Has pron become de facto sex education?

[ownedsubgal]

Why does that stun you? Because there are so many videos and stories out there to "explain" what one does next?

obviously i cannot speak for JMohegan, but those kinds of questions stun me too frankly. it stuns me because sex is a very natural and primal thing, it is not something one should have to laboriously study and calculate. go with the flow, do what comes naturally, etc...it disturbs me that so many younger folks seem to be unaware of this.

 

[Stella_Omega]

JM bondage leads to the most injuries of anything we do. That's a little sobering. And yes I mean pantyhose to headboard and fuck kinds of stuff. Permanent nerve damage is just not cool.

I'm kind of glad that people are like "I want to do this and don't know how"

Even the common sense stuff about tying people up only mitigates that risk, doesn't eliminate it. People who get hurt weren't always doing the stupid.

Word, Word, and Word some more.

Let me tell you, not knowing what you're doing-- or being at the mercy of someone who doesn't know what they are doing-- truly sucks.

Like, the kind of sucks that puts you off trying again for fifteen years, at which time you finally find a little book called "Screw the roses, bring me the thorns."

 

[Netzach]

It really depends what you're doing when you fuck and how ambitious you are getting. Organised Leather predated the how to book culture, but believe me those people were knowledge sharing.

If you're a top with esoteric interests and you've never had a moment of being like "oh fuck no God, sorry shit" you just haven't been playing that long AND you are hit with the luck stick. I'm laden with a good helping of self confidence and humility not to over-reach myself and I've still had near-misses and even accidents. They are mitigated and not prevented by common sense.

 

[JMohegan]

I'm sorry you found this discussion to be alarmist and completely besides the point. Perhaps we should put up a disclaimer for any discussion started by someone over the age of 30?

Frankly, my reading of many of the comments has been that the influence of online porn has been comparable to the influence of other forms of erotica that were available to people before the widespread availability of the internet. None of it has been alarmist and much of the discussion has been interesting.

But then I'm not a twenty-something so I can't see the world through your eyes. I trust you to help us out through your contributions here. But if you'd rather not, that's entirely fine.

I sat through college lectures on porn. Does it foster unrealistic body expectations? Exploit women? Encourage degradation of females? Etc.

I didn't participate in those discussions. To me, the older people leading them sounded incredibly fucking condescending. Plus, you know, they were old! Out of touch! And I was young and getting laid on the regular. With fine females, who were in no way disappointing. Quite the contrary, in fact.

In short, I remember finding this type of thing alarmist and pointless too.

 

[sb2009]

Yeah, the whole getting hurt (not in the good way) on accident is something I figured happend to everyone who tried even fuzzy handcuffs more than once.

I SWEAR my herniated disc is from that one time years ago we were having spontaneous take down sex....or at least it got started on it's herniation ways....

 

[JMohegan]

JM bondage leads to the most injuries of anything we do. That's a little sobering. And yes I mean pantyhose to headboard and fuck kinds of stuff. Permanent nerve damage is just not cool.

I'm kind of glad that people are like "I want to do this and don't know how"

Even the common sense stuff about tying people up only mitigates that risk, doesn't eliminate it. People who get hurt weren't always doing the stupid.

Somehow I've done thousands of impromptu restraints, using all kinds of everyday objects, without anybody losing limbs.

I'm sure there's a risk, as there is with a great many things.

In any case, I actually didn't mean to reference bondage per se. More of the typical "she wants me to tie her up and just use her however I want to, so how should I use her" type of thing.

 

[JMohegan]

obviously i cannot speak for JMohegan, but those kinds of questions stun me too frankly. it stuns me because sex is a very natural and primal thing, it is not something one should have to laboriously study and calculate. go with the flow, do what comes naturally, etc..

Yes, this is what I meant, exactly.

 

[Netzach]

If anyone cares what my beef with mainstream porn is it's very much my beef with mainstream movies - music labels. It's not a question of supplying a demand any longer but supplying and just being able to assume there'll be a demand.

It's the same mainstream capitalist thing that's happening across the board - make something with an unvarying formula and make money for the most generic bland corn syrup filled crap.

I know every generation is like "pop music is so bad" when they get old, but really - auto tune? Auto tune everything?

Porn is like auto tune sex.

 

[Netzach]

Somehow I've done thousands of impromptu restraints, using all kinds of everyday objects, without anybody losing limbs.

I'm sure there's a risk, as there is with a great many things.

In any case, I actually didn't mean to reference bondage per se. More of the typical "she wants me to tie her up and just use her however I want to, so how should I use her" type of thing.

Oh yeah. No I don't understand that either, honestly. You've tied your sweetie up and you can't think of anything? Are you sure you're cut out for this? It's how I can tell a woman is just into this to shut her bottom dude up.

 

[Keroin]

This is an interesting conversation.

Just saying. There's so much in "Talk" that holds little or no interest for me.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I know every generation is like "pop music is so bad" when they get old, but really - auto tune? Auto tune everything?

Porn is like auto tune sex.

haha. i dig porn, in a major way, but am very picky about just what kind of porn. there's a heck of a lot of repetitive garbage you have to dig through to get to it, but there's still a lot of hot stuff out there.

 

[JMohegan]

If anyone cares what my beef with mainstream porn is it's very much my beef with mainstream movies - music labels. It's not a question of supplying a demand any longer but supplying and just being able to assume there'll be a demand.

It's the same mainstream capitalist thing that's happening across the board - make something with an unvarying formula and make money for the most generic bland corn syrup filled crap.

I know every generation is like "pop music is so bad" when they get old, but really - auto tune? Auto tune everything?

Porn is like auto tune sex.

Maybe you should go into the Internet porn business, Netzach. And no, I'm not being sarcastic!

How much capital would you need for the startup, really? If there's a demand that's not being met, why not meet it?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Maybe you should go into the Internet porn business, Netzach. And no, I'm not being sarcastic!

How much capital would you need for the startup, really? If there's a demand that's not being met, why not meet it?

There are some really good sites. None of them are free, of course, and what's on the free sites is more likely to be garbage.

 

[infinity706]

What difference does it make if its garbage? You can make a profit off of porn with your camcorder. You don't even need a membership fee, because low budget porn is able to make it off the back of ad dollars. So, when was the last time you ever heard of a pornsite going bankrupt?

 

[intothewoods]

obviously i cannot speak for JMohegan, but those kinds of questions stun me too frankly. it stuns me because sex is a very natural and primal thing, it is not something one should have to laboriously study and calculate. go with the flow, do what comes naturally, etc...it disturbs me that so many younger folks seem to be unaware of this.

I have to say, I didn't see any porn until my late 20s, and still watch very little today. I managed to figure out how to fuck just fine. It's not really rocket science.

This is an interesting conversation.

Just saying. There's so much in "Talk" that holds little or no interest for me.

What -- you're not interested in discussing true love versus disease-infested bdsm orgy communities anymore?

 

[Stella_Omega]

What difference does it make if its garbage? You can make a profit off of porn with your camcorder. You don't even need a membership fee, because low budget porn is able to make it off the back of ad dollars. So, when was the last time you ever heard of a pornsite going bankrupt?

If it's garbage I don't have an orgasm.

 

[Keroin]

Trying to remember my "sexual education" over the years.

Looking back, I think the worst part of it was that there were no alternatives offered. It was one man + one woman =make baby when time is right = happy. That was far more damaging to me than any porn I ever watched or read. Also the whole "You're a girl so you can't like it too much until you're in a committed relationship" bullshit.

I'm not saying I don't like where I ended up or that I didn't have lots of great (casual...gasp!) sex along the way, just that it would have been nice to know that a person could live in a poly arrangement without being a cult member or a Mormon or stuff along those lines.

Porn just made me aware that lots of people have pimples on their asses.

 

[Keroin]

What -- you're not interested in discussing true love versus disease-infested bdsm orgy communities anymore?

He had me at "immature"...damn it! *sniffs*

 

[Netzach]

Maybe you should go into the Internet porn business, Netzach. And no, I'm not being sarcastic!

How much capital would you need for the startup, really? If there's a demand that's not being met, why not meet it?

Oh it's been thought of.

Legal. Liability. It actually takes quite a bit of capital. I have a lot to learn by marketing other affiliate stuff before I dive in - one should ALWAYS have experience with affiliate sites before making a site of their own porn wise. I do sell niche clips, but using third parties takes a lot of headache away at this time. It's a large leap to managing your own site. The 1000 per year it takes just to bill VISA legally for adult if you are US based is the tip of the iceberg - the smart way involves having a lawyer for sure - there's a huge amount of liability and things you need to know. It seems like all it takes is a camcorder and a pussy, but I'd say it takes a camcorder a pussy an ad budget and a membership at 2257vault and time to run multiple blogs and a ********** store. And whose pussy? Is she going to retroactively drama you in a year and flip out? Working with other people is a crap shoot.

Also I've done the sex work headfuck thing where it started poisoning my real sex life too much - I don't want to work with people other than M at all because he's hot and smart and fun AND I don't want to be that kind of desperately fake happy or overly real and whiny public internet alt porn couple.

Happily there are some braver and more exhibitionistic nonmainstream freaks out there making really high quality stuff.

 

[satindesire]

This is an interesting conversation.

Just saying. There's so much in "Talk" that holds little or no interest for me.

See, I LOVE this kind of stuff. It expands my horizons, gives me inspiration and insights into what other people are doing/thinking about when it comes to sexual education.

Amazing.

 

[infinity706]

If it's garbage I don't have an orgasm.

Yes, but you're not part of the guilt ridden crowd, secretly looking at the first porno they can find, so they can get off quickly and wallow in their shame.

 

[00Syd]

I'm sorry you found this discussion to be alarmist and completely besides the point. Perhaps we should put up a disclaimer for any discussion started by someone over the age of 30?

Because I brought up age, where? Keroin wanted the opinion of young people, and as a young person, that was my opinion.

Yeesh.

This conversation is fine, have it, go at it, talk it up. It's a valid question and a valid discussion, and one that is completely worth having. Unfortunately for me, as a sex-positive advocate who has been thinking about and talking about this stuff pretty much nonstop for the last couple of years, as well as being one of those young people that everyone is so worried about , this is pretty much the most over-hashed conversation I've ever had the pleasure of being involved with.

And whether or not I agree with the comments being made here, It's exhausting just reading them.

Sorry I'm being such a downer, but that's how I feel about it. I feel like I'm over it.

 

[00Syd]

FWIW the social retardation I alluded to in which people can't say "can you put your hand there" is NOT more a feature of your generation than others. I hope I made that clear. I think a lot of people well into the other generations have been so gripped by virtual life that they can't function in the meat world.

Also hello - men have been watching the porn since it was made - the real new thing is "are the girls unable to escape feeling like they have to be this?" because their access to hardcore is equal for the first time ever - and how is that different from any other media? I think the role of the media in fucking with the girls' heads is huge and bad and yet overstated. The real reason for eating disorders is not a commercial with Kate Moss too many and the real reason for sexual insanity is not merely access to rump plunderers vol 856.

Overall I think the access that women have to sexual material - unprecedented - without having to go into the sleaze world for it - is mostly good.

Conversations like this one used to take place through meetings found on the backpage of free weeklies - I didn't have the balls to go that route more than once in my life, and I didn't have to because people were *online* I was told. Wow.

I agree with you. I'm just annoyed with the entire conversation, because I feel like I've been having it for the last couple of years, and I feel like whether or not porn is a bad influence on our sexualities is besides the point.

I had very good sex ed that was accompanied by a lot of discomfort and heavy awkward and spent a few scant minutes on how sex feels good and had an anonymous questions box, but honestly, it didn't cover anything beyond mechanics.

If we were teaching people *how to talk to one another and how to respect one another* and said "by the way kiddies, everything you learned in ethics class applies when you are making out" and actually had a discussion like that it would have been useful.

The weird thing is how *non* radical some of the things that need to happen are. They're the kinds of things that might lead a kid to actually *independently choose to abstain* given the options - if the discussion is had.

THIS is what we should be talking about. Not about how porn is harming our children, but about how sex ed should be conducted, in order to give children the healthy and positive views of sex that they need. Yes, healthy and positive views on sex can help combat the negativity of porn, but I just don't see porn as being such a BFD to begin with.

 

[00Syd]

In short, I remember finding this type of thing alarmist and pointless too.

It's really just tiring.

 

[Netzach]

I agree with you. I'm just annoyed with the entire conversation, because I feel like I've been having it for the last couple of years, and I feel like whether or not porn is a bad influence on our sexualities is besides the point.



THIS is what we should be talking about. Not about how porn is harming our children, but about how sex ed should be conducted, in order to give children the healthy and positive views of sex that they need. Yes, healthy and positive views on sex can help combat the negativity of porn, but I just don't see porn as being such a BFD to begin with.

So "is imitating porn rampant" is the new "is porn bad."

I didn't realize this - I'm kind of "over" the sexpoz self conscious internet world ha - I bet MWY didn't either.