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hillseeker said:
I am getting tired of shooting pool by myself...and playing foosball is even more frustrating solo...now you suggest shuffleboard!
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I'm sitting here, laughing like a fiend. :D

Gawd....I'm also going to have to play shuffleboard by myself????????????? Would that be masturboard? When does the madness end???
 
Really interesting thread.

Its sad to see so many people with mismatched libidos. I have never actually cheated on my wife, came close to finding myself in that position once or twice but backed out, couldnt go through with it - or something stopped me - but have to admit with some guilt that I did like "the thought that I could have" at the time.

In my case my wife and I go through phases where there is almost no sexual aspect to our lives (made love twice since early November 2011) to times where we make love several times a week. Work and schedule has a lot to do with it as well as lots of children in our bed seems like all the time. It does get me down from time to time - so I use lit to channel some of my desire to feel as a sexual person - and Im not talking about cams or phone sex etc.
I sometimes wonder if I can last 30 plus years like this and it gets me down. Is it that humans are almost always wanting ? Is it an itch that cant really be properly scratched no matter how much scratching ? Is it a construct of monogamy that causes this ? Can we truely be satisfied in a long term marriage - or do people just learn to accept mismatched libidos?

Woody
 
andyomama66 said:
Mina, when you serve me beer and wings, you're not going to wear those stupid hose the Hooter's girls do, now are you?
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You'll get your own beer. And leave the tip on the table, thank you very much. ;)

Oh, and don't forget to put that glass in the dishwasher when you're done.
 
irishwoody said:
Really interesting thread.

Its sad to see so many people with mismatched libidos. I have never actually cheated on my wife, came close to finding myself in that position once or twice but backed out, couldnt go through with it - or something stopped me - but have to admit with some guilt that I did like "the thought that I could have" at the time.

In my case my wife and I go through phases where there is almost no sexual aspect to our lives (made love twice since early November 2011) to times where we make love several times a week. Work and schedule has a lot to do with it as well as lots of children in our bed seems like all the time. It does get me down from time to time - so I use lit to channel some of my desire to feel as a sexual person - and Im not talking about cams or phone sex etc.
I sometimes wonder if I can last 30 plus years like this and it gets me down. Is it that humans are almost always wanting ? Is it an itch that cant really be properly scratched no matter how much scratching ? Is it a construct of monogamy that causes this ? Can we truely be satisfied in a long term marriage - or do people just learn to accept mismatched libidos?

Woody
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It is sad, Woody. And I think your post is right on target. I know for me, I took my vow pretty seriously. I'm married to a good guy (everyone likes him). He would never do anything to deliberately hurt me, and the thought of doing something that would crush him is enough to make me put the brakes on anything "real." I'm at the point now where I have to decide to stay in the marriage and accept that this is how it will always be or to dissolve the marriage. Neither choice is appealing.

I think that 100 years ago when people had to work so hard just to get through each day, they probably didn't have the luxury of spending time wondering about how things could/should be different. You got married. You raised a family. You worked like dogs to make ends meet. You were too exhausted to go all "Oprah Show" in your mind. You stayed married no matter what, by god.

At least that's what I tell myself.

And then there's the aspect of "I can't have cake" so all I think about each and every second is...cake.
 
Mismatched libidos is exactly that.

I hate the idea that those of us who want more sex have to live our lives like a martyr. Ho-humming and deep sighing our way through life because we are unsatisfied. Personally I don't think it should be a marriage dealbreaker if everything else is fine. Talking with other men shouldnt be the bad thing some people make it out to be. Cus for some, reading erotica and masturbating can only fulfill them so much. At some point a person is going to come to that crossroads where they decide whether or not they are satisfied with the unfulfilled libido, or do they dip their toe in the affair pool and see if it's as good as they fantasized about.

Personally, I think talking with other married men is great. They usually understand exactly how you feel and are going through the same feelings you are. Sometimes a little commiserating is good for the soul. If you are lucky enough to find a friend through it all, then all the better.
;)
 
Vice Versa

I wish married men could talk more to married women without it being considered a come on or propositioning. My wife has become more worried what others think, more conservative in dress, won't use toys, doesn't like watching porn, want talk fantasies, etc. Won't even skinny dip in the spa in our totally secluded yard. What can break the spiral?
 
I still think that married women and men who are not happy about their lives should 'practice what they preach' so to speak.

If you say that you do not like your partner showing others attention, then why seek out the attention from as many people as possible yourself?

You claim that you do not like to be ignored. So why turn around and ignore others yourselves?

It all just seems a bit hypocritical.
 
jake34 said:
I still think that married women and men who are not happy about their lives should 'practice what they preach' so to speak.

If you say that you do not like your partner showing others attention, then why seek out the attention from as many people as possible yourself?

You claim that you do not like to be ignored. So why turn around and ignore others yourselves?

It all just seems a bit hypocritical.
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Not sure I understand who or what you are referring to??
 
jake34 said:
I am not referring to anyone specific and am speaking in general terms.

I just find the whole paradox rather interesting.
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Oh, ok. And so being that this is a thread where people generally speak of unhappiness in their marriages, you were just generally referring to everyone here as hypocritical?

Interesting. Yes. It is interesting. In fact it's so much more interesting in real life - I'm guessing you've never had the opportunity of the experience?
 
LustyLeo22 said:
Oh, ok. And so being that this is a thread where people generally speak of unhappiness in their marriages, you were just generally referring to everyone here as hypocritical?

Interesting. Yes. It is interesting. In fact it's so much more interesting in real life - I'm guessing you've never had the opportunity of the experience?
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I am not referring to anyone specific here as hypocritical. I am merely giving my opinion as to what I have observed in general.

What is interesting is that so many people on Lit feel attacked when no war even needs to exist. I happen to know all about being unhappy within a marriage. There is no crime in this at all. It is not easy to exist when your wants and needs are not being met. It makes sense to struggle with the need for a permanent change. Our own personal factors make it where leaving right away is not always black and white.

All I mean is that sometimes we should think before we act. Our actions should try to always match our beliefs. We should try to not repeat past wrongs that have been supposedly made against us. I would not decide to ignore people if I did not like to be ignored myself. I would not go out there and flirt with multiple people if I did not like my other half doing the same thing.

We sometimes cannot control the situations we get within. We can control how we choose to react.
 
1dude said:
I wish married men could talk more to married women without it being considered a come on or propositioning. My wife has become more worried what others think, more conservative in dress, won't use toys, doesn't like watching porn, want talk fantasies, etc. Won't even skinny dip in the spa in our totally secluded yard. What can break the spiral?
Click to expand...



Good comment. Some women here love to flirt and discuss sexual issues, even though they are married AND are not going to 'cheat', as are men here as well. Flirting online seems safe and fair; and if a woman 'attacks' a guy for doing so, I don't quite understand the problem. I really like writing about mature women discovering their sexuality (or rediscovering it) later in life.....I do NOT propose that all 'fool around' or that I'm looking for such partners.....literotica at its core is about erotica!
 
jake34 said:
I am not referring to anyone specific here as hypocritical. I am merely giving my opinion as to what I have observed in general.

What is interesting is that so many people on Lit feel attacked when no war even needs to exist. I happen to know all about being unhappy within a marriage. There is no crime in this at all. It is not easy to exist when your wants and needs are not being met. It makes sense to struggle with the need for a permanent change. Our own personal factors make it where leaving right away is not always black and white.

All I mean is that sometimes we should think before we act. Our actions should try to always match our beliefs. We should try to not repeat past wrongs that have been supposedly made against us. I would not decide to ignore people if I did not like to be ignored myself. I would not go out there and flirt with multiple people if I did not like my other half doing the same thing.

We sometimes cannot control the situations we get within. We can control how we choose to react.
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Originally, your post was a bit more judgmental. It seemed, to me, to lack a serious understanding of the situation and compassion for the individual's in them. From my brief experience here I have seen several postings on the relief of being able to share feelings in a safe forum such as this one. Postings about those people being hypocrites does not create or support the safe environment. I am not inciting a 'war' but merely defending a territory I feel has been threatened.

It sounds like you have in fact been through tough times in marraige, and I apologize for my assumption otherwise. While I am happy that you have found a philosophy that works for you

Don't ' should' on me.

Just like a religion, your beliefs are your beliefs. You may have found something that you feel is the answer to all your problems but that does not mean anyone has to agree with you. And it does not give you the right to make anyone else wrong for their beliefs. Each of us has our own path, nomad...
 
LustyLeo22 said:
Originally, your post was a bit more judgmental. It seemed, to me, to lack a serious understanding of the situation and compassion for the individual's in them. From my brief experience here I have seen several postings on the relief of being able to share feelings in a safe forum such as this one. Postings about those people being hypocrites does not create or support the safe environment. I am not inciting a 'war' but merely defending a territory I feel has been threatened.

It sounds like you have in fact been through tough times in marraige, and I apologize for my assumption otherwise. While I am happy that you have found a philosophy that works for you

Don't ' should' on me.

Just like a religion, your beliefs are your beliefs. You may have found something that you feel is the answer to all your problems but that does not mean anyone has to agree with you. And it does not give you the right to make anyone else wrong for their beliefs. Each of us has our own path, nomad...
Click to expand...

It is amazing how things are so easily misunderstood around these parts. I do not lack understanding nor compassion. What I lack is patience for those who feel/say one thing and then do another. My thoughts were given so that people could take a moment to reflect. Words and actions deserve to match. If some of you on here do not really like a partner flirting with others, then maybe consider not doing the same. If others of you on here are okay with your other half flirting, then by all means have a go at it and enjoy. Just try to be consistent and fair. My intent is not to attack this "safe environment". So nothing needs to really be defended.

You need not apologize for having your opinion. Nor should I have to hold back my own. So I am really not sure why you say, "don't 'should" on me. I am not holding up a gun to people's heads.

Your defensive reply and harah sarcasm suggest that you are personally feeling very guilty about something. Sort of interesting so to speak.
 
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