How did you discover your kink?

[Mtnmike]

This!! The one time last year, it might have been my last attempt at saving anything, I asked him if he would help me realize a fantasy I've had forever. He heard the word "fantasy," assumed from the start it was something super perverted, and he shut down the conversation right away. And that's when he killed the last bit of love I might have had for him.

Now, if I asked the same thing of my sweetheart, he'd have had me tied down to the bed before I finished getting the question out of my mouth. I like that in a guy. Doesn't argue, he just does it because it would make his partner happy.

I wish partners were always this adventurous. How is it we end up so horribly mismatched? Well, I know how I did. That's a story for a different thread.

As it should be, people need not knock it, if they haven't tried it. Marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship, unfortunately some never see it that way. It's 2022, not 1952 guy's.

 

[Bbl87]

Looking back on it now all the telltale signs were there that we were mismatched.

That's one of the hard parts for me, in retrospect I feel like I should have realized it and kind of blame myself for not doing so. My wife has done a few things lately that have given me hope that maybe things might improve, but after 10 years it's a very guarded optimism.

 

[Wildfly11]

This!! The one time last year, it might have been my last attempt at saving anything, I asked him if he would help me realize a fantasy I've had forever. He heard the word "fantasy," assumed from the start it was something super perverted, and he shut down the conversation right away. And that's when he killed the last bit of love I might have had for him.

Now, if I asked the same thing of my sweetheart, he'd have had me tied down to the bed before I finished getting the question out of my mouth. I like that in a guy. Doesn't argue, he just does it because it would make his partner happy.

I wish partners were always this adventurous. How is it we end up so horribly mismatched? Well, I know how I did. That's a story for a different thread.

I hear you. Our relationship has always ended one way. Once one of my fantasies happened because pushed it other than that nothing...no sine of interest..no exploring questions..nothing.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

My wife has done a few things lately that have given me hope that maybe things might improve, but after 10 years it's a very guarded optimism.

Fingers crossed for you!!

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Once one of my fantasies happened because pushed it other than that nothing

My husband gave me the option, I guess, after he considered it awhile, but he wanted it done HIS way, or no way.

Um, that's not how MY fantasy should go. I really don't know what I was thinking anyway, asking to have him put in a position of such trust, when our relationship clearly lacks that. Some things, I would trust a neighbor to do more than I'd trust him.

Sad state of affairs. Now, where to find an affair? (I'm kidding! I have one already )

 

[Bbl87]

Fingers crossed for you!!

Appreciate it! She's initiated some things that she hasn't for quite awhile, and also started trying to work on her mental health (which I think has been her biggest barrier, but she hasn't wanted to do anything to address it). So, if things can sustain, I think it could be a BIG thing both for her and for us. Only time will tell, though.

Y'all might see a little less of me around here if things go well. It would definitely complicate some of my "friendships" on here, though.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Y'all might see a little less of me around here if things go well.

For this reason alone... I hope we see less of you!! Or, you could come back and brag, and let the rest of us live vicariously through you!

 

[Bbl87]

For this reason alone... I hope we see less of you!! Or, you could come back and brag, and let the rest of us live vicariously through you!

Haha, I don't think I'll ever leave completely, I like it here too much. Honestly, I do think some of the things I've learned here have probably helped me be a better lover for her (mainly helping me embrace a more dominant role when that's what she wants/needs).

 

[Wildfly11]

My husband gave me the option, I guess, after he considered it awhile, but he wanted it done HIS way, or no way.

Um, that's not how MY fantasy should go. I really don't know what I was thinking anyway, asking to have him put in a position of such trust, when our relationship clearly lacks that. Some things, I would trust a neighbor to do more than I'd trust him.

Sad state of affairs. Now, where to find an affair? (I'm kidding! I have one already )

I hear you. I always say the people at work care about me more than my wife and are willing to listen and express concern and support. I bow down to you having found an affair..I wish

 

[Wulffy]

For me my kinks have developed over the years. Via chats and experiences I’ve realized what really excites me. For example realizing how
Much I love having the submission offered to me and the orgasm control/edging offered to me. That developed that kink. Where I live to hear “ may I?” Or the times a sexy set of feet in my lap made me realize a foot job would be amazing and how it excites me. Those are just a couple of examples.

However I agree with the other posters if your partner kink shames you then you may become insecure about it.

Your kinks mature as you do.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

For me my kinks have developed over the years. Via chats and experiences I’ve realized what really excites me. For example realizing how
Much I love having the submission offered to me and the orgasm control/edging offered to me. That developed that kink. Where I live to hear “ may I?” Or the times a sexy set of feet in my lap made me realize a foot job would be amazing and how it excites me. Those are just a couple of examples.

However I agree with the other posters if your partner kink shames you then you may become insecure about it.

Your kinks mature as you do.

The shaming is real. I thought I was fairly confident in them, but had a big fight with the Frau a month ago. She called me a pervert! I was taken aback. Instantly shook. She acted like she hasn’t been a willing participant in these all this time!

Now I’m caught between dialing it back or just go full blown dungeon on her.

 

[Slappyslapowitz]

BDSM and wife sharing/candaulism. My wife is a sub and introduced me to BDSM which I love now. We were at universal studios in FL several years ago hanging out at the pool. She went to the bar the grab us a couple drinks where a couple guys were really hitting on her. Really turned me on watching her flirt a bit, but say no. Was the beginning of the wife sharing kink(we've never shared her, she's not into it) but did lead to my candualism kink and posting naughty pics.

 

[BiBunny]

Lit is how I discovered most of my stuff. The rest was trial and error.

I didn't get the Internet until I was nearly 18, anyway, because my parents and I lived in the backwoods. (Then, it took me a few months to find Lit, and I actually was 18 by then, so it was all very kosher.) I realized I was both bisexual and a switch by reading Lit stories.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

#swingerlife , mixers , crossover events where different sexual tribes meet and mingle as couples

Lit has been interesting as far as the online versions of different kinks read or play out.

 

[emme8]

My college boyfriend taught me to appreciate the penthouse letters. This was the early days of dial- up internet.
Then I had read all of Anne Rice's vampire novels, then stumbled into her Sleeping Beauty series (under Anne Roquelaure). I was hooked on submission.
Then Bob opens up about his desires to be dominated and I love him by developing a dominant side.

 

[Goldenfinger]

People marry without knowing themselves or their partners.
They also tend to think that their partners are some kind of DIY project and/or that marriage magically transforms people and relationships.
And people do change with time and life - just not always the way we or they had thought/wanted.

Some people marry because they are afraid to be alone. They are afraid to let go of the bird in the hand to find the one in the bush.

 

[BackwoodsMama]

I found a few my kinks through exploration in general. I was young when I first tried double penetration with a toy and my fingers at the direction of an AIM chat. I orgasmed so hard I was shaky. That helped me see that anal isn’t weird.

I found my breeding, lactation, bareback, pregnancy kink on here. It was an instant turn on and my main fantasy.

I’m currently exploring more rough sex/submission kinks. My partner sometimes has PE issues, so it’s not always easy to get rough sex from him, but I love it when he pulls my hair or slaps my ass and cums in me while pounding me hard.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Me and my wife found them together, and some I didn’t even know was kink until told.

 

[sweettalk4u]

How did you discover your kink?

Not sure if this counts as a kink or not but for me I started to notice that I found girls wearing chokers more attractive than when they weren't, it took me a while to narrow it down to that being the reason.

I also found my taste in porn gravitated more and more towards girls getting dominated, to girls getting fucked with machines (they were always bound somehow), and then I began to realize my tastes revolved around submissive girls (or girls that become willingly overpowered) that lose themselves to submission and pleasure.

My preferences eventually started to merge into my sex life with binding, toys, choking and use of mj (all consensual).

So I guess for me it's someone giving me complete trust to play with, to choke and to control for the pursuit of pleasure.

So how did you discover your kink?

Years ago I had been on fetlife for awhile trying to hookup not realizing it was all about the lifestyle. Then a woman took me as my mentor and a kinkster was born!

 

[IrisAlthea]

Some people marry because they are afraid to be alone. They are afraid to let go of the bird in the hand to find the one in the bush.

Yes.
Fear is indeed the mindkiller.

 

[Quitecurious]

Think I’ve just always had them (spanking, being controlled, light bondage). Had fantasies of things for a long time. Then more recent have been able to engage more fully in those things. Then experimented and discovered there are a few more things I like (anal play).

 

[NakedNymph]

I don't think I had a "normal", which is to say heteronormative and vanilla 'good girl', sexual awakening. Mine was tied pretty closely to the exhibitionism I love today, and with shattering the norms and traditional values I grew up with. It helped me learn to love my body and my identity.

Some of my other, less important kinks can get pretty extreme, more than I'm willing to impose on all your eyes without prior permission first, but I found them just by experimenting on my own, alone in private. I don't want to outright reject an idea without trying it first.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Which one? It’s kinda like a rabbit hole. Once you start you way it keeps going.

 

[Howardstark1910]

I am sorry to hear about your divorce, but this brings up a point; do you think it could have been possible to stay with her if you had re-worked out some of the details of the marriage? For example, she would be allowed to have sex with whomever (and whenever) she wanted, while you would remain her loving companion and partner and share emotional intimacy and romance, if not sex. So in other words, you would be HER cuck/beta/wimp, and there would still be platonic, even romantic, love between the two of you, while of course she would use other lovers for pure sexual satisfaction. I ask this, because I suspect many men in your situation still do love their wives and want to be with them even if they can no longer sexually satisfy them. And hopefully the same is true of the woman; they may love their cuck husbands even if they no longer choose to sleep with them.

I approached this with her when she revealed the affair. (I had an erection the whole time btw. Every when I cried a little.). I Asked her if I could change or do anything to make her stay. I even talked about making sure she was satisfied ANY way. She realized my offer and gave me a disgusted look. Then she told me nothing would work. I half expected her to make me eat her out right then to prove it.

 

[xdresssissytoes]

When looking at porn in adolescence, I always identified with being the submissive/used female.