I'm sorry to have to tell you this.

[jason28053]

Single and ready to mingle! I have the sexiest emu legs you've ever seen.

I’m a visual person, so I’m gonna need some proof

 

[Garnate]

I’m a visual person, so I’m gonna need some proof

I'm on Google Image Search.

 

[jason28053]

I'm on Google Image Search.

Are you the one in the commercials too? Do we have a celebrity on our hands?

 

[Garnate]

Are you the one in the commercials too? Do we have a celebrity on our hands?

I'm not one to toot my own horn. Obvs.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I'm on Google Image Search.

I found myself in a very questionable corner of the Internet and cannot keep it to myself

 

[Garnate]

I found myself in a very questionable corner of the Internet and cannot keep it to myself

That's my ex. She's a bitch and a whore.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

That's my ex. She's a bitch and a whore.

So she put out, yeah?

 

[Garnate]

So she put out, yeah?

Shoot your shot!

 

[LustfulIntentions2]

This is Garnate's cousin's pet emu and I didn't want to be the one to have to do this, but Garnate has died.

She was beautiful and kind and an amazing dancer. Probably the best dancer to ever dance. Her vagina smelled only of red currant essential oil and was naturally hairless.

We met in high-school 128 years ago and she has been the greatest person any of you have ever known. And when she slapped you, you just knew she did it with love. She loved slapping people out of love. She loved love. And was easily the best person at love that ever loved.

She had such deep, personal connections with all of you, except for you. She didn't really care for you, and you know who you are because she posted something funny once and you only liked it, not ha ha'd it.

She was cremated inside of her Challenger Shaker and will be dumped wistfully over Mar A Lago.

Fly with the angels, Garnate. We will all perish unceremoniously in your absence. We are nothing now that you are gone. We'll have to slap ourselves now.

We'll have to slap ourselves.

This is the palate cleanser I didn't even know I needed.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

This is the palate cleanser I didn't even know I needed.

Like cranberry juice?

 

[Mo_Bandy]

Dude, are you the emu from those annoying commercials with that pervert looking muh fucker? If so fuck off!

 

[mynameisben]

I never knew Garnate, but I do feel sorry for her emu.


Ben

 

[butters]

This is Garnate's cousin's pet emu and I didn't want to be the one to have to do this, but Garnate has died.

She was beautiful and kind and an amazing dancer. Probably the best dancer to ever dance. Her vagina smelled only of red currant essential oil and was naturally hairless.

We met in high-school 128 years ago and she has been the greatest person any of you have ever known. And when she slapped you, you just knew she did it with love. She loved slapping people out of love. She loved love. And was easily the best person at love that ever loved.

She had such deep, personal connections with all of you, except for you. She didn't really care for you, and you know who you are because she posted something funny once and you only liked it, not ha ha'd it.

She was cremated inside of her Challenger Shaker and will be dumped wistfully over Mar A Lago.

Fly with the angels, Garnate. We will all perish unceremoniously in your absence. We are nothing now that you are gone. We'll have to slap ourselves now.

We'll have to slap ourselves.

an exceedingly fine post

but i can't help feeling a tad disturbed: how does an emu know such intimate facts about the newly-deceased vagina? smacks of eewie stuff

Stop looking for plot holes, we're grieving here.

*holes

 

[Garnate]

how does an emu know such intimate facts about the newly-deceased vagina?

You don't wanna know. And I don't want to have to try to come up with something clever about it.

 

[tnman03]

Wow... there's sure been a lot of cremations going on here in Lit lately.

 

[butters]

You don't wanna know. And I don't want to have to try to come up with something clever about it.

i know you're just an emo, sorry, emu, but i did miss an 's' in there

'the newly-deceased's vagina'... wasn't trying to speak ill of the dead. i'd call her a cunt to her face and how we'd laugh....


i forgot to lump in the 'naturally hairless' comment, too, but forgot. too shocked... Death's so fickle-fingered and now it all goes necro. just... no

 

[Nevyn_Black]

*smiles smugly* I have proof that she wasnt ever real and I will never share it with anyone. I will however make snide and cryptic comments until everyone gets sick of me.

 

[Garnate]

Wow... there's sure been a lot of cremations going on here in Lit lately.

It's all the red-hot vaginas.

 

[Garnate]

i know you're just an emo, sorry, emu, but i did miss an 's' in there

'the newly-deceased's vagina'... wasn't trying to speak ill of the dead. i'd call her a cunt to her face and how we'd laugh....

Your slight blunder is forgiven. The cunt would've wanted it that way.

 

[Garnate]

*smiles smugly* I have proof that she wasnt ever real and I will never share it with anyone. I will however make snide and cryptic comments until everyone gets sick of me.

Well heyyyyyy, stranger!

 

[Nevyn_Black]

Well heyyyyyy, stranger!

I do not know you Mr. Emu.

 

[Garnate]

I do not know you Mr. Emu.

Oh shit. I knew I'd fuck up this ruse eventually...

 

[butters]

Your slight blunder is forgiven. The cunt would've wanted it that way.

i think i need a whiskey... processing forgiveness by an emu is a novel experience.

 

[Nevyn_Black]

Oh shit. I knew I'd fuck up this ruse eventually...

*gasps* Y-you mean that you LIED about all of this??!!! For shame and I am devastated. Titty pics in my inbox might console me.

 

[Acktion]

It was the pumpkin spice, wasn't it. I tried to tell her that anything she craved that much couldn't be good.