Has pron become de facto sex education?

[ownedsubgal]

Well, they could be like me. I once assumed women got orgasms from getting fucked. Afterall, it that would make a lot of sense until you get into the anatomy and physiology. If people were built in any kind of sensible way the vagina would have genital corpuscles and the clit wouldn't exist. For some weird reason, though, they're only found in erectile tissue. (clit/dick and nipples)

actually, some women DO get orgasms from being fucked. the few orgasms i've had, with only one exception, have all been from hard pounding intercourse with no additional stimulation. i hate hate HATE for my clitoris to be touched, the sensation ranges from discomfort to mind-numbing pain, so i much prefer a sexual experience with a man who didn't get his sexual knowledge from reading some medical journal or pop culture article on "what women like."

(oh and btw, the one exception was fellatio with zero stimulation to any part of my body)

 

[midwestyankee]

That assertion seems tough to prove, and debatable at best. But for the moment, lets assume it's true.

So Vinny the Virgin finally gets some skirt and, taking his cue from porn, whips out his dick and goes for the gold.... with minimal or no foreplay.

SD, you just gave a very realistic description of what happens when dick meets dry hole, so we both know what lesson Vinny learns there and then.

And? What happens next?

Maybe the female in question explains the problem, and they eventually try again. He learned the hard way, but he learned, yes?

Or maybe she kicks him out and refuses to see him again. You don't think Vinny would be googling after that?

The response depends entirely on Vinny's ego and sense of self. Seems to me that it's every bit as likely that he comes away from that encounter thinking that the problem was all her fault as he comes away thinking that it's all his fault. No way in hell he decides that it's a joint problem and calls her up and says, 'You know, I think we missed the boat last night. How about we sit down over a cup of semi-skinny mocha brava via cumspot latté and see if we can figure it out together?"

People don't know what they don't know. They may develop a sense that there's something missing, but the gap between that vague sense and and successfully teaching oneself what's missing is huge.

After all, we're in an age when students answering questions on the Advanced Placement test in United States History wrote statements such as "The Transcendentalists wanted to take over the intercontinental railroad system." and "Jewish Americans often suffer from Anti-Sentimentalism."

 

[JMohegan]

The response depends entirely on Vinny's ego and sense of self. Seems to me that it's every bit as likely that he comes away from that encounter thinking that the problem was all her fault as he comes away thinking that it's all his fault. No way in hell he decides that it's a joint problem and calls her up and says, 'You know, I think we missed the boat last night. How about we sit down over a cup of semi-skinny mocha brava via cumspot latté and see if we can figure it out together?"

People don't know what they don't know. They may develop a sense that there's something missing, but the gap between that vague sense and and successfully teaching oneself what's missing is huge.

After all, we're in an age when students answering questions on the Advanced Placement test in United States History wrote statements such as "The Transcendentalists wanted to take over the intercontinental railroad system." and "Jewish Americans often suffer from Anti-Sentimentalism."

Okay, so Vinny decides she's frigid.

Chases some more skirt, lands a new female, and tries again.

And?

Still not googling?

Okay, so that one's frigid too.

Chases some more skirt....

Etc.

How long before it hits him that he can google something like this, just like he googled a plot summary for Catcher in the Rye?

Maybe this is wishful thinking on my part, but I just don't buy the notion that the majority of young males have suddenly become total blithering idiots. Anecdotal AP evidence notwithstanding.

 

[midwestyankee]

Okay, so Vinny decides she's frigid.

Chases some more skirt, lands a new female, and tries again.

And?

Still not googling?

Okay, so that one's frigid too.

Chases some more skirt....

Etc.

How long before it hits him that he can google something like this, just like he googled a plot summary for Catcher in the Rye?

Maybe this is wishful thinking on my part, but I just don't buy the notion that the majority of young males have suddenly become total blithering idiots. Anecdotal AP evidence notwithstanding.

I don't buy the notion that they all have at all. And if the widespread availability of porn on the internet has had an increased impact over the influence of porn on previous generations, surely it's only an incremental one based on increased access. And I don't think that anyone, including the woman whose TED talk I first cited, ever claimed that it was a majority of young men who were behaving in this way.

She claimed there was some influence and I asked folks here if they thought she might be right. Some folks see some influence and some don't.

 

[kaycee217]

Okay, so Vinny decides she's frigid.

Chases some more skirt, lands a new female, and tries again.

And?

Still not googling?

Okay, so that one's frigid too.

Chases some more skirt....

Etc.

How long before it hits him that he can google something like this, just like he googled a plot summary for Catcher in the Rye?

Maybe this is wishful thinking on my part, but I just don't buy the notion that the majority of young males have suddenly become total blithering idiots. Anecdotal AP evidence notwithstanding.

I don't think most guys fail like Vinny does. If Vinny relies on commercial hardcore porn or otherwise doesn't realize how ignorant he is, then he may see no reason to use a search engine to learn more about sexually pleasing a woman. And what if Vinny has learned (from commercial porn, his parents, friends, etc.) that he's the only person that matters when having sex? If he never cares about his partner's satisfaction, he'll never be motivated to learn more about female sexuality, even if he knows he can find the information relatively easily.

 

[kaycee217]

Are you too stupid to google "how to arouse a woman" or "female orgasm" or something like that?

Not "you" as in you, kaycee. I'm just asking for clarification on the hypothetical.

Because it seems to me that the wealth of information available, to any human with computer access plus a sincere desire for said information, should make this the most well informed generation of virgins in the history of the earth.

To answer the bolded question, my answer would be yes. Never underestimate a teenager's inability to think for themselves or research something on their own.

*waits for Netzach's post*

 

[JMohegan]

I don't think most guys fail like Vinny does. If Vinny relies on commercial hardcore porn or otherwise doesn't realize how ignorant he is, then he may see no reason to use a search engine to learn more about sexually pleasing a woman. And what if Vinny has learned (from commercial porn, his parents, friends, etc.) that he's the only person that matters when having sex? If he never cares about his partner's satisfaction, he'll never be motivated to learn more about female sexuality, even if he knows he can find the information relatively easily.

Even if she's willing to endure it, dick in dry hole is hardly optimal fucking for the guy. That's his motivation to google.

To answer the bolded question, my answer would be yes. Never underestimate a teenager's inability to think for themselves or research something on their own.

I once was a teenage guy. Nobody taught me how to fuck; I taught myself. With assists from various teenage females, of course. Explored, experimented, gained skills, made mistakes, made adjustments, and went right on exploring.

Which could be why I just don't see the problem.

People like your can't-think-for-himself, apathetic and self-absorbed Vinny may exist, sure. But if it's a personality or stage of development thing, then surely the same "Vinny" existed long before the Internet was invented.

Ultimately, I'm not sure Vinny can be helped if he's just that out of it. It's like putting "don't operate hair dryer in the bathtub" warnings on the product's instructions. If someone actually NEEDS that tip, are they the type that will actually take the time to read it?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Besides, he's bound to get some comments via facebook.

WTF was that, dude!

 

[Netzach]

To answer the bolded question, my answer would be yes. Never underestimate a teenager's inability to think for themselves or research something on their own.

*waits for Netzach's post*

Yeah, disagree. I think Vinny's more likely to wiki that than boomer Vito.

 

[infinity706]

actually, some women DO get orgasms from being fucked. the few orgasms i've had, with only one exception, have all been from hard pounding intercourse with no additional stimulation. i hate hate HATE for my clitoris to be touched, the sensation ranges from discomfort to mind-numbing pain, so i much prefer a sexual experience with a man who didn't get his sexual knowledge from reading some medical journal or pop culture article on "what women like."

(oh and btw, the one exception was fellatio with zero stimulation to any part of my body)

Well, that does make you an exception to the rule, that you'd be wise to mention to any partners you have, before they end up between your legs. Afterall, most women do enjoy clit stimulation and a lot of them get most of their orgasms from it.

As for the orgasms while getting fucked, that's not really surprising. A lot of women will the them on occasion and for a lucky few, it's a regular occurance.

 

[satindesire]

That assertion seems tough to prove, and debatable at best. But for the moment, lets assume it's true.

So Vinny the Virgin finally gets some skirt and, taking his cue from porn, whips out his dick and goes for the gold.... with minimal or no foreplay.

SD, you just gave a very realistic description of what happens when dick meets dry hole, so we both know what lesson Vinny learns there and then.

And? What happens next?

Maybe the female in question explains the problem, and they eventually try again. He learned the hard way, but he learned, yes?

Or maybe she kicks him out and refuses to see him again. You don't think Vinny would be googling after that?

The problem is that many females in question DON'T explain the problem. My first three sexual partners, I had jack shit in knowledge. I knew penis went into vagina, thrust, repeat, man ejaculates. I had no idea that my clitoris was going to give me an orgasm, I didn't even know what it was. The fact that I didn't orgasm made me feel like something was wrong with ME, not wrong with his technique in sex.

This happens to LOTS of women. If they don't have experience masturbating to orgasm they don't know how to orgasm. And if they don't know, they can't teach their partner. If the boy's don't know, they can't teach the girl. And even if the girl DOES know, often she's too embarrassed to tell him in fear of "hurting his feelings". Trust me. I answer questions like this on a daily basis on other websites.

This is literally what happens:

Guy thinks girl gets orgasm by vaginal penetration. Because he gets orgasm by vaginal penetration. So he has intercourse with a female. It feels good to him, so he assumes it feels good to her. She's too shy/embarrassed/uneducated to tell him otherwise, so he stays in the dark.

Yes, it happens with multiple partners. Take my husband for example. He had sex with five women before me, and NONE of them told him that they needed clit stimulation. He had an idea that the clit existed and knew what it was, he just assumed that vaginal penetration was the thing that felt the best and caused orgasms. No one told him otherwise. So when he gets with me, I basically have to teach him nearly everything from scratch. It was difficult, ego-bruising for him, and emotionally exhausting for me because he was a grown ass man and I was lacking in patience, unfortunately.

Anyway, I'm not saying that every guy does this, obviously you're different and all generalizations are false. But this happens to too many men and porn is one of the many reasons, I believe, that it happens.

Well, they could be like me. I once assumed women got orgasms from getting fucked. Afterall, it that would make a lot of sense until you get into the anatomy and physiology. If people were built in any kind of sensible way the vagina would have genital corpuscles and the clit wouldn't exist. For some weird reason, though, they're only found in erectile tissue. (clit/dick and nipples)

If the clit was inside the vagina, it would be so much easier. Le sigh!

 

[BiBunny]

If the clit was inside the vagina, it would be so much easier. Le sigh!

No, thank God it's not. Mine is so sensitive that I could never have sex again! I'm one of those weirdos who much prefers G-spot stimulation. That's one reason I wish the "how-to" guides would get over the idea that what they have to say applies to all women.

 

[satindesire]

No, thank God it's not. Mine is so sensitive that I could never have sex again! I'm one of those weirdos who much prefers G-spot stimulation. That's one reason I wish the "how-to" guides would get over the idea that what they have to say applies to all women.

I agree, I think guides should say things like "some" or "most" rather than assuming it's every woman. That's always irked me.

 

[where]

He might have suffered from anal prolapse whether he'd ever had anal or not. It doesn't really have an increased risk in people that practice anal and those that don't.

no... it was caused by anal though admittedly lots of it. there are a good few citations come up on pubmed relating to increased incidence of anal cancer, prolapse, anal incontinence etc all in relation to anal sex.

If the resource is "here is how to actually listen to each other and talk to each other, 15-18 year old people" I think it's fine. I think it can be addressed and work across the board - there are people working on this from harvard bound prep to prison - I think it's really the thing that could save us. The problem is in what happens when you connect anything but punishment to sex in a publicly funded program. We love our punishment.

Given the context of the forum and some of the posters on it, I can't be sure if that last sentence is a joke or serious.

just tried googling "female orgasm," and a bunch of articles came up explaining how every woman wants her clitoris played with and pussy licked....grrrr.

that type of generalization about female sexuality frustrates me to no end. too many men view women as this monolithic entity..."women like this," "women don't like that," etc. the immense range of female sexual response, desires, needs, etc. is completely disregarded.

in fairness, most women do get off on having their clits played with and if you are googling it, it is presumably because you want to know the best and fastest way because your female partner hasn't told you. However, I thought I'd see what you came up with and the very first page was this...

http://uk.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_200/216_love_tip.html

blue clit? we get physically uncomfortable if we don't come? jesus fucking christ who writes this shit?

No, thank God it's not. Mine is so sensitive that I could never have sex again! I'm one of those weirdos who much prefers G-spot stimulation. That's one reason I wish the "how-to" guides would get over the idea that what they have to say applies to all women.

heh... and I would just love even an iota of that sensitivity.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

in fairness, most women do get off on having their clits played with and if you are googling it, it is presumably because you want to know the best and fastest way because your female partner hasn't told you. However, I thought I'd see what you came up with and the very first page was this...

http://uk.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_200/216_love_tip.html

blue clit? we get physically uncomfortable if we don't come? jesus fucking christ who writes this shit?

You should have kept going, it got better!!!

Keep in mind, however, that roughly 26% of women have difficulty reaching orgasm. And usually, it's her own mental block that keeps her from reaching orgasm -- it's not you.

Of course, it's never the man's fault. Not that I'd ever blame the man solely, if there's an incompatability issue, it takes 2 to tango terribly.

But the assumption that it's all the woman's fault.. Bah.

And yes, that's even assuming she *wants* to orgasm.

 

[MisterSir]

Never underestimate a teenager's inability to think for themselves or research something on their own.

Thanks. That's not a phenomenally blinkered generalisation.

 

[where]

You should have kept going, it got better!!!

Keep in mind, however, that roughly 26% of women have difficulty reaching orgasm. And usually, it's her own mental block that keeps her from reaching orgasm -- it's not you.

Of course, it's never the man's fault. Not that I'd ever blame the man solely, if there's an incompatability issue, it takes 2 to tango terribly.

But the assumption that it's all the woman's fault.. Bah.

And yes, that's even assuming she *wants* to orgasm.

well in fairness, my inability to orgasm is solely due to a mental block on my part because I can wank and come for England on my own. But I'm pretty certain that an awful lot of it is down to girls not telling guys (or other girls) 'I like it when you do that'.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

well in fairness, my inability to orgasm is solely due to a mental block on my part because I can wank and come for England on my own. But I'm pretty certain that an awful lot of it is down to girls not telling guys (or other girls) 'I like it when you do that'.

And the other way around

Or even the guy or the girl asking 'What do you like?'

 

[ownedsubgal]

And the other way around

Or even the guy or the girl asking 'What do you like?'

you may be surprised by how many people would be unable to answer that question. they just don't know.

 

[rida]

And the other way around

Or even the guy or the girl asking 'What do you like?'

My standard answer was (and is): do what you want and I'll stop if I don't like it.

I'm referring to vanilla sex, of course.

 

[infinity706]

If the clit was inside the vagina, it would be so much easier. Le sigh!

I don't even mean the clit should be inside the vagina. If anatomy worked logically, the vagina should have its own genital corpuscles and the clit would just disentigrate like the vagina does in guys. The only reason I can possibly come up with for why an immature penis would hang around just to give women orgasms, is because of childbirth. If the vagina were the orgasm maker, it might injure the baby if you had orgasms during deliery. Afterall, vaginas are really strong and it could damage the baby's neck when it really tensed up and the uterus just kept right on pushing.

no... it was caused by anal though admittedly lots of it. there are a good few citations come up on pubmed relating to increased incidence of anal cancer, prolapse, anal incontinence etc all in relation to anal sex.

The instance is way too low to be anal sex in general, though. It's more likely one or more kinds of STDs that causes damage, because there's no evidence I've seen that frequency of anal affects anything. Afterall, they found out a couple years ago, that a strain of HPV is the major cause for cervical, vulva, vagina, penis, and anal cancer. I'd say the answer is more wearing a condom when you get fucked in the ass, rather than not doing it. Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are a major cause of infertility in women.

 

[kaycee217]

Thanks. That's not a phenomenally blinkered generalisation.

Your point? I didn't say it was an absolute truth, and I know there are plenty of exceptions (most in this thread are probably an example of that). Just like one shouldn't assume all teenagers can't think for themselves, one shouldn't assume all teenagers (or adults for that matter) are able to think for themselves.

 

[kaycee217]

Yeah, disagree. I think Vinny's more likely to wiki that than boomer Vito.

 

[kaycee217]

Even if she's willing to endure it, dick in dry hole is hardly optimal fucking for the guy. That's his motivation to google.

I once was a teenage guy. Nobody taught me how to fuck; I taught myself. With assists from various teenage females, of course. Explored, experimented, gained skills, made mistakes, made adjustments, and went right on exploring.

Which could be why I just don't see the problem.

People like your can't-think-for-himself, apathetic and self-absorbed Vinny may exist, sure. But if it's a personality or stage of development thing, then surely the same "Vinny" existed long before the Internet was invented.

Ultimately, I'm not sure Vinny can be helped if he's just that out of it. It's like putting "don't operate hair dryer in the bathtub" warnings on the product's instructions. If someone actually NEEDS that tip, are they the type that will actually take the time to read it?

Yes, this "Vinny" has always existed, but I'm betting our myspace/facebook/twitter + widespread commercial hardcore pornography is making things a bit different these days.

Also, you can't compare yourself to Vinny. That's like Bill Gates thinking all poor people deserve to be poor because if he could make lots of money, so could they. Oh wait...

 

[satindesire]

Yes, this "Vinny" has always existed, but I'm betting our myspace/facebook/twitter + widespread commercial hardcore pornography is making things a bit different these days.

Also, you can't compare yourself to Vinny. That's like Bill Gates thinking all poor people deserve to be poor because if he could make lots of money, so could they. Oh wait...

*snort!*