Has pron become de facto sex education?

[ownedsubgal]

Probably not the best-equipped person to answer this question, but at least I can get a correction if I'm wrong - I've interpreted "foreplay" as "things that occur before penetrative or oral sex to ensure one's partner is in the right mood, physically and mentally", making it one of those wonderful things that differs depending on your partner. I think you've asked this question before, actually.

yes that is probably true, which is only more evidence to my dimness on the subject, not to mention my general senility (lol).

so foreplay is erotic stuff done with the purpose or intent of getting someone "in the mood," or as Kybele kindly added, "aroused." i guess i was confused on whether or not people are referring to specific activities when they talk about foreplay, at least now i know that isn't the case. as a sex worker i have had a few clients ask me, "do you enjoy foreplay?" and i never know how to answer because i have no clue exactly what they're asking.

on a side note, is being "in the mood" for sex really such a big deal?...at least from the submissive side of the equation, we are basically there to serve and to be used..no arousal required for that.

 

[infinity706]

But that's the point of this thread. Porn ISN'T and shouldn't be taken as the "rulebook" for sex because mainstream commercial porn isn't realistic enough to be the 'rulebook' for sex.

Granted, I haven't had sex with every person in the world, but I have yet to come across some greasy mechanic I'm magically drawn to while I just happened to have not worn panties under my indecently short skirt, and I certainly don't scream or moan theatrically while I'm getting rammed so hard I can taste dick in the back of my throat.

Foreplay isn't shown. Cunnilingus is minimal at best and the technique is all wrong. There's no such thing as affectionate gentle loving sex in porn, REAL female orgasm is ignored, the "cumshot" isn't the highlight of real sex to a LOT of people.

If it were realistic, it wouldn't sell. But in my opinion, in a perfect world and it were realistic, we'd have a lot less confused people out there. Then of course, were this a perfect world, sexual education would be a lot more complete than it is today.

I'll agree that most of the time, cunnilingus is pretty short (although I've seen movies where it's most of the action), but the technique is hard to argue, considering that everyone likes different things. Just because the woman in a particular movie doesn't get licked like your pussy would prefer, doesn't mean it's bad technique. I've had sex with hundreds of people and in some cases, a particular technique might be painful for one person, but the best way to turn another person into a minute man/woman. I even have one fuck buddy that the best way to make him orgasm is to squeeze his cock like you're trying to crack a peanut. There was another guy that could only get off by having small circles rubbed or licked on the underside of his dick head. I fucked a transexual a few days ago, that got off on g-spot stimulation while having his clit stroked with 2 fingers, similar to how you would give a guy a handjob. There was even this one woman that needed something stuck in her urethra.

I've definately seen porn with as much as 20 minutes of nothing by kissing and stroking through clothes, before anything even got taken off. I've also seen porn that was nothing but blowjobs and cunt/ass fucking. There's so much porn out there that you can't really generalize anything. There's even porn where the people keep their clothes on for the most part.

I'm not exactly sure how you would emphasize female orgasm outside of squirting, though. It can be pretty difficult to tell when it happens for some women, unless you're physically close to her or know her well enough to know how her body reacts.

sd, please don't laugh at me for asking this question, but what exactly do you mean by "foreplay?" that is one of those sexual terms that i have never actually understood the meaning of???

Foreplay is supposed to be everything that happens before the guy sticks his dick up the woman's cunt. I really think it's a horrible term, though, because it assumes that it should be the final and main point of sex. There's so much more to enjoy.

 

[satindesire]

yes that is probably true, which is only more evidence to my dimness on the subject, not to mention my general senility (lol).

so foreplay is erotic stuff done with the purpose or intent of getting someone "in the mood," or as Kybele kindly added, "aroused." i guess i was confused on whether or not people are referring to specific activities when they talk about foreplay, at least now i know that isn't the case. as a sex worker i have had a few clients ask me, "do you enjoy foreplay?" and i never know how to answer because i have no clue exactly what they're asking.

on a side note, is being "in the mood" for sex really such a big deal?...at least from the submissive side of the equation, we are basically there to serve and to be used..no arousal required for that.

That's a subject best talked about in another thread.

But when it comes to my relationship, arousal is necessary becasue he's quite well-endowed and intercourse is basically impossible without me being ready. He's torn me bloody a few times.

I may be a submissive, but if you break your toys, you can't play with them anymore.

 

[satindesire]

I've definately seen porn with as much as 20 minutes of nothing by kissing and stroking through clothes, before anything even got taken off. I've also seen porn that was nothing but blowjobs and cunt/ass fucking. There's so much porn out there that you can't really generalize anything. There's even porn where the people keep their clothes on for the most part.

Yes, everyone is different, but there are some sexual similarities that almost all people share when it comes to sex.

Yes, "you've seen porn" with yadda yadda. I've mentioned several times that my issue is with hardcore MAINSTREAM porn. I have -never- seen female orgasm, foreplay or any length of cunnilingus in hardcore mainstream porn. EVER.

Another thing: I can make myself squirt without having a vaginal or g-spot orgasm. So, squirting does not necessarily equal orgasm.

 

[infinity706]

heh... my gay friend would beg to differ on that front having suffered from anal prolapse

and yes. I'm as pure as the driven snow.


I think you answered your question in the first sentence.

I get what you are saying about young guys, but my pity is tempered by the knowledge that they will end up at the top of the socio/cultural hierarchy.

He might have suffered from anal prolapse whether he'd ever had anal or not. It doesn't really have an increased risk in people that practice anal and those that don't.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I'm not exactly sure how you would emphasize female orgasm outside of squirting, though. It can be pretty difficult to tell when it happens for some women, unless you're physically close to her or know her well enough to know how her body reacts.

Foreplay is supposed to be everything that happens before the guy sticks his dick up the woman's cunt. I really think it's a horrible term, though, because it assumes that it should be the final and main point of sex. There's so much more to enjoy.

thanks for the graphic explanation of foreplay, lol.

i wanted to piggyback your comment about orgasm being difficult to detect in many women, and the fact that most men do not seem to be aware of the fact that every woman is different. mainstream porn does nothing to help this, with most people doing the exact same things in the exact same ways, and the women all responding exactly the same.

i have only had a few orgasms in my adult sexual life, and they were all pretty calm. no one, my Master included, has ever been able to detect my orgasms.

 

[infinity706]

Yes, everyone is different, but there are some sexual similarities that almost all people share when it comes to sex.

Yes, "you've seen porn" with yadda yadda. I've mentioned several times that my issue is with hardcore MAINSTREAM porn. I have -never- seen female orgasm, foreplay or any length of cunnilingus in hardcore mainstream porn. EVER.

I guess that depends on what you consider "mainstream." If you're talking professional paysites, yes, I've seen all of those. Is it common? No, not really, but it's out there. It probably won't be the first porn link you click, though, because it's relatively rare.

 

[Netzach]

no of course I don't. and whilst I accept that the youngish middle-aged, middle class white man is the most powerful on the planet, I don't believe that they are therefore the worst kind of person either. you get people acting like dicks irrespective of gender, social class or sexual orientation and whilst it is true that many young men are misunderstood, they are already overprivileged, especially if they are also white. Do we divert even more resources their way?

If the resource is "here is how to actually listen to each other and talk to each other, 15-18 year old people" I think it's fine. I think it can be addressed and work across the board - there are people working on this from harvard bound prep to prison - I think it's really the thing that could save us. The problem is in what happens when you connect anything but punishment to sex in a publicly funded program. We love our punishment.

 

[satindesire]

I guess that depends on what you consider "mainstream." If you're talking professional paysites, yes, I've seen all of those. Is it common? No, not really, but it's out there. It probably won't be the first porn link you click, though, because it's relatively rare.

Mainstream porn. Big stars. Jenna Jameson, Steven St. Croix, larger budgets.

Bleach blonde, fake tits, take tan, fake nails. You -know- what I'm talking about. No amateur gonzo "girlfriend giving me head in the car" stuff.

 

[ownedsubgal]

But when it comes to my relationship, arousal is necessary becasue he's quite well-endowed and intercourse is basically impossible without me being ready. He's torn me bloody a few times.

I may be a submissive, but if you break your toys, you can't play with them anymore.

sd, actually i can relate to your issue. Daddy is well-endowed also and significantly thicker than his own wrist. extremely sexy to look at, not so much to have yanking out your insides. when i am physically aroused, it is much easier to take him and much easier for him to fully penetrate me, so i get what you are saying. but he happens to very much enjoy the sensation of "ripping me open," as he says, so my arousal is not necessary for his sexual pleasure. as for my girlie bits, they always heal.

 

[satindesire]

sd, actually i can relate to your issue. Daddy is well-endowed also and significantly thicker than his own wrist. extremely sexy to look at, not so much to have yanking out your insides. when i am physically aroused, it is much easier to take him and much easier for him to fully penetrate me, so i get what you are saying. but he happens to very much enjoy the sensation of "ripping me open," as he says, so my arousal is not necessary for his sexual pleasure. as for my girlie bits, they always heal.

Every relationship is different. *shrug* Mister almost always makes sure I come first, before he does. He finds the sensation of my orgasm very pleasurable, and likes the ego boost knowing that he can bring me to orgasm with such regularity and ease. I suffer from an auto-immune disease that prevents me from healing cuts, tears, abrasions, etc with any alacrity, so he doesn't like hurting me because I am viciously prone to infection and slow healing.

Again, if you break your toys, you can't play with them. And he wants intercourse, prefers it to anything else.

I get the benefit of being sexually satisfied on a regular basis, which makes me a happier and more relaxed person.

YMMV.

 

[infinity706]

Mainstream porn. Big stars. Jenna Jameson, Steven St. Croix, larger budgets.

Bleach blonde, fake tits, take tan, fake nails. You -know- what I'm talking about. No amateur gonzo "girlfriend giving me head in the car" stuff.

Yes, I've seen porn like that. I've also seen porn with good lighting, quality equipment, likely a professional studio, and still included plenty of kissing, stroking, cunt lapping, and anything else you might like. There is good porn out there that's not amateur.

 

[satindesire]

Yes, I've seen porn like that. I've also seen porn with good lighting, quality equipment, likely a professional studio, and still included plenty of kissing, stroking, cunt lapping, and anything else you might like. There is good porn out there that's not amateur.

That's good, too bad it's not the majority of porn.

 

[Netzach]

There's even fetish content gone mainstream - I'd call the Vivid stuff pretty damn mainstream.

I'd also rather watch my cat lick herself, but YMMV.

 

[00Syd]

as someone who doesn't even wholly believe in the "pms" thing, it shocks me to type this...but you really do come across as moody and hormonally imbalanced. your responses are just so wildly out of proportion to the tenor of the discussion that i'm not buying it's the real "you." at least, i hope not.

So... then you aren't interested in any suggested further readings?

the issue is that sex positive and safe sex ed is often in tension with most porn.

Of course it's in tension with most porn, but that doesn't mean that it's value is negated. Which is why the entire question, in my opinion, is besides the point.

 

[midwestyankee]

There's even fetish content gone mainstream - I'd call the Vivid stuff pretty damn mainstream.

I'd also rather watch my cat lick herself, but YMMV.

How far are we from LOLCats Go Wild!!!! I wonder.

 

[ownedsubgal]

That's good, too bad it's not the majority of porn.

when i'm surfing for porn, as i do quite often, i have to surf through a heaping ton of the mainstream stuff to find the juicy naughty little things that i like and find acceptable. so in this weeding process i am at times even turning my eyes away in disgust because of all the fake uberloud moaning and groaning from females and cunnilingus galore. these two things turn me off more than anything else, and you just cannot get away from them in mainstream porn. so i guess we both have just been surfing some of the wrong places.

 

[satindesire]

How far are we from LOLCats Go Wild!!!! I wonder.

*snoooort*

when i'm surfing for porn, as i do quite often, i have to surf through a heaping ton of the mainstream stuff to find the juicy naughty little things that i like and find acceptable. so in this weeding process i am at times even turning my eyes away in disgust because of all the fake uberloud moaning and groaning from females and cunnilingus galore. these two things turn me off more than anything else, and you just cannot get away from them in mainstream porn. so i guess we both have just been surfing some of the wrong places.

I stopped watching porn a long time ago, just for this reason. There's just no point in it. I shouldn't have to dig for an hour and a half just for three minutes' worth of self-gratification.

 

[MisterSir]

I want to say I'm enjoying the proliferation of YMMV. Sums up everything within BDSM so very nicely and in only four letters.

on a side note, is being "in the mood" for sex really such a big deal?...at least from the submissive side of the equation, we are basically there to serve and to be used..no arousal required for that.

Although Satin's right that a question like this probably warrants it's own thread, my views are pretty concise: It's not absolutely necessary, but much more often than not I want the submissive to enjoy herself as well (for many reasons).

 

[Keroin]

Probably not the best-equipped person to answer this question, but at least I can get a correction if I'm wrong - I've interpreted "foreplay" as "things that occur before penetrative or oral sex to ensure one's partner is in the right mood, physically and mentally", making it one of those wonderful things that differs depending on your partner.

Foreplay is generally thought of as cuddling, caressing, kissing (making out, etc), manual stimulation, disrobing, oral sex, and the like that PRECEDES intercourse.

Ah, you forgot the part about watching a Clive Owen movie. Very important part of the foreplay sequence.

 

[satindesire]

Ah, you forgot the part about watching a Clive Owen movie. Very important part of the foreplay sequence.

Nah. Patrick Stewart.

 

[MisterSir]

Nah. Patrick Stewart.

You're both wrong: Iron Man 2. Scarlett Johansson for the guys, RDJ for the girls (mostly) and Mickey Rourke for the crazy.

 

[Keroin]

You're both wrong: Iron Man 2. Scarlett Johansson for the guys, RDJ for the girls (mostly) and Mickey Rourke for the crazy.

No, Harvey Kietel for the crazy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Something like "can you submit to a younger Dom" - 3 in four answers will be "hell no"

You think that's because of sexism?

I think its because of worries about a young person's abilities to take care of himself-- or herself-- not to mention taking care of a sub. If I were to entrust myself to someone's authority they had damn well better have authority over themselves.

 

[midwestyankee]

I really had no idea what would happen once I started this thread and watching it unfold has been fascinating.

One element that is encouraging to me is that while some have offered up the opinion or even some evidence that porn watching can lead to dysfunctional sex, others have struck off in somewhat different directions and have added some very useful and stimulating ideas.

As I've considered the question since first posting this, my guess is that the influence of today's widely available porn seems to be little different from the porn and erotica enjoyed by previous generations. But because it's more easily available to both boys and girls, the incidence of dickwad fucking may be a tad higher than it used to be.

In the absence of good information, people in search of knowledge will pick the low-hanging fruit. Not one person here (I think this is correct; if not, please remind me) has posted in praise of any organized (i.e., through school or church0 sex ed experience he or she received outside of the home. That creates the vacuum that porn and erotica and locker room talk have always filled.