Isolated blurts about Sex etc

I've been pretty excited about date night, lately. We set aside time for a date and things didn't go well so we pushed it back. We've actually pushed the date back by weeks.

This weekend also seems difficult and I fear date night will be pushed back again. Originally, tomorrow was supposed to be the day, but Mister requested we have it tonight to make room for another event tomorrow. I said ok and have been making the plans. He then tells me, after I've agreed to move the date that he will be working late. :(

I think date night is going to be postponed, again. Even so, I'll get dolled up and hope I don't waste makeup.

Edit: crud, wrong thread. I was hoping after our date we could bone like crazy.

Edit II: crud not crude (-。-;
Also, we had fun several times and again the next morning. It was much needed.
 
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Yeah, I actually think I can relate to this. Sigh.

:rose:


Me, too. It's so tiresome. I was out with my friends last night, who don't know anything about me, really, because they are my fun, "mom" friends. Two started talking about 50 Shades of Grey even after I had begged them all not to read it and provided an alternate reading list. One admitted she's never read any kind of smut. I wanted to either bang my head on the table or stand on it, hand over heart, and confess everything.

That would have made for an interesting pick up at the elementary school today. :rolleyes:
 
Me, too. It's so tiresome. I was out with my friends last night, who don't know anything about me, really, because they are my fun, "mom" friends. Two started talking about 50 Shades of Grey even after I had begged them all not to read it and provided an alternate reading list. One admitted she's never read any kind of smut. I wanted to either bang my head on the table or stand on it, hand over heart, and confess everything.

That would have made for an interesting pick up at the elementary school today. :rolleyes:

Yeah, this. Lately for me it's been a hearty argument that weighs and questions my needs in general because of the limits I seem to need to also live within. I sometimes wish I can just forget that I crave and ache for certain things, then I could be free of the want for them. They would not have to sit like white knuckles in my throat when asked by someone, "what's on your mind?".

I guess my line of what is protective and sensible vs suppressive and limiting seems to be shifting around a bit these days.
 
Yeah, this. Lately for me it's been a hearty argument that weighs and questions my needs in general because of the limits I seem to need to also live within. I sometimes wish I can just forget that I crave and ache for certain things, then I could be free of the want for them. They would not have to sit like white knuckles in my throat when asked by someone, "what's on your mind?".

I guess my line of what is protective and sensible vs suppressive and limiting seems to be shifting around a bit these days.



I could have written this. :rose:
 
Yeah, this. Lately for me it's been a hearty argument that weighs and questions my needs in general because of the limits I seem to need to also live within. I sometimes wish I can just forget that I crave and ache for certain things, then I could be free of the want for them. They would not have to sit like white knuckles in my throat when asked by someone, "what's on your mind?".

I guess my line of what is protective and sensible vs suppressive and limiting seems to be shifting around a bit these days.

I can relate to the internal conflict. The realization that I want to be sexually dominated with aggressive sex seems to be akin to opening Pandora’s box. :(

I used to be independent, assertive, self contained, and emotionally aloof. My new sexual self seems to be needy, emotional, bratty, and demanding. All things that I hate.

The worst part is that I’m losing my ability to keep the two sides separate. My sexual personality seems to want to take over in real life. My poor SO can’t figure out how to handle the new me. All this neediness is soooo not the personality he signed up for.

I'm starting to doubt this is going to turn out well.... ~ Sad ~
 
I can relate to the internal conflict...

I'm starting to doubt this is going to turn out well.... ~ Sad ~

I wish I had some nugget of reassurance for you, but only you can know your path and where you want to grow from here. It's really ok to not know what to do in a big picture way exactly... I find in those moments that it's easier to dumb it down to just doing the next thing. When it stops adding something to both of your lives, then pause and maybe make some new choices if you need to. But not knowing where it is going CAN be fun, if you are able to share it with wonder instead of focused on or white knuckled to fear.

And for the record, despite my best efforts...no, I am not so great at letting go of the doubts and fears. I seem to need more reassurance than I have the tolerance for, which secures me in my seemingly favored chair of uncertainty and doubt. I also find that in the rare spaces my deep arousal is tripped, I feel revealed and vulnerable in my natural responses. This always seems to inspire a scramble to cover it back up or deny that it happened that is becoming as frustratingly reliable as the ocean tide.

Again, I can't say I can offer any help as I truly wish I understood it better myself. I am hoping other, much wiser voices here can offer some insight or advice for you. In the mean time, I can share my mango, kiwi, and strawberry fruit salad with you, as it is pretty good.

:rose:
 
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Thanks. :rose: It does help to know that what I'm experiencing isn't completely insane.

And I couldn't have expressed this any better with a 1000 words.

< I seem to need more reassurance than I have the tolerance for, which secures me in my seemingly favored chair of uncertainty and doubt. I also find that in the rare spaces my deep arousal is tripped, I feel revealed and vulnerable in my natural responses. This always seems to inspire a scramble to cover it back up or deny that it happened that is becoming as frustratingly reliable as the ocean tide. >

Its as though all your emotional defenses are stripped bare, one agonizing layer at a time. Feeling insecure is not a sensation I relish, or find even remotely tolerable.

I'm having a much more difficult time with all this than my SO (somewhat ironic under the circumstances. :rolleyes: ) He says he doesn't mind my new bursts of neediness. I wish I could bring myself to believe him. I'm afraid I'd be repulsed if he exhibited similar behavior.

Surely things will smooth out at some point. For now, I'm upping my exercise and cutting out all sugar to help level my mood, but its still a bit of a roller coaster. The dichotomy between wanting and not wanting control is a struggle to house in the same psyche. At least for me.

< In the mean time, I can share my mango, kiwi, and strawberry fruit salad with you, as it is pretty good. :rose: >

Well that's mighty nice of you! :) Thanks!
 
This is not the complaint it seems to be, as on balance my life is pretty damned good right now, but it has been far too long since I've put a woman into tears with my belt and then receive a thoroughly marvelous blowjob in gratitude.
 
I can relate to the internal conflict. The realization that I want to be sexually dominated with aggressive sex seems to be akin to opening Pandora’s box. :(

I used to be independent, assertive, self contained, and emotionally aloof. My new sexual self seems to be needy, emotional, bratty, and demanding. All things that I hate.

The worst part is that I’m losing my ability to keep the two sides separate. My sexual personality seems to want to take over in real life. My poor SO can’t figure out how to handle the new me. All this neediness is soooo not the personality he signed up for.

I'm starting to doubt this is going to turn out well.... ~ Sad ~

There are always going to be needier, more emotional and demanding times. People never stay consistently the personality we signed up for except when they do and then they bore us to tears and other adventures.
I think this is why the for better or for worse clause was developed.
 
There are always going to be needier, more emotional and demanding times. People never stay consistently the personality we signed up for except when they do and then they bore us to tears and other adventures.
I think this is why the for better or for worse clause was developed.

So true. The foundation of acceptance seems to be what supports sustainability best over the long term, and for that to exist it does have to begin with self.

Thanks. :rose:
 
The development of my sizekink is funny and/or interesting. As a kid I'd daydream about being a fairy or Borrower or what have you, and then around puberty I sort of reset and got into size differences of <1'. That's when my BDSM inclinations started coming out, though, so maybe I was just sorting through those. After a few years a difference of a 1' became ideal, and then 2-3' quickly became a stepping stone for 5', then 10', and then I started playing around with the idea of a ~40-50' difference, and then wound up finding myself enamored with characters that stood at no less than 120' at some point in college. Yesterday I wrote a sex scene between a 240' top and 5.5' bottom, after spending the past 6 months thinking that it couldn't be done.

But I did it! And it was fuckin' hot and I'm proud. |3

Something else I'm proud of is that this was my first time actually writing a trans nonbinary character. That felt really good too. I looked at the characters I made afterward, my new favorite couple, and thought to myself that I suddenly felt a little more real and legit seeing someone like me come out in something that I made.

It's like... you worked so hard to understand and accept yourself as a bird, but then you keep laying eggs and lizards come out. It's hard not to start thinking that well, maybe you were just a lizard this whole time.
 
The development of my sizekink is funny and/or interesting. As a kid I'd daydream about being a fairy or Borrower or what have you, and then around puberty I sort of reset and got into size differences of <1'. That's when my BDSM inclinations started coming out, though, so maybe I was just sorting through those. After a few years a difference of a 1' became ideal, and then 2-3' quickly became a stepping stone for 5', then 10', and then I started playing around with the idea of a ~40-50' difference, and then wound up finding myself enamored with characters that stood at no less than 120' at some point in college. Yesterday I wrote a sex scene between a 240' top and 5.5' bottom, after spending the past 6 months thinking that it couldn't be done.

But I did it! And it was fuckin' hot and I'm proud. |3

Something else I'm proud of is that this was my first time actually writing a trans nonbinary character. That felt really good too. I looked at the characters I made afterward, my new favorite couple, and thought to myself that I suddenly felt a little more real and legit seeing someone like me come out in something that I made.

It's like... you worked so hard to understand and accept yourself as a bird, but then you keep laying eggs and lizards come out. It's hard not to start thinking that well, maybe you were just a lizard this whole time.

Will there be a link one day? Or is the story just for your own consumption?
 
The development of my sizekink is funny and/or interesting. As a kid I'd daydream about being a fairy or Borrower or what have you, and then around puberty I sort of reset and got into size differences of <1'. That's when my BDSM inclinations started coming out, though, so maybe I was just sorting through those. After a few years a difference of a 1' became ideal, and then 2-3' quickly became a stepping stone for 5', then 10', and then I started playing around with the idea of a ~40-50' difference, and then wound up finding myself enamored with characters that stood at no less than 120' at some point in college. Yesterday I wrote a sex scene between a 240' top and 5.5' bottom, after spending the past 6 months thinking that it couldn't be done.

But I did it! And it was fuckin' hot and I'm proud. |3

Something else I'm proud of is that this was my first time actually writing a trans nonbinary character. That felt really good too. I looked at the characters I made afterward, my new favorite couple, and thought to myself that I suddenly felt a little more real and legit seeing someone like me come out in something that I made.

It's like... you worked so hard to understand and accept yourself as a bird, but then you keep laying eggs and lizards come out. It's hard not to start thinking that well, maybe you were just a lizard this whole time.

I'm guessing that in real life it's relatively difficult to find a partner who is 5 or 6 feet taller (or shorter) than you are. Yes?
 
Back on lit after a hiatus. Horny as hell and under a no-masturbation order!
 
I'm guessing that in real life it's relatively difficult to find a partner who is 5 or 6 feet taller (or shorter) than you are. Yes?

My hubs is actually an inch or two shorter than me, lol. But yeah when I get to jonesin', it's bad. Back before I was on my antidepressants I would actually talk about looking forward to dying so I wouldn't have to deal with these unsatisfiable cravings, or possibly have all my dreams come true in some kind of blissful kinky afterlife. Having a libido has, historically, left me either feeling like a crack addict or in abject misery. Usually one first and then the other, though.

ANYWAYS he and I have been working on a plan of attack for me for a few years now, and I think I've finally got him interested in text roleplaying. Encouraging his sadistic side IRL helps too.
 
I'd also be interested in reading if you want to share. :)

I will definitely be posting it up to fanfiction.net sometime soon and will link to it here when I do! Unfortunately, it is fanfic, so yalls might not get some of the deets and lingo used. :V
 
Sexy dreams about people who aren't your significant other are super irritating. Particularly when they're so splendid you wake up super heated, but there's no way you're getting any because work's a bitch and your s/o has an infection anyway -_-

Solace, thy name is Hitachi.
 
In the context of someone with whom I have been playing with— intimately and sexually— once in a while.

She sent me a love letter yesterday and I had to be real blunt about how although I enjoy playing and sexing her, I am not romantically attracted to her— or anyone at all for that matter.

I said we could be friends with bennies. She said she was sad that I couldn’t be in love and would wait till I was able to. I asked her to please not do that— I mean, fuck, what kind of trust do I have in someone who is just hanging out till I say yes? What good are they doing themselves?

So, I’m a-romantic, or grey-romantic, or maybe demi-romantic, although I have not had that experience yet but it could be a possibility.

And it struck me how much things have changed at least for me, in that girls used to be pressured into having sex… Sex isn’t the pressure here.

Hypersexual a-romantic sounds so much better than immoral slut... Although I'm sure there are plenty of people who still call me that.
 
I will definitely be posting it up to fanfiction.net sometime soon and will link to it here when I do! Unfortunately, it is fanfic, so yalls might not get some of the deets and lingo used. :V
Try archiveofourown.org
 
I will definitely be posting it up to fanfiction.net sometime soon and will link to it here when I do! Unfortunately, it is fanfic, so yalls might not get some of the deets and lingo used. :V

Does fan fiction.net still allow R+? I stopped going when they started their no 18+ system. :/
 
I will definitely be posting it up to fanfiction.net sometime soon and will link to it here when I do! Unfortunately, it is fanfic, so yalls might not get some of the deets and lingo used. :V

You could always post a short synopsis to clear up deets and lingo. :) Assuming that would help.

There only seems to be one story on Lit that comes up under Macrophilia. Am I searching wrong or is there really only the one?
 
Something about cuffs really just does it for me. They don't have to be attached to anything. Simply having them on turns me into a waterfall.

Mister is a little different, too.
 
I abuse this thread.

So... I finally bought some rope!!!

☆*:.。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆

I've been reading up on safety and watching tutorials on basic techniques for awhile now. Recently, I started showing Mister some of the basic videos on YouTube. He really wasn't showing much interest. I was getting frustrated hoping he'd see how much I wanted to do this. He didn't (I know better) so I bought some rope and decided to do some self bondage today. (≧∇≦)


It was so exciting! I practiced a chest harness and a full body harness. I decided that I would wear the chest harness under my clothes when Mister came home. I had just finished and went out to greet him when I realized I made it too tight. I haven't practiced enough to make it the right pressure for me. So I showed him the harness and embarrassingly untied it while he got more comfortable.

His interest was peaked and he started to ask me about the rope. I told him the full body harness was easier and I could tie it quickly. So Mister laid back and watched me tie myself up. I was a little embarrassed, but it was better than any foreplay.

Mister says he wants to learn to tie me up. He enjoyed the look and vowed to tease me mercilessly.

::sigh::

What a good night...:heart:
 
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