Losing my Submission.

[crazybbwgirl]

I hold a pretty empiric opinion that the need to dominate almost always comes from some sort of fear.

Eventually fear subsides or is at least staved off by having someone else keep you company in that place.

Ultimately I've met so many men or women who are commanding, domineering and their main epiphanies revolve around how afraid they are of not being able to internally (not externally) control their fear of something. Whether it's the power sex has over them, or the power one concept has over them, it seems to follow a pattern. With enough intimacy, enough trust grows to breech these painful subjects.

You can get to a place where that fear becomes okay to have. But admitting it first, that's a biggie. There's always a fear behind that fear, also. So there's no shortage of epiphanies or the need to have someone share that space with them.

Wow... that is very interesting. And I think I have felt that way about loud, brassy, socially domineering people - that their inner drive might come from fear. I just have never turned the coin over and thought about the sexual side before. I'm going to have to think about this one for awhile...

 

[Recidiva]

Wow... that is very interesting. And I think I have felt that way about loud, brassy, socially domineering people - that their inner drive might come from fear. I just have never turned the coin over and thought about the sexual side before. I'm going to have to think about this one for awhile...

Have had conversations about this with a lot of doms...whether or not you're going to allow the universe to just sorta be the way it is and take what comes, or whether or not you can't accept certain things and are going to try to force them to go your way.

I'm a "do unto others" golden rule sort of person, I can accept lying, cheating...whatever, it happens, I'll survive. I'll adapt, find someone else, whatever. I can take it.

However, lots of people are "do unto others first!" who can't accept any negative outcome and take it as a personal insult, and will do anything to avoid any slight, perceived or real.

I think it comes down to not being able to have an internal reality that reflects the pretended external reality. The more pronounced you need to proclaim yourself...the more you need to work on equilibrium between the two. However, a lot of people get off on the contrast and on "fooling" other people succesfully. They associate that with sex, and then the whole idea of learning anything doesn't seem to have a payoff for them.

Some people definitely cannot bear any weakness. But for me, weakness is just part of being alive, and pretending otherwise makes you kinda delusional.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Do all submissives eventually turn Dom? I have had countless 'Doms' (and I use that term loosely here) tell me I really need to switch, or I'd make a great Domme. But I sure don't feel Dom?

Sometimes people change as has happened for Lilith . . .

Uhmmm . . . you project as more as an equal partner in pleasure . . .

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Sometimes people change as has happened for Lilith . . .

Uhmmm . . . you project as more as an equal partner in pleasure . . .

well - nobody who knows me socially would ever have any idea I am submissive sexually. And actually, when not in a D/s relationship I tend to be rather sexually aggressive.

But - being submissive doesn't mean you're not a full partner - you're just in a different position. I think?

I think Lil's story is fascinating... I'm still chewing on what Recidiva said...

 

[Don K Dyck]

Have had conversations about this with a lot of doms...whether or not you're going to allow the universe to just sorta be the way it is and take what comes, or whether or not you can't accept certain things and are going to try to force them to go your way.

I'm a "do unto others" golden rule sort of person, I can accept lying, cheating...whatever, it happens, I'll survive. I'll adapt, find someone else, whatever. I can take it.

However, lots of people are "do unto others first!" who can't accept any negative outcome and take it as a personal insult, and will do anything to avoid any slight, perceived or real.

I think it comes down to not being able to have an internal reality that reflects the pretended external reality. The more pronounced you need to proclaim yourself...the more you need to work on equilibrium between the two. However, a lot of people get off on the contrast and on "fooling" other people succesfully. They associate that with sex, and then the whole idea of learning anything doesn't seem to have a payoff for them.

Some people definitely cannot bear any weakness. But for me, weakness is just part of being alive, and pretending otherwise makes you kinda delusional.

Excellent analysis Reci . . . IMHO the fear thing thing is the key . . . and it operates at unusual levels in life.

The best 'leaders' who I have worked with have been collaborative and could not be described as subs . . . but their dominance is inherent in their manner, their way of handling people and doing things.