Getting over him.........

[Kissophile]

LOL! Thanks for the hug and the kisses, Lust Engine. I'm really doing better every day........

Glad to hear it!

 

[Lust Engine]

LOL! Thanks for the hug and the kisses, Lust Engine. I'm really doing better every day........

Take one day at a time baby... that's the only way to do things. I'm glad you're moving forward every day. I know certain days will still be baby steps and then other days will be huge leaps, but again... you know you're moving forward.

 

[pandoravampire]

I do empathise with you.
Im on month two, and yes, it hurts like hell.
The future looks bleak and oh so empty without the missing person and my arms are empty.
"the moon is twice as lonely and the stars are half as bright" stuff.

Trying to think of a palatable uturn for me, preoccupies my mind. "perhaps if we did this..." "perhaps if we got back together i could insist on..." and every other crash and burn statement i can think of. Even to the point of folding when he turned up, spending the afternoon in bed, and now watching as my metaphoric wounds opened in my moment of weakness, bleed anew. the pain is unbloodybelievable today. Im stupid, i shouldnt of, but my need to be 'with' him, for respite from the pain overcame my common sense. It just made things harder.

But im still here. I havent died from the pain. And so are you all.

Ive survived pain before, i will do so again, but knowing that your not the only one to be feeling it quite so acutely, well it just kinda made me feel better, thankyou.

stay strong, one hour at a time if need be. And dont answer the door if he knocks!

 

[Noor]

The book is called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. He has a fantastic way of thinking about the human mind, and the agonies we put ourselves through. Hope your day is going well. Just wanted to share that with you.

Interesting, I was just thinking of another part of this same book, the don't take anything personally part. I can't quote it because I sent the book to a friend but talks about fear as a motivation for hurtful actions. It prompted me to ask someone who had walked out of my life for a period of time what they were afraid of and the answers were amazing. It about them, not me, and they handled it badly.

How I ended up reading this book was strange too. I was sitting on the bathroom floor at a friend's after being sick, waiting to see if it stopped before heading back to bed and I saw it among some books on one of the cabinets, it has an interesting cover. Its a huge Vegas bathroom, that you could throw a party with 20 people and still have some room. So I picked it up and started reading.
The book was there because it had been sent to her when she had been dumped by the love of her life because, while their relationship was practically perfect, he didn't hear bells or some such rot. Middle aged men expecting to hear bells???? Anyone expecting bells!

Anyway, I have found if the guys aren't total schmucks, they usually have some fears of their own and rather than face it, they just walk. Often they return and sometimes you can let them back into your life on some level, sometimes not. I think it depends on how much damage their leaving did and whether you really cared about them yourself on a deep level. Unfortunately you don't usually find out until much later.

I would not dwell on him leaving so easily, it may look that way now, but it will probably be him who feels bad in the future long after you are over him.

 

[Jaded1]

Well, Psyche...

It is never easy when a relationship ends. Only my suggestion. Take each day as a new day. Try not to look back on the past only the future... Treat each experience as a learning experience. Your a very special lady a very special man is on your horizen...

Hugs and kisses...

PS. I don't believe I'm sitting here handing out advice to a psychology major... God, I'm such a asshole!

 

[psyche]

Glad to hear it!

Thanks Kissophile! I worked out in my yard all day and I'm exhausted! LOL! Now I'm getting everything ready so I can go soak in my jaccuzzi with a drink and then crawl into my bed when I'm done.......

 

[psyche]

Take one day at a time baby... that's the only way to do things. I'm glad you're moving forward every day. I know certain days will still be baby steps and then other days will be huge leaps, but again... you know you're moving forward.

You are so right, one minute I feel so strong and so good and then the next minute I'll be crying! LOL! Thanks and I hope you had a great weekend.

 

[psyche]

I do empathise with you.
Im on month two, and yes, it hurts like hell.
The future looks bleak and oh so empty without the missing person and my arms are empty.
"the moon is twice as lonely and the stars are half as bright" stuff.

Trying to think of a palatable uturn for me, preoccupies my mind. "perhaps if we did this..." "perhaps if we got back together i could insist on..." and every other crash and burn statement i can think of. Even to the point of folding when he turned up, spending the afternoon in bed, and now watching as my metaphoric wounds opened in my moment of weakness, bleed anew. the pain is unbloodybelievable today. Im stupid, i shouldnt of, but my need to be 'with' him, for respite from the pain overcame my common sense. It just made things harder.

But im still here. I havent died from the pain. And so are you all.

Ive survived pain before, i will do so again, but knowing that your not the only one to be feeling it quite so acutely, well it just kinda made me feel better, thankyou.

stay strong, one hour at a time if need be. And dont answer the door if he knocks!

Oh god. Don't feel bad, if he was at my front door, I'd be in his arms in a minute......and yet I know it would only prolong the pain that I'm going through. I think I would faint if he showed up, but that's not going to happen. He's not looking back and hasn't shown any signs of regretting any of this. But in some ways that makes it easier for me. Thanks and while I'm sorry you're hurting also I'm glad my sharing made you feel better.

 

[psyche]

Interesting, I was just thinking of another part of this same book, the don't take anything personally part. I can't quote it because I sent the book to a friend but talks about fear as a motivation for hurtful actions. It prompted me to ask someone who had walked out of my life for a period of time what they were afraid of and the answers were amazing. It about them, not me, and they handled it badly.

How I ended up reading this book was strange too. I was sitting on the bathroom floor at a friend's after being sick, waiting to see if it stopped before heading back to bed and I saw it among some books on one of the cabinets, it has an interesting cover. Its a huge Vegas bathroom, that you could throw a party with 20 people and still have some room. So I picked it up and started reading.
The book was there because it had been sent to her when she had been dumped by the love of her life because, while their relationship was practically perfect, he didn't hear bells or some such rot. Middle aged men expecting to hear bells???? Anyone expecting bells!

Anyway, I have found if the guys aren't total schmucks, they usually have some fears of their own and rather than face it, they just walk. Often they return and sometimes you can let them back into your life on some level, sometimes not. I think it depends on how much damage their leaving did and whether you really cared about them yourself on a deep level. Unfortunately you don't usually find out until much later.

I would not dwell on him leaving so easily, it may look that way now, but it will probably be him who feels bad in the future long after you are over him.

LMAO! Hear bells anyone? I'm sure you're right about him having some feelings about this. I try to think of what I lost and what he lost. He lost someone who loved him, who adored him and who lusted after him completely 24 hours a day. I could hardly keep my hands off of him. I lost someone who fucked me and didn't care about me. I could find that tonight in a bar........

 

[psyche]

Well, Psyche...

It is never easy when a relationship ends. Only my suggestion. Take each day as a new day. Try not to look back on the past only the future... Treat each experience as a learning experience. Your a very special lady a very special man is on your horizen...

Hugs and kisses...

PS. I don't believe I'm sitting here handing out advice to a psychology major... God, I'm such a asshole!

ROFLMFAO! You have your hand on some advice that I could use right now! LOL! I really appreciate your words and even us psychology majors need some input.......we don't have it all figured out yet.......not even close!

 

[Jaded1]

ROFLMFAO! You have your hand on some advice that I could use right now! LOL! I really appreciate your words and even us psychology majors need some input.......we don't have it all figured out yet.......not even close!

Well, in fact I have accomplished exactly what I set out to do...

I placed a smile on that pretty face...

Have a super fantastic evening...

 

[psyche]

Well, in fact I have accomplished exactly what I set out to do...

I placed a smile on that pretty face...

Have a super fantastic evening...

You did that and also made me flirt on my getting over him thread. I think that's a good thing! LOL!

Thanks.

 

[SXCRgirl]

The book is called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. He has a fantastic way of thinking about the human mind, and the agonies we put ourselves through. Hope your day is going well. Just wanted to share that with you.

I just wanted to add that this book is wonderful!

If you haven't read it already, please do so. It helps you deal with the human mind even outside of this very painful situation. But it looks like you're doing well psyche. I'm very glad.

Getting over someone that you've built your hopes and dreams on is very difficult. I have been there and done that ... and there are days that I wake up and it seems like I'm still there. What has helped me is knowing that there is a reason why it happens and usually it's not revealed to us until we've given ourselves a chance to move on.

Keep your chin up and look forward.

 

[psyche]

I just wanted to add that this book is wonderful!

If you haven't read it already, please do so. It helps you deal with the human mind even outside of this very painful situation. But it looks like you're doing well psyche. I'm very glad.

Getting over someone that you've built your hopes and dreams on is very difficult. I have been there and done that ... and there are days that I wake up and it seems like I'm still there. What has helped me is knowing that there is a reason why it happens and usually it's not revealed to us until we've given ourselves a chance to move on.

Keep your chin up and look forward.

Thanks SXCRgirl. I'll have to check out the book when I have some time. It's been a while now since I've seen him and the memories are starting to fade.

 

[Kissophile]

Thanks Kissophile! I worked out in my yard all day and I'm exhausted! LOL! Now I'm getting everything ready so I can go soak in my jaccuzzi with a drink and then crawl into my bed when I'm done.......

Sorry I missed this last night - well, not entirely as I was busy watching the Red Sox win a World Series game and that has been a few-times-in-a-lifetime thing.

Staying occupied really does help, doesn't it ? Your mind fills with the importance of pruning the next bush, moving the next pile of leaves and soon you find so much less room for the memories to seep upwards into your consciousness.

Life can be just about as good as can be when you're exhausted and you have a tasty drink in hand.

 

[Jaded1]

You did that and also made me flirt on my getting over him thread. I think that's a good thing! LOL!

Thanks.

Now, I'm really confused... I thought that all beautiful sensual women flirted?

Psyche, I'll bet you're one hell of a seductress... Psyche, I can see you leaving a trail of more broken hearts in your life time...

Pssst, intelligent women are incredibly sexy to me! I love my mind stimulated as well as my other part...

 

[warrior queen]

and then there are those of us who NEVER forget or get over it entirely.

23 years, and still pining away
(and having recently met and been with him again, i have refreshed my pain a thousand-fold.)

every person who comes into my life is compared, and found wanting.

i wish to god it weren't so - but that's how it is for me.

i sincerely hope you find the peace in recovering from this, that i never have.

 

[psyche]

Sorry I missed this last night - well, not entirely as I was busy watching the Red Sox win a World Series game and that has been a few-times-in-a-lifetime thing.

Staying occupied really does help, doesn't it ? Your mind fills with the importance of pruning the next bush, moving the next pile of leaves and soon you find so much less room for the memories to seep upwards into your consciousness.

Life can be just about as good as can be when you're exhausted and you have a tasty drink in hand.

Life is good other than that I miss him. LOL! Plus I'm having some major hockey season withdrawal symptoms! And it is cool about the Red Sox!

 

[psyche]

Now, I'm really confused... I thought that all beautiful sensual women flirted?

Psyche, I'll bet you're one hell of a seductress... Psyche, I can see you leaving a trail of more broken hearts in your life time...

Pssst, intelligent women are incredibly sexy to me! I love my mind stimulated as well as my other part...

Mmmmmmmm..................too bad you're so fucking far away!

 

[psyche]

and then there are those of us who NEVER forget or get over it entirely.

23 years, and still pining away
(and having recently met and been with him again, i have refreshed my pain a thousand-fold.)

every person who comes into my life is compared, and found wanting.

i wish to god it weren't so - but that's how it is for me.

i sincerely hope you find the peace in recovering from this, that i never have.

I hope that that's not the case with me...........god help me if it is.

I'm so sorry..............

 

[bobsgirl]

and then there are those of us who NEVER forget or get over it entirely.

23 years, and still pining away
(and having recently met and been with him again, i have refreshed my pain a thousand-fold.)

every person who comes into my life is compared, and found wanting.

i wish to god it weren't so - but that's how it is for me.

i sincerely hope you find the peace in recovering from this, that i never have.

Sending a {{{hug}}} and because I was so touched by this.

WQ, your strength is amazing. I hope your pain eases.

 

[psyche]

Sending a {{{hug}}} and because I was so touched by this.

WQ, your strength is amazing. I hope your pain eases.

Sometimes you wonder the extent of the pain that we cause each other. I knew in my heart that he would hurt me, and yet I couldn't leave him until recently. Damn him for being so good in bed and yet I wouldn't have missed being with him for anything.

 

[Kissophile]

Sometimes you wonder the extent of the pain that we cause each other. I knew in my heart that he would hurt me, and yet I couldn't leave him until recently. Damn him for being so good in bed and yet I wouldn't have missed being with him for anything.

I think it's our natural condition to want our relationships to continue as long as possible. After all, our first relationships - with our parents - are forever, so why wouldn't we want all other relationships to last as long?

It's no wonder that we overlook all manner of disappointments and hurts in order to make a relationship persist. And then when a relationship does end it's remarkably easy to see the weaknesses that we ignored.

 

[warrior queen]

Sending a {{{hug}}} and because I was so touched by this.

WQ, your strength is amazing. I hope your pain eases.

thankyou.

my pain is something that i have caused - especially this new lot

i KNEW it would hurt to see him again after all this time, and yet, i couldn't stop myself from going.

and to find that we both clicked just the same way......

but he's not mine, and i have no right to take him from his family, and so i sit and hurt and hope my life recovers somewhat.

it's a vicious cycle, that i perpetuate by not staying away

we make our choices, don't we.
and we KNOW they're wrong when we do, and yet we're compelled to do them anyway.

 

[psyche]

I think it's our natural condition to want our relationships to continue as long as possible. After all, our first relationships - with our parents - are forever, so why wouldn't we want all other relationships to last as long?

It's no wonder that we overlook all manner of disappointments and hurts in order to make a relationship persist. And then when a relationship does end it's remarkably easy to see the weaknesses that we ignored.

That's so true. I look back and think that there were times when I should have told him to go to hell and walked out, but I didn't. I smiled and acted like it didn't bother me at the time when he did things that hurt me to the quick. I didn't want to lose him, I couldn't imagine never seeing him again, I couldn't imagine never having him touch me again................