More "Medicine"

[Rybka]

Re: For Angeline, Cordelia, et al.

A thief broke into the aviary at the zoo and stole a valuable talking bird. The thief escaped by sneaking through a pit full of large sleeping felines and climbing a fence. Police apprehended the suspect, still with the bird, at the nearby "Marine World" near the trained dolphin tank.

What was the perpetrator charged with?

Just bringing this forward because none of you punny people have even tried to answer!


Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Hu's on First

HU'S ON FIRST (We take you now to the Oval Office.)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

 

[Angeline]

Rybka!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Rybka
A thief broke into the aviary at the zoo and stole a valuable talking bird. The thief escaped by sneaking through a pit full of large sleeping felines and climbing a fence. Police apprehended the suspect, still with the bird, at the nearby "Marine World" near the trained dolphin tank.

What was the perpetrator charged with?

Rybka, you found my achilles heel--I am awful at this sort of thing! The only thing I can think of is something related to cat burglery...........

 

[HomerPindar]

Likewise, _Land, I suck at riddles...

But Ang, bravo...that one is a keeper!!

HomerPindar

 

[Cordelia]

Re: Re: For Angeline, Cordelia, et al.

Just bringing this forward because none of you punny people have even tried to answer!


Regards,                       Rybka

Okay Okay...

He was charged with crossing staid lions with Mynas for immoral porpoises.


I said it!

GAH!!!

Cordelia

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Re: For Angeline, Cordelia, et al.

Okay Okay...

He was charged with crossing staid lions with Mynas for immoral porpoises.


I said it!

GAH!!!

Cordelia

VERY GOOD!

Transporting mynahs across staid lions for immoral porpoises

Did you already know it or are you really that BAD?
I find it hard to believe that anyone could get "staid lions" on their own!

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[OT]

Thanks for the answer, Cordelia.


I had to read the answer (way) too many times before I (finally) got it.

Color me slow.

 

[Rybka]

A young, tattooed man with long hair, baggy pants and several body piercings walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I'm lookin' for a job.".

The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is $200,000 a year."

The man said, "Wow, you're bullshitting me!".

The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!".


Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Rybka]

Leter from Santa

CHANGING CHRISTMAS:


A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated....Please read the
following carefully.......


I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be
able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the
overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve
only certain areas of Canada and the northern boarder states.
As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk
and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I certain that your children
will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my
third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole.
He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus; sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ...,
when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, On Earnhardt,
on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty.

5. Ho, ho, ho! has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely
to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I herd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off".
The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well.
One is a Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and
the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee-wee on the Tooth
Fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and It's a "Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and
the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of
state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like
"Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is
Coming to Town". This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played
on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark
Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox", Cledus T. Judd "All I Want
for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and Hank Williams Jr.'
"If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You can Shove It.

Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus (member of North American Fairies and
Elves Local 209)

 

[Rybka]

A K-Dog Christmas

Christmas Party Apology

When I came online this morning, I noticed a sort
of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of
you have called me a "dirty SOB" by PM, I knew I must
have done something wrong at the Literotica Christmas Party.
The board Manager called me from the hospital today and
as this is my last day, I'd like to take this way of
apologizing to all of you. I would prefer speaking to
everyone personally, but all of you seem to go deaf and
dumb whenever I try to talk to you.

First, to our dear and beloved web-boss, Manu, I am sorry for all the things I called you Wednesday afternoon. I'm very much aware that your father is not a baboon, nor your mother a hooker. Your wife is a delightful woman, and my story of you buying her for 50 cents in Tijuana was strictly a figment of my imagination. Your children are undoubtedly yours too. About the water cooler incident, you'll never know how badly I feel about it, and I hope you didn't hurt your head when they were trying to get the glass jug off.

To Angeline, I express my deepest regrets. In my own defense, I must remind you that you seemed to enjoy our little escapade on the stairway as much as I did until the banister broke and we fell eight feet to the first floor. In spite of the rupture you incurred when I landed on top of you, I am sure you will admit that when we landed it was one of the biggest thrills you have ever had.

Senna, you old cuss, you've just got to forgive me for that
little prank I played on you. If I had known you were
goosey, I'd have never done it. It would have been a lot
worse if that fat lady hadn't been standing right under
the window you jumped through. She really broke your
fall a lot. People have been killed falling two stories.

Lauren, I regret telling the fireman it was you who turned
in the false alarm. But, of course, I had no way of
knowing they would make such a bad report of it. Those
fire hoses sure have a lot of pressure don't they? And
the water sure is cold!!!

_Land, I know how you must feel about me. Opening the
door to the broom closet suddenly must have startled
you and Beth quite badly, and to think how hard you
bumped your chin on the shelf when you bent over to
pull up your pants, it makes me sick. We'll have to get
together for dinner some night after the dentist finishes
your plates.

W.E., the only excuse I can offer for stealing all your
clothes and hiding them when I found you passed out in
the ladies room, is that I was drunk. Also, I want you to
know I was very embarrassed when I couldn't remember
where I hid them and you had to go home in that old
sofa cover. Running your falsies up the flagpole was a
bit too much, but like I said, I was a little drunk.

To all of you, I am sorry. Setting judo's panties on fire
seemed funny at the time, and it makes me sad to hear
that her significant other is leaving her because of it.

Urinating in everyone's drink was in bad taste, and not
telling anyone about it until all the drinks were gone was
even worse. Now that I have apologized to all of you
and know that I am forgiven, I will do my darndest to
come to the summer picnic.

Best wishes for the New Year, Karmadog

 

[Rybka]

A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman sitting on a bar stool.

He walks up behind her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?"

Having already had a few drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen! I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter."

He says, "No kidding, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"

 

[Angeline]

Great Jokes Rybka

You're in rare form today, you finny thing you!

 

[Rybka]

Humor for Senna Jawa & Zhuk

Senna Jawa and Zhuk are sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane. Zhuk says to S.J., "Let us talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Senna Jawa, who had just opened a good book of Haiku, closes it slowly, takes off his glasses and asks politely, "What would you like to discuss?"

Zhuk says, "Oh, I don't know; how about statistical analysis algorithms?"

S.J. says, "OK, that could make for some pretty interesting conversation. But let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff. But the deer excretes pellets; the cow, big patties; and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?"

Zhuk says, "I don't know, Guru Ji."

Senna Jawa replies, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're qualified to discuss statistical analysis algorithms when you don't know shit?"



Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Humor for Senna Jawa & Zhuk

Senna Jawa and Zhuk are sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane. [...]?"



Regards,                       Rybka [/B]

   

Rybka, may I use this text on Internet, outside Literotica? (I would title it "Humor from Internet", and would sign it "Rybka" --unless you see it differently. Oh, if Zkuk does not object, I would replace "Zhuk" by "X" ).

Regards,

 

[Zhuk]

Re: Humor for Senna Jawa & Zhuk

Who am I to stop Guru ji from doing what he deems fit? If you dont use 'Zhuk', some Russian or an alien by that name is going to be disappointed thats all.

Oh by the way Guru ji, you think I am not qualified to sit besides you or be in the same joke as you?




Rybka,

I had a good laugh, thank you.

Regards,

   

Rybka, may I use this text on Internet, outside Literotica? (I would title it "Humor from Internet", and would sign it "Rybka" --unless you see it differently. Oh, if Zkuk does not object, I would replace "Zhuk" by "X" ).

Regards,

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Humor for Senna Jawa & Zhuk

   

Rybka, may I use this text on Internet, outside Literotica? (I would title it "Humor from Internet", and would sign it "Rybka" --unless you see it differently. Oh, if Zkuk does not object, I would replace "Zhuk" by "X" ).

Regards,

Senna Jawa (et al), please feel free to use, and alter, anything in this thread. I have rewritten some of the jokes, but none of them were originally created by me.

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Rybka]

Polish Jokes for S.J.

Feel free to change the nationalities.


Following the assault of a young woman, the police rounded up the usual suspects for a lineup; suddenly, the Polish suspect stepped forward and screamed "That's her!!"

Q: How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.

Q: What's delaying the Polish space program?
A: Development of a working match.

Polish knock-knock joke:
First Pole: Knock-Knock!
Second Pole: Come in!

Q: Did you hear about the Polish man that locked his keys in his car?
A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.

Q: How do you keep a Polak in suspense?


Q: What did the Polish mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"

Two Poles emigrated to America. On their first day off the boat in New York City, they spied a hot dog vendor in the street. "Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other.
"I dunno."
"Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to
do as they do."
So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up in wax paper and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One Pole looked inside his wax paper, then over at the other Pole and asked, "What part did you get?"

A Polak is hired to paint the lines on the road. On the first
day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road. Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was. The Polak replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk further and further to get back to the paint bucket."

Knock, Knock?
Who's there?
Polish burglar.

Q: A Polish soldier was confronted by a charging German soldier and a charging Russian soldier. Which did he shoot first, and why?
A: He shot the German first--business before pleasure.

Q: What does it say on the bottom of a Coke bottle in Poland?
A: Open other end.

Q: What do you call a Pole with 1500 girl friends?
A: A shepherd.

You may recall that Polish jokes and Russian jokes used to run
about equal numbers, but lately Polish jokes predominate. This is
because both sides grew tired of being denigrated and decided to have a game of football to see who should get all the jokes - loser to take on the jokes.
The game was held, and was hard-fought. But it was a scoreless tie, so they went into sudden-death overtime. After about 5 minutes, a train passing nearby blew its whistle. The Poles thought that was the end of the game and left the field. Three plays later, the Russians scored and won, thus making the Poles take the jokes.

Q: How could Russia turn the Sahara desert into fertile land?
A: Set up a 5-year plan for the production of sand in North Africa.
At the end of that time the Arabs would be importing the stuff.

Did you hear the one about the Polish terrorist who burned his lips on the tailpipe of bus he was told to blow up?

Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Re: Humor for Senna Jawa & Zhuk

Who am I to stop Guru ji from doing what he deems fit? If you dont use 'Zhuk', some Russian or an alien by that name is going to be disappointed thats all.

Oh by the way Guru ji, you think I am not qualified to sit besides you or be in the same joke as you?




Rybka,

I had a good laugh, thank you.

Regards,

Ok, Zhuk it is! And I will sign it with mathematical precision "adopted for Internet by Rybka".

Thank you Rybka and Zhuk, schastlivo,

 

[Rybka]

Economics 101 and Political Science 1a: Definitions - 2002

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one
and give one to your neighbor. - Then you covet it.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one
and gives it to your neighbor. - You form a cooperative to tell him
how to manage his.

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office
who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay
the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and
buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. - You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. -
So?

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both
and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. -
It is expensive and sour.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and
sells you the milk. - You join the underground and start a campaign
of sabotage which ultimately blows up the cows.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one,
buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. - Then you franchise them.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The
government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support
a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, - which was a
gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The
government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, and
pays you for the milk, - then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one,
lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force
the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised
when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts that you have reduced your expenses. - Your stock goes up.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike
because you want three cows. You go to lunch. - Life is good.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign
them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably
crowded trains. - Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer
them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality
milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. - Unfortunately they also
demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't
know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful
woman. You break for lunch. - Life is good.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them
and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them
again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan
in the last 3 months - The Mafia shows up and takes over however
many cows you really have.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which
belong to you. You charge for storing them for others. - If they
give milk, you tell no one.

A TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan,
which is two. You don't milk them because you cannot find their
udders through the veils. At night when no one is looking, you
have sex with both of them. - Then you kill them and claim a US
bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

A POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. - Several people
are killed while attempting to milk them.

A FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown
cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people
who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people
vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't
figure out how to vote at all. - Finally, a bunch of guys from
out-of-state tell you which is the best looking one.

A NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd. -
You pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

 

[Rybka]

Beer Troubleshooting Guide

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to the bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butt.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to rest room, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about her house training.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.



Regards,                       Rybka

 

[MrChips]

<G> Hi all I got one for you

A skunk had 2 kids. Named one In and the other Out.

Sometimes In was in and Out was out, or In was out and Out was in. And occasionally In and out were both out, or sometines Out and In were both in.

Well One Day Mrs Skunk called Out to come out of the forest and come in. So Out came out of the forest and came in.

"Out" she said" "Go back out into the Forest and bring In back in"

So Out went out into the forest and found In and brought In back in.

"My goddnes Out" said Mrs Skunk" "How did you find In so Fast"

"Easy" he said" In stinked" ( say it out loud)


<G> it's fun to try and tell this one as fast as you can

 

[Rybka]

Sad but true

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ - depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

And if she is premenstrual, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a baseball bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

 

[Angeline]

Sometimes a Banana is Just a Banana?

Freud on Seuss

The Cat in the Hat
by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3.95

The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetry
in which the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes and bold imagery of some of his earlier works, most notably Green Eggs and Ham, If I Ran the Zoo, and Why Can't I Shower With Mommy?

In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under the pseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freud in a nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two young children understand their own frustrated sexuality.

The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister,
abandoned by their mother, staring mournfully through the
window of their single-family dwelling. In the foreground, a
large tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the wind, taunting
the children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexual
yearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to the
most unlearned reader, the blatant references to the
incestuous relationship the two share set the tone for Seuss'
probing examination of the satisfaction of primitive needs.
The Cat proceeds to charm the wary youths into engaging in
what he so innocently refers to as "tricks." At this point,
the fish, an obvious Christ figure who represents the
prevailing Christian morality, attempts to warn the children,
and thus, in effect, warns all of humanity of the dangers
associated with the unleashing of the primal urges. In
response to this, the cat proceeds to balance the aquatic
naysayer on the end of his umbrella, essentially saying,
"Down with morality; down with God!"

After poohpoohing the righteous rantings of the waterlogged
Christ figure, the Cat begins to juggle several icons of
Western culture, most notably two books, representing the Old
and New Testaments, and a saucer of lactal fluid, an ironic
reference to maternal loss the two children experienced when
their mother abandoned them "for the afternoon." Our heroic
Id adds to this bold gesture a rake and a toy man, and thus
completes the Oedipal triangle.

Later in the novel, Seuss introduces the proverbial Pandora's
box, a large red crate out of which the Id releases Thing One,
or Freud's concept of Ego, the division of the psyche that
serves as the conscious mediator between the person and
reality, and Thing Two, the Superego which functions to reward
and punish through a system of moral attitudes, conscience,
and guilt. Referring to this box, the Cat says, "Now look at
this trick. Take a look!" In this, Dr. Seuss uses the
children as a brilliant metaphor for the reader, and asks the
reader to re-examine his own inner self.

The children, unable to control the Id, Ego, and Superego
allow these creatures to run free and mess up the house, or
more symbolically, control their lives. This rampage
continues until the fish, or Christ symbol, warns that the
mother is returning to reinstate the Oedipal triangle that
existed before her abandonment of the children. At this
point, Seuss introduces a many-armed cleaning device which
represents the psychoanalytic couch, which proceeds to put
the two youngsters' lives back in order.

With powerful simplicity, clarity, and drama, Seuss reduces
Freud's concepts on the dynamics of the human psyche to an
easily understood gesture. Mr. Seuss' poetry and choice of
words is equally impressive and serves as a splendid
counterpart to his bold symbolism. In all, his writing style
is quick and fluid, making The Cat in the Hat impossible to
put down. While this novel is 61 pages in length, and one
can read it in five minutes or less, it is not until after
multiple readings that the genius of this modern day master
becomes apparent.

 

[beths-virtue]

Re: A K-Dog Christmas

Christmas Party Apology

When I came online this morning, I noticed a sort
of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of
you have called me a "dirty SOB" by PM, I knew I must
have done something wrong at the Literotica Christmas Party.
The board Manager called me from the hospital today and
as this is my last day, I'd like to take this way of
apologizing to all of you. I would prefer speaking to
everyone personally, but all of you seem to go deaf and
dumb whenever I try to talk to you.


Best wishes for the New Year, Karmadog

somehow i missed this the first time .... what a shame ....
especially since i was emphaticly not at the party....

please , contact me with a description of exactly who it was in the closet with _Land, i got a feeling it was that nasty Elda Furry.....
she always has had a thing for him....

 

[beths-virtue]

nod and a giggle

Hormone Hostage

Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands:

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?


DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: You look good in that color.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!!!


DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.


DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?


DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.


TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy MidSection
People Make me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pack Man's Stuff


Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change
a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY? Because
no one else in this house knows HOW to change a
light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is
BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for
THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once
they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the
light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the
SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if
they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS
LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change
the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE
SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD
BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS
CAME IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER
CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER
WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES
OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP THROUGHOUT
THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! - IT WOULD TAKE AN
ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE! I'm sorry...what
did you ask me?