Just curious about how many married women turned sub during or after affair?

[Roughscrewu]

Some women were directly messaging me. So I guess the post has stirred up nostalgia. If the same traction continues we might have statistically significant results
However, it does seem that I have made an error in hypothesis thinking only 'professional' women are prone to this. To my surprise homemaker wives were also equally prone to this submissiveness with their lovers than their husbands.

I noticed it more with career wives

 

[Strixaluco]

Even many men career men are submissive, so it's no wonder if it's common among women.

 

[doctorukwife]

Sounds like a conflict between safety and security on the one hand and excitement on the other.
And that as we age with a partner we do so at times at different rates without particularly noticing.

Can you elaborate on the second line please?

 

[doctorukwife]

Even many men career men are submissive, so it's no wonder if it's common among women

I agree. Maybe it's like Yin-Yang. More control you exert in public, more control you want relinquish in private.

 

[doctorukwife]

Even when I chose subtitle below my pen name on this forum. I could have chosen anything else. But I still chose 'easy slut'. I see many women on forum having similar subtitles. Which is quite contrast to many dom men and their names. So it's I guess one's inner propensity too. And how it shifts with time.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Even when I chose subtitle below my pen name on this forum. I could have chosen anything else. But I still chose 'easy slut'. I see many women on forum having similar subtitles. Which is quite contrast to many dom men and their names. So it's I guess one's inner propensity too. And how it shifts with time.

So at this point, do you (or any other submissive woman responding in this thread) think it’s possible for your husband to play this dominant role in your life? Or is it too late?

This is assuming that your husband could magically flip the personality switch and become like the other guy.

 

[doctorukwife]

So at this point, do you (or any other submissive woman responding in this thread) think it’s possible for your husband to play this dominant role in your life? Or is it too late?

This is assuming that your husband could magically flip the personality switch and become like the other guy.

Dear Sir,
Really Good question.
I for one CAN NOT IMAGINE he whipping me like the dom or abusing me or tying me up. I think he is just too SWEET. I guess that's the word. Someone you can grow old with. Also because he is conservative Indian, I will NEVER TELL HIM about how I have been taken as SUB.

I do not speak for other women, but few have mentioned their husbands not being Dom.

Regards

 

[Strixaluco]

I know of one woman who made the shift from vanilla relationship to submitting to her husband.

Personally I found out in-between partners, so I found a man who is both a sweetheart - even my mother called him so - and dominating. They do exist, they may just be harder to find. I suspect some of them haven't even found themselves yet.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I was married-married (not counting the separated years with him) for 12 years, and during those years I desperately wanted him to be more dominant in the bedroom, so to speak.
Outside of the sex, he was a manly man.
But, he always acted on the submissive side during sex. It turned me off, TBH.
(Not why we separated at all)

So I've always known I was a sub.. And my best sex was with men who were more dominant.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Dear Sir,
Really Good question.
I for one CAN NOT IMAGINE he whipping me like the dom or abusing me or tying me up. I think he is just too SWEET. I guess that's the word. Someone you can grow old with. Also because he is conservative Indian, I will NEVER TELL HIM about how I have been taken as SUB.

I do not speak for other women, but few have mentioned their husbands not being Dom.

Regards

Yeah, I think the question is more for the boyfriends or husbands who are reading this thread with great interest and wondering if they should try to be more aggressive. Even if you think your husband couldn’t do it, my question is “if your partner could be dominant, would that be better for you?” Or is it important for you that your husband is divided from that side of your life?

 

[doctorukwife]

Yeah, I think the question is more for the boyfriends or husbands who are reading this thread with great interest and wondering if they should try to be more aggressive. Even if you think your husband couldn’t do it, my question is “if your partner could be dominant, would that be better for you?” Or is it important for you that your husband is divided from that side of your life?

Dear Sir,
Apologies I did not get your question. Maybe because English is not my first language. Can you please repeat the question?
Thank you

 

[doctorukwife]

I was married-married (not counting the separated years with him) for 12 years, and during those years I desperately wanted him to be more dominant in the bedroom, so to speak.
Outside of the sex, he was a manly man.
But, he always acted on the submissive side during sex. It turned me off, TBH.
(Not why we separated at all)

So I've always known I was a sub.. And my best sex was with men who were more dominant.

See I have tried telling my husband to be dominating after my affair. Hoping that I will not fall back in trap of affair if he gives what I want. But when he tried it was laughable like funny actor playing serious role. I know it's not his fault. Maybe I have stereotyped him too. Thing is he is can not be dom to me. Maybe he can be to other women if he tries who have no previous prejudices against him. For me he will be always a sweet boy getting me chocolates on valentines. Crying when I am crying etc etc.
Also if I think dom as bf or husband is another chemistry than having dom as affair. For example this guy is not my boyfriend, I know he doesn't give a shit about me. I know he just wants me to please him.

 

[doctorukwife]

I know of one woman who made the shift from vanilla relationship to submitting to her husband.

Personally I found out in-between partners, so I found a man who is both a sweetheart - even my mother called him so - and dominating. They do exist, they may just be harder to find. I suspect some of them haven't even found themselves yet.

Just curious are you with this 'sweetheart' person now? I would imagine not.

 

[Yarglenurp]

See I have tried telling my husband to be dominating after my affair. Hoping that I will not fall back in trap of affair if he gives what I want. But when he tried it was laughable like funny actor playing serious role. I know it's not his fault. Maybe I have stereotyped him too. Thing is he is can not be dom to me. Maybe he can be to other women if he tries who have no previous prejudices against him. For me he will be always a sweet boy getting me chocolates on valentines. Crying when I am crying etc etc.
Also if I think dom as bf or husband is another chemistry than having dom as affair. For example this guy is not my boyfriend, I know he doesn't give a shit about me. I know he just wants me to please him.

Big oof, this is a rough thing for the “sweet submissive” type of guy to hear. But it’s useful information.

 

[Strixaluco]

Just curious are you with this 'sweetheart' person now? I would imagine not.

Oh I am. I need my sweetheart and Dom and Daddy in one person. He has only just about enough shortcomings to not be too good to be real... It's not like I am letting him go!

As I finally knew what I really need, I went to a local bdsm munch and found him there. He's more experienced than me. We discussed our limits and expectations before we started anything.

If I cry, he won't usually cry with me - but he will hold me securely for as long as is needed, and then some. (There are exceptions - if we are both grieving for example.) He's able to handle me at my worst, so he's getting my best, too. He's dominating enough for me feel secure so that I can let go.

 

[doctorukwife]

Oh I am. I need my sweetheart and Dom and Daddy in one person. He has only just about enough shortcomings to not be too good to be real... It's not like I am letting him go!

As I finally knew what I really need, I went to a local bdsm munch and found him there. He's more experienced than me. We discussed our limits and expectations before we started anything.

If I cry, he won't usually cry with me - but he will hold me securely for as long as is needed, and then some. (There are exceptions - if we are both grieving for example.) He's able to handle me at my worst, so he's getting my best, too. He's dominating enough for me feel secure so that I can let go.

Girl, I am so jealous

 

[doctorukwife]

Big oof, this is a rough thing for the “sweet submissive” type of guy to hear. But it’s useful information.

Sorry, Did not mean to demotivate you. Maybe you can discuss with your partner about your expectations.

 

[Strixaluco]

Girl, I am so jealous

I guess I have it easier in the way that I'm not looking for rough domination. A so-called "soft Dom" works for me perfectly.

As I'm active in the bdsm scene, I've heard Doms discussing how hard-core, rough things get more difficult to do when they actually love their partner. Many of them end up polyamorous, if they have a beloved partner... The harsh stuff done in session-based relationship. Doesn't mean their primary, loving relationship can't be bdsm as well - it might even be 24/7 TPE.

 

[doctorukwife]

I guess I have it easier in the way that I'm not looking for rough domination. A so-called "soft Dom" works for me perfectly.

As I'm active in the bdsm scene, I've heard Doms discussing how hard-core, rough things get more difficult to do when they actually love their partner. Many of them end up polyamorous, if they have a beloved partner... The harsh stuff done in session-based relationship. Doesn't mean their primary, loving relationship can't be bdsm as well - it might even be 24/7 TPE.

Makes much more sense now. Yeah the way this guy treated me, he does not treat his wife that way. I have asked him after few 'meetings'. I wish I could ask his wife if she thinks he is 'sweet' too. Very interesting.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Sorry, Did not mean to demotivate you. Maybe you can discuss with your partner about your expectations.

lol, no worries. Better to know of the possibility than be ignorant of it. And it’s not like any two people are the same.

 

[Roughscrewu]

Dear Sir,
Really Good question.
I for one CAN NOT IMAGINE he whipping me like the dom or abusing me or tying me up. I think he is just too SWEET. I guess that's the word. Someone you can grow old with. Also because he is conservative Indian, I will NEVER TELL HIM about how I have been taken as SUB.

I do not speak for other women, but few have mentioned their husbands not being Dom.

Regards

That seems to be common.
The BDSM or Rough use is an escape for some wife's

 

[Cockpit4U]

I think it is hard for some guys to be aggressive if that is not their nature. My husband tried but it just did not seem right and like you we gave up on it. Fortunately for me about 5 years ago we agreed to allowing other partners. I have been able to find several that do it just about the way I like it and it comes naturally to them.

Your observations on men sure ring true.

Just like women, no two men are the same. The labels are endless. Alpha, Beta, Sigma, etc.

In my experience I’ve found that confident assertive men seem to be attractive to women.

When I was younger, I used to work with a guy that was definitely that type. He was 5’6”, small frame, and definitely not Tom Cruise looks. Always polite and professional but, he was the type that didn’t waste time on losing projects either. The ladies loved him.

Down here I live much the same way and it’s a good way to be.

Maybe there’s a lesson here.

Just a thought.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Your observations on men sure ring true.

Just like women, no two men are the same. The labels are endless. Alpha, Beta, Sigma, etc.

In my experience I’ve found that confident assertive men seem to be attractive to women.

When I was younger, I used to work with a guy that was definitely that type. He was 5’6”, small frame, and definitely not Tom Cruise looks. Always polite and professional but, he was the type that didn’t waste time on losing projects either. The ladies loved him.

Down here I live much the same way and it’s a good way to be.

Maybe there’s a lesson here.

Just a thought.

I agree with your observation. However, to be clear, there’s a difference between finding a woman and finding a woman that suits you.

We play roles when we leave our homes as a result of our economic condition and needs. The free market demands that we play the rules of the winner-take-all system. We obey by being take-charge, winner-take-all people. If you’re the same kind of take-charge person both in and out of the bedroom, then you have no problems. But, if playing that role is just draining for you, you have a problem.

 

[Strixaluco]

I agree with your observation. However, to be clear, there’s a difference between finding a woman and finding a woman that suits you.

We play roles when we leave our homes as a result of our economic condition and needs. The free market demands that we play the rules of the winner-take-all system. We obey by being take-charge, winner-take-all people. If you’re the same kind of take-charge person both in and out of the bedroom, then you have no problems. But, if playing that role is just draining for you, you have a problem.

However, in reality winner doesn't take all, as most people are monogamous. And not tall women want similar men, so for everyone to try to be similar makes no sense.

 

[Yarglenurp]

However, in reality winner doesn't take all, as most people are monogamous. And not tall women want similar men, so for everyone to try to be similar makes no sense.

I think we’re talking about totally different things. No one said dating and marriage was winner take all (although it used to be, and still is in a lot of animal kingdoms).

I’m not sure what you’re getting at with the second point. Women don’t all want tall men? This is true. There’s no one preference that defines all women.