I am a bit confused about being "sub curious"

[00Syd]

It sounds like you are probably submissive in a similar way to me. I felt submissive and had those desires but was dating a guy for a long time that didn't bring it out because he wasn't into it, and then I was dating a guy for a while who I felt like I had to take care of which was a huge turn-off. And now I'm finally with someone who brings out my submissiveness, but for a long time I had a whole bunch of hang-ups about it because it turned out that my personal brand of submission was super different from what I expected submission to look like. Shit, I still get a little stressed about it sometimes.

I think Rida put it really well. Submission takes all shapes and sizes and your particular shape and size might not look like what you expected it to, but learn to embrace it. It was difficult for me because I kept trying to force myself into a role that didn't fit, but now that I've managed to accept myself and be happy with the way I am, everything just keeps getting better. Another big thing I've learned is to not second guess yourself.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Now you're not repressing it. You should by all means dive into exploring it. Just be careful, like you sound like you already are.



Ah, misread you. We have our moments when we club people, and folks occasionally complain about it. That's what I thought you were saying, basically.

I don't hang around other sections, hell I barely have time to keep up with this one some weeks, so I can't speak to those places.

I have seen the clubbings too. LMAO!!

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

I'll fuck at whim, but it took me about a decade for one person I was with to elicit a submissive response. I've never had the requisite confidence in anyone who also had the gestalt of someone who could dominate me. I trust M with life and limb, but he's totally NOT alpha in relation to me. I trust H with life and limb, but likewise, there's no question who's in charge. With T, I always *could* switch, I am Dominant to him whenever I want. But I suddenly had this desire to NOT want and NOT be.

I've never been really interested in submitting in the abstract, and it just worked. My sense of identity is still pretty much that I'm Dominant, so I don't really spend that much time with the "you aren't really submissive" stigma. I'm like "you're right, with you I'm not."

Take as much freaking time as you want, IMO. Some people are really unguarded and really forward with submission and really eager to play with and serve and please without a big head drama attached to it. Thank God - I like that as a Domme. But sometimes it's a decade-long thing.

I feel that way too often! and you are right, I need to take my time.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

GFT


There are as many different type of submissive and submissions as the women that embrace it. Find what works for you. And do not get stuck on a label. You might be overall submissive but still a Sadist, or not into service and yet not a Switch, you could be an overall Dominant that is also masochist and enjoys getting beat up by her sub and still not be a Switch. Or you could be a Switch that switch within the same relationship. Or sub with some and Dom with other kind of Switch.

Find your the shape of your snowflake and enjoy it.

I have been dominant, I just dont prefer it.

I feel like I am dominant a lot in my day to day situations. I want to give that control over in my sex life.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

It sounds like you are probably submissive in a similar way to me. I felt submissive and had those desires but was dating a guy for a long time that didn't bring it out because he wasn't into it, and then I was dating a guy for a while who I felt like I had to take care of which was a huge turn-off. And now I'm finally with someone who brings out my submissiveness, but for a long time I had a whole bunch of hang-ups about it because it turned out that my personal brand of submission was super different from what I expected submission to look like. Shit, I still get a little stressed about it sometimes.

I think Rida put it really well. Submission takes all shapes and sizes and your particular shape and size might not look like what you expected it to, but learn to embrace it. It was difficult for me because I kept trying to force myself into a role that didn't fit, but now that I've managed to accept myself and be happy with the way I am, everything just keeps getting better. Another big thing I've learned is to not second guess yourself.

Only certain men have brought out the urge to be submissive in me. I have never really acted on it.

I also am finding that what I read here, what my urges are and what I always thought submission was are all completely different.

 

[LittleMissMafia]

You nailed it!

I have been curious and interested in being a sub for over 20 years, I just repressed it.





I just think the people in the BDSM area are easier to talk to and seem to not be as judgmental.

The BDSM areas here have been a constant source of learning for my partner and I, and very HOT!!!! its nice knowing that you can find out all sorts of intimate things that you cant find elsewhere, and not be scorned or ridiculed for it. Not to mention the scorching HOT convo's you can get up to here!!!!

 

[ZRT]

Only certain men have brought out the urge to be submissive in me. I have never really acted on it.

I also am finding that what I read here, what my urges are and what I always thought submission was are all completely different.

You have an awesome journey ahead of you, because when you do discover what you love, it'll be the first time.

That's pretty cool.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

You have an awesome journey ahead of you, because when you do discover what you love, it'll be the first time.

That's pretty cool.

I hope it is. It will be interesting at the very least.

 

[Adakgirl]

my thought is should you not trust every guy you are with???

Actually no you shouldn't. you have to extend a little trust up front in order to feel comfortable enough to give a guy your ph# or go out on a first date with him but then it has to be earned built and maintained. Trust can be a very dangerous thing and come back to hurt you if you just give it to every guy you are with.

I certainly don't have to trust a man completely to have sex with him. But I would have to have a whole lot of trust in him if he wanted to tie me up.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Actually no you shouldn't. you have to extend a little trust up front in order to feel comfortable enough to give a guy your ph# or go out on a first date with him but then it has to be earned built and maintained. Trust can be a very dangerous thing and come back to hurt you if you just give it to every guy you are with.

I certainly don't have to trust a man completely to have sex with him. But I would have to have a whole lot of trust in him if he wanted to tie me up.

Quoted for truth.

A lot of men who claim to be doms are selfish, narcissistic, inexperienced and insensitive. You are extremely vulnerable it you let someone you don't know very well tie you up and hit you. He can do a lot of damage on a lot of levels - both physical and psychological.

 

[JMohegan]

Actually no you shouldn't. you have to extend a little trust up front in order to feel comfortable enough to give a guy your ph# or go out on a first date with him but then it has to be earned built and maintained. Trust can be a very dangerous thing and come back to hurt you if you just give it to every guy you are with.

I certainly don't have to trust a man completely to have sex with him. But I would have to have a whole lot of trust in him if he wanted to tie me up.

Every woman I've ever fucked, I would have been able to tie up - whether she wanted me to or not.

Alone and unarmed with an unscrupulous guy is alone and unarmed with an unscrupulous guy - no matter what words come out of your mouth.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Actually no you shouldn't. you have to extend a little trust up front in order to feel comfortable enough to give a guy your ph# or go out on a first date with him but then it has to be earned built and maintained. Trust can be a very dangerous thing and come back to hurt you if you just give it to every guy you are with.

I certainly don't have to trust a man completely to have sex with him. But I would have to have a whole lot of trust in him if he wanted to tie me up.

I agree!

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Quoted for truth.

A lot of men who claim to be doms are selfish, narcissistic, inexperienced and insensitive. You are extremely vulnerable it you let someone you don't know very well tie you up and hit you. He can do a lot of damage on a lot of levels - both physical and psychological.

Every woman I've ever fucked, I would have been able to tie up - whether she wanted me to or not.

Alone and unarmed with an unscrupulous guy is alone and unarmed with an unscrupulous guy - no matter what words come out of your mouth.

which is why anything I do will be approached, very slowly and very cautiously. Even then, there are no guarantees.

 

[ZRT]

which is why anything I do will be approached, very slowly and very cautiously. Even then, there are no guarantees.

Yup.

But then, that's life in general. And there are risks for doms, too. An unstable woman with bruises on her can do a lot of damage to your life and livelihood should she decide to check in at the local precinct.

Just gotta be careful all around.