Friends With Benefits AKA My Dom Dumped Me

[EmpressFi]

You know whats funny? Some of you make this online D/s sound like she's fucking the crowds when you say she's whoring herself when she have/had online Dom without her husband knowing about it. I am trying to understand where you all coming from, but it just doesn't work LOL.

If anything sexual done "online" is whoring then I am the bigest whore ever. Damn!! I am sorry, but thats how your posts sounds to me.

You say it's a cheating to have an online Dom without your husband/bf knowing about it. Okay I will tell you whats a cheating for me. Lets say I still have a husband and a real life Dom. Anything sexual done with my Dom while I am in serious relationship with my husband/bf is and always will be a cheating for me. Bottoming, any poly thing, anything like this - all cheating for me. Why? Very simple to explain, cuz irl its not just words. Its touches, kisses, fucking and anything really and thats whats a cheating for me. I don't mind to talk dirty to someone without feeling bad about it cuz at the end, it's just words. Dirty, horny, filthy words, but still "only" words. It can be webcam as well or talking on the mic, I still do not consider this as a cheating. Not untill we meet face to face and do the real thing as you call it.

I am not trying to clarify what I have been doing, I don't have a need to do so cuz when I was with my man he was the only one who could touch me, fuck me, kiss me and all that. I was just his, in real life and thats what matters to me, I was just my man's woman. I had fun online yes, but I didn't fuck others. I didn't fuck anyone else when I was with him.

None of you really know this girl. She obviously had an online Dom and enjoyed herself online yes. Is this a whoring? I am sorry, but not for me. She said she would never fuck other man irl. Tell someone who does something sexual online she's whoring herslef makes me ROFL really. You could say the very same thing about me. Acording your posts I was whoring myself as well then. *chuckles*

Theres just 3 men I had sex with yet. One was my husband, the other one I met just once and the third one I met 4 times or so. How ironic to be called a whore with the lack of cocks I have had. And I always thought whores have so much of fun!! Damn, what a whore I am!!


The reason why I was cybering onilne is cuz the sex with my ex or suxed or he didnt want a sex at all, sometimes for months. Some could say why you didnt leave him? Well I didnt leave him cuz I could give myself what I needed and also cuz I would never leave him just cuz of this. 3 years ago he catched me doing things on webcam for one man and he called me whore as well then. We wasn't even together that time, he had different woman just still lived at my flat. I was single and free to show myself to anyone I damn wished, he still called me a whore. I told him I wish I was such a good girl as hes a good man! Man whore.

I told him I might do this online, but that his cock is still the only cock I ever had in me and it was true that time. Then I told him "Now you tell me how many women you have had while all those years we were together?!! See? Missing words? You have forget all those names I guess!??...... and now tell me whos the WHORE here!!!" Then I told him to stfu cuz I wasn't his that time anyways. I had all the right to do what I did and enjoy myself any way I see fit.

As for me doing the same thing when we was together I can say just this, if he cared of my needs I wouldnt have to be doing this. I didnt have a prob to have sex with him, but he was denying to fuck for months sometimes. His fault I started cybering, I am sorry but I am no nun. I am a woman and have/had my needs. The cybering started just so I would get mine without hurting him if I did the same what he did and go fuck other men for real. Maybe I should have do that LOL.

I don't really mind if some of you see this as whoring or not, for me its anything online NOT whoring and NOT cheating either. If it is for some of you, then it's acceptable way of a whoring for me cuz no physical contact is possible while doing this online. But guess we won't agree on this anyways and it's okay. I don't need anybodys blessing to do what I do. As long as I feel okay about it it's all that matters to me.

The only person you have to answer to is yourself. If you dont feel online cybersex is cheating. That's fine, as long as you and your partner agree.

I'd mentioned in OUR case.. mine and my husband and my Master... you would consider our relationship cheating on each other, and that's your right. However, WE feel that it's only cheating if any of us do ANYTHING.. virtual or physical and keep it hidden from the others.

You're right. We dont know her and we dont know her Dom. We dont know what other dynamics influenced his decision. Hell, we dont even know if he did leave her with nothing more than a "i cant handle this" approach.

Cheating aside, my personal opinion is that if she is doing this behind her husband's back, then it is at it's very bottom level, lying to him which isnt healthy. You've said yourself how "real" your online relationship is, how real the words are. If the words and feelings are real, and she's hiding them from her partner, then that is cheating. Maybe she feels as you that it's not cheating and that's fine, but maybe her Dom doesnt and maybe he just couldnt deal with that.

 

[Homburg]

Impulsive rhetoric on my part then. We're good.

I try not to use generalizing terms as much as possible as it's 9/10 just asking for correcting here on Lit.
I tend to forget we have spelling junkies, grammar fans and term nazis. (Oh my.)

I'm rarely a term nazi. "True" just happens to be a hot-button of mine.

Yes, I can see why it caught your attention looking back at it as not everyone considers themselves obligated to fall under one banner when it comes to personal definition of self-expression and style.

Yeah, that's the core of it.

But all that asside, I just can't see (from a human point of view) how it could be fair of him to cut her off without more out-of-scene communication.
I don't even do that to people on the phone who call me by accident unless they're religous nuts are telemarketers.

Well, from a personal standpoint, I agree. I tend to explain things ad nauseum. This guy didn't. *shrug* Not my thing, but I'm not going to judge.

-------------------------------------------

I suppose it wouldn't do any good to point out the irony in trying to point out how valid an online relationship is..how real it is...and then turning around and saying it's just words to justify that you're not cheating.

Glad I'm not the only one wondering that.

 

[the captians wench]

I think this is an issue that does have a lot of validity. Are emotional connections cheating?

That's really what we're talking about here right? No one here arguing the point is saying that they were just involved in some quick thrilled cyber, they had some sort of emotional attachment to the partner on the other keyboard.

I remember a conversation my husband and I had when we were just married. He said that if I ever fell inlove with some one else, he would be able to forgive me, because you can't control emotions. But if I ever had sex with some one else, that he couldn't forgive because hormones you can control. I had the oposite view and was less willing to forgive him for falling in love because that takes time to do than if he just went out and banged some chick, because sex is just sex.

Some people get the whole sex for sex sake, some don't. To me, an emotional bond is much stronger than any physical bond.

But I think perhaps the jump to say she was cheating on her husband because she wasn't open with him was perhaps a bit harsh, but I do think she should talk to him. Maybe not about her online activities, but about her desires. I mean how many times have we seen people come here talking aobut thier d/s relationship outside of thier marriage and their partner doesn't know because "they wouldn't understand". Now granted you know your partner better than we do, but how do you truely know how he will react if you don't ask?

I strongly believe in comunication. And I know a break down in comunication has lead to all the ends of my relationships. well, all except one or two. If you don't tell him what you need, what you like, what you want and what you desire, how the hell is he suposed to know?

 

[chauderlos]

(snip)
What I am most surprised about are the comments as to my cheating, my whoring around and how bad I am of a wife because I do not tell the hubby about what I do online with my Dom (oops what I used to do...).

(snip)

You all are very open people sexually and yet are the first to condemn me for not telling my husband I am a cyber sub slut.

(snip)

If you're to stay long around here, you'll soon notice that cheaters are ranked by this forum users somewhere between child molesters and necrophiles...


Good luck

 

[EmpressFi]

You all are very open people sexually and yet are the first to condemn me for not telling my husband I am a cyber sub slut.

Thanks,
STILL the Dumped Sub and so horribly missing my Dom

I am very open sexually. But my husband knows everything I do, everyone I cyber with as does my Master. The thing you'll see people saying most around here is that communication is key in a D/s relationship as is trust. And by hiding what you're doing from your spouse, you're in effect cancelling both of those out.

 

[Bunnytrax]

But I think perhaps the jump to say she was cheating on her husband because she wasn't open with him was perhaps a bit harsh, but I do think she should talk to him. Maybe not about her online activities, but about her desires. I mean how many times have we seen people come here talking aobut thier d/s relationship outside of thier marriage and their partner doesn't know because "they wouldn't understand". Now granted you know your partner better than we do, but how do you truely know how he will react if you don't ask??

I agree with this. If I would have found any on-line thing going on in that time before he told me of his BDSM fetishes (or even now) ...well. he would be paying some hefty child support (5 kiddos) and alimony payments.
I am guessing your husband loves you alot. That alone gives him the right to know and make a decision to either give you permission to continue with an online dom, become your dom, or get out. It is selfish of you IMHo to not tell him.

 

[Netzach]

I don't have a problem with what you're doing and I don't have a problem with what people decide to do in their own lives and marriages.

I think the focus on cheating is a total red herring. There's a problem in your marriage, that's for sure. By the time people "cheat" the relationship is *already* broken and it takes two people to do that. I believe that people's ultimate responsibility is honesty with self, no matter what, no matter who. People lying to themselves for the sake of other people are putting a horrible burden on them - by this I mean people denying their own sexual identity for the sake of their status quo - out of fear, love, self-resentment, whatever reason.

People trying to be someone they can't be because they want to keep someone else happy are in a personal hell that I will be the last to judge.

So, I hope that you realize there's a problem rather than throwing yourself so attentively into something online that your marriage dies, but sometimes a problem like a fundamental sexual incompatibility isn't going to reconcile.

And sometimes the process of ending a relationship isn't so fantastically simple and above board.

I take responsibility for my fuck ups that led to the demise of my vanilla rel. but I also realize that I was being sexually denied and that I was also being withdrawn from too, because my attempts to negotiate and meet halfway were so soundly rejected, because my SO did *not* attempt in any way to meet me part of the way and very much stayed where he was at on the subject. I'd still probably be with someone less rigid, who recognized that if they didn't work with me on the SM thing they were going to lose me.

*leaves rocks for others*

 

[Netzach]

I would be MUCH more upset if it took M 12 years to tell me something than if he were trying to scratch the itch behind my back - that would be upsetting, but it would be logical if he felt that telling me would have some horrible price tag. I would really wonder if I was contributing to whatever he was so afraid of in some way.

 

[ecstaticsub]

If you're to stay long around here, you'll soon notice that cheaters are ranked by this forum users somewhere between child molesters and necrophiles...


Good luck

Very true and I think it is absurd. Everybody handles their marriage differently. I know many people with a Don't ask, Don't tell type of open marriage. I also know people who "cheat" but never with malicious intent. I will always be honest with my husband, but that is us. Iwould never call someone a cheater or pass judgement on how they manage their marriage. There will always be things that are not known, and it's not my business.

 

[Netzach]

Very true and I think it is absurd. Everybody handles their marage differently. I know many people with a Don't ask, Don't tell type of open marriage. I also know people who "cheat" but never with malicious intent. I will always be honest with my husband, but that is us. Iwould never call someone a cheater or pass judgement on how they manage their marriage. There will always be things that are not known, and it's not my business.

Oh my God, batten down the hatches.

 

[sexycaz22]

I suppose it wouldn't do any good to point out the irony in trying to point out how valid an online relationship is..how real it is...and then turning around and saying it's just words to justify that you're not cheating.

Yep......I was thinking that also.

 

[Caitlynne]

I would be MUCH more upset if it took M 12 years to tell me something than if he were trying to scratch the itch behind my back - that would be upsetting, but it would be logical if he felt that telling me would have some horrible price tag. I would really wonder if I was contributing to whatever he was so afraid of in some way.

This would be my issue too. I wouldn't be so upset about the cheating, but about the feeling that someone couldn't tell me something. That speaks to what is important to me--the truth.

It's not about cheating in the conventional sense. Sure, that is a hot button for a lot of people, but it's more a symptom of something much deeper and something much more important--trust. Not the trust I'd have in a partner [vis a vis cheating] but about the trust he hopefully had in me that I can hear the truth and move forward with whatever we had to face.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I suppose it wouldn't do any good to point out the irony in trying to point out how valid an online relationship is..how real it is...and then turning around and saying it's just words to justify that you're not cheating.

You can point at that, tbh I expected someone will. Thing is what I did when I was with my husband and what I am willing to do now are two very different things. I was taken before, what I did with my Dom was hot and all, but there was no plans for meeting one day. Why? Cuz it was something I just wouldnt do, so yes, that time it was more just words or a role play or however you want to call it.

As for now when I am single and can do whatever I want, meet whoever I want, fuck whoever I want - I see things way diffrent yes. Why? Cuz now I dont have to just talk about it, but I can also go for it and get what I am longing for and dreaming of.

I realise it might sound confusing, but you gotta understand things in my life have changed. I am a single woman right now, so I want/expect way much more from what I do and have with my Dom. Before I could just talk about it and perform on webcam. Now I can freely meet him and let him use me the way he want to cuz I am free to do so.

But who knows, I might meet someone here and start a new serious relationship with him, I dunno. I am not looking for anyone, but you never know. Life is full of suprises so who knows? We wanna meet irl me and my Dom, but it will take few months before this can happen. Who knows what will happen while those months. I might find someone here, he might find someone there, God knows. For now its what we want and plan, we wanna meet, but I think just time will show if we really will tho.

 

[Caitlynne]

Very true and I think it is absurd. Everybody handles their marriage differently. I know many people with a Don't ask, Don't tell type of open marriage. I also know people who "cheat" but never with malicious intent. I will always be honest with my husband, but that is us. Iwould never call someone a cheater or pass judgement on how they manage their marriage. There will always be things that are not known, and it's not my business.

See I disagree that it is none of our business. The OP made it our business as soon as it became public on a BBS. We're asked for our opinions. We're almost begged for our opinions. That's not a crime or anything bad, but let's face it we were asked for our opinions. Anyone asking is going to get a cross section of the same kind of morality we'd find in the vanilla world. And anyone who brings this kind of situation to a public BBS is going to encounter those opinions.

I don't feel the necessity to hold back my opinion when someone has asked for it, just because the majority will find it judgmental. [Well, I'm not so judgmental here but let's go with this for a moment and pretend I am] And it just reeks of over PC-ness to condemn some of the opinions the OP asked for. Someone comes to the forum asking for advice and we're not supposed to notice that she's married and the marriage isn't open to outside sexual relationships? We're just supposed to ignore the fact that this is a part of the situation and will impact the advice we give?

Truth is, it was probably exactly this situation that caused the Dom to back off. Between the self-professed drama the OP admits to, and the fact that she was married and her husband didn't know what she was doing, the Dom probably had all his red flags go off. That doesn't mean he gets off for not explaining himself better at the exit BTW, but come on, the situation with the marriage had to had informed the situation with the Dom. And even if we can't prove it, as a part of our advice some people were bound to bring it up red herring or not [which I agree it was BTW].

I can't remember who said it, and it was years ago now, might have been Marquis. Anyway, are we so PC now that we can't ever mention the things people are doing that really are going to muck up their lives or probably will anyway. It's not this big morality issue for me [cheating], I pretty much figure I'm not the one living the relationship, but as part of the advice we give how can we ignore it? It's a factor. Not a moral issue--a factor in this particular situation.

Sometimes I feel we all get a little to 'lassiez faire' in the live and let live category. While it's not our place to judge others, when someone asks for advice, it's not our place to ignore the obvious either. We're all accountable for what we do and how we do it. That's just the way life works. Sometimes I think that this obsession with PC-ness is detrimental to taking that responsibility.

Then again, I could be dead wrong... I'm ambivalent about it because I get all torn between the 'let people live their lives' and the 'Good grief what did you expect' part of me.

Ignore me, I haven't had my coffee yet.

 

[ecstaticsub]

See I disagree that it is none of our business. The OP made it our business as soon as it became public on a BBS. We're asked for our opinions. We're almost begged for our opinions. That's not a crime or anything bad, but let's face it we were asked for our opinions. Anyone asking is going to get a cross section of the same kind of morality we'd find in the vanilla world. And anyone who brings this kind of situation to a public BBS is going to encounter those opinions.

I don't feel the necessity to hold back my opinion when someone has asked for it, just because the majority will find it judgmental. [Well, I'm not so judgmental here but let's go with this for a moment and pretend I am] And it just reeks of over PC-ness to condemn some of the opinions the OP asked for. Someone comes to the forum asking for advice and we're not supposed to notice that she's married and the marriage isn't open to outside sexual relationships? We're just supposed to ignore the fact that this is a part of the situation and will impact the advice we give?

Truth is, it was probably exactly this situation that caused the Dom to back off. Between the self-professed drama the OP admits to, and the fact that she was married and her husband didn't know what she was doing, the Dom probably had all his red flags go off. That doesn't mean he gets off for not explaining himself better at the exit BTW, but come on, the situation with the marriage had to had informed the situation with the Dom. And even if we can't prove it, as a part of our advice some people were bound to bring it up red herring or not [which I agree it was BTW].

I can't remember who said it, and it was years ago now, might have been Marquis. Anyway, are we so PC now that we can't ever mention the things people are doing that really are going to muck up their lives or probably will anyway. It's not this big morality issue for me [cheating], I pretty much figure I'm not the one living the relationship, but as part of the advice we give how can we ignore it? It's a factor. Not a moral issue--a factor in this particular situation.

Sometimes I feel we all get a little to 'lassiez faire' in the live and let live category. While it's not our place to judge others, when someone asks for advice, it's not our place to ignore the obvious either. We're all accountable for what we do and how we do it. That's just the way life works. Sometimes I think that this obsession with PC-ness is detrimental to taking that responsibility.

Then again, I could be dead wrong... I'm ambivalent about it because I get all torn between the 'let people live their lives' and the 'Good grief what did you expect' part of me.

Ignore me, I haven't had my coffee yet.

I was speaking more in general than specifically about this one post and OP. I find it interesting that among people who are supposedly into alternative lifestyles are so intolerant and downright hateful of people who have extramarital relationships without spousal knowledge. It's not just this forum but other alternative lifestyle forums that I have been on.

Before this board I was very active on a wifesharing board and met many men (cybered with a few) whose wives had no idea what they were doing. I met some women in the same situation. I learned from these many converations that there are some very good reasons why people aren't totally honest with their spouses. There are many sucky marriages out there but people stay with their spouses for many reasons. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

I am perfectly ok with people stating their opinion and even saying that all "cheating" is immoral or whatever. It's their opinion. But IMHO, there are many worse things in life then to have secret cybersex. Cheating does not deserve a Scarlet Letter A.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

The only person you have to answer to is yourself. If you dont feel online cybersex is cheating. That's fine, as long as you and your partner agree.

Good. Finaly something we can agee on, at least with you.

Yes I dont see this as cheating and my husband didnt see it as a cheating either. I used to chat with my Dom, he used to chat/sex chat with other online women. He swaped nude pics, I swaped nude pics. I didnt want to know details from his chats, he didnt want to know details from my chats with my Dom. We both did this and we was okay with it, this wasnt the reason why our relationship ended.

I tolerated him his chats, he tolertated mine. Our relationship ended when he went from chats to actions and start fuck other women for real. I didnt mind to share his words, his pics and anything he wanted to share with his online female friends, but I dunno share his body. We both used to chat and sexchat, but in the night it was always me who was sleeping in his arms. He could say anything he wanted to those girls, but I still knew he was mine, same as he knew I was his. Everything was okay untill he broke my trust and start fuck other women. Thats something I just dunno tolerate at all yes.

For some is sex just sex and thats fine. For me tho is sex very intime thing. Something that shouldn't be done and take lightly. I see it as a act between two people who love each other, so yes do I expect it to stay in the relationship/marriage just between those two people. Maybe I am a bit old-fashioned in this, but its what I believe in. Thats also why I am saying I couldn't do poly at all.

I dunno share man I love and he knew it, but didn't respect it, so he had to go. If I fucked other men he would leave me as well, he's too prode to deal with it. When we have split few months ago it was me who left him. He found himself another woman, again, and thought I will wait for him to decide if he wanna stay with me or if he wanna go. He was wrong, once I find out he's cheating me again I left him, stright that day when I found out. Last time when I took him back I told him "the rules", he's not able to respect any rules tho and me either and I am just not someone whos willing to let someone treat me like shit over and over again. I've let him for years and I was very loyal to what he was doing, but even my patience have a limits.

Only limits I had was that he was mine. His body, his kisses, his touches was suposed to be just mine. I was okay with fuckin anything else he did, but even that one thing I needed from him was to much to handle for my ex so we have split. Thats what I call cheating, not a cyber or have an online Dom.

 

[Caitlynne]

But IMHO, there are many worse things in life then to have secret cybersex.

Oh heavens yes!! Of course there are.

But, let's be clear here, keeping secrets can have a bad outcome down the line [i.e.] when the secret is revealed. It's not a moral issue for me, it's a question of when you want to confront the consequences of your actions--now or later.

It's been my experience that now is easier in the long run, but I freely and openly admit, that is *my* experience. The experiences of others may vary. I don't own the patten on such things.

It's been my experience that if you keep a secret, you're doing it for a reason. There is already a problem and the secret is an attempt to avoid that problem. But, when the secret is revealed, then you have not only the original problem to deal with, you have the additional baggage of the secret. Double the fun and heartache.

I'm just sayin'

 

[ecstaticsub]

Oh heavens yes!! Of course there are.

But, let's be clear here, keeping secrets can have a bad outcome down the line [i.e.] when the secret is revealed. It's not a moral issue for me, it's a question of when you want to confront the consequences of your actions--now or later.

It's been my experience that now is easier in the long run, but I freely and openly admit, that is *my* experience. The experiences of others may vary. I don't own the patten on such things.

It's been my experience that if you keep a secret, you're doing it for a reason. There is already a problem and the secret is an attempt to avoid that problem. But, when the secret is revealed, then you have not only the original problem to deal with, you have the additional baggage of the secret. Double the fun and heartache.

I'm just sayin'

I agree. Which is why I personally would never keep something secret. But I don't condemn those that do.

 

[Caitlynne]

I agree. Which is why I personally would never keep something secret. But I don't condemn those that do.

I agree with the "no condemnation", but I'm not sure that pointing out the obvious end result actually *is* a condemnation. I think it's just pointing out the reality of the situation. Like I said, it's not a moral issue with me, it's a question of when you want to face the consequences and how complicated you want to make your life.

*shrugs* everyone of us has to make that decision for ourselves, but that doesn't mean that people aren't going to point out when we're headed for a big fall.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I agree with the "no condemnation", but I'm not sure that pointing out the obvious end result actually *is* a condemnation. I think it's just pointing out the reality of the situation. Like I said, it's not a moral issue with me, it's a question of when you want to face the consequences and how complicated you want to make your life.

*shrugs* everyone of us has to make that decision for ourselves, but that doesn't mean that people aren't going to point out when we're headed for a big fall.

But it is not the obvious end. Not all marriages end when someone is have extramarital relationships. For the same reasons some people are poly other have secret relationships. They have their own reasons for keeping it a secret. Many times it is because the spouse really doesn't want to know.

For example, there was a man I had a friendship with whose wife had medical issues and was no longer interested in sex at all. He still had sexual needs and wants. Other than the sex he loved his wife very much. He didn't want to hurt her by asking permission to have cybersex. Why shove it in her face like that? He was devoted in every way and didn't take time away from being with her to have cybersex. I personally don't see the harm.

There are all kinds of reasons for affairs. Sometimes they can even strengthen a marriage.

 

[Bunnytrax]

This would be my issue too. I wouldn't be so upset about the cheating, but about the feeling that someone couldn't tell me something. That speaks to what is important to me--the truth.

well there are lots of reasons why an SO would wait to tell you. It could possibly be that they are not quite ok with that part of themself yet. I dont' think trust has much to do with it alot of the time.

 

[dakotagirl]

well maybe he blew what you said out of proportion or maybe he was looking for an easy out.
I do have to point out though that D/s is about trust and how can your Dom trust you when he knows you keep secrets from your husband? Not judging because I am sure you have your reasons. I am just saying... He might not want that worry...that he might cause a divorce.

 

[INSIDEYOURMIND]

Good. Finaly something we can agee on, at least with you.

Yes I dont see this as cheating and my husband didnt see it as a cheating either. I used to chat with my Dom, he used to chat/sex chat with other online women. He swaped nude pics, I swaped nude pics. I didnt want to know details from his chats, he didnt want to know details from my chats with my Dom. We both did this and we was okay with it, this wasnt the reason why our relationship ended.

I tolerated him his chats, he tolertated mine. Our relationship ended when he went from chats to actions and start fuck other women for real. I didnt mind to share his words, his pics and anything he wanted to share with his online female friends, but I dunno share his body. We both used to chat and sexchat, but in the night it was always me who was sleeping in his arms. He could say anything he wanted to those girls, but I still knew he was mine, same as he knew I was his. Everything was okay untill he broke my trust and start fuck other women. Thats something I just dunno tolerate at all yes.

For some is sex just sex and thats fine. For me tho is sex very intime thing. Something that shouldn't be done and take lightly. I see it as a act between two people who love each other, so yes do I expect it to stay in the relationship/marriage just between those two people. Maybe I am a bit old-fashioned in this, but its what I believe in. Thats also why I am saying I couldn't do poly at all.

I dunno share man I love and he knew it, but didn't respect it, so he had to go. If I fucked other men he would leave me as well, he's too prode to deal with it. When we have split few months ago it was me who left him. He found himself another woman, again, and thought I will wait for him to decide if he wanna stay with me or if he wanna go. He was wrong, once I find out he's cheating me again I left him, stright that day when I found out. Last time when I took him back I told him "the rules", he's not able to respect any rules tho and me either and I am just not someone whos willing to let someone treat me like shit over and over again. I've let him for years and I was very loyal to what he was doing, but even my patience have a limits.

Only limits I had was that he was mine. His body, his kisses, his touches was suposed to be just mine. I was okay with fuckin anything else he did, but even that one thing I needed from him was to much to handle for my ex so we have split. Thats what I call cheating, not a cyber or have an online Dom.

I am now totally confused, you didn't want him sleeping, or as you say fucking other women, were you still fucking your husband?

If he wanted to experience gratification, be it sexual, or just the physical aspect of a relationship, how can you blame him?

Based on this post, and your comments,

didnt mind to share his words, his pics and anything he wanted to share with his online female friends

you would have to agree with the other contributors, what you were doing was just writing. or roleplay.

I would hope that these comments will express the real difference between being "online, or living the life.

To the comment of 24/7, people do live this, well, we do, while my little girl is not on her knees at all times, (it would certainly make cooking a bit difficult), she is at any request. Just because some of you cannot experience the life in realtime or 24/7, doesn't mean it can't happen.

I am in agreement with Cat, stick a fork in this thread because it is done!

 

[DeservingBitch]

To the comment of 24/7, people do live this, well, we do, while my little girl is not on her knees at all times, (it would certainly make cooking a bit difficult), she is at any request. Just because some of you cannot experience the life in realtime or 24/7, doesn't mean it can't happen.

I'm not sure if you were responding to my comment or someone else's, but just in case:

I'm not saying that what is referred as "24/7" isn't real. What I suggested is that the term we use to talk about it is confusing. Why using a time metaphor to describe what is actually a specific power dynamic in a relationship?

I just suggested that the term may be a reason why a lot of people are confused about what it means, and why there are all those misconceptions about the kind of relationships that some like you and Sinn have.

Like the term 'real life' in opposition to 'online'. Online IS also real life - it's not happening in a dream or an halucination. 'In person' vs. 'online' seem more appropriate and accurate terms to me.

I have no suggestion for a more appropriate term for "24/7" though.

 

[madetotakeit]

If one argues that in person and online are just as valid as relationships, then one has to conceded that the same holds true when considering if online constitutes cheating. Whether body to body or mind to mind, it is the reasoning behind it that is important. People look outside their relationship when there is an underlying problem. In a healthy relationship, it would be discussed. The other partner would have an opportunity to discuss it and deal with it. I would wager that people who are married yet also have a Dom outside the marriage (when the partner is aware) have very good communication. The difference is, they are not hiding anything from their partner. Emotional bonds can be forged through online interaction. While emotional involvement is different than physical involvement, it is still involvement. As such it is cheating.

Communication and trust are the key to any relationship. If you can't trust your partner enough to discuss with him/her that there is something you need, then it is a sign of other issues. Everyone should have the right to a level playing field. If given the opportunity, the partner may be willing to fill those needs. But, they have to be given the opportunity. Everyone needs to know where they stand. Without it, they have no secure base to build from.