Gentleman or not?

[neonflux]

What I find really annoying and impolite is people who won't let others off the elevator before they try to push their way in. Jeeeze... let 'em off first.

Here! Here!

 

[rexfelis]

In my world, opening the door is a courtesy that I give to anyone who happens to come closely after me, regardless of age or gender.

In my world, I open the car door for a woman (almost always my subs), because they have earned my respect. And, when they are not on my good side they do not get this gift from me. It is a simple, powerful, effective way to make my subs feel special, cared for and appreciate on the one hand, and discreetly display my displeasure with bad behavior (without ceding any of my own self control) on the other. It is a gift, from me to her, when I take the time to open the car door for a woman. It is a way that I show her she has my respect and that she is special to me in some way. And, it is a way that I display to other women that I am a gentleman.

I have never encountered anyone who took offense to it. But if I did, that would be the last she ever saw of my chivalrous side, because she would have instantly shown herself to be unworthy of that level of respect from me as a woman. Opening doors isn't done because it's expected. It's a display of respect for a woman, that she is worth my while to make an effort for. It's my little way of saying, "I respect you."

When I am with my subs, I always walk on the road side, not because it is expected, but because she is my submissive, and as such, is rare and precious and I will protect her in whatever way I can. Rare and precious property deserves no less.

I do not always go so far as to pull out chairs. Neither do I order for her, unless I am making a point of being dominant to remind her of her place. The chairs thing was just never something I encountered growing up, really... but when we are eating out, I generally will order for a submissive to remind her that I am in control, and she will do as I please. It is rare that I do that, however, since my submissives are rarely in need of reminders.

I find that treating women with respect in these ways boosts my own self respect, which in turn boosts my self esteem, and thus, is healthy for me.

Being chivalrous in these ways does nothing to diminish the fact that I am dominant. I do many things for my submissives as displays of appreciation, respect and love. Though they may be giving gestures, they know better than to think any less of my dominant side. I do these things to show them that while I am the one in control, and I may do with them as I please, they are worthwhile to care for and appreciate. This acts as positive reinforcement for good behavior, and significantly reduces the amount of punishment I need to give.

 

[bashfull]

Interesting thread. I believe that a man should always exhibit manners and treat a lady as a lady. Is it worshipping? Perhaps sometimes. Mostly, however, it is a sign of respect. I cannot endure any relationship if I do not respect those with whom I have entered the relationship. This applies to business, social, and intimate relationships.

As for treating and adoring a submissive, why is this bad? She brings me pleasure, physical, mental, and emotional. I want her to know that I appreciate, respect, and adore her. I have NEVER perceived myself as weak for being a gentleman nor have I ever had someone with whom I am with tell me I am weak. I am quite comfortable with who I am and actually very confident. I believe that being able to be a gentleman, in this day and age, requires a good deal of self-esteem and inner strength.

I also happen to think of myself as a romantic. And I happen to believe that romance and raunch can coexist. There has been quite the discussion on this very topic on the thread Romance vs. Raunch. Being as I do not know how to link it to the title, here is the thread link for anyone interested.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=122174&page=1&pp=30

 

[Netzach]

Am I weird, like completely weird in that when I was bottoming/subbing I was completely turned off by these things and went really far out of my way to keep them from happening?

I felt really gross when my top pulled a chair or opened a car door - it just fell completely flat for me, and I would flip them immediately out of boredom. Or think "see ya, have a nice time licking your next slave's puss."

Totally unfair, probably not very submissive, but I have limited battery power for servince and I don't like it misused.

I went to the lengths of dressing as a boy to STOP people from opening my doors and making me feel served in this way, I played canine to STOP people from opening my doors "for me" out of "respect for my femininity" and open them instead and say "up girl"

As a boy I opened Daddy's door, helped him into and out of his jacket, pulled his chair, tried not to order him shitty wine with all my best.

My theory is, if I'm gonna do this thing, I'm gonna do it. Tickle my Domme brain in any capacity and it's over.

 

[papilllon]

Am I weird, like completely weird in that when I was bottoming/subbing I was completely turned off by these things and went really far out of my way to keep them from happening?

I felt really gross when my top pulled a chair or opened a car door - it just fell completely flat for me, and I would flip them immediately out of boredom.

I went to the lengths of dressing as a boy to STOP people from opening my doors and making me feel served in this way, I played canine to STOP people from opening my doors "for me" out of "respect for my femininity" and open them instead and say "up girl"

As a boy I opened Daddy's door, helped him into and out of his jacket, pulled his chair, tried not to order him shitty wine with all my best.

My theory is, if I'm gonna do this thing, I'm gonna do it. Tickle my Domme brain in any capacity and it's over.

Why would you be weird? Everybody is different.

Many people. Many points of view. That's the beauty of our world.

 

[bashfull]

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Is Weird!

 

[Netzach]

Why would you be weird? Everybody is different.

Many people. Many points of view. That's the beauty of our world.

Thank you, but I find it interesting that it was well nigh impossible for me to find a person male OR female who really got with this and could stick with it....

 

[papilllon]

Thank you, but I find it interesting that it was well nigh impossible for me to find a person male OR female who really got with this and could stick with it....

Maybe it's not the most common way of seeing things, but with billions of people on earth, I very much doubt you're the only one with that specific point of view.

 

[angel_girl]

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Is Weird!

But cute.

 

[Shankara20]

But cute.

I agree

but don't tell

 

[angel_girl]

I agree

but don't tell

Our secret.

 

[FurryFury]

I was thinking that if someone said to me, essentially, "do this my way or take a cab," I wouldn't react well to it. I thought I'd never do something like that to someone else. Then I remembered that I have and possibly worse. I remember my ex when we were dating was being a real jerk telling me how to drive and complaining a lot. I stopped the car telling him he had two choices, to shut the hell up about my driving or to walk back to his stupid fucking frat house. He declined taking a walk. I wish he had. It could have saved me years of unhappiness. LOL.

Fury

 

[SpectreT]

Fury, if that's the "evil fucking Taurus" you mentioned, you're right. I'm nothing like him. I'd have walked. It's almost invariably my choice when I get a "my way or the highway" ultimatim - the highway, it is. Even if I would've ordinarily gone along with it, being delivered an ultimatim is a surefire button to get me to walk away, just on principle.

Then again, I'd need to see your driving before I can comment on whether that particular situation would've come up at all.

 

[FurryFury]

Fury, if that's the "evil fucking Taurus" you mentioned, you're right. I'm nothing like him. I'd have walked. It's almost invariably my choice when I get a "my way or the highway" ultimatim - the highway, it is. Even if I would've ordinarily gone along with it, being delivered an ultimatim is a surefire button to get me to walk away, just on principle.

Then again, I'd need to see your driving before I can comment on whether that particular situation would've come up at all.

LOL!

My current says that I'm the best driver (other than him) he knows. He is a Gemini btw. My ex was an ass about a lot of things. This was one of them. I never understood why he didn't want to drive if he hated letting me do it. Now I do. He enjoyed being a lil bitch about things like this. The fucker. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Hey, ya don't have to take my word or my husband's for it. Ya wanna take a ride with me??? *winks*

Fury

 

[JMohegan]

I was thinking that if someone said to me, essentially, "do this my way or take a cab," I wouldn't react well to it. I thought I'd never do something like that to someone else. Then I remembered that I have and possibly worse. I remember my ex when we were dating was being a real jerk telling me how to drive and complaining a lot. I stopped the car telling him he had two choices, to shut the hell up about my driving or to walk back to his stupid fucking frat house.

This is actually a really good analogy to the door-holding rants I heard in the 70's.

Taken as a whole, they sounded to me like a cacophony of misandry in reaction to a simple gesture that was intended to be polite & respectful or at worst, benign.

"Telling me how to drive and complaining a lot." For the crime of opening a freakin' door. You nailed it, Fury. That is exactly how it felt.

 

[FurryFury]

This is actually a really good analogy to the door-holding rants I heard in the 70's.

Taken as a whole, they sounded to me like a cacophony of misandry in reaction to a simple gesture that was intended to be polite & respectful or at worst, benign.

"Telling me how to drive and complaining a lot." For the crime of opening a freakin' door. You nailed it, Fury. That is exactly how it felt.

*pats self on back*

Cool! See now, that's totally not a polite or genteel way to act where I'm from.

Fury

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yes and no, yes and no.

I think I demonstrate all the qualities of a gentleman, a rational man, a scholar and philanthropist in my dealings with all and sundry. However, at the heart of my kink lies the desire to degrade, objectify, control and rule over females with the mailed fist. I suppose I might say that spiritually towards them I retain gentlemanly feelings, but as far as direct dealings go, I prefer the relationship between Professor Higgins and Eliza Doolittle: "Silence, insect".

 

[rexfelis]

Yes and no, yes and no.

I think I demonstrate all the qualities of a gentleman, a rational man, a scholar and philanthropist in my dealings with all and sundry. However, at the heart of my kink lies the desire to degrade, objectify, control and rule over females with the mailed fist. I suppose I might say that spiritually towards them I retain gentlemanly feelings, but as far as direct dealings go, I prefer the relationship between Professor Higgins and Eliza Doolittle: "Silence, insect".

I enjoy degrading and controlling my subs... but in public, I am acting on what does me good. My D/s or M/s relationships, I keep mostly to myself in public.

 

[bashfull]

Keeping in line with how does one treat a "pet", we keep our pets (dogs, cats, etc.) subjugated (sp?) but we still take time to play with them, pet them, show them affection. So why would it be wrong to do the same with "Pets"?

 

[WriterDom]

Interesting thread.
I appreciate that. Of course I do live in the deep South where manners are programmed into one. I just don't see this as a BDSM issue though.

Fury

It's different down here. Had an ex-girlfriend following me home from a hike. We hiked about 13 miles so we needed a car at both ends. She was from Pennsylvania, living in Nashville at the time. She almost rear ended me when I stopped for a funeral procession. If we stop in the middle of the road for dead people, of course we're going to open the door for a live lady. Regardless of how she is dressed.

But hey, if you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are.

 

[FurryFury]

It's different down here. Had an ex-girlfriend following me home from a hike. We hiked about 13 miles so we needed a car at both ends. She was from Pennsylvania, living in Nashville at the time. She almost rear ended me when I stopped for a funeral procession. If we stop in the middle of the road for dead people, of course we're going to open the door for a live lady. Regardless of how she is dressed.

But hey, if you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are.

I'm not fond of Delta.

I do like it where I am. I thought I'd made that clear.

Fury

 

[WriterDom]

I'm not fond of Delta.

I do like it where I am. I thought I'd made that clear.

Fury

Oh I didn't mean you darling.

 

[FurryFury]

Oh I didn't mean you darling.

*dimples*

Fury

 

[rosco rathbone]

1. I love the TIH model. It suits me way better than anything in the "bdsm " world.

2. I'm not really a gentleman at all-but I like to pay for everything. I'm just too rude and crass and blunt to be much of a gentleman.

I was in a band with a Japanese girl for 4 years. She never got over her deferential training--always walking behind you, following you through a door, etc. She and I hit it off very well and I always strode ahead, leaving others to the East/West, Alphonse/Gaston routine.

 

[tenedaveslilslut]

On the contrary! To me, chivalry is very much associated with domination. It makes perfect sense to have a man open the door for me and help me put on my coat and still remain very much the dominant one. In fact, it makes me feel more submissive towards a man if he’s a gentleman (at least in public ) as it makes me feel protected and cared for, which are things I need when in a relationship with a man. I also found erotic the idea that the same man who’s opening the door for me would later be giving me a sound spanking.

What do you think of chivalry in your own relationship? Is it something you need? Does it influence how you view your partner? Do you consider a chivalrous man to be less dominant then one who’s not?

Papillon

This is exactly the way i feel myself. Couldn't have said it any better