Is there a lawyer in the house?

[Quasimodem]

Are you are having a bad day?

Imagine this:

You are a Siamese Twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder is gay. You are not. He has a date coming over tonight. You only have one ass.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Are you are having a bad day?

You are a Siamese Twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder is gay. You are not. He has a date coming over tonight. You only have one ass.

Dear Quaz,
That scenario could only come from a badly disturbed mind. I worry about you.
MG

 

[Quasimodem]

As a working writer, I try to experience one truly psychotic episode every day.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: Are you are having a bad day?

Imagine this:

You are a Siamese Twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder is gay. You are not. He has a date coming over tonight. You only have one ass.

Yeah, but what about the gay twin, isn't he supposed to get any action at all? The very least they could do would be to become bisexual.

 

[Quasimodem]

Yeah, but what about the gay twin, isn't he supposed to get any action at all? The very least they could do would be to become bisexual.

Different POV!

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Are you are having a bad day?

The very least they could do would be to become bisexual.

Dear Quaz and Svenska,
I think we have an unprecedented problem in semantics, here. It would probably require the Supreme Court to settle, and people would still be pissed off about it.
MG

 

[Quasimodem]

Are you are having a bad day?

Dear Quaz and Svenska,
I think we have an unprecedented problem in semantics, here. It would probably require the Supreme Court to settle, and people would still be pissed off about it.
MG

Judging by precedent, The Supreme Court would appoint the asshole to power.

 

[MathGirl]

No, a judge would probably rule that the asshole could have visits on alternate weekends.
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

That would mean that somewhere out there, there is a couple of giant siamese twins, sharing Bush as a very special body part... *vomits*

 

[Quasimodem]

The Most Sheer Lingerie

A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.

"This is $200," she says.
"I want one that's more sheer," says he.
"This one is $350."
"I want it even more sheer than that."
"This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500."
"I'll take it!"

The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference."

So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs.

"So, how do you like it?" she asks. Her husband then complains, " Well Damn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the damn thing!"

 

[ffreak]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken,

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----
P = The problem logged by the pilot S = The solution and action taken by the engineers

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget............

 

[Svenskaflicka]

ffreak, those flight jokes are wonderful!!!

ROFL