Has pron become de facto sex education?

[kaycee217]

The woman from the TED lecture is everything I dislike about reading other sex worker blogs, delving into other sex worker communities, and the whole culture of what are more or less my colleagues.

Marketing is perpetual. She has this coy thing going like she's the only cougar on earth, down to the dominatrix looking pants.

Her shitty experience, and that of other women - needs a source of blame. What's the easy peasy one? Images. Don't blame the patriarchy, don't blame the shitty way that young men are treated sexually, which may not be as shitty as it is for girls but just might be part of the problem (and it IS shitty - early 20's guys have the stigma of teenagerdom hanging off them in a way - they're assumed to be dumb and easy and basically dick on feet and highly dehumanized - not taken seriously) - I mean it's not like women are talking to them either and it's both because they're insecure and in other cases because they're feeling superior in sophistication.

She herself seems more interested in talking *about* her partners and acting like she's doing them a favor. It sells well - cougar as therapist.

Why don't I jump in, people ask? (and they do ask) I can do a lot of things, but I more or less hate myself when I'm supposed to position myself as an authority on this stuff somehow - exotica for the completely sexually sheltered. I dislike people who looooove being that. We all have to make a buck, I'm happier making mine calling mid level managers "shit for brains" over the phone.

Huh, now there's something you don't hear everyday.

 

[kaycee217]

obviously i cannot speak for JMohegan, but those kinds of questions stun me too frankly. it stuns me because sex is a very natural and primal thing, it is not something one should have to laboriously study and calculate. go with the flow, do what comes naturally, etc...it disturbs me that so many younger folks seem to be unaware of this.

Yes, this is what I meant, exactly.

Sex may come naturally, but that doesn't mean we always know what to do or that we don't care if we aren't good at it.

I think it's perfectly understandable for someone to have a "plan" when doing something they've never done before. Perhaps you're saying one shouldn't have a plan and to just do what comes naturally and that's sage advice, but I don't see what's wrong/disturbing with someone asking questions.

 

[where]

As long as they're not taking advantage of anyone, they may as well go ahead and fuck, anyway. I doubt being underage stopped anyone back when you were in school, either. Besides, if they're learning how to take it up the ass now, we'll see a reduction in anal how to threads when they get old enough to start posting on the internet.

... and an increase in adverts for pads to protect from anal seepage? *gags*
I was a late starter, anyway

<<<< miss purity

 

[infinity706]

It's understandable because we live in a prude and gullible society. Young people aren't always given that much information and what information they're getting is not always being presented in a way that can counteract the influence of movies, music, and gossip.


Hypothetical:

I'm a virgin and my parents won't talk to me about sex, my friends have never had sex so I'm wary of any advice they're giving. My sex ed class consists of primarily abstinence education and a condom being placed on a banana. Now my partner wants to have sex. I watch porn online, but mostly the commercial stuff. I don't know about sites like this one because let's face it, I don't like to read for pleasure. So the only access to information about sex is commercial pornography and a few snippets of advice/experience from my equally inexperienced friends. Can you blame me for using commercial porn as my "default" approach to having sex?

Putting a condom on a banana should be standard practice, though. Everyone should be required to do it before they're ever allowed to play with a real penis or vagina. It's the best way to know what you're doing before getting into the heat of the moment. Bananas are also a good way to practice blowjobs without any pressure.

 

[where]

Putting a condom on a banana should be standard practice, though. Everyone should be required to do it before they're ever allowed to play with a real penis or vagina. It's the best way to know what you're doing before getting into the heat of the moment. Bananas are also a good way to practice blowjobs without any pressure.

*rmembers the banana joke*

 

[infinity706]

... and an increase in adverts for pads to protect from anal seepage? *gags*
I was a late starter, anyway

<<<< miss purity

Anal seepage? All the research that's been done has shown that enjoyment of anal has no ill effect on the person's anus. Infact, it's probably beneficial, since the muscle gets a workout, just like how you get those awesome biceps, going to the gym. Unless you're getting diseases or forcing things and doing damage, taking it up the ass is just a good way to have some fun.

I love the miss purity thing, though. So says the woman that calls herself the cunt terrorist and poses sexy, naked body in her avatar.

 

[kaycee217]

...
I view hardcore porn almost like sexual brainwashing. If a young sexually inexperienced and uneducated guy sees 1500 videos of a guy ramming a girl's cervix while she screams orgasmically, he's GOING to think THAT is how sex REALLY is, in REALITY. If a person sees something often enough with little other influence or education otherwise, that's what he's going to believe.

ETA: unfortunately, young inexperienced girls often don't have the courage enough to tell a guy "Hey, stop, that hurts." or "Can you touch my clit while we do it?" because she might not even know what vaginal penetration isn't going to get her off! That's the trouble with porn, it gives an unrealistic viewpoint about sex that too many people take as truth. Is it their fault for being naive, or is it our fault for not educating them? I think it's both. I think it's a whole myriad of little problems that leads up to men and women having really bad sex and not understanding why it's bad, because "Isn't this how sex is supposed to be? Why doesn't it feel good? Why can't I orgasm? Why does it hurt?" etc etc etc...

I agree, but it doesn't always have to be that way. If a young person has no access to proper sex information (or is too ignorant to know how to find it), I can't blame them for using whatever they have access to or have been exposed to as the "rulebook" for sex.

 

[Netzach]

Huh, now there's something you don't hear everyday.

Sexism - it's fucking you over too.

 

[kaycee217]

Sexism - it's fucking you over too.

Please expand.

 

[Netzach]

Please expand.

Well the most powerful position in society is to be be a white rich guy between 35-65 and so those are the people you see having fun on tee vee.
Boys are ick is the mantra of young women in their sexually formative years. Oh they'll sleep with them, but they're stil ick and immature and lacking and all that. Unless you've got some hot and heavy teen romance going the girls are encouraged to make it clear "You're something I do till I can do better."

Just look every time the topic of the 20 year old dom comes up on a this board. Sure it's just personal preference and I myself was NOT into 15 year olds when I was 15, but doesn't anyone wonder why it shakes out like that so much?

It's because culturally, in our messed up little world that *can't be where the real power is* so we hammer home that powerlessness at every turn when we talk men under say 25, even though they're good enough to get their ass shot off. They're just out of the child category.

It's such a crime to be an immature man that there is no discussion with you. Virtually. Virtually every social dialogue about you is about "the problem of our young men" which is highly dehumanizing. When young guys go totally off the rails I'm never surprised.

 

[kaycee217]

Well the most powerful position in society is to be be a white rich guy between 35-65 and so those are the people you see having fun on tee vee.
Boys are ick is the mantra of young women in their sexually formative years. Oh they'll sleep with them, but they're stil ick and immature and lacking and all that. Unless you've got some hot and heavy teen romance going the girls are encouraged to make it clear "You're something I do till I can do better."

Just look every time the topic of the 20 year old dom comes up on a this board. Sure it's just personal preference and I myself was NOT into 15 year olds when I was 15, but doesn't anyone wonder why it shakes out like that so much?

It's because culturally, in our messed up little world that *can't be where the real power is* so we hammer home that powerlessness at every turn when we talk men under say 25, even though they're good enough to get their ass shot off. They're just out of the child category.

It's such a crime to be an immature man that there is no discussion with you. Virtually. Virtually every social dialogue about you is about "the problem of our young men" which is highly dehumanizing. When young guys go totally off the rails I'm never surprised.

But don't you think such talk has a valid basis somewhere?

 

[Netzach]

But don't you think such talk has a valid basis somewhere?

Absolutely! But you know you are disenfranchised to some measure when the problem is discussed at and around and not ever with you.

 

[FurryFury]

I think porn has been the de facto sex education for generations. In my day it was my dad's dirty books and magazines along with Cosmo, and some locker room talk, that educated me.

It's sad because porn isn't real.

 

[satindesire]

I agree, but it doesn't always have to be that way. If a young person has no access to proper sex information (or is too ignorant to know how to find it), I can't blame them for using whatever they have access to or have been exposed to as the "rulebook" for sex.

But that's the point of this thread. Porn ISN'T and shouldn't be taken as the "rulebook" for sex because mainstream commercial porn isn't realistic enough to be the 'rulebook' for sex.

Granted, I haven't had sex with every person in the world, but I have yet to come across some greasy mechanic I'm magically drawn to while I just happened to have not worn panties under my indecently short skirt, and I certainly don't scream or moan theatrically while I'm getting rammed so hard I can taste dick in the back of my throat.

Foreplay isn't shown. Cunnilingus is minimal at best and the technique is all wrong. There's no such thing as affectionate gentle loving sex in porn, REAL female orgasm is ignored, the "cumshot" isn't the highlight of real sex to a LOT of people.

If it were realistic, it wouldn't sell. But in my opinion, in a perfect world and it were realistic, we'd have a lot less confused people out there. Then of course, were this a perfect world, sexual education would be a lot more complete than it is today.

 

[neci]

But that's the point of this thread. Porn ISN'T and shouldn't be taken as the "rulebook" for sex because mainstream commercial porn isn't realistic enough to be the 'rulebook' for sex.

Granted, I haven't had sex with every person in the world, but I have yet to come across some greasy mechanic I'm magically drawn to while I just happened to have not worn panties under my indecently short skirt, and I certainly don't scream or moan theatrically while I'm getting rammed so hard I can taste dick in the back of my throat.

Foreplay isn't shown. Cunnilingus is minimal at best and the technique is all wrong. There's no such thing as affectionate gentle loving sex in porn, REAL female orgasm is ignored, the "cumshot" isn't the highlight of real sex to a LOT of people.

If it were realistic, it wouldn't sell. But in my opinion, in a perfect world and it were realistic, we'd have a lot less confused people out there. Then of course, were this a perfect world, sexual education would be a lot more complete than it is today.

greasy mechanic sex and cumshots?!?! now you're finally talking!

i went to a hole in the wall Chinese food restaurant the other day for lunch. the specials were $4.95 and the portions were huge. needless to say the room was filled with rough looking working class men. i am digressing. my fantasy at said restaurant had nothing to do with porn, and everything to do with a testosterone overload to my senses. yum.

 

[satindesire]

greasy mechanic sex and cumshots?!?! now you're finally talking!

i went to a hole in the wall Chinese food restaurant the other day for lunch. the specials were $4.95 and the portions were huge. needless to say the room was filled with rough looking working class men. i am digressing. my fantasy at said restaurant had nothing to do with porn, and everything to do with a testosterone overload to my senses. yum.

I'll lust after a greasy mechanic just like the next person, but if he's not concerned with foreplay and my orgasm, he can shove off and make room for the next guy who IS.

 

[ownedsubgal]

sd, please don't laugh at me for asking this question, but what exactly do you mean by "foreplay?" that is one of those sexual terms that i have never actually understood the meaning of???

 

[kaycee217]

But that's the point of this thread. Porn ISN'T and shouldn't be taken as the "rulebook" for sex because mainstream commercial porn isn't realistic enough to be the 'rulebook' for sex.

Granted, I haven't had sex with every person in the world, but I have yet to come across some greasy mechanic I'm magically drawn to while I just happened to have not worn panties under my indecently short skirt, and I certainly don't scream or moan theatrically while I'm getting rammed so hard I can taste dick in the back of my throat.

Foreplay isn't shown. Cunnilingus is minimal at best and the technique is all wrong. There's no such thing as affectionate gentle loving sex in porn, REAL female orgasm is ignored, the "cumshot" isn't the highlight of real sex to a LOT of people.

If it were realistic, it wouldn't sell. But in my opinion, in a perfect world and it were realistic, we'd have a lot less confused people out there. Then of course, were this a perfect world, sexual education would be a lot more complete than it is today.

But then who's to blame for the fact that hardcore commercial pornography is being used as a rulebook? It's certainly not the producers of such porn/ography in my opinion. I think it's society's fault. Whether it's because the teenagers are kept ignorant or it's because society wants something that's "bad" for them. For example, I think paparazzi cross the line sometimes, but it's not their fault (in my opinion); rather, it's the fault of the consumers of such stories and pictures.

 

[where]

Anal seepage? All the research that's been done has shown that enjoyment of anal has no ill effect on the person's anus. Infact, it's probably beneficial, since the muscle gets a workout, just like how you get those awesome biceps, going to the gym. Unless you're getting diseases or forcing things and doing damage, taking it up the ass is just a good way to have some fun.

I love the miss purity thing, though. So says the woman that calls herself the cunt terrorist and poses sexy, naked body in her avatar.

heh... my gay friend would beg to differ on that front having suffered from anal prolapse

and yes. I'm as pure as the driven snow.

Well the most powerful position in society is to be be a white rich guy between 35-65 and so those are the people you see having fun on tee vee.
Boys are ick is the mantra of young women in their sexually formative years. Oh they'll sleep with them, but they're stil ick and immature and lacking and all that. Unless you've got some hot and heavy teen romance going the girls are encouraged to make it clear "You're something I do till I can do better."

Just look every time the topic of the 20 year old dom comes up on a this board. Sure it's just personal preference and I myself was NOT into 15 year olds when I was 15, but doesn't anyone wonder why it shakes out like that so much?

It's because culturally, in our messed up little world that *can't be where the real power is* so we hammer home that powerlessness at every turn when we talk men under say 25, even though they're good enough to get their ass shot off. They're just out of the child category.

It's such a crime to be an immature man that there is no discussion with you. Virtually. Virtually every social dialogue about you is about "the problem of our young men" which is highly dehumanizing. When young guys go totally off the rails I'm never surprised.

I think you answered your question in the first sentence.

I get what you are saying about young guys, but my pity is tempered by the knowledge that they will end up at the top of the socio/cultural hierarchy.

 

[where]

sd, please don't laugh at me for asking this question, but what exactly do you mean by "foreplay?" that is one of those sexual terms that i have never actually understood the meaning of???

it's touching that gets you aroused and ready for sex. may be kissing, oral sex, petting, stroking, massage, fingering or any combination.

 

[MisterSir]

sd, please don't laugh at me for asking this question, but what exactly do you mean by "foreplay?" that is one of those sexual terms that i have never actually understood the meaning of???

Probably not the best-equipped person to answer this question, but at least I can get a correction if I'm wrong - I've interpreted "foreplay" as "things that occur before penetrative or oral sex to ensure one's partner is in the right mood, physically and mentally", making it one of those wonderful things that differs depending on your partner. I think you've asked this question before, actually.

Just look every time the topic of the 20 year old dom comes up on a this board.

Forgive the blinkeredness of this question, but which topic in particular?

 

[Netzach]

Probably not the best-equipped person to answer this question, but at least I can get a correction if I'm wrong - I've interpreted "foreplay" as "things that occur before penetrative or oral sex to ensure one's partner is in the right mood, physically and mentally", making it one of those wonderful things that differs depending on your partner. I think you've asked this question before, actually.



Forgive the blinkeredness of this question, but which topic in particular?

Something like "can you submit to a younger Dom" - 3 in four answers will be "hell no"

 

[Netzach]

heh... my gay friend would beg to differ on that front having suffered from anal prolapse

and yes. I'm as pure as the driven snow.


I think you answered your question in the first sentence.

I get what you are saying about young guys, but my pity is tempered by the knowledge that they will end up at the top of the socio/cultural hierarchy.

So you want resentful seething dicks in that position? I realize that "sexism hurts men too but I don't give a fuck" is tempting, but people tend to mobilize when they understand that they are invested personally. I notice feminism worries about boys until they hit puberty and then it's like 'well I offered him a doll and a fire truck when he was little, so what?"

If hetero feminists want good sex instead of crap sex they're going to have to talk to their partners and give a shit about their partners' enjoyment of same in a substantial way not a superficial compulsory way. The same for the men in question. Waiting for them to suddenly enlighten and take the lead in this seems yet another layer of "good girls don't." I will bet that every person here who is happy with their sexuality and their partner *communicates* heavily and candidly, verbally and non verbally.

 

[satindesire]

sd, please don't laugh at me for asking this question, but what exactly do you mean by "foreplay?" that is one of those sexual terms that i have never actually understood the meaning of???

Foreplay is generally thought of as cuddling, caressing, kissing (making out, etc), manual stimulation, disrobing, oral sex, and the like that PRECEDES intercourse.

But then who's to blame for the fact that hardcore commercial pornography is being used as a rulebook? It's certainly not the producers of such porn/ography in my opinion. I think it's society's fault. Whether it's because the teenagers are kept ignorant or it's because society wants something that's "bad" for them. For example, I think paparazzi cross the line sometimes, but it's not their fault (in my opinion); rather, it's the fault of the consumers of such stories and pictures.

Who's to blame? Well, lots of people.

The parents, for not teaching their children correct sexual education.

The schools, for preaching that sex should be avoided for blah blah blah reason.

The porn, for being unrealistic in the first place.

The kids, for not being brave enough to ask questions to their sexual partner.

I'm not just blaming porn here. It's a whole host of little issues that adds up (straw that broke, etc.) to a much larger and difficult problem.

 

[where]

So you want resentful seething dicks in that position? I realize that "sexism hurts men too but I don't give a fuck" is tempting, but people tend to mobilize when they understand that they are invested personally.

no of course I don't. and whilst I accept that the youngish middle-aged, middle class white man is the most powerful on the planet, I don't believe that they are therefore the worst kind of person either. you get people acting like dicks irrespective of gender, social class or sexual orientation. and whilst it is true that many young men are misunderstood, they are already overprivileged, especially if they are also white. Do we divert even more resources their way?