Getting over him.........

[warrior queen]

Sometimes you wonder the extent of the pain that we cause each other. I knew in my heart that he would hurt me, and yet I couldn't leave him until recently. Damn him for being so good in bed and yet I wouldn't have missed being with him for anything.

he didn't intend to hurt me - he loves me
but he's not mine to have, and so i caused my own pain by allowing myself to rekindle the feelings i've had for-almost-ever.... (i was 13 years old when we first met, and he's been in the periphery of my life ever since - every so often we connect up and then it's off to our separate lives again )

 

[psyche]

he didn't intend to hurt me - he loves me
but he's not mine to have, and so i caused my own pain by allowing myself to rekindle the feelings i've had for-almost-ever.... (i was 13 years old when we first met, and he's been in the periphery of my life ever since - every so often we connect up and then it's off to our separate lives again )

Oh, how awful for you. That's so very young for a first meeting and a first love..........especially when they are there throughout your life..........

 

[Jaded1]

Mmmmmmmm..................too bad you're so fucking far away!

Good evening, Psyche...

I see a noticable improvement... There is no doubt in my mind that you're on the road to recovery! Lady your a intelligent attractive woman. Do you really believe your life is destine to be filled with emptyness? Psyche, you're a strong woman... You know what you want so just take it...

Oh, and as far as distance is concerned! You may want to think of it as a journey of extreme pleasure...

Mmmm, passion and pleasure is what living life is all about...

Oh, and Psyche stay wet...

Your friend Jaded...

 

[psyche]

Good evening, Psyche...

I see a noticable improvement... There is no doubt in my mind that you're on the road to recovery! Lady your a intelligent attractive woman. Do you really believe your life is destine to be filled with emptyness? Psyche, you're a strong woman... You know what you want so just take it...

Oh, and as far as distance is concerned! You may want to think of it as a journey of extreme pleasure...

Mmmm, passion and pleasure is what living life is all about...

Oh, and Psyche stay wet...

Your friend Jaded...

Thanks Jaded. I do feel better today. We had a visit from NCA for accreditation on Monday and Tuesday and it went well. Everyone should be in a better mood now and not so fucking spastic! LOL! Now maybe we can get back to teaching and not worrying about jumping through hoops to make everyone happy.

Everyday is a step forward in getting myself back where I should be..........happy and ready to celebrate life again..........

And it's difficult not to stay wet! LOL!

 

[Noor]

Hope things are getting better.

 

[psyche]

Hope things are getting better.

One step forward, one step back...........

 

[Kissophile]

One step forward, one step back...........

So now you focus on getting two steps forward before allowing that one step back.

 

[psyche]

So now you focus on getting two steps forward before allowing that one step back.

LOL! I did have a step back. I pmed him to see if he missed me, and yes he does, or at least the sex. This weekend was difficult because I thought, you know, you could go up and have the wonderful sex and who cares if he doesn't love you. We were pming each other and then he disappeared. He posted and didn't pm me back the whole weekend.

This led me to an insight. I have been so fucking easy for him that he can ignore me and I will still fuck him. I want him so bad that one bit of attention on his part and I'm willing to literally bend over backwards for him. I would do that because the sex was fucking incredible. But that's over now. He's going to have to do some work for sex.............it's not as if he can pick up someone off the street and they're going to follow him home and fuck him senseless. He's going to have to establish a relationship with someone, pay attention to them and do the work. And I can bet that when he does all that, he's not going to have the kind of sex that we had.

I wondered if I was foolish to give up such great sex. There's always that question of why give it up, but in reality he will never appreciate me unless I let him go. If I go back now I'm nothing more than easy sex to him and that's all I will ever be. If I give him up and walk away, he may someday realize what he lost. And if he doesn't that's ok too. I don't have that dilemma anymore of giving up something that I want. I don't want it anymore...........I'm over it.

You guys have been so wonderful..........I have cried my last tear for him.......thanks for being there for me..........I love you all.

So on Sunday..........I fucked myself all day with my toys......fucked myself in the shower.............fucked and fucked! LMAO! Took a nap and fucked some more.............. ........and then I ate pizza!

I think I need some new toys!

 

[Kissophile]

LOL! I did have a step back. I pmed him to see if he missed me, and yes he does, or at least the sex. This weekend was difficult because I thought, you know, you could go up and have the wonderful sex and who cares if he doesn't love you. We were pming each other and then he disappeared. He posted and didn't pm me back the whole weekend.

This led me to an insight. I have been so fucking easy for him that he can ignore me and I will still fuck him. I want him so bad that one bit of attention on his part and I'm willing to literally bend over backwards for him. I would do that because the sex was fucking incredible. But that's over now. He's going to have to do some work for sex.............it's not as if he can pick up someone off the street and they're going to follow him home and fuck him senseless. He's going to have to establish a relationship with someone, pay attention to them and do the work. And I can bet that when he does all that, he's not going to have the kind of sex that we had.

I wondered if I was foolish to give up such great sex. There's always that question of why give it up, but in reality he will never appreciate me unless I let him go. If I go back now I'm nothing more than easy sex to him and that's all I will ever be. If I give him up and walk away, he may someday realize what he lost. And if he doesn't that's ok too. I don't have that dilemma anymore of giving up something that I want. I don't want it anymore...........I'm over it.

You guys have been so wonderful..........I have cried my last tear for him.......thanks for being there for me..........I love you all.

So on Sunday..........I fucked myself all day with my toys......fucked myself in the shower.............fucked and fucked! LMAO! Took a nap and fucked some more.............. ........and then I ate pizza!

I think I need some new toys!

Good for you.

 

[psyche]

Good for you.

Thanks Kissophile! And thanks for being there and listening. I appreciate it so much!

 

[Noor]

This led me to an insight. I have been so fucking easy for him that he can ignore me and I will still fuck him. I want him so bad that one bit of attention on his part and I'm willing to literally bend over backwards for him. I would do that because the sex was fucking incredible. But that's over now. He's going to have to do some work for sex.............it's not as if he can pick up someone off the street and they're going to follow him home and fuck him senseless. He's going to have to establish a relationship with someone, pay attention to them and do the work. And I can bet that when he does all that, he's not going to have the kind of sex that we had.

I wondered if I was foolish to give up such great sex. There's always that question of why give it up, but in reality he will never appreciate me unless I let him go. If I go back now I'm nothing more than easy sex to him and that's all I will ever be. If I give him up and walk away, he may someday realize what he lost. And if he doesn't that's ok too.

Something along the lines of "how can I miss you if you won't go away?"

I am sure he does miss you for you, but if he can't give you what you want, it doesn't really matter how he feels.

Glad you are doing better.

Noor

 

[psyche]

Something along the lines of "how can I miss you if you won't go away?"

I am sure he does miss you for you, but if he can't give you what you want, it doesn't really matter how he feels.

Glad you are doing better.

Noor

My unresolved former confused mind is now resolved and strong! LOL! Thanks! And you're right, what matters is how I feel about leaving a situation in which I am not able to get what I need.

Like I said - I love you and thanks! These are the times I could fucking jump up and down and tell everyone I know about Lit and what a wonderful community we have here.

 

[bashfull]

I've been a member of lit for quite a while and you all have helped me through some tough times. When I first registered, I was contemplating divorcing my husband of over 20 years and you all helped me get through that. There was a divorce thread and I bared my soul and realized that I needed to leave him.

I also found a wonderful lover who was instrumental in my leaving my ex. I met him on lit.......and when I think back I took what could have been a dangerous chance and met him. His posts and pms where irresistable for me.......the language he used got me so hot that I had to meet him, in spite of the fact that I knew it could be risky. We met in a hotel room and from the first time he touched me, he owned me. I have never in my life had such a perfect lover. When he was with me, I couldn't think, it was all responding to him......and I couldn't and didn't ever think about anything but him and what he was doing to me. I was consumed by him and what he did to me. I couldn't say no to him.

Many of my first sexual events were with him. I had never had a g-spot orgasm, I had never had anal sex, I had never squirted.......I did all of those things with him for the first time. The sex was incredible, and I may never find that again. Even though I knew that he didn't love me I stayed with him because I couldn't walk away from the sex. It hurt so much that he didn't feel the same way that I felt, but like I said, I couldn't imagine being without him. I have finally had to leave this relationship and walk away. We were together for over two years. He seems to have been able to just walk away and leave me without looking back.

Two weeks later I am still crying, still thinking about him and still wishing we were still together..........I wake up at night wishing he was next to me. I look at my weekends and wish I was getting ready to go up to see him.

I'm not stupid, I have a wonderful job, a beautiful home, good friends and a full life without him. But here I am at fifty, hurting like I haven't hurt in a long time...........

Howdy, Darlin'. It's been a while.

I recall when you were first going through the turmoil of divorce and experiencing your new relationship. I am sorry that you have also experienced the anguish of having risen so high emotionally. I can only offer my condolences and say that there are many positive things that happened.

You "lived" for awhile darlin...and will continue to do so.
You experienced new sensations in life...which many will never do or attempt.
You learned about yourself...your wants, likes, dislikes, your beauty, your strength. So few will ever seek such introspection or admit to their existance.

Anyhow, know that you have friends here, darlin. Now go dance!


Bash

 

[psyche]

Re: Re: Getting over him.........

Howdy, Darlin'. It's been a while.

I recall when you were first going through the turmoil of divorce and experiencing your new relationship. I am sorry that you have also experienced the anguish of having risen so high emotionally. I can only offer my condolences and say that there are many positive things that happened.

You "lived" for awhile darlin...and will continue to do so.
You experienced new sensations in life...which many will never do or attempt.
You learned about yourself...your wants, likes, dislikes, your beauty, your strength. So few will ever seek such introspection or admit to their existance.

Anyhow, know that you have friends here, darlin. Now go dance!


Bash

Thanks so much Bash! And you're right it sure has been a while! Nice to see you stop by and thanks for your very kind thoughts. I'm doing just fine now. Lit is a wonderful place. I will always treasure the memory of him and our times together, the hurt is subsiding, but the memory of him and what we had will be inside of me forever.

 

[warrior queen]

I don't have that dilemma anymore of giving up something that I want.

whereas my 'want' increases with each moment i spend with him *sigh*
i'm not in the right thread, because i am so very far from even attempting to 'get over him'....

dammit.

 

[Noor]

whereas my 'want' increases with each moment i spend with him *sigh*
i'm not in the right thread, because i am so very far from even attempting to 'get over him'....

dammit.

Care to join me back at the waiting thread?

Noor

 

[psyche]

whereas my 'want' increases with each moment i spend with him *sigh*
i'm not in the right thread, because i am so very far from even attempting to 'get over him'....

dammit.

Don't feel bad warrior queen, if he was anywhere near me or wouldn't leave me alone, I would be right there with you!

 

[psyche]

Care to join me back at the waiting thread?

Noor

And how are you doing Noor?

 

[psyche]

I suppose that one of these days he won't be the first thing that I think about in the morning when I wake up. Wishing he was there next to me in the bed, just waking up..........There may be a day when I don't wonder how he's doing, and what he's doing. Maybe someday I won't picture him working, picture him alone when he comes home at night..........wishing I was there with him. I may get up in the morning someday and not think of him a hundred times, a thousand times...........a million times. See his face, hear his voice whispering in my ear...........feel his hands on me, and my knees getting weak just from his touch.........

Maybe some night I'll go to sleep and not think about him next to me in bed, kissing me good night.........me trying to hold him until we got so hot we would have to separate to cool off. Listening to his breathing slow down.........listening to him going into sleep............listening to him snore. Maybe someday.............

There may be a time when I don't think of him with someone else touching her like he touched me...........my heart aching from the pain. Maybe when I'm in the shower it won't be him touching my clit as the water runs over it, maybe it won't be his cock fucking me until I scream................

 

[vargas111]

Maybe some day my wife WILL think of me the way you do your ex lover. I think about sex at least every day when I go to sleep and when I wake up. I don't think she's thought about it in years.

What a lucky man your next lover will be.

 

[psyche]

Maybe some day my wife WILL think of me the way you do your ex lover. I think about sex at least every day when I go to sleep and when I wake up. I don't think she's thought about it in years.

What a lucky man your next lover will be.

How do we get into such mismatched situations?

 

[Noor]

And how are you doing Noor?

Not sure.

 

[warrior queen]

I suppose that one of these days he won't be the first thing that I think about in the morning when I wake up.<snip>

oh god!
i soooo identify with all of this.

for 23 years, no-one else measured up... and for the next 23, i have to try and make sure i don't screw up what i get because of him.

 

[warrior queen]

Care to join me back at the waiting thread?

Noor

i'm not waiting
he's made it very clear.

i was such an idiot for thinking this could turn out for me.
at my age, i should have known better.

being me is a total bitch.

 

[Noor]

i'm not waiting
he's made it very clear.

i was such an idiot for thinking this could turn out for me.
at my age, i should have known better.

being me is a total bitch.

I am sorry to hear this. Wanting a better life, loving someone does not make you an idiot. He is the one who isn't strong, not you.

Your age? your AGE!!!!!! You are still young, you have more life ahead of you than behind, and besides it does not matter. Things working out for you is not age dependent!

Take the good things this man has given you and the changes he has helped you make in your life and go forward, do not settle just because he can not be there.

There are tons of available men out there, check them out, hold auditions, have some fun, I am sure the best is yet to come.

Noor, still waiting, but still living.