him a lot of the phone and online communiques were less hot and more friendly-till-later.


* with people you have not met and don't plan to meet

I think I have (emotional wize), but then, I do intend to meet my LDR Dom...some day.

But then I form bonds and loyalties very quickly and easily.

The physical is very different, and I'll grant you there have been times when I have been sitting on a tack board and thought "if I moved ever so slightly then I could knock the cam down and I'd have to fix it and my time would be broken up" or have been set for an apointment with the tack board (can any one guess what his favorite toy is? ) And thought about how easy it would be to just stay invis all night and not answer his IMs. But I don't do these things. Why? because it would be dishonest and it would go against everything I believe in and would break my vow to him.

I have loved Jounar perhaps more than any rl dom I have met, and maybe that's what keeps us feeling "real". After the self inflicted pain per his instruction, when I'm sitting there wraped up in my blankets, emotionally I feel the same connection with him as I do with some one sitting in the room, physically there is a difference. And I'll grant you it takes a bit more time to come down with me wrapped up snuggling myself typing to him than it does when some one holds me and brushes my hair, but on most levels it does feel the same.

Is there a difference? Oh yeah, a HUGE one. and okay, maybe it doesn't feel exactly the same, but it can come pretty damn close.

but then emotions are tricky things like that. And I personally have flip-floped on this subject, I'll admit.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am sorry if that offends you, I just said my opinion just as you said yours. Not my fault you feel offended by what I said..... It might be silly/dumb/nerdy opinion, but its still mine and I am gonna say it.

As for me giving advice, I never give an advice about things I don't have any experiences with! When I post in some threads I am just saying my opinion and what I would do in such a situation. When I talk from my personal experiences I always say I went thro that situation, it other cases its just my opinions yes and I think its okay to say them loud. If you dont like it make a thread "ban the online sub's from saying their two cents". LOL

I guess like some others, I have t disagree with you...and also because I have done LDR, online, and RL...they are not the same or camparable as being such which I was aware of just through common sense before I actually tried anything RL. Mind you, I didn't waste much time in experimenting RL once I was able to. As to giving advice, though you might not call it as such, you and many others do post often in a way that makes it appear they are talking from a RL based experience...I have lost count of the times people have posted about how it felt to be spanked, how hot they get when they are physically punished etc., etc., only to find when you ask that they actually have never been within a mile of a RL PYL and such experiences.

I also have had freinds who were so sure they would love xyz, only to discover when they experienced it in RL that they did not ike it and cared nothing for ever going there again. It is different and can be dangerous to others to sometuimes post about opinions and experiences that are based only in fantasy or online and not RL. It doesn't mean you can't post, but as I have had my head bitten off for before, I think it important people understand where a person's experience comes from when they do offer an opinion or experience to another...it can make a huge difference.

Catalina

 

[DeservingBitch]

I think that one issue here is the use of the term 'real life' in opposition to 'online'. Online IS also real life. Nobody's living in another dimension because it's happening online, nor are they hallucinating it. 'In person' would probably convey the meaning better.

Something like how the use of the time-reference of the term "24/7" is so often read as meaning on your knees naked and chained all day long every single days. The term is confusing.

 

[the captians wench]

Maybe my lines blend because I didn't experience one before the other. I was exploring in RL at the same time I met Jounar and explored with him online. I didn't fantasize about this, and then go out. I got curious based on something I saw, and tried it. The stuff with Jounar started quite by accendent, meaning it was totally unexpected.

*shrug* or maybe I'm just trying to justify myself

 

[Netzach]

I think I have (emotional wize), but then, I do intend to meet my LDR Dom...some day.

But then I form bonds and loyalties very quickly and easily.

The physical is very different, and I'll grant you there have been times when I have been sitting on a tack board and thought "if I moved ever so slightly then I could knock the cam down and I'd have to fix it and my time would be broken up" or have been set for an apointment with the tack board (can any one guess what his favorite toy is? ) And thought about how easy it would be to just stay invis all night and not answer his IMs. But I don't do these things. Why? because it would be dishonest and it would go against everything I believe in and would break my vow to him.

I have loved Jounar perhaps more than any rl dom I have met, and maybe that's what keeps us feeling "real". After the self inflicted pain per his instruction, when I'm sitting there wraped up in my blankets, emotionally I feel the same connection with him as I do with some one sitting in the room, physically there is a difference. And I'll grant you it takes a bit more time to come down with me wrapped up snuggling myself typing to him than it does when some one holds me and brushes my hair, but on most levels it does feel the same.

Is there a difference? Oh yeah, a HUGE one. and okay, maybe it doesn't feel exactly the same, but it can come pretty damn close.

but then emotions are tricky things like that. And I personally have flip-floped on this subject, I'll admit.

It's totally totally reasonable in my mind that mental exploration and exploration at a distance with a particular person could be preferable to in-person with other people. If it wasn't I'd run out and get myself a slave who's not 1500 miles away, eh?

My point is that in-person with Journar and distance with Journar would be different animals. Connection is always key - well if not key it ramps up the level of risk and investment.

 

[the captians wench]

It's totally totally reasonable in my mind that mental exploration and exploration at a distance with a particular person could be preferable to in-person with other people. If it wasn't I'd run out and get myself a slave who's not 1500 miles away, eh?

My point is that in-person with Journar and distance with Journar would be different animals. Connection is always key - well if not key it ramps up the level of risk and investment.

I understand Netz. And I do agree that most aspects would be different...nearly all if not all. I realize that I am basing things off of what I feel with one person and what I feel with another, which in and of it's self are two different things....Once I get my ass across the pond, I'll chime in on the subject a little more solidly.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Did I say I was talking about you?

Didn't I preface my comments to say this was My opinion?

Put on your big girl panties, and relax.

Remember this is only cyber too!

I am sorry I thought it was directed my way.

As for the rest of your post I'll rather be quiet cuz I am tempted to say something very not nice.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I think I have (emotional wize), but then, I do intend to meet my LDR Dom...some day.

But then I form bonds and loyalties very quickly and easily.

The physical is very different, and I'll grant you there have been times when I have been sitting on a tack board and thought "if I moved ever so slightly then I could knock the cam down and I'd have to fix it and my time would be broken up" or have been set for an apointment with the tack board (can any one guess what his favorite toy is? ) And thought about how easy it would be to just stay invis all night and not answer his IMs. But I don't do these things. Why? because it would be dishonest and it would go against everything I believe in and would break my vow to him.

I have loved Jounar perhaps more than any rl dom I have met, and maybe that's what keeps us feeling "real". After the self inflicted pain per his instruction, when I'm sitting there wraped up in my blankets, emotionally I feel the same connection with him as I do with some one sitting in the room, physically there is a difference. And I'll grant you it takes a bit more time to come down with me wrapped up snuggling myself typing to him than it does when some one holds me and brushes my hair, but on most levels it does feel the same.
Is there a difference? Oh yeah, a HUGE one. and okay, maybe it doesn't feel exactly the same, but it can come pretty damn close. [/B]

but then emotions are tricky things like that. And I personally have flip-floped on this subject, I'll admit.

I understand your devotion for Jounar so well Wenchie. ~smiles~

As for those saying I cannot compare what I have with the real thing I can say just this. I know very well how it feels like to get a touch. I know very well how it feels like to have the real thing, real man. Maybe not a Dom, but still. For the spanking and the rest of the things I can use my imagination very well cuz the spanking I do on myself when I am told to do so is quite intense, without any need to pretend anything, so in real life it would be just the same only even more intense.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

As to giving advice, though you might not call it as such, you and many others do post often in a way that makes it appear they are talking from a RL based experience...I have lost count of the times people have posted about how it felt to be spanked, how hot they get when they are physically punished etc., etc., only to find when you ask that they actually have never been within a mile of a RL PYL and such experiences.

Yeh I think I posted how it felt and I was sincere about those feelings too. Someone asked If I have met my Dom yet? And I said I didnt, but theres still a lot of things I can experience even online. I am sorry I didn't say it directly in my post that the spanking I have had was one I gave myself when I was told to do so as I usualy say where from my experinces comes from.

As for me saying what I said about how the spanking felt like ask Wenchie how real can the spankings or punishemnts be with her LDR Dom. It can be very real and I don't mind if someone understand that or not. I know what I feel and I am not shy to talk about it.

Some people here, and I don't mean you Cat right now, makes me feel like online PYL's/pyl's just shouldn't be allowed to post here cuz they didn't have the "real thing" yet LOL. Everybody have to start somewhere I think. I am not trying to make myself sound like I am an experienced sub, not at all! and if you knew me closer you would know I consider myself as inexperienced as possible. I never said I have met a Dom irl yet, but I think I can still talk about punishments, spankings and these things like anyone else does cuz I am going thro this. My spankings and punishments might not be the same as the ones you get, but it doesn't make it any less punishment really. I can't get punished by his hand personaly yes, but if he wants too he can still see to it that my ass will get as much of the belt as he wish. Enough to make me cry in pain if needed.

When me and my Sir play we always webcam so theres no chance for me to do something else than what I am told to do. It goes for the spankings, for the punishments, for anything really. He can see me and hear me whimper in pain or pleasure for him. He can hear my voice tremble in need of him and he can see me kneeling naked infront of him. He heard and saw me screaming into the gag while he had his way with me, so tell me online D/s is just about "good writing" made me sad really.

Theres so much you can get out of the D/s online. Only thing I can't get just now is his touch yes, but what we do is so intense that I don't mind atm. For now it's all I can get and it's satisfing. I will get his touch one day, it's just a matter of time.

 

[twysted73]

Ah..I see what it is now...

Yeah, dismissal sucks. Abandonment blows. But it's not a breach of trust.

A differing of not only opinion but personal style.
No wonder we disagreed here! (though isn't that usually the reason for anyone?)

And that's acceptable. We approach things differently. It would seem based on your response that you are less emotionally/personally involved with your subs as a general rule. (am I missing the mark?)

I know my style of approach. And I look back on my previous statement and see just how uni-lateral it really was.
I spoke for my approach alone.
I connect both on a Dominant level as well as on one out of scene. I feel it is quite effective for me when building trust and gaining invaluable insight when I am learning another's tastes/desires/limits to connect in such a way.
I feel it provides me an additional advantage when it comes time to reading them and their verbal/non-verbal signals.

When I read her statement, I viewed his lack of "after care" as something I, myself, find insulting and disrespectful of one who gave of themselves in this way.
Yes, I am one of those Dominants that feel submission is a gift. That when given it comes with a certain level of trust and consideration for the feelings of the other not only as a submissive necessarily but as the person they are out of scene.

Do I coddle my subs? Not always. Am I cruel? Occasionally. Am I and can I be emotionally distant and harsh when I feel it's justified? If I think I have my finger on the pulse of my submissive well enough to take that step, I do in a heart beat. And I make it sting to remind and ensure she remembers.
D/s is ( i feel) a very intricate form of mutual manipulation. A web to be woven of words, actions, consistancy and trust. If I can take emotion and mix it in to strengthen the tie in order to elicit the desired effect and experience for my submissive then I will certainly invest aforementioned emotion.
But once the safe word is given, the scene is ended and the button up oxford goes back on, we're still people who need to relate and communicate.
And this is where i feel he failed her.

*starts a penny collection*

 

[twysted73]

I've had a lot of friends with benifits, but we always knew it wasn't serious. I've always loved them like friends and expressed it with sex. Even if I don't cyber with some of them anymore, we're still friends.

I've been accused of being easy by an ex because I'm a natural flirt with my friends. What he DIDN'T get was that when I flirt, I don't mean it. I have very big issues with real flirting and I stutter and I blush and I can't look them straight in the eye, so when I'm flirting easily, I'm not serious, I'm just having fun.

I think that your husband should know that you cyber, but I also think that your Dom was an insecure wimp who couldn't put up with competition.

With the flirting, agreed. With the way he handled himself, also seconded.

 

[Homburg]

A differing of not only opinion but personal style.
No wonder we disagreed here! (though isn't that usually the reason for anyone?)

And that's acceptable. We approach things differently. It would seem based on your response that you are less emotionally/personally involved with your subs as a general rule. (am I missing the mark?)

Entirely. I'm married to my slave, and have been with her for 17 years this year. I love her to death, and would kill to protect her. I was emotionally destroyed when my former pet broke things off last year. I get very involved. We weren't talking about me or you there, though. You said "true dominant", so you were speaking to some sort of archetype. This is what I am trying to understand.

 

[NameNo39]

Bye Bye!

 

[rida]

If it was an online relationship of only a few weeks as you say, and you are reacting as you seem to be, perhaps that is what he was referring to when he said you were more drama than he wished to have in his life. If you are also doing the online thing behind your husband's back and fooling yourself it is not cheating because you have not actually touched the other person, once again it raises huge issues, especially in a D/s relationship where trust is an important cornerstone.

I can see where a Dom could easily begin to feel that after a few months you might be wanting more and heading for the divcorce courts and expecting him to be there waiting for you with open arms. In reality, he has actually told you what his problem is with having a relationship with you, but you seem unwilling to accept his words and right to make this decision for his own life....hence I suspect the too much drama reference he used. I would suggest moving on, perhaps communicating with your spouse about any issues you might be feeling unhappy with, then deciding if an online relationship is going to work for you and those you wish to have relationships with.

Catalina

This being pure theory on my part basing it solely on what little is offered in the way of suggestion towards his motives mixed with self-observation of others as well as my own thoughts....

He dropped you. Just like that. No warning other then a disagreement over symantics.
Tomato, tomato. Potato, potato, get the f**k out?

I would bet the farm as well as the left testicle he either tired of the online responsability or found someone close by to play with and didn't want to have the responsability of two people to keep up that level of attention and intensity with so he chose the one who could provide more for what he needed. These are the conclusions that come to me when I read your final interaction.
It's a flimsy excuse at best. Noone who professes to care for the education and eye-opening experiences of another in their very personal search for their D/s happy place would or could be so caustic and impersonal as to walk after what amounts to be a rather rediculous argument in comparison. No, he took the easy way out for him and carelessly discarded your emotional steak in this.

And if, by chance, he "really is distancing himself" due to a disagreement of definition, then the only other possability is that he's playing head games and much like unsolicited rape fantasies, unwanted and hurtful head games are not appropriate nor should they be tolerated.
Don't encourage him by begging. If he's playing games, then you're fanning the flames.

As easy as it is for me to say (and as hard for you to do) perhaps you should best put him out of your mind for the moment and focus your attentions on either your domestic situations, work, or perhaps seeking out another Dominant.

"A true Dominant by definition would never break the trust that was offered like that."

Just my two cents.

The posts above are both totally valid in their POV. But they start from totally different assumptions deducted from the same post. Intersting how we read the same words and get different if not antithetic meanings...

As for the OP situation, I personally read it the same way as Catalina: that she was married, that the relationship with the Dom was probably pretty new and they probably jumped in the D/s dinamic fast and that when the Dom sensed that she was getting emotionally involved beyond his confort level (Let's be honest: would you want to be the cause of a divorce if you are not interest in taking the place of the previous partner?), he decided to end the relationship.

With this premises, he was within his right to end the relationship. Whether he could have done it in a more sensitive way, is a question of opinion.


ETA to add: to NameNo39
Not judging you for not being open with your husband. It is your life and your choice. Just be aware thou that if your marriage is not happy, having a cyber-relationship, and D/s to boot, will complicate things in your life, even if the D/s is only on-line.
Also, this post is on the Talk forum, where things get discussed. For "freindlier" posts, check out the Cafe

 

[_kiana_]

yes, I am a bit drama and lots to deal with, but isn't a Dom supposed to be able to manage his sub?

I was NEW, BRAND NEW at this stuff and therefore, I feel should have been given a break by my Dom when it came to all the confusing mixed up emotions that the situation unleashed.

Yes, a Dominant is supposed to be able to manage his sub. But they are human too and can't tell the future. Maybe he didn't realize just how head over heels you'd fall for him and that was not what he was looking for at all. Or maybe he thought he could handle you and something came up in his everyday life that sapped his emotional energy. Also, some Dominants aren't cut out for dealing with a sub who has absolutely no experience. Maybe he didn't know he wouldn't be able to handle it.

Those are just a couple things that come to mind. Just as you have your own unique situation he must have had his own as well. I don't know the whole story and you might not either.

Wish I could live in your world where your spouse allows you to fuck around when you "share" and are "open" with them (and all that other Kumbaya shit...), but I unfortunately live in the world where the sky is blue and where the rest of us people live (90% I would beg to guess) us poor sods who, due to self preservation needs, do not share what we do with online sexual partners with our spouses.

I'm sorry that you felt offended and hurt by some of the words here. To be honest, most of the posts went onto their own tangent which wasn't directed at you, despite ecstaticsub's attempt at moving the discussion to a new thread.

Hurt leads to hurt and judgment leads to more judgment. You don't deserve to be judged by someone based on your choice to seek online D/s with out your husband knowing but those of us who are open with our spouses don't deserve to be judged harshly either. Both situations are difficult to deal with. Believe me I wish it was easy and didn't hurt anyone's feelings for me to have a Dominant who isn't my husband. It's not "Kumbaya shit" ... it leads to multitudes of problems on its own. But we weigh the pros and cons and still live as we do, just as you decide how you need to live to feel fulfilled.

I can say from experience that when my first online D/s relationship failed it hurt just like losing your first puppy love as a teenager. Not implying that you're young or stupid or anything like that. But it hurts like an ice pick to the heart to start. We begin to learn about the way relationships work through that hurt though. And when the next one comes along (which it always does) we know a bit better how to make it work.

So feel your loss now. That's normal. Whatever made this guy say buh-bye, it sounds like you very well could be better off with out him. Let your heart get back on track, learn while you're on your own, and your next relationship will hopefully be better for it.

This place has a ton of knowledge in it. I hope the harsh words haven't turned you away from it and that you might still find something worth staying for.

--kiana

 

[catalina_francisco]

What I am most surprised about are the comments as to my cheating, my whoring around and how bad I am of a wife because I do not tell the hubby about what I do online with my Dom (oops what I used to do...).

Wish I could live in your world where your spouse allows you to fuck around when you "share" and are "open" with them (and all that other Kumbaya shit...), but I unfortunately live in the world where the sky is blue and where the rest of us people live (90% I would beg to guess) us poor sods who, due to self preservation needs, do not share what we do with online sexual partners with our spouses.

Sigh....I wish I could throw stones, but I live in a glass house.

You all are very open people sexually and yet are the first to condemn me for not telling my husband I am a cyber sub slut.

See, apart from having a problem with believing someone who can not only be dishonest enough to cheat, but try and justify it can understand how important trust and honesty is in a D/s relationship, I also fail to see why you feel your Dom or anyone should feel sorry for you, or that your Dom owes you anymore than they have given when you are just as prepared for your husband to be hurt if he ever finds out what you have been and intend to continue to do. It seems OK to you for you to risk him going through that pain without ever doing aything to deserve it presumably, so why are you so secial tha you feel your Dom should take you back to prevent your pain when he isn't interested in continuing a relationship with you? People are not judging your behaviour alone, but are concerned as to how it reflects on your abilty to be in a D/s relationship where you are expected to be honest and open.

Your actions and demands all seem very motivated by me, me, me, not consideration for anyone else or how they might be feeling or hurt. And then you feel it is OK to slam people on this forum to whom you came to ask advice when they just happen to not only have the ethics to be honest with their partners, but also fortunate enough to have that honesty rewarded with trust and freedom to explore within discussed boundaries. The more words I read of yours, the more I am convinced your Dom was right to be scared off by your drama as he told you.

Catalina

 

[sexycaz22]

I understand your devotion for Jounar so well Wenchie. ~smiles~

As for those saying I cannot compare what I have with the real thing I can say just this. I know very well how it feels like to get a touch. I know very well how it feels like to have the real thing, real man. Maybe not a Dom, but still. For the spanking and the rest of the things I can use my imagination very well cuz the spanking I do on myself when I am told to do so is quite intense, without any need to pretend anything, so in real life it would be just the same only even more intense.

If I may be brutally honest here, you are fantasying here. I have been on both ends - I have been doing self-spankings for as long as I can remember AND I have been spanked by a bare hand. Both spankings ARE very different from each other. Yes, RL spankings is very intense, but is very different from self-spankings. You can't really compare here, when you have not tried ANY spankings in RL. Please do not compare till you experience BOTH, only then I will agree with you or not. Until then, don't say self-spankings and RL spankings are one and the same thing. And I am not being personally to you either, I also say this for all other people who have not experienced both online and RL and then compare them both.

OMG- When I started this thread I never realized it would become what it is...

My comments....yes, I am a bit drama and lots to deal with, but isn't a Dom supposed to be able to manage his sub?

I was NEW, BRAND NEW at this stuff and therefore, I feel should have been given a break by my Dom when it came to all the confusing mixed up emotions that the situation unleashed.

What I am most surprised about are the comments as to my cheating, my whoring around and how bad I am of a wife because I do not tell the hubby about what I do online with my Dom (oops what I used to do...).

Wish I could live in your world where your spouse allows you to fuck around when you "share" and are "open" with them (and all that other Kumbaya shit...), but I unfortunately live in the world where the sky is blue and where the rest of us people live (90% I would beg to guess) us poor sods who, due to self preservation needs, do not share what we do with online sexual partners with our spouses.

Sigh....I wish I could throw stones, but I live in a glass house.

You all are very open people sexually and yet are the first to condemn me for not telling my husband I am a cyber sub slut.

Thanks,
STILL the Dumped Sub and so horribly missing my Dom

I do have to agree with some people who have said that you might have jumped into a D/s dynamic too quickly and without hearing the other side of the story, you seem to be blaming your former Dom a lot, we will never know what is the full story, but perhaps you might have to look closer to yourself, and try to find out why your former Dom wanted to get out of the relationship. Perhaps you might have become too emotionally attached to your former Dom? Perhaps some of your behaviour might have put the Dom off? I am not saying that you are entirely to blame here, but since we don't know his side of the story, we can only form opinions or suggestions or ideas purely on your side of the story.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

If I may be brutally honest here, you are fantasying here. I have been on both ends - I have been doing self-spankings for as long as I can remember AND I have been spanked by a bare hand. Both spankings ARE very different from each other. Yes, RL spankings is very intense, but is very different from self-spankings. You can't really compare here, when you have not tried ANY spankings in RL. Please do not compare till you experience BOTH, only then I will agree with you or not. Until then, don't say self-spankings and RL spankings are one and the same thing. And I am not being personally to you either, I also say this for all other people who have not experienced both online and RL and then compare them both.

I see.

I said "I think" it will be the same just even more intense. I didn't compare anything. I can't really compare something what I didn't have yet, but I can still think what I think. I've never get a spanking from a Dom irl yet, but since I think about it pretty often I must have some opinion or atleast an imagination "HOW it will feel like". Like it or not I still think I know very well how it will feel like, but thats just me.

You won't agree with me - I won't agree with you, so guess we will leave it like that.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I feel like some of you should reread the name of this thread and the original post cuz the name of this thread is not "Should I tell my husband about my online Dom???" Thats not what she asked LOL.

Just saying.

 

[EmpressFi]

I feel like some of you should reread the name of this thread and the original post cuz the name of this thread is not "Should I tell my husband about my online Dom???" Thats not what she asked LOL.

Just saying.

Right it was.. My Dom Dumped me.. and maybe.. just maybe.. it was because she was getting too attached too quickly and hadnt told her husband about her online Dom and he didnt want to be part of wrecking the marriage.

Malin and I are poly, however even if I had another relationship, if I didnt tell him about that one, that would be cheating. And I dont really see a difference between online and offline in respects to cheating or not. If the emotions are there, if you've given your heart to someone, whether you've met in person or not, you're cheating on your SO.

If she wants to analyze why her Dom left her, this is going to have to be one of the possible reasons. I know my Master has said that if at any point, he feels that he is ruining my marriage, he will leave. Some people just cannot handle that feeling, that level of guilt.

 

[twysted73]

Modus operandi

Entirely. I'm married to my slave, and have been with her for 17 years this year. I love her to death, and would kill to protect her. I was emotionally destroyed when my former pet broke things off last year. I get very involved. We weren't talking about me or you there, though. You said "true dominant", so you were speaking to some sort of archetype. This is what I am trying to understand.

Impulsive rhetoric on my part then. We're good.

I try not to use generalizing terms as much as possible as it's 9/10 just asking for correcting here on Lit.
I tend to forget we have spelling junkies, grammar fans and term nazis. (Oh my.)

Yes, I can see why it caught your attention looking back at it as not everyone considers themselves obligated to fall under one banner when it comes to personal definition of self-expression and style.

But all that asside, I just can't see (from a human point of view) how it could be fair of him to cut her off without more out-of-scene communication.
I don't even do that to people on the phone who call me by accident unless they're religous nuts are telemarketers.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

You know whats funny? Some of you make this online D/s sound like she's fucking the crowds when you say she's whoring herself when she have/had online Dom without her husband knowing about it. I am trying to understand where you all coming from, but it just doesn't work LOL.

If anything sexual done "online" is whoring then I am the bigest whore ever. Damn!! I am sorry, but thats how your posts sounds to me.

You say it's a cheating to have an online Dom without your husband/bf knowing about it. Okay I will tell you whats a cheating for me. Lets say I still have a husband and a real life Dom. Anything sexual done with my Dom while I am in serious relationship with my husband/bf is and always will be a cheating for me. Bottoming, any poly thing, anything like this - all cheating for me. Why? Very simple to explain, cuz irl its not just words. Its touches, kisses, fucking and anything really and thats whats a cheating for me. I don't mind to talk dirty to someone without feeling bad about it cuz at the end, it's just words. Dirty, horny, filthy words, but still "only" words. It can be webcam as well or talking on the mic, I still do not consider this as a cheating. Not untill we meet face to face and do the real thing as you call it.

I am not trying to clarify what I have been doing, I don't have a need to do so cuz when I was with my man he was the only one who could touch me, fuck me, kiss me and all that. I was just his, in real life and thats what matters to me, I was just my man's woman. I had fun online yes, but I didn't fuck others. I didn't fuck anyone else when I was with him.

None of you really know this girl. She obviously had an online Dom and enjoyed herself online yes. Is this a whoring? I am sorry, but not for me. She said she would never fuck other man irl. Tell someone who does something sexual online she's whoring herslef makes me ROFL really. You could say the very same thing about me. Acording your posts I was whoring myself as well then. *chuckles*

Theres just 3 men I had sex with yet. One was my husband, the other one I met just once and the third one I met 4 times or so. How ironic to be called a whore with the lack of cocks I have had. And I always thought whores have so much of fun!! Damn, what a whore I am!!


The reason why I was cybering onilne is cuz the sex with my ex or suxed or he didnt want a sex at all, sometimes for months. Some could say why you didnt leave him? Well I didnt leave him cuz I could give myself what I needed and also cuz I would never leave him just cuz of this. 3 years ago he catched me doing things on webcam for one man and he called me whore as well then. We wasn't even together that time, he had different woman just still lived at my flat. I was single and free to show myself to anyone I damn wished, he still called me a whore. I told him I wish I was such a good girl as hes a good man! Man whore.

I told him I might do this online, but that his cock is still the only cock I ever had in me and it was true that time. Then I told him "Now you tell me how many women you have had while all those years we were together?!! See? Missing words? You have forget all those names I guess!??...... and now tell me whos the WHORE here!!!" Then I told him to stfu cuz I wasn't his that time anyways. I had all the right to do what I did and enjoy myself any way I see fit.

As for me doing the same thing when we was together I can say just this, if he cared of my needs I wouldnt have to be doing this. I didnt have a prob to have sex with him, but he was denying to fuck for months sometimes. His fault I started cybering, I am sorry but I am no nun. I am a woman and have/had my needs. The cybering started just so I would get mine without hurting him if I did the same what he did and go fuck other men for real. Maybe I should have do that LOL.

I don't really mind if some of you see this as whoring or not. For me anything done online is NOT whoring and is NOT cheating either. If it is for some of you, then it's acceptable way of a whoring for me cuz no physical contact is possible while doing this online. But guess we won't agree on this anyways and it's okay. I don't need anybodys blessing to do what I do. As long as I feel okay about it it's all that matters to me.

 

[nh23]

I suppose it wouldn't do any good to point out the irony in trying to point out how valid an online relationship is..how real it is...and then turning around and saying it's just words to justify that you're not cheating.