Lesbian Daddis/bois: Why we ID this way

[DustyWolfe]

hi ya dusty by way


im still lost with all these labels ... ive no idea what i would be considored as

Hiya hon *huggles*

I know... labels don't mean much to me except butch and femme lol. Then again I am neither lol

 

[sexy-girl]

people would probably define me as femme i would guess ... but i wouldnt want to confine myself just to that ... straight women dont have to ... why should lesbian women have to

 

[DustyWolfe]

people would probably define me as femme i would guess ... but i wouldnt want to confine myself just to that ... straight women dont have to ... why should lesbian women have to

I agree totally. Labels suck.... I could post a picture of myself I guess lol. Nahhhhhhh

 

[CarolineOh]

hi ya dusty by way


im still lost with all these labels ... ive no idea what i would be considored as

I should think sexy girl would be good enough.

 

[sexy-girl]

hehe caroline ... but that isnt always true either

 

[Svedish_Chef]

I agree totally. Labels suck.... I could post a picture of myself I guess lol. Nahhhhhhh

Ummm yes please.

Even by being here quite a bit of the time labels us... part of the BSDM crowd. You can almost subcategorise yourself out of existence if you try, I just would rather not.

 

[KestralWolfe]

*grabs the labler, and tosses it into the bushes*

[rant]
I think everyone, not exactly labels, but rediscovers, and redefines themselves on an almost daily basis. I think it's good to figure out who we are deep down, but trying to justify that to the rest of the world (as I've seen far too often *sigh*), is rediculous, as well as potentially damaging. The hard part, I think, is keeping track of yourself, without getting lost in the way others try to categorize us. As I said in an earlier post... no one has, or will, or should, ever try to fit themselves into one particular "box" and stay there. To do so would bring stagnation of one's "self", and deny them of what they truly are. Who we are, who we thinkk we are, must never be allowed to become a matter for others to decide, yes?

[/rant]

Namaste,
Kes

P.S. Thanks for all the wonderful deicussion, folks. This has been far more in-depth than I ever thought it would be

 

[cymbidia]

You know what i think is beyond cool about these kinds of discussions?

It could be, just might be, that some of us might not ever ever ever ever talk like this with others of us if we were all sitting in a coffee shop someplace and sipping our lattes and caramel macchiatos. Some of us would look at others of us and think, without even realizing it, well, there's a not-like-me person!

Labels come in all flavors, guys, and some of them are induced by our eyes.

There's a whole bunch of you who i might think are not-like-me, were we standing next to each other in the grocery store - but here?

Here, we're equals. Here, our minds touch, our thoughts interact, our experiences pave new paths. Here, that which our eyes decide - and they decide so much for us in terms of immediate and unconcious labelling - is irrelevant.

Here, our hearts and brains count for more than our clothing styles and the number of obvious peircings we have - or don't have. Here, we're free to be friends with whomever we want in a way that we often can't, realistically, in our day-to-day lives.

So label away and we'll talk it over. All of us. Each having an equal voice.

That's just way cool, don't you think?

 

[KestralWolfe]

Hell yeah, b. Hell yeah. Way farking cool.


Namaste,
Kes

 

[BlackWolfe]

if (!label) && (!like_me) {apply_label(difference);}

I am, in no particular order:
male
a honkey (or cracker, or other racial epithet meaning "white")
a mick
a wop
a breeder
a pagan
and in no particular order (<----STOLEN JOKE!!!)

I say, embrace your epithets, and thus defuse them!

 

[CarolineOh]

I agree BlackWolfe.
Consider the epithet "Polack". Some insult. In Polish it means "a Polish person"
Oooh, yeah, I feel burned when I hear that one

 

[lil_boi_mikey]

i agree with y'all about the labels thing.. i hate that society almost requires us to have some sort of definition of ourselves.... and i hate it....

keep the discussion rolling its great!

peace and wellness to A/all....

mikey

 

[MotorCitySam]

Names only mean what you allow them to mean.
If someone wants to call me nigger, I can't stop them. But it is my choice to let it hurt me or not. And why should I be hurt by their ignorance? They are the ones who suffer from it, not I.

 

[KestralWolfe]

On the subject of epithets, and racial identity......

One day ('bout 2 years ago, while I was still a cab driver) I picked someone up from UT, and was taking him home. We talked the whole time he was in my cab....very educated, nice guy,m by the way....and, as I pulled into the dricve to his apartment complex, he paid, shook my hand, and said "You my n---er" Not missing a beat, I replied, "Yeah, you my cracker".

He was stunned, litterally, stunned. He though I was being flippant, or deriding him. I wasn't, it just slipped out, and seemed the proper way to reply. I'm still trying to figure out what the dumfounded look was for, however...I do NOT use the other word, no matter what the situation...should I have done anything different?

Namaste,
Kes

 

[MotorCitySam]

On the subject of epithets, and racial identity......

One day ('bout 2 years ago, while I was still a cab driver) I picked someone up from UT, and was taking him home. We talked the whole time he was in my cab....very educated, nice guy,m by the way....and, as I pulled into the dricve to his apartment complex, he paid, shook my hand, and said "You my n---er" Not missing a beat, I replied, "Yeah, you my cracker".

He was stunned, litterally, stunned. He though I was being flippant, or deriding him. I wasn't, it just slipped out, and seemed the proper way to reply. I'm still trying to figure out what the dumfounded look was for, however...I do NOT use the other word, no matter what the situation...should I have done anything different?

Namaste,
Kes

I am careful not to use that word lightly, and I hope I offended no one by using it in my post. I admit however, that among "us" I do slip into it's use as the man you described did.
If I were the man in your cab, I would have laughed at your reply, and considered it good natured. Maybe he looked dumbfounded because he said it without thinking, and didn't realize his mistake until you replied.

 

[activesense]

I just want to second Cym's comments...

I think one of the amazing things about the web is how it can bring people together because we can't see each other - we do so much categorizing/judging/rejecting just by appearance that it is amazing.

I think it is especially diffuclt for folks who have been rejected because of their appearance (black, butch, whatever...) to trust people to accept them. As a white male who works with low-income, minority communities and on other issues of social justice - I am constantly working with folks who do not trust me because they have been rejected or treated poorly by people who look like me. It is keeps me honest and I totally understand where it comes from - growing up I moved a lot and was the new kid in school 6 times before hs, so I experienced my share of rejection - and I totally appreciate how much easier it is to be a hetro white male.

But I have really enjoyed being able to learn from people here at Lit in this environment of anonymity - Dusty, I learned a tremendous amount just reading the story you and Jen are co-writing for example.

The downside of this anonymity is that sometime people will say things to each other that we would never say in person (this seems to happen a lot on the Gen Board).

Diversity stimulates me and love the quality of people who are here and their support for one another. I don't know if I've said anything worthwhile but I was just feeling the need to share...

peace,


activesense

 

[MotorCitySam]

It was worthwhile in my book, activesense. A very good post.

 

[Never]

Blueeyeed:
"I'm just curios why is all that attributed to being the charecteristics of the male behavior? We all don't always burp, fart, scratch balls all the time. Yes, it is nice to wear comfortable T-shirt and pair of jeans once in a while, but somehow I don't want to acept that being dirty and act like you grew up in a barn means you are male or something close to it.

Not meant to start an arguement, even tho my wife would say different , just an observation of something that I see way too often around us." \

Word.
Being butch is not an acceptable excuse for being a pig. If a woman wants to be a man she ought to act like a gentleman.

 

[lil_boi_mikey]

very well said Sam thankies...

 

[BlackWolfe]

The Dreaded "N" Word...

Hmf. "Ni---r" is one of the few terms I refuse to use, except when quoting others. Not simply because I am white (which is, admittedly, a part of it), but because it is such a horribly inflammatory word.

I use several varieties of obscenity in day to day conversation. I call myself "wop" and "mick" and even, when I'm feeling especially risque, "spick." (I'm Black Irish, which is to say a very small part Spanish.)

I do not generalize based on skin color -- though I DO use it as an identifying feature. I generalize based on social and intellectual standards. That is to say, if I don't like you, you must therefore be either an asshole or an idiot.

On the other hand, if I do like you, it probably means you're an asshole...

I'm an asshole. I just hide it better in person than I do online...

 

[BlackWolfe]

*BW forgot to log out, oops*

 

[KestralWolfe]

Now that I'm logged in as myself.....

I am careful not to use that word lightly, and I hope I offended no one by using it in my post. I admit however, that among "us" I do slip into it's use as the man you described did.
If I were the man in your cab, I would have laughed at your reply, and considered it good natured. Maybe he looked dumbfounded because he said it without thinking, and didn't realize his mistake until you replied.

No offense, as far as I can tell, you were simply illustrating a point.

lol He did laugh, after I caught back up with him and explained myself.

Yes, that was why he looked so shocked.


To Never:
"Being butch is not an acceptable excuse for being a pig. If a woman wants to be a man she ought to act like a gentleman."


Have you read the whole thread? You must have to run into that ost, but did you read what I said in my original post, and subsequent ones? I do not "want to be a man" I am butch, I am andro, I am queer as hell. I am me. Not trying to be anything else. I'm not into SRS, and I don't "pack" everywhere I go. I'm not stone. I do have my femme-ish moments. I also replied to Blueeyed's post...

I wasn't saying those were, in my mind, attributed solely to male behaviour, simply those things are not "femme" (in the realm of butch-femme). Also my clothing has nothing whatsoever to do with why I feel this way about my life. I was only citing examples for clarification. I don't apologise for my bodily functions because they are just that. Bodily functions. I am also not saying anything about clenlines there. I, personally, am fastidious. My guy friends....fit between clean, and imaculate, so if I were to try to attribute that to them, I know they'd all kick my butt, lol. Nor do I attribute barnyard scents, or attitudes...with men. I do apologise if this was the way I sounded.

Any more questions? Keep em commin if there are, folks, this is great!

Namaste,
Kes

 

[seXieleXie]

"you ain't butch"

last night at the san francisco dyke march a woman did a piece of performance art entitled "you ain't butch"

i can't recite it word for word, but she said that no one gets to decide for her what it means to be butch. she said something to the effect of "i'm butch like marvin gaye, i'm butch like d'angelo, i'm butch in a way that embodies all the very best of what being manly has to offer. but no, i AIN'T butch like some wife-beatin' beer-drinkin' rude and crude CREEP."

the dyke march was a great example of the variety within the lesbian community. i talked to a leather dyke who showed me her favorite crop that she'd brought along

 

[cymbidia]

Re: The Dreaded "N" Word...

Hmf. "Ni---r" is one of the few terms I refuse to use, except when quoting others. Not simply because I am white (which is, admittedly, a part of it), but because it is such a horribly inflammatory word.

Sam?
This is for you, too.

We had a discussion on the GB a few months back about a book called Nigger. The discussion was one of the best i've been a part of, and i mostly just read along, in all the time i've been here. You might want to have a look at it for grins and giggles. Here's the link: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=65390

I'm not into SRS, and I don't "pack" everywhere I go. I'm not stone.

~scratching my head~
Translation, please?

Man, maybe Risia's right.
Maybe i've been way more protected then i thought.

 

[seXieleXie]

"packing" is stuffing your underwear to make it look like you have a penis.

"stone" refers to a "stone butch" which is basically a *very* butch butch.

i'm pretty sure SRS is sexual reassignment surgury, but i'm not 100% sure on that one.